"Holy shit, is that a Succubus?" Cat asked, staring at Volex.

  We'd taken Cat back to the van, to get her settled in, and almost immediately upon arrival, Volex re-emerged from her reliquary.

  "Yeah, this is Volex," I said, gesturing at the demon iion. "She's my familiar and my tutor in all things Occult, although... Hrm. Volex, were you Napoleon and/or Frederick's Hearth-Mother?"

  "Nah, I didn't feel like raising kids," Volex said. "To your dad, I'm Aunt Volex, not Mama Volex."

  "Wait, hang on," Cat began.

  "It's a long story," I said, closing my eyes and sighing. "The short version is, Volex art of the Iro family for two turies... and then got separated in the War of the Roses, and spent three hundred years being passed around like a magazine by rien, before I finally mao take her reliquary from the King of Thieves, before taking his head off his shoulders and putting it in a jar above my firepce."

  "...Oh," Cat said.

  "So, no," Volex said, "he is not shtupping his grandmother. We only met five weeks ago."

  "Also, if you're about to ask how much trol I have over her... I think the answer is 'only as much as she gives me?'" I turned and looked at Volex. "I mean, I'll admit that I have zero formal training iher Occult magic or diabolism, but I'm pretty sure that your reliquary isn't supposed to let you e and go whenever you want."

  "In the hands of a human, it wouldn't," Volex said with a shrug. "The thing about the reliquary is that it's a symbol of ownership, but right now, it's being held by a young man to whom svery is unthinkably barbarid who thinks that I should be free to do whatever the hell I want. And because Occult magic cares about that, I am free to do what I want, and I very much appreciate that."

  "Ahhh, so you're a regur John Brown, eh?" Cat asked.

  "No clue who that is," I said. "But, from text, I'm guessing he's a famous anti-svery advocate where you're from?"

  "Pretty much, yeah," Cat said, nodding.

  "Right. Well, where I'm from, the subject of anti-svery advocaevitably es back to the War of Broken s, about four hundred years ago," I said. "The Hikaano Imperium had gotten involved irading, and the High Elves told them to knock it off. The Hikaano didn't do that, so the war started, and at the end of it, High King Lysander Rosewood grabbed Emperor stantine Irkanian the Seventh by the hair, dragged him off his throne and into the streets, and had him executed by an endless procession of former sves armed with their former svers' whips."

  Cat blinked a few times.

  "...That's fug metal," Cat said. "I like you people."

  "That means a lot to me," I said, pletely serious. The historical friendship between High Elves and Bck Hikaano retty important, and there was a reason that, when Napoleon Iro finally settled down after the War was officially over, he did so in a predominantly beighborhood. Evely, with a lot of people moving into Greenwood Vilge because the cost of living was low and the quality of life was high, the popution was still 60% bd mixed-race humans. "Anyhow. What's your story?"

  "Oh. Uhhh..." Cat rubbed nervously at the back of her neck, wing a little. "Holy, there kinda isn't one? I'm no immortal elf with hundreds of years of crazy bullshit going on in my life."

  "I'm eighteen."

  "Oh. Shit, I'm even more b than I thought. I mean, I'm just some punk kid from San Antonio, y'know? My parents struggled, but they always kept food oable, and I didn't have it too bad, but..." Cat shrugged. "Iunno. I lying to unity college, and hoping I'd be able to keep my part-time job at the grocery store, when suddenly this redhead elf dy grabs me and tells me I'm the Destined Hero, and I'm gonna save the world or some shit."

  "Ugh, hate when that happens," I said.

  "Okay, I know you're just joking, but does that actually-"

  "It arguably happeo me once, but that was more 'it turns out my mom isn't an orphan, and her mom is one of the most infamous archmages in history,'" I said. "Wasn't really a Destined Hero type thing, just, y'know. ism." Funnily enough, while that term did arise from the Selnal Grigian word for nephew, 'nepos,' the Selnal Grigian word frandson was 'is,' and the term wouldn't ge at all if I tried to do a bilingual pun.

  "Gotcha, gotcha," Cat said, nodding. "You, uh... Got any advice you share, or...?"

  "Not really," I said, shaking my head. "Being a hero or adventurer or whatever- my only advice is don't. If you told me you wao do this? I'd ask if you've tried wanting something else. I'd tell you to sit down and wait for the feeling to pass. You, uh... don't have that option, do you?"

  "Nope," Cat said. "Gotta say, that is not encing."

  "Ah, don't listen to him, it'll be fialia said from the kit, pulling a cold pot of leftover beef stew out of the fridge. "He's just a sti-the-mud when we aren't in the middle of an adventure. , Joseph, just teach her how to cast Wizard spells ht with a sword or whatever."

  "You're a Wizard?" Cat asked, still looking at me.

  "Mhm," I said. "Good enough to teach others the absolute basics, although... Yonna want a real teacher, soohan ter. But, whatever, we're at a uy, we figure something out. Before we start training you, though, I'm curious to know if there are any skills you do have, like pying an instrument, knowing how to fight, that sort of thing?"

  "Uhhh... Well, I know how to py the guitar," Cat said. "I know a little music theory, too, so, hell, I could probably make a guitar if I 't find one. Y'all got guitars here?"

  "We've got six-stringed musical instruments called guitars, yeah," Faith said. "They've got the neck with a bunetal frets along it, and you press down orings at the ned strum above the body?"

  "Yeah, like that," Cat said, nodding. "Yours might be strung or tuned different, but whatever, I adapt. Y'all got a guitar here?"

  "It's up in my room," Faith said.

  "Wait, you py the guitar?" I asked.

  "...Not well," Faith admitted, before darting up the stairs.

  "What's her deal?" Cat asked. "Why is it a surprise she owns a guitar?"

  "She adin, for all of two months," I said. "I figured her whole skillset amou people and breaking things, but... well, I guess I'm not always right. Anyhow, Cat, is pying guitar basically the only thing you've got besides the shit everyone learns in school?"

  "Pretty much, yeah," Cat said, nodding. "Well... No, actually, my System did unlock a few illusion spells after I, uh, talked to Professor Takeda."

  "...Okay, first of all, we know you and Professor Takeda had sex," I said. "More importantly, though: what the fuck do you mean, System?"

  "Y'know, my character sheet?" Cat said, frowning and tilting her head in fusion, pursing her lips. "The thing that tells us what level we are, what css we are, what skills we have? Do y'all not have those?"

  "No," I said. "At least, I don't."

  "Huh. Does 'Sedu Skill Level 3' mean anything to you?"

  "No, what the hell are you talking about?"

  "It's a perma Occult effect tered on her," Volex said. "It's that thing Professor Takeda was talking about- it empowers her whes within the bounds of a certain prescribed role. That role is likely what she means by 'css,' and the levels and skills are simply how the effeunicates the empowerment it's giving her, because she's familiar with the format from somewhere." Volex tilted her head to the side, before tinuing. "And that 'somewhere' is from games that exist where she's from, but not here."

  "...Iing," I said quietly.

  "Yeeeeah, by the way," Cat said, before coughing nervously. "I, uh... I mean, I didn't get to pick my css, but... well, I'm not mad about what I got, either? And, um... Well, long story short, I learn people's skills when I have sex with 'em."

  "What ts as sex?" I asked.

  "Huh? Uh... Shit, man, I don't know." Cat then looked at Volex, then at Talia, and then Emily. "But, uh... Well, I don't mind experimenting to find out, if the rest of y'all are cool with it."

  A door shut upstairs, and Faith came down with a guitar in her hand. "Found it! It's out-of-tune, but..." She paused, looking at all of us. "...The hell happened in here?"

  "Cat's biggest skill is sex magid we have to have sex with her if we're going to get her ready for a dungeon crawl in just two weeks," I said.

  "Hey now- well, hang on... Actually..." Cat hummed quietly, tilting her head to the side. "...Y'know what? I see it."

  I grimaced. "Cat, please tell me you're realizing you're bisexual. I am so fug sick of lesbians looking at me and saying I'm su effeminate and unmanly little elf that I might as well be a woman to them. I do uand there's a differeween me and the average human man, but that's more to do with the fact the average human man is a badly-socialized animal whles with the cept that women are people. Please stop deg the fact that I know what soap is means I must secretly be a woman."

  "He's touchy about it," Faith said, patting Cat's shoulder. "He'll get over it, just... Give it time."

  "All y'all eat shit," I muttered, looking away.

  Why couldn't they just leave me alone?

  AnnouAs always, if you like Iro and wao keep making it, the best way to do that is to leave a ent, here or on my discord server.

  Also, I'm taking suggestions for publius chapters iween books. The ideas I've currently ge from "The remaining Kings of Hell react to the political upheaval caused by Paimon's death" to "Joseph Iro visits a neighbor and pys dominoes." Anything goes.