Chapter Thirty-Four: I Only Want an Apology

  The graduate school application went through as smoothly as expected, but the result was beyond Si Tu's expectation. Zou Jin's favoritism towards her made her a topic of discussion among her classmates again, after all, being able to follow such an awesome advisor is already a very impressive thing, let alone that Zou Jin is notoriously strict in selecting graduate students.

  Interestingly, most people discussing this matter did not have a deep sense of unexpectedness because if Zou Jin had to accept a student, whether from the obvious advantages on the surface or the guessing behind the scenes about someone's preferences, it seemed that there was no more suitable candidate than Situ Xuan.

  Those who mock themselves will say: "Whose fault is it that mom and dad didn't give me a good face?"

  "Some people are skeptical and ask: 'If you had a face just like Zhang Yimou's, could you achieve the same results as him?'"

  "It's not certain that his family didn't exert a lot of effort at home; reincarnation is indeed a profound subject." Those who thought they were more worldly-wise concluded thus.

  However, no matter how many people think so, most people have already gotten used to the fact that Situ Xuan is a role that should stand at the forefront and be admired by others. People always like to compare themselves with those who are roughly equal to themselves, but Situ Xuan has received too much favor from fate, and has picked the peach that others who are much higher than herself can't reach no matter how hard they try. This envy also comes with a hint of resignation. Moreover, people who have come into contact with her all think she's not bad as a person, and as for the rumors about the professor's private life, they're just rumors after all, and can't be taken as true. For a time, Situ Xuan is just a lucky one.

  No one knew that this lucky person, who should have been enjoying her carefree days before graduation, was now trapped in a sense of unease she had never felt before. She found it difficult to explain to Qī Yún why she ended up becoming Zhōu Jìn's graduate student, no matter how hard she tried to prove that it wasn't her intention. All Qi Yun said was: "Forget it, do as you please." Xue Shǎo Píng felt relieved that her daughter had been admitted to the most outstanding expert in the industry, and kept mentioning that they should invite Professor Zhou to dinner as a matter of courtesy. The joy of Sī Tú Jiǔ ān was even more unbearable for Sī Tú Yuàn, who couldn't imagine her father "casually" mentioning her daughter's achievement of being the first in the graduate school entrance exam in front of every client.

  When she calmed down, she often thought of Professor Gao's kind and meaningful smile, as well as Zou Jin's words on the phone. Some things were like ghosts hiding behind the curtains, she could vaguely sense something, but didn't dare to take a step forward to lift the curtain, and could only believe it was just a gust of wind.

  Those days, Situ Xuan had some bizarre dreams, waking up with a troubled mind, but couldn't remember the plot of the dream. Only once did she feel like she was stepping on air, her whole body shook violently, and a sharp laughter echoed in her ears. After a few seconds, she realized it was just her phone ringing. She rubbed her eyes and found that it was already late morning, everyone in the house had gone to school or work, except for herself and Old Lady Yao.

  This was the last person she wanted to see calling her, and it was Zou Jin. Yesterday afternoon when she went to wait for Yao Qiyun to go home together, Zou Jin had already called once. At that time, Situ Xuan had already made up his mind that if he couldn't change his tutor, he would rather give up continuing his studies than become Zou Jin's graduate student, and didn't want to have anything to do with him again, so he didn't answer the phone. Yao Qiyun looked at her, Situ Xuan thought of saying something on his own initiative, but the other party didn't ask, if she hurriedly explained, it would be too deliberate, so she simply remained silent, pretending that nothing had happened, and unexpectedly this silence became a journey without words.

  When they were still far from home, Yao Qiyun would hold hands with Situ Xuan, and whenever they crossed the road, he would carefully protect her. Situ Xuan even didn't doubt that if a car lost control and passed by, he would be willing to use his body as her shield. However, she couldn't pretend not to notice, and the silent moments between them grew more frequent. Sometimes she would intentionally tell a joke or share an embarrassing story to ease the awkward atmosphere, but it only made herself look like a clown. By the time he tried to respond with interest, she had already lost her enthusiasm, even her emotions were misplaced.

  It's hard to trace back where everything started, maybe Zou Jin's affair was a catalyst, or maybe the problem began even earlier, so early that it's uncertain when it started. Si Tu Jue could sense his cautiousness because she was the same, along the way they had too many quarrels, too many problems, and too many obstacles, repeatedly breaking up and getting back together, it wasn't easy to hold hands and walk to this day, can't afford to be tossed around anymore. Just like a small pimple on the skin, repeatedly scratching, repeatedly scabbing, finally binding both hands and swearing not to touch it again, only to find that it will never heal into smooth skin.

  "Are you done yet?" Sito Kei's voice changed tone as she answered the phone, furious, and vented all her unpleasantness with Yao Qiyun to the person on the other end of the line.

  Zou Jin seemed unsurprised. "Sorry," he said. "I know you don't want to hear from me now, but there are some things I have to tell you right away."

  "I've said it ten thousand times, I'm not interested in your affairs, why do you have to drag me into this, what does it have to do with me?"

  "I thought I could handle things on my own and not drag you into it, but now...I'm sorry."

  This was the second time Zou Jin said sorry in this short conversation, but he wasn't a humble person. The ominous premonition in Situ Xuan's heart grew stronger and stronger, as if she had sensed the stormy atmosphere behind every word he forced himself to say calmly.

  The turmoil in her heart quietly receded, replaced by an extremely uneasy calmness.

  "What did you say happened?"

  Zou Jin remained silent for a while before speaking up, as if he was contemplating where to start.

  "One of my PhD students, not Xiaowen, is a boy, you know, Liu Zisu."

  "I know him." The image of that senior brother immediately appeared in front of Situ Xuan's eyes, with a fair face, tall stature, and a habitual slight hunchback. As students from the same college, it was inevitable to have some impression of him. This senior brother had taught several undergraduate classes for Zou Jin before, and he was also San Pi's roommate. Situ Xuan remembered that once while waiting for the elevator, he hummed the phrase "not reborn as a man, reborn as a woman", seemingly with ulterior motives.

  "I brought him for almost four years, he was studying for a master's degree in another school. When I first knew him, he was smart, diligent, had a strong desire to learn and progress, I really appreciated it, so I took him in exceptionally." Zou Jin spoke slowly, as if recalling, also as if trying to express more clearly, even the impatient Situ Yue didn't interrupt him.

  "I've said it before, I'm strict with my students, and it's not an exaggeration to say that I'm harsh. Zhi Su has been following me for these few years, and he hasn't been spared from scolding. But I've always treated him like one of my own. I asked him to delay his graduation because I didn't want to see him continue to be lazy and increasingly superficial. I couldn't bear the thought of my student using shortcuts to do research. Since he calls me 'teacher', I have a responsibility to teach him well. I never expected that he would hold a grudge against me... I had trusted him so much!"

  "What did he do?"

  Zou Jin's sorrowful regret began to turn into hesitation, as if the words that had reached his lips had too many difficult-to-speak reasons.

  "Zhi Su is not only my student, but also my assistant. He has been in charge of organizing all sorts of data and documents for me, including those on my computer. He even frequently comes and goes from my residence. I don't know when he started harboring this intention, but he has been deliberately collecting evidence that could be used against me. Recently, he formally broke with me, not only demanding that I agree to his graduation, but also asking me to put his name on several academic papers that are about to be published in a journal - of course, there's also the issue of money." Zou Jin sneered: "He thinks he made great contributions to the achievements I've gained, but all he got was a small share. In reality, he's only good at doing the most basic data organization work, work that even an undergraduate student who is diligent and thrifty could do just as well. He actually dares to think that I'm taking advantage of him, and has been threatening to expose my private life if I don't meet his demands - or rather, blackmail."

  "Private life?" The disdain in Situ Xin's voice was unmistakable, "If he's blackmailing you, you can report to the police, an upright person is not afraid of a crooked shadow."

  Zou Jin let out a long sigh, "You're right, I'm indeed 'not upright', this is what gives others a handle. If it only involved me, then so be it, but some things once stirred up will inevitably drag in innocent people, and that's what I least want to see."

  "In that case, are you going to meet his demands?"

  "He knew I wouldn't dare not to agree, no wonder there's an old Chinese saying that goes: 'The barefooted are not afraid of the shod.' He's also a clever person, if he had put his mind into scientific research, things wouldn't have ended up like this today. The most troublesome problem now is that even if I'm willing to compromise, things aren't that simple. Zhusu knows too much, and he's also brought in another person, and this person... has something to do with you, which is why I was anxious to call you."

  Situ Xuan was shocked, his scalp began to tingle. "Who?"

  "I believe you're not unfamiliar, Tan Shaochen."

  "What does she have to do with anything? And how is it related to me?" Si Tu Xuan was suspicious.

  Liu Zisu told her that there was a problem with the on-campus graduate school entrance examination results this time.

  Situ Xin found it hard not to think of her abnormal performance on the day of the written test and the unexpected final result, but she would rather believe that she was wrong.

  "What's wrong?"

  "Someone tampered with the papers during the final review, and there's only one person in the entire college who could have done it - you should already know who. Zhi Su found something off when he was organizing the exam papers."

  "Was he actually wronged by you?" Situ Xin looked terrified like a lost child.

  Zou Jin was silent for a while before finally making up his mind to speak.

  "That time you didn't do well on the test, at most you barely made it into the top ten interview list. Gao He Nian and his people knew I valued you, so I knew your interview score wouldn't be too high. It was me who swapped your scores with Tan Shao Cheng's, this matter has already been taken care of, originally there shouldn't have been any problems, unexpectedly Zhen Su he actually secretly took a photo of the original test paper. You're as competitive as I was when I was young, I know you want to win, so I just wanted to help you out..."

  "No, no, no! I'm not like you, how can I be like you? You are you, and I am me!" Si Tu Jue repeated incoherently, her palm sweating as she grasped the phone. She could accept that she had lost, but not in this way, it couldn't be like this!

  "So I want to apologize to you, it's my selfishness and confusion that harmed you and dragged you in. Now that Tan Shaocheng knows the truth, she is very emotional and I'm afraid she won't let go easily. Also, she demands a re-evaluation of this year's Fu Xuecheng Scholarship."

  "Then let her go, she can't swallow that breath, let her go, what am I afraid of!" Sutu Jin said loudly. She didn't know if her movements had startled Grandma Yao downstairs, but she couldn't care about these things now.

  However, Zou Jin's answer was only one sentence.

  "Don't let her relapse."

  Situ Xuan's five thunderbolts struck the top. Whatever Zou Jin said afterwards was no longer important.

  "...Listen to me, if it wasn't for you that time, it wouldn't have been her turn either. But she just had to grab onto this matter and not let go... I've talked to them about it, this has nothing to do with you, the responsibility is all mine. Whatever conditions there are, just bring them up with me..."

  It was as if someone had suddenly pushed his head into the water, and Situ Xuan felt a sense of disorientation, as if he was separated from the real world by a layer. There was no breathing, no shouting, only a dull pain in his lungs, and a string of absurd bubbles in front of his eyes. His voice also had a dreamlike quality, floating on the surface of the water, sometimes near, sometimes far.

  She used to think that she didn't care how others lived, but she could take care of herself. There are always some things worth believing in and upholding when people live. Now she knows that she can't even rely on herself. Like a leaf, no matter how it shakes itself on the branch, as long as a gust of dirty wind blows, it falls into the muddy water, who cares about its past tense, where did it come from?

  "What does she want me to do." She finally found her own voice again.

  "She wants to see you."

  I've stopped updating for a long time and have been lazy for a while. I want to say sorry to the readers who got impatient and abandoned reading, and thank you to those who are still waiting. The book will be published, and it will be updated here gradually. Even if you don't plan to buy the book, you can still see the ending here, although it might be a bit slower. Sigh, let's just understand each other.

  I just want an apology (continued)

  When Situ Xuan arrived at the agreed location with Zou Jin, she was waiting for her at the entrance of a small teahouse. She was panting and had encountered traffic congestion on the way, the endless stream of vehicles made people despair, so she got off the car and ran halfway through two intersections. It was really anxious like burning, even if it meant death, just to get a quick end.

  "Is she inside?" She asked straightforwardly.

  Zou Jin nodded, rubbing his hands together in front of him, and his expression was filled with a deeper and more indescribable emotion than guilt. "I never thought that my one-sided love would become a disaster... Don't worry, this matter started because of me, I will resolve it, even if it means I have to give up everything..."

  "Take me to see her. I have nothing more to say to you, let's get this over with as soon as possible, the less I see of you the better, and I will be grateful to you."

  The disgust that was evident on Situ Xin's face clearly made Zou Jin, who was trying to take a stand, feel somewhat embarrassed. He opened his mouth but didn't say anything and instead led her inside with his head bowed.

  They walked into the innermost tea room, which was simply decorated, but quiet. The people waiting there were Tan Shaochen and Liu Zisu. This wasn't unexpected, as they could be said to be bound together by fate now. Situ Xuan sat down, and no tea art lady came in to serve them, unlike before. Instead, Liu Zisu poured a cup of tea for Situ Xuan with a bow, and also refilled Zou Jin's cup at the same time.

  In the space where language was temporarily lost, the tea fragrance was strong, but no one had the heart to taste it, including Liu Zisu himself, and the cup in front of him had already gone cold. Except for Tan Shaocheng, she held her own tea and sipped it mouthful by mouthful. She sat directly across from Situ Yue, who looked at her still delicate and pale face, lowered eyelashes, and felt a very subtle feeling. This feeling seemed to come from the change in angle. Situ Yue's attitude towards Tan Shaocheng had always been complex, with dislike, vigilance, some slight contempt, and pity, but all these emotions were projected from a condescending posture, she stood at a high place, perhaps not intentionally, but it was a fact. She had never looked so seriously at this girl of the same age as herself, or rather, her opponent.

  The two words "opponent" made Si Tu Jue's heart skip a beat, she suddenly thought that if she and Tan Shaocheng were to switch identities, whether it was her background or experience, would she be able to compete with him? This idea made her fearful.

  "You wanted to see me, I'm here. Now you can speak, what do you want? Or what do you want to say?"

  Tan Shaochen finally lifted her head, still holding the cup in her hand, and a look of hurt surprise flashed across her eyes.

  She said: "What do you want to give me? Money? I know you have money. Director Zou's proud student? Do you think this still makes sense? You have everything, so in your eyes, I came here today to extort you? Sutu Xue, don't look down on people. My dad is already dead, my younger siblings have dropped out of school, I don't want money, and it doesn't matter if I lose the opportunity for graduate school. What I want is an apology from you."

  Xī Tù Xīn turned her face away in a fluster. Tán Shǎo Chéng's words were indeed beyond her expectations. A simple "sorry" was really too easy, if these three words could solve the thorny problem, it would be a bargain. However, Xī Tù Xīn gritted her teeth again and again, only to find that she couldn't say it out loud. Her weakness was like being pinched in someone's palm, unclear why, she could show weakness to anyone except Tán Shǎo Chéng. Even if the other party opened their mouth wide enough to swallow a lion, they might not be able to make her feel this difficult.

  "I came today, it doesn't mean I owe you an apology. Believe it or not, I was completely unaware of those things." She spoke the truth, but sadly found herself lacking conviction. Besides herself, how many others would believe her?

  Zou Jin broke the deadlock, saying: "Tan Shaocheng, this matter requires me to apologize. You can ask me to apologize in any way you want, and it's okay to make some reasonable demands. However, I must say that from start to finish, it was my own idea, and Situ Yue was indeed kept in the dark. Today she came here just to clarify things face-to-face with everyone. Whatever it is, you can direct it at me."

  Tan Shaocheng had just finished the last mouthful of tea in his cup and carefully put down the blue-and-white porcelain cup, as if he was afraid that if he wasn't careful, he would break it.

  "You're not drinking? Isn't this tea very expensive? I've finished mine, but I didn't think it was good at all, it's too bitter. I don't understand tea, only people with good fortune would think that a little bitterness is so precious. In fact, there are many bitter things in life, they're not for savoring, but for swallowing with gritted teeth.

  She's fine, she has everything, and someone to protect her. But me? I'm not as good as her, so even the tiny bit of things that belong to me should be stolen from me behind my back? I don't dare envy anyone, I just want a little bit of justice in the end.

  Situ Xue, I don't care why Director Zou helped you, but didn't he take away something that originally belonged to me? That's not something you can ignore by saying you didn't know. I know you've always looked down on me, but this time, you owe me an apology. I just want your apology!"

  Xī Tù Jìn had never been so bewildered and at a loss. On the one hand, she felt that she was not in the wrong. However, another voice told her that Tán Shǎo Chéng's words were also not wrong.

  Liu Zisu smiled and interjected, "Situ Xuan, I really envy you. The teacher is indeed very good to you. Unfortunately, not everyone receives such treatment. If I told you how I spent the past four years, you probably wouldn't believe it." He turned to Tan Shaochen and said, "I guess Qu Xiaowen will also say that her thesis passed so smoothly, she was completely unaware of it."

  He seemed to think this sentence was very humorous and burst out laughing. But apparently no one else thought it was funny, including Tan Shaocheng.

  "Ah, right, Xiao Wan didn't come. I forgot she's too proud to mix with people like us. Even though the good things she does are astonishing." Liu Zisu seemed very used to the awkward atmosphere, and it didn't affect his high spirits at all. At this moment, he even gave off a feeling of excitement and joy, a kind of thrill that came from releasing long-held repression. "Sometimes when I look at those dirty photos, I feel like they're split personalities - is this really our elegant and refined Qu Xiao Wan? Or does our teacher just like this kind of split personality..."

  "Shut up!" Zou Jin couldn't bear it anymore and interrupted, "How did I end up teaching a student like you? What else can you do besides using despicable tricks to secretly attack people and speaking with the tone of a petty person who has succeeded? You're ungrateful, I've treated you well!"

  Liu Zisu burst out laughing. "You're not treating me badly, are you? At school, at home, what trivial matters can't be thrown my way? Even the servants are spared, but I've been running around for four years, and where have I run to the most? The dry cleaner's! Picking up and delivering laundry for you. Which window or toilet in your house haven't I cleaned? Last year during Christmas sales, it was crowded everywhere, and when Miss Qu wanted to go shopping, you were busy with experiments, so I had to line up at the cashier for several hours, smiling all the while. When you're not happy, you can scold me in front of anyone as if I'm worthless. You have principles and aren't afraid to offend people, how many professors and lecturers in the pharmacy department haven't been yelled at by you? They don't dare mess with you, so they take it out on me instead. In front of you, I'm like a servile dog, what am I trying to get out of this? In the end, if I don't arrive on time, I'll have to postpone my graduation. How long do you want me to suffer? Anyone would go crazy! What should I say? You really don't treat me like an outsider. Thank you, or else how would I be lucky enough to see those wonderful 'photographic works' on your computer? No wonder they say that famous scholars are often romantic, Teacher, you're indeed a famous scholar! Your student admires you!"

  Zou Jin's face turned red with anger, his body trembling with rage. "I've agreed to all your conditions. Hand over those photos and I'll let you graduate. You can do whatever you want from now on, we'll have nothing more to do with each other, and this matter will be settled once and for all!"

  Liu Zisu said slowly: "I'm fine here, I do what I say. But Shaocheng's affairs should also be given a fair chance, otherwise I won't be able to bear it. Since she was involved in this matter, I should advance and retreat with her. Honestly speaking, I think her request is not excessive at all. She has seen those photos too, and people can easily do something irrational when they are angry, later on, it's not just your face that will be affected, but also..."

  As he spoke, he unintentionally used his hand to lightly stroke the document bag on his knee, and the content of those "photographic works" could be guessed without much imagination. If the person in the photo was Qu Xiaowen... Those scenes made Situ Xuan feel a little psychologically uncomfortable, and she couldn't help but think of Wu Jiang. Moreover, if the matter of switching grades were to be revealed, it would bring her endless trouble again. How could she explain it? Who would listen to her explanation? The more she cared about those rumors, the more she didn't want to add a few more risk factors to the already precarious emotional balance between her and Yao Qiyun.

  She hugged her head and said impulsively: "Isn't it just an apology? Sorry, sorry, are you satisfied?"

  Tan Shaocheng stared at her silently, without saying a word.

  Situ Xuan fell silent for a few seconds, and then chose to compromise as circumstances were stronger than people.

  "Tan Shaocheng, this is all my fault. I apologize to you, sorry!" She seemed to say these words mechanically.

  Tan Shaocheng let out a deep breath, his face filled with mixed emotions. No one could tell what the apology from Si Tu Jue meant to her. She nodded slightly at Liu Zhi Su, who shrugged and stood up, bowing his head to present the data bag to Zou Jin with both hands.

  "Teacher, from now on let's forget those unpleasant things... one day as a teacher, a lifetime as a father..."

  Zou Jin's cold smile was still in his throat when the door of the teahouse was pushed open.

  Qu Xiao Wan stood outside the door and took a glance at the people sitting inside.

  "It seems I missed the best part."

  Liu Zisu straightened his waist and smiled slightly, "Xiao Wan, you're late. Without you, it always feels like something's missing."

  "Really? You also know I love watching Pug's comedy show."

  She walked up to Zou Jin's side and deftly took the thing out of his hand. Zou Jin looked at her with concern, but didn't even think of stopping her.

  Qu Xiao Wan raised an eyebrow, took out a stack of photos from the data bag, and looked at them one by one. She looked very carefully, as if recalling memories of a certain outing. Finally, she tidied up the photos with her hands and put them back in the data bag before returning it to Zou Jin.

  "You still keep these photos, I've forgotten about them." She smiled at Zou Jin with a hint of embarrassment, "I was thinner back then. No wonder Wu Jiang has been laughing at me lately."

  Her tone of understatement enraged Tan Shaochen, who had been watching her coldly all along.

  Tan Shaocheng bit his lower lip and shook his head: "Don't you have any shame, how dare you mention Wu Jiang."

  "He likes it when I mention him." Qu Xiaojuan's response was still casual and off-topic.

  "You don't deserve to be with him, if I were you, I would save the last bit of face and leave voluntarily. Any man wouldn't tolerate his girlfriend doing something so shameful."

  "If you were me?" Qu Xiaojuan's mouth still had a hint of a knowing smile. "Unfortunately, you'll never become me!"

  Everyone has her own weakness, and there are always times when someone carelessly points it out.

  Tan Shaochen stood up suddenly and then slowly sat back down again.

  She raised her head and said to Qu Xiaowei: "I want you to leave him, let him go. Otherwise, I swear that everyone will know your dirty secrets!"

  Qu Xiao Wan picked up the teacup beside Zou Jin, then raised her hand and poured it in the direction of Tan Shaocheng. The good frozen top oolong tea had not been touched yet, but it was already cold. The tea water dripped from Tan Shaocheng's bangs and flowed down.

  "Right, how could we forget you?" Before anyone in the room could react, the cup that originally belonged to Situ Xuan was immediately called out and landed on Liu Zisu's stunned face.

  Many years later, Situ Xin still couldn't forget the crisp sound of Qu Xiaowen smashing the cup to the ground. It was as if it was a bell signaling that her life's train had reached a certain stage, marking both an end and a beginning to a journey.