Spring ? 7 ? 5 Damn them

  One of the most universal human experiences is feeling alone, and at one point or another in their lives, all people suffer from it. Yet, this abstract concept is something that can take on almost any face, hollow facades presented to the world in order to make it appear as anything else than what it really is. Most can deal with being perceived as rude, judgemental or condescending, and some do not even mind to be thought of as selfish, arrogant or even cruel - but very few are able to withstand and admit to this: Complete and utter loneliness. For Laney, the mask was being angry at all times, and right now, she paced up and down in her room, fuming, while tears of frustration smudged her carefully applied mascara. The day had been a disaster.

  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

  Lany and her friends had met up at the store to get some sweets and snacks for an extensive girl’s day together. They had planned to even make a sleepover at Lany’s out of it, maybe watch a movie or two. Everything had been laid out and planned with care, as Elly’s Mom was very strict and wanted to know about stuff like this days in advance. The only bother for Lany about their plans for the weekend had been the sheer lack of excitement, as staying in Brigspeel bored her to no end. She would have much rather gone to Lordfield's Crossing, or simply 'Lord's' as most people called it. The tiny store in Brigspeel was just good enough to get some basic everyday supplies, but that was about it - and Lany was desperate to browse the aisles of the perfume and cosmetic shops at Lord's shopping mall. She had seen some new things in her Mom’s magazines and online, and seeing as Lany still had to catch Caleb's attention, she was in dire need of things to capture his eye. There were also some trendy clothing shops where she wanted to check out the latest fashion wear, but her parents, despite being willing to pay for her indulgences, just didn’t have the time to take her there. Working, always working. Lany pursed her lips and huffed through her nose.

  Ah, well. She preferred to go on her own anyway. It made her feel almost grown-up, independent, and free to do as she pleased. While her heart belonged to Caleb, of course, even if he seemed ignorant to her feelings, she also liked to test her flirting skills on the boys in Lordfield’s Crossing. She knew all the boys at her school and everyone her own age - except Caleb, of course - was either lame, unpopular, or unattractive. Lany didn’t dare to try with older boys - yet. She wanted to control the situations she put herself in, and older boys were too unpredictable. No, no, they had to be close to her own age. This way, she could pretend to be the experienced one - if it ever came to anything more than holding hands, that was. Her first kiss, though, would come from Caleb, she had decided.

  Another bonus of going unsupervised by adults, something she wouldn’t ever mention to anyone, not even her friends, was that it allowed her the thrill of testing her sticky fingers now and then. The one time she had let Elly and Pondy in on this, both had been shocked way more than Lany had anticipated. Almost peed their pants, or so it had seemed. Lany just couldn’t understand what all the fuss the two made was about. She didn’t steal because she lacked money to pay for stuff - it was just a dare, a challenge to herself. Also, when she had told them that she would take samples from her Mom’s make-up if something interested her, they had all but refused Lany offering them some.

  As far as Lany could tell, neither of them were using any of it. Well, they should, in her opinion. They could both use the enhancements. Why would anyone ever choose to not look his or her best? This was one of the things Lany appreciated about her Mom. The woman would never even consider leaving the house without being styled or in improper attire. Even at home she tried to at least look put together. Her Dad, too, carefully maintained his appearance. He was always clean-shaven, made sure to get his hair cut on the regular, and worked out in their home gym down in the basement every day before going to work. Lany would never have to worry about her parents embarrassing her in that regard.

  Lord's Mall had a cinema, so Lany’s initial plan had been to spend the day with her friends roaming through the stores, scout for the latest trends and to catch a movie afterwards. But, of course, Elly’s Mom had, as usual, interfered with her incessant questions and then simply forbidden her daughter to go. Lany clenched her teeth. She had swiped some new cosmetics from her own Mom and this would have been the perfect opportunity to try its usefulness on boys in Lord's. Anyway, Lany’s plans for an exciting excursion had - once again - been shattered by her friend’s hovering mother. Mrs. Ellinger’s overprotectiveness had already prevented many an adventure Lany had had in mind for the three of them. She despised this - because if Elly couldn’t go, Pondy wouldn’t either, and going all by herself was no fun at all. Why were her two friends so weak, so spineless? Lany felt like she always had to do everything on her own. Friends should stand by her, in her opinion. Through thick and thin, wasn’t that the saying?

  What had started out as a normal Saturday for Lany and her friends had taken a quick turn into the worst day she’d lived through in a while. From the few text messages Pondy had sent her, she knew that things at Elly’s were downright explosive right now, and that for some reason Mrs. Ellinger blamed Lany for everything. Her own parents had given her an earful, and made their displeasure known. Figures, she thought, that this was when they chose to pay attention to their daughter. They had forbidden her from aggravating Caleb further, afraid of the consequences for her father’s working relationship with Mr. Legrand. They let her feel their disappointment and disdain for her actions, and Lany had wanted to sink into the floor. And all because of that damned Josie.

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  The first time the girl had upset Lany was during music class. They had all been singing together, but then the teacher split them into groups and selected a few students as lead singers. Josie had been one of them, but Lany had not. To her even greater chagrin, Josie had turned out to be quite the singer; while her voice wasn’t as strong as some others, it had a very nice and clear ring, able to reach higher than anyone else. Another aggravating fact was that Josie surpassed any other girl in PE, most of all if it came to running. She could even outrun most of the boys in their grade, and had won a few athletics competitions. Lany herself felt like a limp fish when she had to exercise and despised that the other girl outshone her - even if she didn’t really care about sports.

  The final straw, the thing that had finalized Lany’s decision that Josie was her worst enemy from there on, had come during the yearly competition in art class. The theme had been “Loved Ones”. Very cheesy in her opinion, but the trio had decided to work together on a project, and made it on a big piece of wallpaper. It was an ancestral tree, one of the very few occasions where even Lany’s parents had pitched in to help, and they all had gathered countless pictures from all three families to make an amazing photo collage. Lany, sure about winning first place, had even been content to share it with her two friends - but then came Josie. Again. The girl had handed in a simple pencil drawing of herself and the person she called Nan. It showed one half each of their faces, Josie’s left and the woman’s right side, converging in the middle but separated by a line of some strange scribbles Lany hadn’t been able to decipher. She had titled the thing “Thinking of home”. What a dumb title. And what a dumb picture. I hadn’t even been in colour. Well, suffice to say, the trio hadn’t won first place, and suffice to say that Lany was still fuming about it. All of this, these were the reasons why Lany couldn’t stand Josie, why her mere presence rubbed her the wrong way every damn time, and why she couldn’t help but oppose her. It was so exhausting to show others that she was better than Josie while still trying to be nice to them all. So damn exhausting.

  But the worst part was, that while Josie indeed didn’t fit in anywhere - she didn’t even seem to care! Lany was the one to admire, the popular and pretty girl, but the other one was so peculiar that she always stood out. While apparently not even trying to. Lany hated Josie’s way to dress, that she always buried herself in books, and that she talked even stranger than she behaved. She hated everything about Josie, but deep down she knew. She knew, that, most of all, she hated not being like Josie. While Lany didn't share any of the other girl's tastes in particular, she recognized that her counterpart was extraordinary, that her deviations from the norm made her interesting, which ultimately made her the special one. Lany would never admit this to anyone - she barely allowed herself to think about it - but the truth was, that her hate for Josie was more a fear of her, and that she intimidated the hell out of her.

  Lany tried so hard to be pretty and popular, to impress her classmates, her friends and to satisfy her parents - who most of the time just seemed to ignore her presence. Pondy’s Dad was awesome, they always did stuff together. And even if Mrs. Pondras didn’t join her husband and daughter every time, it was still way more family time than Lany ever got. If she were to be honest, even the hovering habits of Mother Hen Mrs. Ellinger would have been preferable over the disinterest of her own parents. Lany had no clue about Josie’s family, she only knew that the girl lived alone with this old woman. Her Grandmother? She wasn’t sure, and clenched her teeth again. Of course, this was another factor making her more intriguing. Even that damned house she lived in gave more conversation topics than the Langermore’s home. Damn house, damn her weird face, damn the whole damn girl to hell.

  And now, worst of all, Caleb seemed to have realized this, too. That there was something about Josie, not the damn part, of course. Why the hell would he want to be friends with Josie if he could have Lany instead? Well, she would be damned herself if she let the other one win this time.

  The day had been a catastrophe, but Lany would find a way - with or without the help of her friends. They better try and help her, though, or they’d end up on her bad side, too, Lany decided. Time for them to show some teeth. Especially after what she had done for Elly at the store. She glanced towards her backpack, where a clear plastic sheet peeked out of the open zip. She had taken it from Danny’s things after the run in of the five at the store. Lany didn’t know why the boy would have one of Josie’s drawings, but the origin of the piece was clear from the small sticky note affixed to it. She also wasn’t sure what her action was supposed to accomplish, but - well, anyway. Lany had taken it for Elly, and she had better be thankful for it. She would present Elly with the picture she had scored for her, and they could decide what to do with it together. After all this crap, when she’d found a way to make Mrs. Ellinger let them get together again. She always did.

  Right now, she would try and see if her parents were around for dinner, or if it would be her and a microwave meal again. This evening had been supposed to be fun for her and her friends, spineless and whiny as they might be at times. Tears threatened to well up in her eyes, but Lany clenched her fists and punched her pillows until the feeling went away.

  Damn them, too. The tears, her friends, and her parents.

  But most of all, damn Josie.