Volume 4 Chapter 28: The Mad Artillery

  "What is the reason for taking sick leave?"

  "Reporting to the superior, I have severe cataracts and can't see anything clearly." A young man stood at attention in front of a large wardrobe next to the office desk, answering very respectfully.

  "Where are you bowing to? This is truly disrespect to a superior! Is it because of cataracts that you can't see things clearly? Alright, we will definitely put you in the vanguard closest to the enemy, now immediately join the next batch of advance troops!"

  "Long, sir, no!" The young man quickly turned around and fell on the office desk. "I feel like my illness has suddenly gotten a lot better, sir. Really, I'd rather go back to my original infantry unit."

  "Hmph! Now you can find me, right? Come on! Take this malingering coward away and lock him up for five days!"

  After dealing with his own logistics director and handling a pile of absurd official business that was enough to drive someone crazy, Phil decided to visit the Charlotte Otter Regiment to adjust his mood. As soon as he entered the command center, he saw a crying soldier being escorted out of the regiment commander's office by a stout beastman bodyguard, with a floating paper airplane following behind. Phil picked it up and found that it was an application for long-term sick leave due to cataracts.

  "Oh, it's Feri!" Charlotte, who was buried in a pile of documents, heard the movement at the door and quickly raised her head to greet warmly. "What brings you here on such a cold day? Come have a cup of hot coffee to warm up! That useless paper isn't worth looking at, just throw it into the spittoon by the door."

  "How can it be so busy?" Looking at the piles of documents on the table, Feili couldn't help but widen her eyes in surprise. "I thought the Raccoon Army would be more normal than my Giant Panda Army, after all, they start training early in the morning and should have some sense of discipline."

  Charlotte sighed and poured a cup of coffee from the glass jug on the table. Handing it to Phil, "I think I understand how you felt last month." He shrugged his shoulders, pointing to the mountain of documents on the table, "The mobilization order for the Northern Expedition of the Xiong Army has just been issued, and 80-90% of the entire army has become seriously ill. The leave applications submitted have piled up this high in just half a day!"

  "So you're using my tactics to deal with these cowards?" Phil turned his head to look at the "white blind patient" being taken away to the detention room, and then looked at Charlotte, who was propping herself up with coffee, her eyes sunken into panda eyes. He couldn't help but feel a little sympathetic. "How come you're taking it personally this time, without pushing it off on Vice Commander Rick Torini? What's he busy with now?"

  Charlotte smiled wryly and said, "He's even more miserable than me, he's changing careers to become a doctor!"

  "Huh?" Fili was taken aback. Hadn't heard that Rick had studied medicine? Even if he, as the strategist goddess's pastor, knew some healing techniques, it was only at a level where he could deal with simple external injuries, and often forgot to remove bullets or knives, leaving them lodged in people's stomachs... Could someone like this really examine patients?

  "Rick was so excited to see the whole camp full of malingerers asking for leave that he personally sat in on the medical examination to prevent those who were faking it from getting away with it. He hadn't slept all night because of this!"

  Feili was speechless. The deputy commander of the legion had changed his career to become a doctor, what a promising profession!

  "But these cowards have also learned to be clever, seeing that the military's medical department has someone in charge, they all ran to the outside clinics to bribe doctors to forge their medical records. As a result, it still ended up on my desk." Charlotte patted the stack of files on her desk, "The reasons for their illnesses are varied, and some people even dared to write that they had whooping cough and chickenpox, which are diseases that only children get. I don't know whether to admire them or send them to a mental hospital. But if we really treat them as crazy, I'm afraid it would be just what they want."

  "For guys like that, my approach is to send them all to the Meatgrinder Squad and let Mr. Druid teach them a lesson." Phil chimed in, "You must have made quite a bit of money these past two days." He pointed at the stack of envelopes with fine floral patterns on the table. "There are more rich folks in the Raccoon Army than on my side."

  "That's right, there are a lot of sentimental things, and I usually have to give them some face." Charlotte spread her hands, "But we're all going to be on the battlefield soon, and our lives aren't even guaranteed, what's the point of making more money?"

  Money means nothing to you? Don't try to fool me! According to rumors, it's already been priced at 300 gold coins to get someone out of here. Phil didn't intend to argue with Charlotte on this matter, so he took a sip of his coffee instead. "I heard that Chairman Zena has ordered the Fenrir Corps to send out some troops in advance to set up a forward base for the main force. How's that going?"

  "The entire artillery of the Polar Bear Corps has already set off as the first batch of vanguard, taking a boat from Dalian. They should be arriving at Bluefort soon. I discussed with Chairman Zena and decided to set up our base there, which would make supplies more convenient. Haven't you received the notice yet?" Charlotte flipped through a document, answering without lifting her head.

  Where is the artillery going to be the vanguard? Ferri was stunned for a moment, everyone knows that artillery without infantry cover is simply an invitation to be ambushed, and...

  "This, this is too fast, I remember the raccoon military's artillery just arrived last week. The guys under me have been training for two months now, and they can hit anything except the target! Are your gunners"

  So you think you've formed a fighting force? Well, I'd like to learn more about your training then.

  "It's not that easy, your subordinates can't even hit the target, my men here can't even fire a cannon properly. But it's precisely because the artillery can't fight that they're sent as vanguard." Charlotte replied to Filo's question with an expression of "it's only natural". "Otherwise, where would we train these idiots? Besides, with the quality of this new batch of cannons..." He shook his head, "It's better to let these troublemakers go and mess around on the grasslands. Otherwise, if they were to accidentally blow something important up or kill some important figure, the whole army would be held responsible."

  Feili nodded slightly, deeply agreeing with him.

  Due to the war, the shipping lanes between the Imperial homeland and the New Continent colonies were forced to be suspended a year ago. As a result, the metallurgical industry in the colonies soon encountered major problems - many necessary catalysts had to be transported from the Imperial homeland in the past. However, these high-tech things could not be configured with the poor alchemy and magic level of the colonies, resulting in many types of advanced steel materials being out of stock due to the lack of suitable catalysts after a period of time since the outbreak of war, including the materials for casting cannon barrels. Phil was an alchemist, but not a metallurgical professional. As the saying goes, "different professions are like different mountains", facing the engineers from the steel mill who came to seek help, he could only express his inability to assist.

  Under the circumstances, the arsenal had to use inferior steel made by primitive methods and even mixed with impurities of bluish-green copper to cast cannons after using up its stock of steel. The quality can be imagined. According to the report of the inspection personnel: "The casting material contains uneven granular impurities, the position and shape of the fire door do not match the design drawing. The inner wall of the barrel is uneven, the outer wall often has fine cracks, the heat dissipation effect is uneven, and it needs to be completely cooled after firing a shell, otherwise it is easy to burst. The rifling is twisted and deformed, making it difficult to calculate the trajectory...

  Ferli watched the artillery test and shook his head, giving a more concise evaluation: "One shot, two or three loud noises. Four or five cracks, six or seven explosions, eighty to ninety people flew!"

  On that day, one-third of the Giant Bear Army's artillery team, who were firing cannons for the first time, ended up in hospital, and one-tenth directly went home in coffins. Meanwhile, more than twenty cannons were forced to be remade, while all the targets on the shooting range remained intact.

  Under the baptism of blood, the artillerymen of the Giant Bear Legion quickly became sprinters. Every time they fired during training, they would pull the fuse as long as possible, turn around 180 degrees and dash away immediately after igniting it, striving to escape the danger zone before the cannon sounded. As for what was hit by the shell, whether it was a target, a draft animal or a mouse hole, that was not within the consideration of these extremely safety-conscious artillerymen.

  These days, Feili has received a large number of compensation applications, most of which are from the owners of livestock killed by shells, ranging from cattle to donkeys and cats. There are also houses on the side and rear of the shooting range that have been opened up with skylights, and the homeowners are asking the military to pay for rebuilding costs. Although no residents have been killed yet, every time they flee the battlefield, several unlucky artillerymen are trampled by their companions, then bribe doctors to fake a full-body fracture and ask to be hospitalized...

  "Recently, the batches of cannons that have been delivered to me are getting heavier and heavier in body shape, but the quality is getting worse and worse." Phil sighed and poured out his bitter water to Charlotte. "I don't know how they engraved the rifling, when we tested the cannon this morning, the shell actually flipped over in mid-air, turned a 180-degree bend, flew back into the military camp, and blew up the officers' cafeteria. Fortunately, breakfast had already ended at that time, and there was no one in the cafeteria, otherwise it would have been unthinkable!"

  "Is the situation really that severe?" Charlotte was startled by this bad news, and didn't even notice the documents falling from her hands. "I thought that after two months these guys would have made some progress. The Giant Bear Army is going to be the main force, you don't have many mages under your command, if the artillery continues to be useless like this, what are we going to do when we get to North Pole Port?"

  "So that's why I'm having such a headache!" Fili rubbed his bald head in distress and said, "Just now, Lenny asked me to go ask Owo, saying he has lived for thousands of years, more or less some experience. I also thought it was worth a try."

  "Well, go ask then? What are you doing here?" Charlotte was very puzzled.

  "Didn't you see Owo?" Fili asked, even more puzzled. "This guy came to your place early this morning saying he wanted to borrow a bathtub. His broke last night when the rope wasn't tied well and shattered on the floor into glass shards. And our legion's bathhouse only has showers... You really didn't see him? Then where did he go?"

  "I really haven't seen him, do you want me to call a few people to help you find him? Hmm? What's going on outside?"

  Just as Zhang Er and the monk were at a loss, puzzled by the mysterious disappearance of Awo, there was suddenly a big commotion outside the command center, followed by chaotic footsteps, crashing sounds, and wave after wave of frantic shouting. Judging from the voices, it seemed that most of them were young women. Amidst the din, there were also sporadic gunshots ringing out.

  Feri's face suddenly revealed a crying and laughing expression, "I'm afraid it's not necessary to call someone to find him," he turned around and stuck his head out of the window, gazing at the noisy crowd in the distance, "I've already seen this touch-hand monster, alas, this guy is still stubborn!"