Chapter Sixteen: The Unspoken Answer

  The relationship between Situ Xuan and Yao Qiyun has undergone a subtle change, like the seeds of spring buried in the earth for a winter, just waiting for a good rain to sprout. You can't see its growth with the naked eye, but only suddenly realize: Ah, when did it grow into this?

  Even Xue Shaoping found that Situ Ke was no longer so resistant to Yao Qiyun, who had been planted beside her. Sometimes she would get up early and wait for Yao Qiyun to set off together. When doing homework, she also liked to run to his room and do it with him.

  Xue Shaoping was still a bit uneasy, and several times she went downstairs on the pretext of something, passing by Qiyun's room to take a look at their situation. The door was wide open, and the two children were indeed occupying one side of the desk each doing their homework, not talking much, occasionally discussing a few sentences. Sometimes when Situ Xuan had a bad temper, they would also argue a few words, Qiyun wouldn't always give in to her, the two would be at odds with each other, but the next day they wouldn't hold any grudges.

  Situ Xuan also collected some heart, not like in the past, once being locked at home would make her scratch her heart with all her might. Except for still following Wu Jiang closely, she had lost a lot of her mind to go out and be crazy. She originally had good grades, now several mock exams ranked even more forward, Yao Qiyun's studies also caught up, from the initial ranking at the bottom when he just transferred, step by step gradually rising to around the top twenty in the grade, he wouldn't be like Situ Xuan, who could contend for first place when performing well, but everything was possible when performing poorly. On the contrary, his grades were extremely stable.

  At the parent-teacher conference, the flattery and admiration from other students' parents made Si Tu Jiu An feel very pleased with himself. In the workplace, when subordinates or clients mentioned that he was good at educating his children, he felt even more delighted. Xue Shao Ping, who was most worried about Si Tu Yue's studies, also felt very relieved about this situation.

  During the winter vacation of their senior year, Shi Tu Jiu An arranged for Yao Qi Yun to return to his rural hometown for Chinese New Year and visit relatives. Yao Qi Yun was away for seven days, and Shi Tu Jue felt like a headless fly for those seven days, feeling unenthusiastic about the entire Spring Festival. During that time, she repeatedly asked her father Shi Tu Jiu An, wasn't Yao Qi Yun an orphan with no relatives, what was he doing going back to that place?

  After listening to Si Tu Jiu An's words, Si Tu Xuan only knew that Yao Qi Yun still had a paternal aunt in his hometown, in the same village, but the family was not well-off and had no time to think about this nephew. Even so, Si Tu Xuan was still worried and suspected that he had gone crazy and refused to return.

  Yao Qiyun had also called his hometown to ask about them, and it seemed that he mentioned that because he rarely went back, his aunt and other relatives all hoped he would stay for a few more days. Situ Ji'an agreed without saying much, saying something about the importance of family relationships, as long as he came back before school started, it was fine. Situ Yue, who was listening on the side, couldn't help but grab the phone, wanting to personally talk to him, but Yao Qiyun had already hung up the phone, almost making her furious.

  Situ Xuan suspected that Yao Qiyun was still angry about the small argument they had before leaving, and felt that there was no warmth in the family, so she deliberately stayed at her aunt's house for a while. The more she thought about it, the more uncomfortable she became. When her parents asked her about it, she didn't know what to say, and unexpectedly got angry, causing Situ Ji'an to complain as well. Adolescent girls and menopausal women are both hard to understand.

  Situ Xuan was used to the existence of Yao Qiyun, his gloomy temperament, his annoying sharp tongue, his silent companionship, and his meticulous care had all become a matter of course. So when he temporarily left, she felt empty-hearted. She knew this wasn't good, very bad, so she actively found an explanation for herself, that the reason she missed him "a little bit" was just because no one helped her pick up clothes or took turns washing dishes with her.

  I didn't expect that, saying it was going to be delayed, but just seven days later, Yao Qiyun returned home on time with a big bag. He brought back many local specialties from his hometown, and also specially for Shiou Jiu'an to try the new relatives' self-cultivated tobacco, which is said to be a herbal medicine for treating Xue Shaoping's menopausal migraine. Si Tu Yue was looking at him with disappointment, only to find that there was no gift specifically brought for herself, and her joy was also ruined. Afraid that he was hiding something, she didn't hesitate to open her hands to him, "Where is my gift? Can't be biased."

  Yao Qiyun was taken aback, smiled and didn't speak. Sutu Ji'an glared at his daughter, "What gift do you want, little kid?" Seeing Sutu Xuan pouting, he put those mushrooms, dried vegetables and whatnot in front of her, "So many good things, none of them are yours?"

  How did Situ Jiu'an understand the thoughts of a young girl? Situ Xuan had everything she needed, all she wanted was an attitude from Yao Qiyun, but it's unclear whether he was being sincere or intentional. Everyone else seemed to have it, except for her. Speaking of which, although in this household, the one who favored Yao Qiyun the most was his father, and his mother was also his elder, but ultimately, the person who had the most contact with him and the closest relationship with him was Situ Xuan. Didn't he feel that way in his heart? It's a waste that she was still so happy about his return just now.

  Xīng Tuò saw the pile of useless stuff his dad had forced on him and became even more furious, picking up those things and shoving them back into Yao Qǐyún's arms, saying "I don't want your worthless junk."

  "How can you be so rude?" scolded Shi Tu Jiu An, shaking his head.

  Situ Xuan knew he was in the wrong, but the aggrieved tears were about to burst out of his eyes. This grievance evoked the memory of their last argument before Situ Xuan returned home. Actually, it was just because Situ Xuan had won against him in an informal Go competition at the school club. At that time, Yao Qiyun smiled wryly as he put away the pieces and said: "Ah Xuan, do you have to prove that you're stronger than me?"

  Actually, Situ Xuan didn't like Go at all. She joined the boring Go interest group and started learning from scratch just because she wanted to understand why Yao Qiyun could be so fascinated by the chessboard. All her interests were just for understanding his interests.

  It was as if she had discovered that he was attending Olympiad training, and she also signed up. Just like him, she attended English oral remedial classes. Xīu Xīng was enthusiastically doing things that Yáo Qǐyún liked to do, and she was born strong-willed, whatever she did, she would put in 120% effort and strive to be the best.

  Yao Qiyun was smart enough and worked hard enough to transfer from a rural middle school with extremely poor educational resources to a prestigious high school known throughout the province. In just over two years, he rose to the top 20 among his peers of 500 people, living up to Si Tu Jiu An's expectations in all aspects. His strength was stability, but his weakness was also stability. He would use the most secure and standardized method to solve a math problem, but he wouldn't dare to try unconventional methods like Si Tu Xuan did, even if he knew them, to get the same answer. Similarly, his chess style was overly cautious, focusing too much on defense, which led to his narrow defeat by Si Tu Xuan's bold and aggressive playing style. He was better than others in every way, but unfortunately encountered Si Tu Xuan, who had the same intelligence and work ethic, but also an unyielding spirit that refused to give up until he reached the extreme.

  However, Situ Xin's intention was not to win or lose. Although she won at Go and ranked slightly higher than him in the math competition, and also performed better in the English oral test. This wasn't because she wanted to be stronger than him in everything, but rather because she felt that since it was a competition, they should go all out and compete fairly. Purposely giving in or holding back would be meaningless, and would be an insult to both herself and her opponent. If Yao Qiyun had won against her with his true abilities, she would have been convinced and acknowledged it.

  But in Yao Qiyun's eyes, all of this was just Situ Xuan's repeated provocations. He only wanted to quietly do his own thing, but Situ Xuan kept making him feel helpless and defeated. The closer Situ Xuan got to him, the more she found herself not understanding him. She was like a sheet of white rice paper spread out before him, while he hid himself in the dark shadows of heavy ink.

  Situ Xuan slammed the door shut in her room, violently pounding the Teddy bear she had imagined to be Yao Qiyun. No matter how hard she tried to tidy it up, it remained silent and lifeless. Exhausted, she collapsed onto the bed, thinking about the things that were impossible for her to understand, while also reflecting on herself. Was she wrong? Couldn't she just get along with him happily? When playing chess, she would only think about one move at a time, as long as it was a good one. Whether or not there were gifts, she would treat them as fleeting clouds. But did this Situ Xuan still recognize herself?

  After a long time, the knock on the door disrupted her messy thoughts. It was his knock.

  Situ Xiguang walked to the door, but refused to respond in a huff. After a while, he was heard saying softly outside the door: "A Xiguang, you open the door first."

  "You're so stingy! I'm going to my grandma's house for the weekend and I'll even bring you back something. You go all the way back to your hometown, but you don't get me anything."

  "We'll talk about it when we get inside."

  "No way, bring the gift first."

  Situ Xuan still expected a surprise, perhaps he had just been teasing her on purpose earlier.

  Who knew that Yao Qiyun fell silent for a while, and what she said next was even more disappointing.

  "I'm sorry, I don't know what would be good to give you."

  "It's the thought that counts when giving gifts, you didn't have any intention so you said that. Then how did you know what to give my parents?"

  Situ Xuan actually wanted to tell Yao Qiyun, as long as you say it's specially sent to me, even if it's just a dried vegetable or a mushroom, I'll be equally happy to accept it.

  However, she didn't know that Yao Qiyun had prepared a gift for Mr. and Mrs. Situ in his hometown, but he couldn't think of what to give Situ Yue, which made him rack his brains for seven days. Would she like this? Is it too rustic? Maybe she would be happy with that one, but it seemed a bit ridiculous? Another one was pretty good, but there should be something even better... He searched for seven days and finally couldn't find anything suitable as a gift for Situ Yue. She deserved the best of the best, but what he had wasn't enough to match, so he could only give up, empty-handed.

  After waiting for a long time without her opening the door, Yao Qiyun had no choice but to leave in silence. Situ Xuan listened to his footsteps on the stairs gradually disappearing and was so annoyed that she wanted to pull her own hair out. Obviously, all it took was one pleasant phrase, even if it was a lie, for her to open the door and make amends. Why did such a simple thing seem like an impossible task for Yao Qiyun?

  Xī zǐ jué believes in her intuition, she can feel that she is perhaps a different existence in Yáo qǐ yún's heart. At least this "friendship" established after thousands of hardships isn't only cherished by her. Many times, she clearly senses his gaze lingering on her body, but when she looks back at him, he gazes indifferently at some place with nothing.

  He was involuntarily drawn closer to her, but when she smiled and approached him, he took a step back.

  Situ Xue was used to Wu Jiang's optimistic and bright companionship, but Yao Qiyun's contradictions and obscurity left her at a loss. She puffed out her chest again and trampled the teddy bear for a long time, still unable to untie the knot in her heart. Finally, she made up her mind that she couldn't lock her depression in her heart, suffering herself without anyone noticing. She had to find him to get an explanation, what did it mean to be so ambiguous? She thought and acted immediately, rushing downstairs like a whirlwind, although she wasn't clear what kind of explanation she wanted.

  She stormed in, omitting the courtesy of knocking on the door, and blurted out: "Yao Qiyun, I need to talk to you."

  The moment the door opened, she saw Yao Qiyun leaning against the headboard. As soon as he saw her, he was so startled that he almost fell off the bed. In a flustered and confused manner, he hid something in his hand under the pillow, with a suspicious flush on his face.

  "What are you doing?" Situ Xuan walked towards him with a suspicious face, his eyes slanted as he sized him up, as if sniffing out the abnormal smell in the air.

  Yao Qiyun stood by the bed and replied uncomfortably: "Nothing."

  "What's wrong with you? You look so weird!"

  "You're weird, Situ Xin. Why did you enter my room without knocking?" He seemed to have come back to his senses and remembered that she was the uninvited guest.

  Situ Xun said with a sarcastic smile, "Sorry", but there was not a hint of remorse on her face, nor did she forget to pursue the uncomfortable feeling in front of her due to her guilt.

  "Why is your face so red? You must have done something wrong."

  "I'm tired, no time to chat with you, I've been sitting on the bus for half a day, I want to sleep. When you leave, help me close the door."

  His words seemed to be very calm, but Situ Xin dared to guarantee that he was absolutely pretending, on such a cold day, there were still faint sweat marks on his temples, which was the evidence of extreme tension.

  Situ Xuan smiled slyly and said: "Okay, as long as you let me see what you've hidden under your pillow, I'll disappear immediately."

  "What's it to you? Go back to your room." Yao Qiyun said fiercely, but her face started to flush with a red cloud.

  "If you don't let me see it, it just proves you have a guilty conscience. I'm going to tell my mom."

  Yao Qiyun stopped talking, his facial expression was so intense that it seemed like he wanted to tear Sutu Xuan apart. Sutu Xuan's curiosity was greatly piqued, what secret was Yao Qiyun hiding under the pillow, and how mysterious could it be, that he was so tense.

  She walked up to him, smiled slightly, and patted his tightly clenched shoulder. "Do you really think I'm like you, loving to tattle, not even able to joke with you?" She said, making a gesture to touch Yao Qiyun's forehead, but he dodged it. "Are you sure you're feeling okay? Your face is red like you have a fever. Forget it, I don't want to bother with you, I'm leaving."

  Yao Qiyun visibly relaxed, although he was somewhat surprised by Si Tu Jue's unexpectedly pleasant demeanor, and still couldn't help but ask, "Go to sleep quickly."

  Xīng Tuò nodded, took a step out, and then suddenly pounced towards his pillow, laughing: "If you don't let me see what's hidden, how can I sleep?"

  Her hand had just reached under the pillow when Yao Qiyun, who was trying to make up for his mistake, rushed over and pressed down on her hand, which seemed to have already touched something.

  "A'wei, stop messing around."

  "What are you hiding from me? Let me see."

  One was determined to get to the bottom of things, one refused to give in, and soon they were rolling around on the pillow. Although they usually walked close together, Yao Qiyun was careful to maintain a certain physical distance from Situ Xue, and would not even touch her with his fingertips unless absolutely necessary. It seemed that this time he was really desperate, and didn't even care that their entire bodies were tangled up together, with all his weight on top of Situ Xue.

  Getting more and more real, Citu Xuan's physical strength was no match for his opponent after all. Panting, she could only resort to cunning tactics. She changed her posture from desperately trying to break free to instead getting even closer, with one hand wrapping around him.

  "You won't let me watch it, I'll call my mom!"

  He paused for a moment, but the force with which he pulled her hand from under the pillow was even stronger. Si Tu Yu felt pain and quickly switched to his second move.

  "Yao Qiyun, if you don't let go, I'll kiss you... I'm really going to kiss you..."

  She opened her mouth and bit his ear, this intimate posture finally made Yao Qiyun so scared that he reacted slowly. Situ Xuan quickly pulled out the hand holding a hard paper clip in the flash of lightning, and held it up to his eyes.

  What he had been keeping with great care, she thought was some earth-shaking secret or a treasure that couldn't be shown to others. It turned out to be just a photo, and the person in the photo smiled so familiarly, if it wasn't herself then who else?

  As all sorts of excuses fell through, Yao Qiyun let out a humiliating sigh and stopped struggling like a trapped beast. Defeat was written on his face, but even more so was the shame that made him want to bleed.

  Situ Xuan repeatedly examined the photo in her hand, if she didn't remember wrong, it was taken during her third year of junior high summer vacation, shortly after Yao Qiyun came to her house, when she went out to play with Wu Jiang and a group of friends. In the photo, she was laughing brightly in the grass, with sweat beads on her face shining under the sunlight.

  This was one of her favorite life photos at that time, because it had just been printed out and hadn't had time to be put into the photo album, so it was placed in a certain corner of the drawer. Later, her parents insisted that she let Yao Qiyun suddenly take over her room, and in her haste to pack up her luggage, many of her personal belongings didn't have time to be moved upstairs.

  She had even made a special trip back here to look for this photo, but after searching every nook and cranny, she couldn't find it anywhere. Yao Qiyun also said he hadn't seen it, so she thought she must have lost it. It turned out that it was actually in his hands all along. That's not the end of it, though - it's just a photo, but why did he hide it like it was a ghost?

  "How did the photo end up with you?" Si Tu Jue pushed Yao Qi Yun and asked.

  His face turned from red to green, and he refused to answer, only heavy breathing turned into white gas, spraying on her neck.

  "What... were you just... doing with this photo?" Her voice also became somewhat hesitant, as if she had guessed something, some fragments of common sense flashed by, but she didn't dare to confirm. The photo was already old, the edges had slightly frayed, which was absolutely impossible to achieve in the brief snatch just now.

  He didn't move, still determined not to reveal a single word. Although he was still holding down Situ Xuan's posture, his momentum had already completely collapsed. He bit his lower lip, like a child who had made a mistake, looking around in confusion. His head hung low, and the hair on his forehead fell onto Situ Xuan's face, tickling him, as if many ants were slowly crawling.

  Situ Xuan's face finally also showed a flush, she thought she touched the edge of an answer, and that answer made her lips dry, head hot, and the hand still pinching the photo became like a burning iron, hurriedly let go, letting the photo fall on the pillow.

  She licked her dry lips, wanting to spit at him and said: "You're really disgusting!"

  But she heard herself ask in a choked voice: "Yao Qiyun, d-do you like me?"

  He was taken aback by her words and turned away with a scowl, "What are you talking nonsense?"

  "Cut the crap, tell me the truth!"

  Yao Qiyun's head was spinning and her brain was hot, when she suddenly realized that the door was still wide open. Although there was no one outside, Xue Shaoping on the second floor might come down at any time, and Situ Ji'an didn't know when he would return home. This realization made her break out in a cold sweat, and she quickly propped herself up from his body.

  Situ Xuan grasped his lapel and wouldn't let go, "Speak quickly!"

  "Let go first!"

  Situ Xuan suddenly said, "You dare to do but not dare to admit it. It seems that not every person with secondary sexual characteristics is a man!"

  Yao Qiyun glanced outside the door in the morning, and a kind of pain that Si Tu Jue couldn't understand flashed across his face.

  "A'wei, don't force me, I don't want your mom to know."

  That was his answer.

  Is he afraid of letting her mother see the mess they made on the bed, or is he afraid of Xue Shaoping knowing that he has a crush on his precious daughter?

  Is he refusing to admit his liking for Situ Xin or is he afraid of being discovered by Xue Shaoping?

  Situ Xuan also didn't know, perhaps Yao Qiyun couldn't make it clear either.

  It may be neither, or it may be both.

  Yao Qiyun's cautious and careful attitude towards the person under his care, as well as his mother's complex feelings towards him, did not escape Sutu Xuan's notice. This was not the answer she wanted, but if he had indeed given a simple "yes" or "no" response, how would she have reacted?

  Situ Xuan pushed him away, and Yao Qiyun quickly jumped off the bed, standing a step away from her with an inscrutable expression, as if he too felt embarrassed about his behavior just now. Situ Xuan also smoothed out her hair, got up with a rustling sound, and was about to leave.

  "Sorry."

  She didn't know what he was apologizing for, and she didn't even want to figure it out. Looking at him, his usual sharp tongue seemed to be completely useless now. This should have been her chance to mock him while he was down. But after thinking for a long time, Si Tu Jue found that she couldn't think of any words to scold him with either. It was as if she had also fallen into the same river called "embarrassment" without realizing it. Even though she was usually bold, she felt too ashamed to mention it again. All she could do was point at him shakily, her face red, and manage to squeeze out a sentence: "You bad person, remember this!" Then she quickly ran out the door.