“I don't know what you thought happened when you found that photo, but it was nothing that you shouldn't talk to me about.” I try to make myself heard as Ezra fiddles with something behind the bar, pretending he can't hear me. He only pretends to smile at something I say as Georgie approaches and then turns away again.
“I'm telling you, I know you can hear me.” He remains unresponsive.
I deliver the drinks he has placed on trays to their table. I try to get him to stop being busy, but it seems like a futile effort. Finally, I look for a moment when Georgie is with us. When he's close, I move behind the bar. I lean against the bar. I pull Ezra to me. We lock eyes. But I can't see sympathy in his eyes. I never knew hazel eyes could look so cold. It's as if these eyes had offered me the warmest gaze in the world before. I put my hands on his cheeks and whisper as I smile, “You'll talk to me eventually.”
He places one hand between our bellies. He places his hand right over my uterus. “Why did you have that photo, did it light fires around here when you looked at it?”
I free myself from his arms, I move to the side. “It's nothing, the photo doesn't mean anything. I found it in my wardrobe, and then...”
“And then you hid it. There's no explanation that can justify it. Look, it's good that this happened in the first place, for both of us.” He interrupts and pours someone a beer. When the guy he gave the beer to leaves, he turns back to me. “In the end we broke a big rule, it was a mistake. It's a mistake that won't happen again. Let's follow the rules from now on. Let's put our plan into action. Hold on a second.”
I watch his movements, trying to understand what he's doing. He comes out from behind the bar and moves into the middle of the crowd. “Hey, everybody!” At first nobody understands what's going on. “Everyone, can I have your attention please!”
The bar is suddenly silent. Everyone is looking at Ezra, and so am I. Ezra is looking at me. “ Baby, can you come a little closer to me?”
With all eyes on my face, I feel how my face is on fire. I walk slowly towards Ezra. I swallow, I don't understand what he's doing.
“I want to declare my love for you in front of everyone. Meryem, the last few months have been the best time of my life. I love you, more than anything. I want to make these moments last a lifetime.” Suddenly he kneels on one knee. He takes my hand, “Meryem, marry me.” After saying these words out loud to the whole bar, he whispers to me, “I want to get my money quickly and wait for the moment when you leave my house.”
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I feel like I've been punched in the stomach, where Ezra had just run his fingers. My eyes fill with tears. As tears stream down my cheeks, I open my mouth to say something, but not a word comes out. Ezra still says, “She said yes! Everyone, she said yes!” He stands up and grabs my lips. As we hug, he whispers in my ear, “This is already a goodbye kiss.”
The crowd's applause rings out for me. I feel trapped between two false applause. One was the applause at home the night my father engaged me to Ahmet. What was so real for them then was an agony for me. Now I am being applauded for getting engaged in front of a completely different population of people and it hurts again. Both times they saw the tears in my eyes, but they thought it was excitement or happiness.
People congratulate Ezra and me. Wow, what a game. I have two fiancées now, not even one of them is real.
***
“Bring it here!” Kate reaches for my hand. She looks at my finger with great eagerness and curiosity. The moment she takes my hand in her hand, her gaze changes. She frowns, “ Meryem, wasn't this ring on your finger when we first met?”
The fact that I had calculated everything and never thought about this...
I think of mentioning the method I used when I first went to Istanbul. “No, no. It was a fake ring, I was just wearing it when I went to bars so that weirdos wouldn't hit on me.”
“Wow, interesting method. I don't think I'd be this uptight if I was single.”
Catching the end of the conversation, Georgie jumps in, “If you were single what?”
Kate squeezes Georgie's chubby cheeks with both hands. “Honey, I'd be with another handsome man each and every day.”
Georgie gives her a tongue lashing and goes back to work.
I stare at them enviously, and Kate sees the look in my eyes,
“I'm sure you and Ezra will be happy for many years to come.”
“I hope so, thank you.” I squeeze Kate's hand. “Can I ask you something, Kate, this is a bit special.”
Kate nods. I quickly interject, “My parents don't approve of this marriage. I have no friends because I'm new here. So I have literally no one here. I'll be on my own for the wedding, for the wedding shopping. Can you come with me to choose a wedding dress today?”
I wish my embarrassment and nervousness while saying these words were like the rest of the play, that is, completely fake. But unlike all that, these feelings are real. Kate is moved. “Oh, I would never leave you alone at such a special time. Besides, Ezra is like a little brother to me, and you shouldn't feel lonely.”
We hug each other in the emotional intensity of the moment. “So, what kind of dress are we going to look for? Where are we going to have the wedding?” Kate asks excitedly.
“Well, Ezra and I met here, he proposed to me here. We have many good memories in this bar. And since we don't have a very big circle, we thought maybe we could have it here.”
Kate opens her eyes wide. I can see she likes the idea. “Oh, leave everything to me. It will be so beautiful, you'll feel like you're getting married in a palace.”
Thus, another phase of the plan is about to be overcome. And with plenty of help around me. I feel like I'm exploiting the feelings of good people, but there's very little time left and I can't think about others anymore. I have to think only of myself. Now that Ezra has switched to thinking only of himself because of some silly misunderstanding, I have to be part of the win-win.
