The next morning, there’s a knock on my door earlier than I was expecting. It's only 8 a.m., so I'm still in my pajamas. When I answer the door, I see a fully dressed and well put together Akane. She looks nervous and makes less eye contact with me than normal.

  She hands me my dango plush and says, “Thanks for letting me borrow it.”

  I hug the dango to my chest. I did miss having the dango st night, but I'm happy it helped her some.

  “I-is it too early? I have to go do something in a couple hours and wanted to make sure I did this first. But…I can come by ter or…tomorrow.”

  I think I'm just as anxious as she is to have this talk. So it's fine with me.

  I shake my head and try to make a joke to lighten the mood, “No, it's fine. I'm just a little underdressed.”

  She gives me a forced ugh and then makes a bee line for my desk chair, and sits there. I think she’s avoiding the bed, where I take a seat. She doesn't seem that eager to start talking. So I decide to get things started.

  Maybe we should talk about something else to warm up.

  “H-how are you feeling? A-about your dad, I mean. I know…I didn't help that much.”

  She looks surprised I brought this up, “Oh. Uh…I’m okay. My stepmom emailed us and bullied us into talking today. She's the real boss in the family.” She ughs softly, “She's had to do it before, although…this is definitely the biggest fight we've ever had.”

  I smile, “Well, I'm gd she's looking out for you both.”

  Akane smiles, “Me too. My dad and I are really stubborn and hot-blooded, I think that's why we fight so much. She's very level-headed and calm, thank goodness. But yeah, that's what I’m doing after this. Going over there.” She sighs and then frowns while looking down, “I don't know what was wrong with me yesterday. I…made a couple of big messes doing stupid stuff without thinking. Have to clean them up now.”

  “D-don't look at it like that. Nothing is wrong with you. Neither was your fault. They are just things that…happened. Not messes.”

  She smiles at me, “You really did help, you know. Like you are now. Like you always do. B-but then I…” She trails off, shakes her head, and looks down at the ground. “I'm such an idiot.”

  “No you’re not. It's okay, Akane. You don't have to-”

  She interrupts me, “J-just…let me expin myself first.”

  I want to finish what I was saying because it sounds like she’s being too hard on herself. But I think she's going to expin what the kiss meant and why it happened. And that's what I want to know most of all.

  I nod, and she continues.

  “Well…I was upset, right? Not in my right mind. A-and then you were in the bed with me and being so sweet. I was feeling really vulnerable. And you comforted me.” She blushes and look away from me, “A-and then you were touching me. And our faces were so close. And you smell so good. And you’re so pretty. A-and you were smiling at me. And then my mind kinda went bnk and it j-just…happened…” She starts to sniffle, “I’m…I’m so sorry. It was a messed up thing for me to just…do that."

  “You don't need to apologize. I-I’m not upset.”

  She looks up at me with raised eyebrows and a small smile, “Y-you're…not?”

  I shake my head, “But I want to make sure I understand. What did it mean? Do you have feelings for me? Did I…reject your confession?”

  She thinks for a moment and then with some reluctance in her voice she says, “I am…attracted to you. Or it wouldn't have happened.”

  She locks eyes with me but I look away and sit silently, unsure how to respond. While also feeling very fttered. No one has ever complimented me so much. Or told me they were attracted to me. Or…kissed me. It's a nice feeling. I just wish I could feel the same about her. More than anything, especially if she's hurting because of this.

  She continues, “B-but it wasn’t a confession. I'm not…in love with you. I promise. It was just…a mistake. It won't ever happen again. I’m…really really sorry.”

  I nod, “I already told you I don't even think you have to apologize. I'm not upset about it. Except that I…don't ever want to do anything to hurt you. I know how much it hurts to have feelings for someone that doesn't feel the same.”

  With a serious expression she says, “I don't have feelings like that for you. I promise.” She pauses for a moment and then says, “I’m still hung up on Misha, so how could I?”

  That's true.

  I want to believe her. But there's still something that doesn't add up.

  “But…why were you so upset afterwards if it didn't mean anything?”

  She looks away from me and fidgets in the chair for a moment, “I was j-just…worried that you'd be mad. And that I would lose you as a friend over it. I was upset with myself for what I did. Not with you for stopping it.”

  That's pretty much how I felt too. That makes sense.

  She wrings her hands together and quietly says, “We're…still friends, right? You’re…important to me. You're um…my best friend.”

  “O-of course. You're my best friend too.”

  She smiles for a moment but then winces, “I just realized something that makes this way worse…I took your first kiss, didn't I?”

  I nod.

  She covers her face with her hands, “Crap. I'm so, so, so, so sorry.”

  I ugh softly, “W-well…it wasn't exactly how I imagined it. But it was with someone I care about. So…i-it's okay.”

  She smiles, “Good.” She breathes a sigh of relief. “This made me feel much better. I was very worried I messed everything up.”

  I ugh, “I was worried that I did.”

  She raises an eyebrow, “How would you have messed it up?”

  “I was worried I had rejected a confession and…hurt you. Or that…I did something I didn't mean to that made you think I wanted to kiss.”

  She chuckles, “Well…maybe most friends our age don't hug while ying in bed together. That's what…got my wires crossed. But…I was also ying down and bawling my eyes out in your bed. It didn't leave you many other options to comfort me. You didn't do anything wrong. I just…I got confused, in the emotional state I was in.”

  “Okay. I'm gd nobody messed anything up.”

  She smiles, “Me too.” She looks at the dango plush in my arms and smiles even wider. “You know what I'd really like right now?”

  “What?”

  She grins from ear to ear, “I'd like to hear the whole dango song, please.”

  I frown, “A-are you going to ugh this time?”

  “Maybe…a little. But I like it. I promise. It has been stuck in my head tely.” She pouts pyfully, “It’ll lift my spirits before I go meet with my dad!”

  “Okay, I’ll sing it. But if you ugh too much, I’m stopping.”

  She’s my first friend who actually likes the Great Dango Family. Hard to turn down her request.

  I stand up and sing the entire song.

  She smiles the whole time I sing and only ughs a few times, which makes me really happy.

  When I finish I realize I have a question, “Your impnts even let you hear music?”

  “Kind of. I can hear the words and the rhythm, but not the difference between notes. Not like you can, anyway. But I still like to listen.”

  I ugh, “That’s probably why you like listening to me sing. I don’t think I’m very good.”

  She smiles at me, “I’m your perfect audience then.” She stands up and then sits on the bed next to me before hugging me, “Thank you so much, Nagisa. Not just for singing. For everything.”

  “Y-you're welcome. Um…thank you too.” I feel awkward about this hug, given what happened when we hugged in my bed not that long ago. She picks up on that when I stiffen my back and don't hug her back.

  “Don’t make it weird, Nagisa. I’m doing this so we can move past it. Otherwise st night’s hug is going to loom over us. I’m erasing it with this very very Ptonic one.”

  I ugh, and return her hug.

  “Do you want me to come with you to see your dad? Would it help?”

  She breaks the hug and smiles at me, “There you go being sweet again. It's tempting but…you won't know what we're saying. I won't be transting or anything, you know?”

  “Th-that's okay. I can just be there for moral support. I probably wouldn’t get involved even if I understood what you were saying.”

  Akane thinks for a moment, “I really want you to come. I'm just…worried my dad won't like it. We’re fighting about how I want to go to school with people who can hear. Bringing my best friend who isn’t hearing impaired and doesn't understand sign…seems like a bad way to get peace talks started.”

  “Oh! Right. Th-that was silly of me.”

  She pats my back, “No, it was sweet. I want you to meet them sometime. But this isn’t the right time. It's just…a complicated situation. I'm sure I'll talk to you all about it at some point. You can give me moral support then, I'm sure I'll need it.”

  …

  “Nagisa, you're getting really good at the dialect!”

  “Um…th-thanks. You both are amazing too. Seeing you two together at the end got me choked up.”

  Of course, that wasn't just because of the py. I want them to end up together for real, too.

  Chiyo gives me a confident bow, “Thank you, thank you.”

  We just did our first rehearsal on stage. It was mostly to feel out how we think our characters would move in the various scenes. It was very different from reading it together in our clubroom. We had our scripts with us but I only had to look at it a few times.

  Ken says, “You're getting better every time Nagisa. Not just the dialect either. I think you'll have us in tears before too long. I was pretty close when you disappeared after your speech at the end. Those changes you made to your lines really work, too.”

  “R-really?”

  Daiki who watched the whole thing standing in the middle aisle says, “I agree with them.” He looks down at his notes. “I do have some notes for all of you, though. Do you want to hear them now or tomorrow?”

  Ken ughs, “Uh oh, he has his director hat on now.”

  I giggle, “Is that bad? Isn’t that his job?”

  Chiyo smirks, “Not bad, just different. He's normally the nicest guy in the world so it's a little jarring when he's criticizing you. Don't take anything he says personally.”

  Nervous, I start to wring my hands together, “O-okay.”

  Daiki sighs, “Are you two done scaring her? Can we get to the actual point here?”

  Chiyo does a mock salute and stands at attention, “Yes, Mr. Director sir!” Ken cracks up ughing.

  Daiki sighs, “I'll start with you Nagisa, since you’re the one acting normal.”

  I nod, still feeling very nervous.

  I hope I didn't mess up too much.

  Dorayaki.

  “The biggest thing is that you need to work on projecting your voice. Right now it's hard to hear you if you aren't in front. We want everyone to hear how good your acting is and how good your dialect has gotten, okay? You can talk to Ken and Chiyo about it if you're having trouble. As you know they can be very loud.”

  I nod and smile, “O-okay. I'll be louder.” I look at Ken and Chiyo, “That wasn't that bad.”

  Ken strokes his chin, “Yes…interesting. He is much nicer to you. Even managed to fit a compliment in there while also taking a shot at us. I wonder why he's different with her? What do you think, Chiyo?”

  Chiyo looks at Daiki and then at me and then at Daiki again before smirking.

  Just as she opens her mouth, Daiki loudly says, “ANYWAY, moving on. Ken, Chiyo - I'd like to see some more warmth in your retionship. Some more intimacy.”

  Both of them turn bright red.

  Daiki continues, “How should I put this - you two have great chemistry in real life, but I feel like we're only seeing a fraction of it on stage. So…try to bring that out a bit more.”

  They both nod sheepishly.

  I think he got back at them for teasing him about being director. They are very embarrassed now. But I also think he's right. Their characters don't feel as close as they should. It's like they are both holding back.

  Daiki smiles, “That's all, everyone. It was really good, and I know we'll only get better. Let's do this three or four more times to figure out for sure how we want the three of you to move. Then I can get started on lighting and sound, and before long we'll have a whole py!”

  He puts his notes in his bag. “Anyone else heading back to the dorms?”

  I step down off the stage and say, “I'll go with you.”

  Ken looks like he's about to join us, but then Chiyo says, “K-ken? Let's run through the st scene a couple more times. See if we can…up the intimacy as our dear director wants.”

  Ken nods, “Alright. Let's do it.”

  I look over at them on the stage and smile at Chiyo, who looks very nervous. Our eyes meet and she says, “I-I'm gonna use the restroom first,” without breaking eye contact.

  “Me too.”

  Daiki says, “Okay, I'll wait.”

  Chiyo and I go to the restroom, where neither of us actually has to go. Chiyo leans on the counter and looks at herself in the mirror.

  “I…think I'm going to tell him. Tonight.”

  “Okay. You don't want to wait anymore?”

  She sighs, “I'm trying, but all this stuff with the py is making it harder than ever. I can't touch him this much and keep it inside. And I think it's the reason we kind of sucked tonight, too. I kept shying away from being more physical or letting my real emotions come through.” She looks at me, “You think I should wait?”

  I shake my head, “I think you should tell him if you're ready.”

  She nods and stands up straight before taking a deep breath, “Okay. I'm gonna do it.”

  “That's great! Good luck.”

  We leave the bathroom and Daiki and I walk back to the dorms together while Ken and Chiyo stay behind. I'm pretty eager to find out what happens, but I know I also need to give them space to let it happen.

  Daiki and I chat on our way back to the dorms.

  “So, was I as bad as they said I was?”

  I ugh, “No. But they got me really worried so I was expecting the worst.”

  He chuckles, “They were mostly joking. But…there's a kernel of truth.” He sighs and says, “There was one time where I was a jerk to them about how they performed.”

  “Really?”

  He nods, “Last year when we were getting close to the performance. I had just recently messed up my knee to the point I needed this stupid thing.” He thumps the cane on the ground, “I was in a ton of pain and in an awful mood. And I was really mean to them about what they needed to improve. It was…not my best moment.” He sighs, “You’ve seen little glimpses of that side of me too, unfortunately. I'm kind of sensitive when it comes to my condition, I guess.”

  “W-Well…we can't always be nice to everyone. Some days make it hard. S-sometimes if I'm not feeling well, I get angry and I can be mean too.”

  Daiki starts ughing so hard he has to stop walking. While I don't understand why he's ughing, I can tell he's ughing at me. I turn around and cross my arms while waiting for him to stop.

  Once he stops ughing, he looks at me with a bit of shame,“Woo…sorry. The idea of you being mean to someone just really got me. I was picturing you yelling at someone, or like…shoving them. It was a pretty funny image.”

  I stomp my foot and wag my finger at him while trying to look as angry as possible, “I-I can be angry! Y-you'll see one day! And it won't be funny!”

  Daiki’s face contorts and for a moment and I'm not sure why. Then he starts ughing again, “S-sorry I tried to hold it in, b-but I just couldn't! You can't puff out your cheeks like that and expect me not to ugh. Now that I've seen you try to be angry, it's even funnier!”

  I sigh, “W-well…I wasn't really angry. S-so that doesn't count.”

  We continue our walk to the dorms in silence. At first, it's because I'm trying to give him the silent treatment for ughing at me. But then, I start to feel unwell. A very familiar kind of unwell. I feel weak. And tired.

  No! Not now!

  Daiki doesn't notice anything as we say goodnight to each other and part ways. It gives me a little hope that I'm overreacting and it's all in my head.

  I check my temperature the moment I walk in the door. As I watch my thermometer's dispy fsh red, any hope I had disappears.

  38

  As soon as I see those numbers on the dispy, I y down in bed and cry.

  When I wake up the next morning, I still have a fever of 38 degrees. But at least I don’t feel any worse.

  I get up, get dressed, and head to the nurse's office.

  …

  “When did the fever start?”

  I'm with the nurse now, expining everything.

  “Last night.”

  He thinks for a moment. “Do your symptoms usually get worse from here?”

  I nod, “Usually…I end up weak and bedridden.”

  He thinks for a moment and then nods confidently, “Okay…let's err on the side of caution. Go back to your room and rest, I'm going to get you excused from csses for the week, and we'll go from there. I'll give you an anti-fever medication and steroids that will hopefully kick this thing's butt alongside your daily meds.”

  I frown and look down while tightly csping my hands together. I’m hoping if I can squeeze my hands hard enough it will distract me and keep me from crying.

  He gently says, “If there's anything about that pn you don't like…we can talk about it.”

  I start to sniffle, “A-any time this happens…I miss too much school…and I have to give up on the year. I-I’m worried if I rest…I won't get back up again.”

  He puts a hand on my shoulder and I look up at him. He's wearing a comforting smile, “Furukawa, my goal here is to try and make you miss as little school as possible. I’m hoping if you get some rest now, you’ll recover and your symptoms won't sideline you as long. Your medication should help.”

  I sigh, “O-okay. I…hope you’re right. I don't want to miss too much. Thank you.”

  He nods, “I'll be wanting you to call me with an update every morning and afternoon, okay? I'll be keeping an eye on everything.”

  …

  I just woke up to the sound of knocking. After I left the nurse, I did what he instructed. I came back to my room, took my medication and went back to bed. Falling asleep was very easy because I feel so bad.

  Another knock on the door.

  “Wh-who is it?”

  “Chiyo. Are you okay?”

  I stand up, and when I do I realize I feel much worse than earlier. I feel exhausted and dizzy, and immediately want to y back down.

  I open the door to find a concerned Chiyo. She looks even more concerned when she sees me in my pajamas this early in the evening. I let her in and then immediately get back in bed.

  “Daiki said you weren't in css, and then you didn't come to club today either…we were worried.”

  “S-sorry…I should have called. I’m sick.”

  Chiyo nods and kneels next to my bed. She puts a hand on my forehead, winces, and quickly pulls it back.

  “Y-you’re…burning up.”

  I sigh, “Can you hand me the thermometer on the desk?”

  She walks over, picks it up, and hands it to me. I put it under my tongue. Chiyo watches the dispy, looking more concerned by the moment.

  “40.1!? I didn't even know a fever could get that high…w-we need to get you to the nurse ASAP.”

  That IS pretty high, even for me.

  I do my best to hold in my tears as I say, “I…need to call him. Can you please…hand me my…phone.”

  Chiyo looks confused, but then does what I asked. I call the nurse and update him on everything. He sounds concerned when he responds.

  “Okay. Hopefully, it's just that you slept all day and haven't taken a second dose of your meds. But…if your fever is worse or not any better in the morning, we may need to try something else.”

  Part of me wants to ask what ‘something else’ means, but I find that I’m too tired.

  Chiyo watches the whole exchange closely and is starting to look more and more worried.

  After the call ends I say, “Can you hand me that pill bottle? And get me some water?”

  She hands me the pills and takes a cup to the bathroom. She returns with it full of water. I thank her and take the pills.

  Chiyo kneels next to the bed and frowns, “You…said before you got sick and didn't do a py st year. And also…you got sick and had to repeat your third year. This is what you meant, isn't it?”

  I nod weakly. “My…body thinks I’m sick when I’m…not sick.”

  That wasn't the best expnation. But that's all I have the energy for right now.

  Chiyo frowns, “I’m sorry. Have you eaten anything? Do you want some rice porridge? I make a pretty good one!”

  I shake my head, “Nauseous.”

  Chiyo’s frown deepens. “H-how long does this usually st?”

  Her words cause me to burst into tears, much to my embarrassment. I close my eyes, not wanting to see how she's looking at me, while I do my best to put a stop to them.

  I feel her hands take both of mine, and then I feel her head on my shoulder. She doesn't try to stop my crying. She just tries her best to comfort me. Which is what I need. It feels good knowing she's here for me. She's a good friend.

  After a minute, I regain my composure.

  She quietly says, “So…I take it…it can st a long time?”

  I nod, “I-it…can st months.” I sniffle. “S-so…I may not be able to do the py…and I might not graduate with all of you.”

  She squeezes my hands, “I'm so sorry, Nagisa. But…I hope it doesn't come to that. They are pretty good here at working around this sort of thing.”

  I nod, “That's why I'm here. I'm on new medication now too. My condition finally got diagnosed a few months ago.”

  Chiyo smiles and squeezes my hands, “See? Maybe it won't be too bad.”

  “I…hope not. Right now, though…it f-f-feels the same as it always does…” I start to cry again, unable to hold back my feeling of helplessness.

  I think I need to do this, and I know Chiyo doesn't think less of me for crying. So this time, I don't hold back.

  I'm feeling the emotional pain of st year's episode all over again. Combined with this one.

  Kyou, Ryou, Kotomi, Sunohara and Tomoya were so great to me. I was so worried I wouldn't have friends in my repeat year. I was so happy to have so many. But…then I became sick. They came and saw me, but their lives were all moving forward while I was stuck in bed.

  It's happening all over again. This time with Chiyo, Ken, Daiki, and Akane.

  Chiyo drapes an arm over me and rests her head on my shoulder again. I notice she's crying a little now too.

  She sniffles, “I wish I could tell you everything will be fine…but I don't know that. But I can tell you that you're my friend and I'll do what I can to help you, whatever happens. I know Ken and Daiki will too.”

  I pull myself together, given new strength by her words, “Thank you.”

  But then I remember something else that's worrying me.

  “B-b-but…what if I can't do the py? You and Ken have people coming to see you. It's important and I might ruin it.”

  She smiles at me, “I like that you're an angel, but sometimes you’re too much of one.”

  “Huh?”

  “You don't need to worry about that right now. It's several weeks away.”

  “I might still be sick. If it's like before.”

  “If that happens, there are lots of other options. We can postpone it for one. And…even if the py didn't happen, Ken and I would still get to audition for the troupe. The py isn't make it or break it for us. So just…try not to think about it. Your health is way more important.”

  “O-okay. That makes me feel better. Th-thank you. S-sorry for throwing all my thoughts at you. I'm such a bother.”

  Chiyo sighs and looks annoyed with me, “What would you do if the situation was reversed?”

  “I'd h-help you.”

  “See? And you wouldn't think I was a bother, right?”

  I say “O-of course not!” with more force than intended. It's enough to make my head hurt. But I also realize the point she was trying to make.

  She ughs, “As angry as you feel about the idea of me calling myself a bother is how I feel right now.”

  “O-okay. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  She rolls her eyes, “You need to cut back on apologizing, too.”

  She puts her hand on my forehead, “Maybe I'm just used to your fever now, but you don't feel as warm.”

  She hands me the thermometer, and I take my temperature.

  She smiles, “You're down to 39.”

  I look at the thermometer and smile. “Maybe my medication is really working. I-in the past…it never went down that much that quickly.”

  “I really hope so. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

  “Um…can you please see if Daiki will come by tomorrow? I need…to try to stay caught up in csses.”

  She nods, “I'll do that. I'll probably get Ken in here too, actually.” She looks around. “Maybe…not at the same time, though. It's a small room.”

  Ken? There's something about Ken…

  I sit up so fast it makes my head spin. It startles Chiyo when I blurt out, “What happened with Ken!?”

  She clicks her tongue and sighs, “Dammit! I thought your fever made you forget.” She looks down at the ground and quietly says, “I…chickened out. Again.”

  I y back down, “Well…it's hard.”

  “Yeah…it is hard.” She squeezes my hand one st time, then stands up and says, “Well, I’ll let you get some more rest.”

  “Th-thank you, Chiyo. You helped me a lot.”

  She smiles, “Good. I'm gonna come check on you in the morning. Do you mind if I take your key? That way I don't have to wake you up by knocking.”

  “O-okay. It should be on the desk.”

  I just woke up. I definitely still feel unwell, but not as bad as st night. My stomach growls, which is a good sign. I haven't eaten since the day before yesterday.

  When I roll over I see a paper bag on my desk. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and get up. Next to the bag there's a little note,

  “Try to eat a little if you can. - Chiyo.”

  I look in the paper bag and I can't believe my eyes. It's two dorayaki from the Shanghai.

  She…went down the hill to get these for me? Because she knows it's my favorite?

  I get embarrassed when I realize I’ve never told her how much I like dorayaki. She must have heard me say it to myself at some point.

  I sit down at my desk and take my temperature, (down to 38.5), my daily medication, my steroid, and my anti-fever medication. Then, I eat the dorayaki Chiyo got me with a smile on my face.

  This does feel different than it has in the past. I hope it stays that way.