What if you were my student?

  In the following days, Zhao Shuiguan was very confused, she told Chen Siyang to cheer up, but actually it was also to encourage herself.

  The last days of high school were unexpectedly calm, with only one more month to go, everything that needed to be done had been done, and there was no use in rushing what hadn't been done.

  Zhao Shuiguang often pulls open the curtains after finishing her homework to gaze at the lights of thousands of families, listening to the sound of her neighbor's younger sister practicing the erhu, looking out at the old grandfather and grandmother sitting on the sofa watching TV in the building across from hers, occasionally hearing the sound of adults scolding children. The days are unexpectedly peaceful and long, so peaceful it's frightening. She wonders what kind of life she really wants, is all this hardship worth it?

  Since childhood, elders have always said that one should attend a good junior high school, attending a good junior high school can lead to attending a good senior high school, and attending a good senior high school can lead to getting into a good university.

  What about after getting into a good university? Is life just going to be like this? For the road ahead in the future, Zhao Shuiguan is still just an 18-year-old girl, full of unease.

  She used to be very clear about the path she was going to take, growing up and becoming mature. But she found that growth comes at a cost, Zhao Shuiguan felt that such days were spent in numbness, but also felt that she couldn't be pitied yet, until one day when even the feeling of numbness was gone would be truly pitiful.

  Although Tan Shu said: Don't take someone else's strengths to humiliate yourself. In front of Chen Siyang's ideals, she felt like a tangled thread, and the more she pulled, the tighter it became. She couldn't figure out her emotions. She couldn't penetrate life.

  Time slipped over his body with a soft "zip".

  Zhao Shuiguang sat in the English oral simulation test preparation room, looked up and saw outside the window, the flowers were blooming just right, but suddenly realized that his high school career was going to end like this.

  Minnie stood up and patted Zhao Shuiguan saying: "I'm going upstairs for the exam, wait for me at the school gate later."

  Zhao Shuiguang turned around with a mischievous grin and said "GOODLUCK", deliberately pronouncing the "K" sound as "KO", and was slapped by Mini.

  The class roster is arranged alphabetically by name, and coincidentally, Zhao Shuiguang's seat is the last one. She doesn't mind, lowering her head to recite the lesson, anyway, it gives her more time.

  No. 48 went up, Zhao Shuiguan stood up and drew a lot, took a look: Talking about today's weather. This topic is not bad, just memorized it.

  After 15 minutes, Zhao Shuiguan carried a large backpack upstairs and waited at the door. The corridor was very quiet. In order to maintain the silence of the examination room, this floor was cleared. After a while, only a clear and cold voice was heard: "Next one, come in."

  Zhao Shuiguan knew that things were going badly as soon as he heard the voice, and with a sense of foreboding, he entered the classroom, where it was indeed about to discuss his punishment.

  The desks and chairs in the classroom had been rearranged, leaving only one table in the middle of the empty space. Tan Shu was sitting on one side, head down looking at his watch, while on the other side there was an empty chair. Zhao Shui Guang put his backpack on the floor by the door, pulled up a chair and sat down, straightening his body and placing his hands on his knees.

  Tan Shu Mo had raised his head at some point, one hand twirling a red pen and the other propping up his head, his dark eyes as still as the night sky.

  The room was quiet for a moment, and the sound of students' noise from downstairs floated over from afar.

  "How are you?" The words spilled from his lips in a thick, sensual British accent.

  Zhao Shuiguang was puzzled, Fan Ben didn't say that sentence, but instead said: "Good, thanks."

  Zhao Shuiguan's red pen tapped on the evaluation paper, making a "dang dang" sound, and he began to feel anxious.

  Before long, Tan Shu Mo threw down his pen and laughed, saying: "Zhao Shui Guang, I think you're not good at all, is that not too bad?"

  Zhao Shuiguan was startled and looked up to see that the man was sitting in the sunlight, wearing a clean linen shirt with golden cufflinks, his face cold and stern. Such a person had changed not one bit in almost a year.

  Zhao Shuiguang smiled and said: "Teacher, I don't have anything, really." If he were to tell him about this trouble, he would definitely be laughed at.

  Zhao Shuiguang was used to being a good student in front of his teacher.

  Tan Shu Mo knew about Zhao Shui Guang's anxiety, but he could only watch the changes unfold, and there was nothing else he could do. This is a path that everyone must go through in their growth, and no matter what anyone says, it's useless. Many years later, when looking back on such confusion, perhaps even the reason for the obsession can't be remembered.

  Tan Shu Mo glanced at her clenched fist, turned his head to look out the window and said: "Take care of things on your end." His voice sounded light, but he was already entangled in his heart.

  He still couldn't put his mind at ease about this child, and he also ridiculed himself. He talked about book ink doing things, when had he ever hesitated, but it was just that facing Zhao Shui Guang, he always kept his head down, wandering around her shadow, unable to forget, making him involuntarily stretch out both hands to pull her over.

  Yes, the road ahead is still very long, and it's inevitable to feel a little apprehensive. But doing well in what's in front of me is also taking steps towards the distance.

  Such a brief remark brought Zhao Shuiguan back, and it is always beneficial to get along with older people.

  If it's said that Tan Shu Mo's appearance is enviable, then his temperament is envied. Such a temperament is the result of years of sedimentation, and many people can't get it no matter how hard they try. For students of Zhao Shui Guang's age, this is something to look up to.

  Zhao Shuiguang stared blankly at Tan Shumeng's cold and clear eyebrows, in a few more days the school would be on pre-exam break, perhaps this was the last time they could face each other and talk like this.

  Looking at his silhouette in the sunlight, she suddenly felt a deep sense of sorrow. This kind of sorrow was different from the sadness of parting with her classmates. The things that Tan Shu-mo had taught her were far more than what her teachers had taught her. It was her good fortune to have met someone like him who treated her so well without expecting anything in return, at a time when she needed it most.

  Zhao Shuiguang said sincerely: "Teacher Tan, thank you." He stood up and bowed deeply to Tan Shuming.

  Tan Shu Mo sat there, narrowing his eyes to look at the child, hunching over and lowering his head, revealing a tuft of blue hair. He suddenly wanted to stretch out his hand, pinched his left hand tightly and then let go.

  As she stood up straight, she thought that this exam might be over just like that, and everything might be over just like that. A strange bitterness flowed through her heart.

  As he turned around, his wrist was caught and pulled back, something warm touched his lips. Zhao Shui Guang could only stand there stiffly, holding onto the desk, as Tan Shu Mo's body leaned over the desk, his dense eyelashes fluttering lightly like honey, shining with a crystal clear luster.

  At that moment, the warm spring breeze gently swept across her eyes, the noise of the boys playing ball on the CAO field suddenly faded away, and the fresh scent of the old camphor tree outside the window was carried over by the gentle wind, surrounding her nose and his body with a mixture of tobacco fragrance, filling her lungs to the point where she held her breath.

  The evaluation form on the table was suddenly blown away by the wind.

  Talking about today's weather, it was a beautiful spring day.

  Zhao Shuiguan never knew that a man with such an aura of coldness would have lips so fiery, as if setting her ablaze like a spark to life.

  She was so scared that she pushed him away and didn't dare look back, running out of the classroom.

  Zhao Shuiguan suddenly understood the strength of Tan Shumeng, or more precisely, she had never met such a man in her life. He seemed to be calm and collected, but was actually very persistent when it came to things he wanted. But people as clever as him always planned slowly, sitting quietly without making a sound, only to pounce like a leopard at the critical moment.

  Zhao Shuiguan wasn't stupid either. No matter how young she was, she knew who could be approached and who couldn't be trifled with. Those who couldn't be trifled with, she had no choice but to escape from.

  He watched as the girl, like a frightened mouse, scurried away and disappeared around the corner. He admitted to himself that he had been impatient, but Tan Shu Mo never regretted his actions. He had never approached her with a pure heart as her teacher, and he was not a generous person by nature. He had never hidden this fact.

  She slowly walked out of the classroom, lowered her head and saw the large school bag in the corner of the wall, huddled there like its owner, with a slightly raised mouth, one hand in her pocket, slightly bent over, picked up the bag and headed downstairs.

  Zhao Shuiguang ran out of the teaching building and only then realized that he had left his bag behind. What a regret! Who let himself be confused by beauty!

  Holding her rosy face, pacing back and forth in the large hall on the first floor, she can only wait until someone leaves before sneaking up to pick it up again.

  "Zhao Shuiguang" stood at the entrance of the building, calling out. His slender body was carrying a large, crimson, wrinkled backpack, which didn't detract from his handsome appearance, but instantly dispelled the cold atmosphere surrounding him.

  Zhao Shuiguang hesitated for half a day and saw him leaning on the armrest, impatiently raising his eyes: "If you don't come, I'll leave."

  Zhao Shuiguang slowly walked over and took the dirty bag from her hand, which was as white as jade. She said: "Thank you, Teacher Tan."

  Talked about books and ink, smiled at himself, lifted his legs and walked up.

  Zhao Shuiguan thought for a moment and then said, "I didn't believe in the distance of space before, so how can I believe in the distance of time now?" His tone was serious but with a hint of stubbornness.

  He turned around, and the girl looked up at him with a pair of big eyes shining with tears.

  The leaves outside the building had already turned completely green and emitted a faint light. A gentle breeze blew, causing the leaves to rustle and tremble, as if blinking their eyes repeatedly.

  One night I dreamed of hope, but when I woke up, I couldn't remember what happened in the dream. I sat on my bed, holding onto my quilt and thought for half a day.

  May 23rd, the birthday of hope, she remembered it and wanted to call her but held back. From now on, every year on this day, there will be someone who wishes you a happy birthday at the first time, but that person is not Zhao Shuiguan.

  At dawn, the phone rang. It was an unfamiliar number. Zhao Shuiguan sat up in bed and saw the caller ID display. He thought to himself that it must be a rural area code. When he picked up, the voice on the other end was unclear at first, but when someone said "Hello", he immediately knew who it was. In an instant, his phone became scorching hot against his ear.

  "Little Guang, how are you?" Zhao Shuiguan hummed a response, and both sides fell into a long silence. You're no longer in my life, what's there to talk about?

  He said casually: "Nothing, just wanted to give you a call and hang up."

  Zhao Shuiguang's heart suddenly softened, she said: "Wait a minute, Hope, happy birthday."

  I hope that at that time, leaning against the kitchen window, I saw the foreign old lady opposite walking by with her black poodle, Vancouver's weather was unusually good, and when I looked up, I was dazzled by the big sun, hoping to close my eyes and listen to that familiar sound.

  He smiled and said: "En." Zhao Shuiguan crawled to the edge of the bed, lifted a corner of the curtains, but outside was already pitch black night. She said: "I hope so, sorry."

  I'm sorry, I didn't persist. I'm sorry, I thought the things that would be unforgettable were fading away while saying they wouldn't be forgotten. I'm sorry, I believed in the existence of such a deep feeling, but I wavered.

  A gentle voice came from the receiver, saying: "I know, it's okay, ah", with the last "ah" rising in tone, as if coaxing a child.

  Then hastily said "Don't say anymore, good luck on your exam." No time to wait for Zhao Shui Guang to finish speaking before hanging up the phone.

  I also wanted you to be happy, I sincerely wished for it, but now I am unable to give you a genuine blessing. I don't want to accept that you can be happy without me, so it's better to hear nothing and say nothing.

  On the other hand, Zhao Shuiguan felt that someone who was clearly living right next door seemed so far away.