Chapter 4: Garden Gnomes
A shriek came from the kitchen. Tyler bolted upright in his bed and ran downstairs. “What's wrong?” Then he saw it, the windows were steadily being bombarded with eggs. Past the windows, he could see tiny gnomes covering the house and yard with strands of toilet paper. “What the.” “My house is ruined,” Tyler’s mom screamed. “Don’t worry honey, I’ll take care of it,” Jack said as he opened the door.
“We’ve got you now, fire the cannons!,” A little gnome with a red hat, coveralls, and a white beard shouted. Twenty gnomes hid amongst the bushes and lit little fuses on miniature cannons. Jack heard a pop sound as if someone just popped a bubble of gum. He received the message: you have taken 5 damage. “I know how to handle this” Jack ran to the water hose and turned on the faucet. He proceeded to spray the gnomes with water.
“Help, help, I’m drowning. Please stop,” a gnome gurgled as it disintegrated into pixels. You have killed a garden gnome. You have gained 0 EXP. Quest failed: you failed to investigate the garden gnomes. Shared Quest unlocked: Kill the garden gnomes: 1/3000000. “You killed my brother. You will rot in hell for this, faggot.” A gnome started sprinting towards Jack. To Jack, it seemed to be running as fast as a turtle. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
By the time the gnome got to Jack, it was huffing and puffing. The gnome pulled out a knife, lunging towards Jack. Jack stuck out his foot and the gnome's head ran into it, instantly causing the gnome to disintegrate. “No! Charlies dead! You will pay for this! I’m calling for backup! Police, yes, we are at the house, he just killed Charlie and Daniel,” the gnome sobbed. Little toy police cars started driving out of the bushes. They had yellow and green lights and Jack could faintly hear the sirens.
Tyler stood in the doorway dumbfounded. “What is even happening right now?” “Hey Tyler, I made it. What happened to the house?,” Logan started to ask as he finally saw the police cars. He burst into laughter. “The people at school are never going to believe this” A gnome pulled out a megaphone. “You are surrounded. Put your hands in the air where I can see them and we won’t shoot.” “Hey man, you attacked us,” Jack said. “Fire!” Twenty gnomes shot fire balls, lightning bolts and ice shards at Jack. You have taken 20 damage.
“20 damage, what does that mean?” Jack asked. “Uh oh, We might actually be in trouble,” Logan stated. Logan shot a web at the gnomes. The web landed on the ground and in between its webs stood all of the gnomes. “Fire!,” The sheriff gnome shouted. “It says my health is now at 55. Is that bad?” “Dad, maybe you should go inside. Me and Logan can take care of this.” Jack walked inside and shut the door. “We have a runner, call in the swat team!” 10 black box trucks drove out of the bushes. Gnomes with riot gear and helmets marched out of the trucks and slowly headed towards the door of the house.
Ten gnomes carried a battering ram towards the front door. “Hey, you guys need to leave the property. You’ve caused enough trouble here,” Tyler stated. “He is under arrest, we are taking him by any means necessary.” “I don’t care, you caused enough-” There was a sound of breaking glass as the front door shattered into a million pieces. “That’s enough!, Tyler shouted as his anger boiled over. Tyler cast Kindle. Even though it was a weak spell the heat wave stretched over the gnomes and they disintegrated into pixels.
You killed 100 garden gnomes. You have gained 0 EXP. 33 Garden Gnome hats have been added to your inventory. 33 Garden gnome overalls have been added to your inventory. 33 Garden gnome bones have been added to your inventory. 33 garden gnome flesh has been added to your inventory. 7 mini cannons have been added to your inventory. 7 mini cop cars have been added to your inventory. 3 mini swat trucks have been added to your inventory. 33 lesser spirits have been added to your spirit jar. Spirit Jar: 37/30. Your Lesser Spirit Jar has been upgraded to Spirit Jar.
“Call the president, there's been a terrorist attack…Yes, it’s the same house. It’s always the same house.” “NOOO!!!! They’re all dead. Every single last one of them. You will pay for this! You will pay for what you have done! 300 Mini choppers approached with tiny humming sounds from slightly behind the bushes. “Really? You guys have a military now?” Rockets shot out from the choppers as the gnomes shot rail guns and snipers at Tyler. You have taken 10 damage. “You guys are going to need a better military. That was nothing!”
Logan shot a web, taking out half of the choppers. He then cast shock. A tiny spark jumped from helicopter to helicopter disintegrating each and every one. You have gained 0EXP. 100 mini choppers have been added to your inventory 100 mini snipers have been added to your inventory. 100 mini railguns have been added to your inventory. “NO!!!! They took out the west branch of the military. RETREAT!!!” ”This isn’t over yet, a gnome shouted as it slowly ran away.”
"Those gnomes are out of their minds!" Tyler heard his mom sob, "My poor house!" "It'll be okay," he reassured her. "I'm sure the boys will help us clean this up today. Won't you, boys?" "Uhhh..." "I wasn't asking." Jack stated firmly. "Now, do either of you two have any idea what the hell just happened?" They both shook their heads. Jack sighed. "Just start putting the toilet paper into the house's inventory, I guess." The boys headed off, touching each strand of toilet paper and selecting "place in house's inventory."
After 30 minutes of selecting each strand, Tyler looked at the glass door and the egged windows. He clicked on the house menu. Then selected windows and selected “place in houses inventory”. 300 smashed eggs have been added to the house's inventory. He then selected windows from the house's inventory and selected “place on house”. The windows returned spotless. “I should probably ask my dad about what to do with the door.”
Tyler and Logan opened the broken door, carefully stepping over the glass. “Hey dad, what do you want us to do with the door? It needs to be crafted or you will need a new one.” “Uhm, are you able to craft it?” Shared Quest unlocked: Craft a door. “I’m probably not able to, but Logan should be able to. He has a level 5 creation skill.” “If you could do that for me, that would be great. Here is some gold for your troubles.” 50 Gold has been added to your inventory. “Thank you Mr.Ashwood, I’ll get right on it .”
“Now lets see,” Logan clicked “inspect” on the door. He then selected “craft item.” You are missing the following materials: glass, iron, wood. “It says we need glass, iron and wood.” Quest updated. Craft 2 Glass, Mine 1 Iron, and Harvest 1 Wood. “I think we can go to the forest for the wood. The forest might have a cave. I’m not sure how to make the glass.” “I think glass is made by melting sand. We could go to Oceans Edge for that.” “Well, let’s get going, we don’t want it to get dark out.” "Not so fast, you two. You are going to have breakfast after all that hard work! No leaving on an empty stomach."
Tyler and Logan groaned, but the smell of sizzling bacon quickly lured them to the kitchen table. Pancakes, bacon, and eggs disappeared quickly, their hunger momentarily eclipsing the urgency of their quest. With breakfast finished, they said their goodbyes and set off for the forest, eager to gather the necessary materials and craft a new door.
“Wanna race? Logan suggested. “You’ll just beat me again. There's no way I can keep up with your speed now.” “Fine, have it your way. I’ll meet you at the forest.” Quest unlocked: Beat logan in a race. Logan sprinted off. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Tyler groaned as he chased after Logan. “Think. Think. Do I have any spells? I've got it!” Tyler cast “sprinkler” right ahead of Logan's feet. He was instantly soaked. He stopped staring at his now wet shoes. A down arrow now showed above his head. “Why on Earth would you do that?, he said, now frustrated. Tyler ran past him.
Logan finally realized what just happened and started sprinting after Tyler. He was trying to catch up to Tyler, but for some reason wasn’t able to. “Why am I going so slow? I’m 30% faster than him.” He saw a blinking notification. You are soaked. Timer: 30 minutes. Your speed has been reduced by 3. “Quick boots” efficiency has been halved. Electricity now does twice the damage to you. “Seriously? That’s messed up,” he sighed and continued after Tyler.
Quest completed. You have received 300 EXP. “Fire amulet” has been added to your inventory. Fire Amulet (Rare): Increase fire damage by 30%. “Awesome!” “Hey man, that wasn’t cool.” Tyler looked at now soaked Logan. “Jeez, I didn’t think it would get all of you wet.” “Well now I’m soaked and I can’t run as fast for 20 more minutes. Why would you do that to me?” “I’m sorry, I got a quest to beat you.” “I don’t think we should follow those quests if it makes us do messed up things to each other.” “Yeah, you’ve got a good point. I’m sorry.” “What did you get anyways? It must be good because there was no way you were going to win” “I got this fire amulet. It increases my fire damage by 30%, so now I should be at 40%.” “I’ve got to see this. You should cast it now.” Tyler casted Kindle. The usual small flame had turned into a small ball of fire that shot off slowly into the distance. “That’s so cool!” Logan exclaimed. “I can’t wait to get something that increases my Shock ability. Now let’s figure out how to get wood from one of those trees over there.”
If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
“You thought you could escape us didn’t you!,” a gnome called from a treetop. “We have you surrounded!” Tyler squinted his eyes to see hundreds of gnomes high up in the trees pointing muskets at him and Logan. “Fire!” The gnomes started pouring gunpowder into the miniature guns. After about 3 minutes of them checking with each other to see if they poured the right amount, Tyler got bored. “Hey, you guys obviously don’t know what you are doing and would lose this fight. We already beat your friends once. Just give up already.”
“Never! We cannot let terrorist scum like you to exist!” The gnome went back to measuring out more gunpowder. “Are these guys serious?” Logan asked. “Sadly, I think so. Anyways, let's figure out how to get that wood.” Logan cast Spark at a tree that didn’t appear to have gnomes on it. It exploded. 5 wood has been added to your inventory. “Well, we got the wood, let’s go find a cave.” “Not so fast, we’ve got you right where we want you,” a gnome called looking around for a stick to pack the gunpowder. Tyler and Logan ran off. “Come back terrorist scum!” the now fading in the distance gnome called.
“We’ve been running for an hour now. I’m not seeing any caves,” Tyler said. “Maybe we’d have better luck at the beach.” “Yeah, you are probably right. There might be some boulders there too.” “We should probably find something to eat first, my stamina is getting pretty low.” “Hey, there's some apples over there!” Logan dashed towards the tree. He then picked an apple and bit into it. His teeth sank into the crisp skin, releasing an explosion of sweet and tart juice as the flesh gave way with a satisfying crack. The cool flavor lingered, making this the most perfect apple he'd ever tasted. "Whoa," he breathed, "Tyler, you have to try these!"
Tyler picked and took a bite of his apple. “Oh my God. These are so good. I think we should take some home.” Tyler started placing apples into his inventory. The ground suddenly shook beneath their feet, each tremor growing stronger, more insistent. Tyler, mid-apple and reaching for another, paused, a puzzled frown creasing his brow. Before he could even voice the question hanging in the air, a booming voice shattered the orchard's peace."WHO GOES THERE?"
A shadow fell over them, long and distorted. Craning their necks, they saw him – a towering cyclops, his single eye blazing like a furnace. With each earth-shuddering step, he descended upon them, gnarled club gripped in his fist. He stopped a few paces away, the ground quivering with the force of his presence. His lone eye, magnified by its size, fixed on the half-eaten apple in Tyler's hand. "Why do you feast upon MY apples?" he roared, his voice echoing through the valley.
“Uhhh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know they were your apples,” Tyler said apologetically. “Every year some human wanders into my forest and steals my apples,” the Cyclops boomed. “I dig the hole, I collect the seeds, I put the seeds in the ground. I water the seeds. Then, the humans come to my tree and take all of MY apples,” the cyclops said furiously. “I am so sorry. I had no idea. Here, take them.” Tyler offered the Cyclops fistfuls of apples. “Don’t you see that the damage is already done.” Silence filled the air.
“He’s going to kill us,” Tyler thought while shaking in fear. “BWAHAHAHA, you really thought those were my apples. You really believed me!” The cyclops fell on the ground rolling around laughing. He caused a miniature earthquake that almost knocked Tyler and Logan over. They both just stared at the Cyclops. “What’s with this guy?” Tyler whispered to Logan. “I can hear you! I can hear everything,” his voice continued to boom. Tyler put the apples back into his inventory. “Uhh, we should probably get going. We have a lot to do today.”
“Please don’t leave. I’ve been in my cave for a thousand years. No one wants to visit poor old Stone-Eye.” “Cave?” Logan asked. “Yes, cave. It is my home.” “Could you take us there? We are looking for iron.” “Logan..,” Tyler shot a side eye at Logan. “We don’t know him.” “I can still hear you! Follow me!” Stone-Eye started thudding off towards a mound of grass. Tyler hesitated a moment staring at Logan, then reluctantly followed the cyclops.
They arrived at a giant grass mound, with a giant oval stone in the center of it. Stone-Eye grabbed both sides of the stone and lifted it up out of the ground. He then placed it to the right of the entrance of what appeared to be a cave. “Welcome to my home,” he bellowed. “He really expects us to go in there?,” Tyler whispered. “How many times do I have to tell you? I can still hear you. I can hear a raindrop in the forest from five leagues away!,” his single eye twinkling with amusement. "And a whisper from a scared little morsel like you? Clear as a bell! Now, come in or don't, but stop your fussing." With a sigh, Tyler entered the cave with Logan following behind.
The cave's interior was surprisingly spacious, the air cool and damp. Torches flickered at intervals, casting an eerie glow on the rough-hewn walls. A massive fireplace dominated one end, a blackened pot hanging over dying embers. Piles of furs were scattered about, suggesting a somewhat haphazard attempt at comfort. Stone-Eye lumbered in after them, the stone door thudding shut with a finality that made Tyler's heart pound.
"Make yourselves at home," Stone-Eye boomed, his voice echoing strangely in the confined space. "Or as much as you can in a cyclops's den." He gestured towards the furs with a sweep of his massive arm. "I haven't had visitors in centuries. It's... nice." A hint of vulnerability in his voice surprised Tyler. Maybe this cyclops wasn't so bad after all.
“Iron!,” Logan exclaimed in excitement while pointing at a boulder. “Yeah, but it’s stuck in the rock.” Stone-Eye walked up to the boulder and slammed his fist down on the boulder. It turned to pixels that disintegrated into the air. “Here, take as much as you want,” Stone-Eye said as he held out 5 raw iron. “We can just have it?,” Tyler asked. Stone-Eye paused at this. “Only if you take me with you.” “Take you with us? And do what?” “I don’t know, I’m lonely out here.” “How about you come with us to the beach and then go back home afterwards?” Stone-Eye happily jumped up and down. “Yes, I get to go to the beach!” Stalactites started falling from the ceiling. “Please stop doing that, we could get hurt.” “Oh, sorry.”
“Welcome to Pirate’s Paradise.” Quest unlocked: Investigate the pirates. “Pirates? You told me this was a normal beach,” Tyler said, narrowing his eyes at Logan. “I thought it was.The kids at school never mentioned anything about pirates.””Weird. All we need is sand right?” “Yeah.” “Well, we are standing on it. Let's grab some and take off. It’s already getting dark and we don’t need anything else happening to us today.”
“But, what about the beach?,” Stone-Eye asked sadly. “Well, it’s infested with pirates that we don’t have time for today. How about you follow us to my house and help us fix my door?” Stone-Eye happily jumped up and down causing mounds of sand to lift off the ground and fall back down. “Please stop doing that,” Tyler groaned. “Sorry,” Stone-Eye said sadly. “It’s okay, but people could get hurt, ya know?” “Yeah, I guess I see your point.” “Great, let’s get going, I’m sure my grandma will want me home soon,” Logan said.
The three of them raced back home. Tyler and Logan tried keeping their balance with each of Stone-Eye’s steps shaking the ground. In the distance, Tyler saw a gathering of red and blue lights. “What’s going on? Logan asked. “I’m not sure.” “There’s firetrucks and police outside your house, hopefully everything is okay.” Tyler had a sinking feeling wash over him. Tyler sprinted towards his house. “Tyler, wait up, wait for me!”
Tyler rushed towards the first fireman he saw, desperate for answers. “What’s going on, is everything okay?” “There’s been an explosion.” The fireman's words crashed over him like a tidal wave, each syllable a blow that stole his breath. "Explosion? But...my parents..." His voice cracked, the unspoken question hanging heavy in the eerily still air.
The fireman's grim expression confirmed his worst fears. Where his home once stood, filled with laughter and love, was now an empty space. His parents, the anchors of his life, were gone, respawned to some unknown corner of the world. The world tilted, the normalcy of the day shattering like glass as the reality of his loss crashed down upon him.
Logan, sensing his friend's despair, offered a comforting hand on Tyler's shoulder, a silent anchor in the storm. Even Stone-Eye, the gentle cyclops, showed his support by simply standing close, a reassuring presence in the face of devastation. But even their unwavering support couldn't fill the gaping hole ripped through Tyler's life. He stared at the empty space where his home had been, the absence a stark reminder of all that was lost. Where were his parents? Were they scared? Alone? A wave of despair washed over him, threatening to pull him under.
Tyler’s mind was racing. “An explosion how?” “We are still investigating that. We will let you know about what we find. Son, we will do everything in our power to find your parents. Do you have anyone that you can stay with for the night?” “He can stay at my place,” Logan said. “What’s your name kid?” “My name is Logan.” “I wish we could have met under better circumstances, Logan. Please take your friend to your house. And you are?” “My name is Stone-Eye. Stone-Eye will go back to his cave now. Logan, Tyler, if you ever need anything. You know where to find me.”
