The ride out of the Bck Desert was tense, but ultimately uful. Nobody lived here, and even once we'd left the bck sands behind, it still took miles before we found anything that could be called civilization. Of course, once we did get to a town with an inn in it, we immediately stopped there for the day, even though it was only four iernoon.

  "God damn, you kids look like hell," the Innkeeper said as we staggered in. "What happeo you?"

  "Demon cult," I said. "We lived. They didn't. Beer, please."

  "in' right up, sir."

  I sat down at one of the tables, and sighed deeply. I was tired, hungry, and sore all over, but at least I hadn't had to drive this time. I'd instructed Volex on switg out the tracks for wheels, so we could make better time out of the desert, but after that, she ha all admirably.

  "I really hope the van's water filters are good," Faith said.

  "It doesn't have those," I said, shaking my head. "It jures and banishes water from the Elemental Pnes, and everything ier just accumutes in a waste tank."

  "That sounds..." Emily trailed off. "...Why not just banish everything else ier, too?"

  "That's a lot harder, and ohe water's out of it, it's a lot more pad easy to deal with," I said with a shrug. "Of course, we do still have to dump it somewhere, but we just dump it on the side of the road somewhere tomorrow."

  The Innkeeper brought us a tray of tall gss mugs full of frothy, amber beer, along with some baked potatoes loaded with butter, cheese, and a generous coating of crumbled crispy-fried ba.

  "Fuck, it's been a long day," I muttered, before taking a long pull of beer. "Mmm."

  "How is it?" Faith asked.

  "...I really wao like this," I said, frowning. "Never had beer before, and every elf I know who has says it tastes like piss, but... I mean, beer's popur for a reasht?" I sighed, a my gss doushed it away. "Whatever that reason is, it's not because elves like it."

  "Yeah, that's about what I thought," Faith said, snickering.

  "Well, if the beer don't suit ya, how about some lemohe Innkeeper offered.

  "Lemonade would be good, yeah," I said, nodding. "Would you mind terribly much if I busted out my kettle and made a pot of tea?"

  "...Well, I have a cup?" the Innkeeper asked.

  "Of course," I said, nodding.

  "Then I don't mind o. I'll be back with that lemonade in a jiffy."

  He bustled off, and I began digging out my tea set, ready to brew up a pot of tea.

  "So how did you survive that ambush at the beginning?" Talia asked.

  "Oh, I didn't," I said breezily, tipping about five cups worth of tea leaves into the teapot and triggering the entment to produce boiling water. I was a Wizard, and one of the first big projects Mom put me through was making my very own magic teapot that would instantly produce boiled water ihe teapot, and produce a specific amount that was adjusted to be appropriate for the amount of tea leaves i.

  I had once asked why I hadn't just made an ented kettle, and she told me that kettles were for people who couldn't jure boiling water from he interses of the Elemental Pnes of Water and Fire. Dad then said something sarcastid the ensuing argument sted for aire hour.

  I love my parents, but also, they might be directly responsible for some of my more annoying qualities.

  "I died," I tinued. "Went to heave my grandparents and my great-grandfather- I have no idea why his wife wasn't there, she's just as much my aor as he was- and then I woke back up in a shallow grave, ohat regeion token finished putting me back together. Then I cast a spell my mom taught me earlier this summer to summon my duster, and I was ba business."

  "Huh," Talia said.

  "So I was right," Emily said.

  "Not eveh frees me from my oath to protect you," I said with a shrug.

  Emily blushed a little, like I expected, but she also smiled a little.

  "Here we are," the Innkeeper said, bringing us a stack of four tall gsses and a big pitcher of lemoh little cubes of ice floating in it. "Ah, you've already got the tea going, perfect. Thank you very much for the tea, young man. Or... Well, I reed you were young, sihose two lovely dies with you look pretty young, but hell, I never learned how to tell an elf's age. Thanks for the tea, by the by- you just 't get the good stuff all the way out here."

  "We're all eighteen, yeah," I said, nodding. "You know, I feel like at some point, the Innkeeper's Guild should've made a tract with some enterprising elf or ao get some actually good tea, but..."

  "Oh, we do," the Innkeeper said, nodding. "But elven tea leaves are worth their weight in gold, and you gotta have the training to brew it properly. So, a humble inn like mine simply 't afford to keep the stuff around."

  "...That makes an unfortunate amount of sense," I admitted. "Elves doly like the market ey, so the fact that your tea supplier treats you with suaked pt is perfectly characteristic of an elf."

  "I'll take your word for it," the Innkeeper said, watg eagerly as I poured him a cup of tea.

  "How much exactly does elven tea cost?" Faith asked.

  "Well, I wasn't yankin' your when I said it's worth its weight in gold- and that's after you've added a whole cup of hot water to it," the Innkeeper said, wisely allowing his tea to cool down to a drinkable temperature rather than scalding his tongue on it. "It takes about two grams of tea leaves to bre of tea, and st I checked my Guild Supply Catalog, just a hunner'd-gram tin of elven tea leaves costs eight thousand dolrs."

  "Holy shit," Faith muttered. And not for no reason- that was the kind of mohat'd buy you a nice house, fit for an upper-css professional and his family.

  "I don't suppose I could vince you to waive the ht parking fee, could I?" I asked, pulling out a fresh, unopein of tea leaves I'd bought from Antiope's store for two dolrs, the price of a ten pound bag of dried rice, which I then offered to him.

  "...Young man, you could vince me of anything for that," he said, voice barely above a whisper. "Would you like my daughter to join you for the night as well? Maybe my wife, too?"

  "I am, unfortunately, not in any state to be doing anything eic or exg for the rest of the day," I said, setting the tin oable in front of him. "And, well... If you decide any of your kids needs a good excuse to live ier, tell 'em there's a pce there called Greenwood Vilge where they get this stuff real cheap, straight from an elf. And if they need help, just tell the elves they were sent by Joseph Iro."

  "Much obliged, Mister Iro," the Innkeeper said, nodding.

  "Alright, well, I'm gonna start eating now," I said, grabbing my baked potato and ripping off a third of it with my teeth.

  "We might need some more of these," Talia said politely.

  "Okay," I said, ying down in my bed. "Getting up to go eat dinner in there was... Optimistic. Ow."

  "Are you okay?" Emily asked, her hands already glowing.

  "It just hurts," I said, waving her off. "Lots of chest muscles around the heart- not vital for life, but still used in moving around. Lower priority, so... ow, fuck. Okay. Talia, if you could recharge that stupid amulet Dad gave me?"

  "Are you sure?" Emily asked. "I finish healing you now."

  "You heal the muscles if you want, but..." I sighed deeply as Emily pressed a hand to my chest, taking away the horrible, cutting pain deep in my muscles. "Mmph... I do want that amulet recharged... as soon as possible. It, uh... It keeps me healthy and whole even without a Healer having to fix every little sore spot I get through the day. Oh, fuck that feels good... Mmn... Anyhow. It's an important backup meism. I'd feel better if it was fixed."

  "I'll see what I do," Talia said. "I'm not as good a Druid as your dad is, but... Maybe it really does just o be recharged?"

  "Do you think that's not the problem?" I asked.

  "It's... Holy, it might just be broken," Talia said. "If it is... I don't know if I make you a new one. Definitely not one as good as Napoleon ."

  "Dammit," I muttered. "Oh well. What's done is done. I'm... Ugh. Fuck, I'm tired. I think I'm just gonna sleep, if that's alright?"

  "Of course," Emily said, nodding. "Get some rest, Joseph."

  "Night, everyone."

  I drifted into and out of dreamless sleep, never more than halfway awake. But at some point, in the middle of the night, I found myself slowly rousing to my full senses.

  I had goo sleep alone in my bed, but apparently, after the day we'd had, nobody else wao sleep alone, and had decided that I shouldn't sleep aloher.

  I wasn't sure of the medical wisdom of this, to be ho. I was still having a bit of trouble moving my left arm, after all. But... Looking at Talia snuggled up u, her head on my shoulder, I couldn't really find it io fault her. Looking to my right, at a sleeping Faith snuggled up under my other arm, her freckly nose sched at a dream that couldn't possibly be pleasant, I thought about how much I used to resent her, and... gave her a little kiss, on the bridge of her wasn't enough to wake her, but whatever that dream was, it clearly stopped b her, as her face returo normal, and a little smile started to creep across her lips.

  Lying on top of me, face down, was one Emily Redwater, pressed oh so tightly against my front, not only by gravity, but by her arms and legs, ging to me like a squirrel to a tree. She was stirring- apparently my movements had woken her up.

  "Mmmn... Go back to sleep, Joseph," Emily murmured, squeezing me a little tighter.

  I wao, I really did. I wao rest, to y bad rex, and enjoy the cuddles. But right now, I just... I couldn't. I'm sorry, Emily. I really do want to keep using you like a weighted b with big tits, but...

  "I have to piss so bad."

  Emily sidered that for a moment... and then, with a put-upon sigh, she carefully climbed off of me, helping me up- without waking the others- and walked me, step by careful step, to the bathroom.

  I slept through the rest of the night, and much of the m. Despite my aches and pains, and everything I'd just been through...

  ...Life was good.

  AnnouWhat Little Remains Of Terpsichore Iro will return with Book 3, A Tempest In A Teapot, on January 16th. Happy New Year.