Chapter 4

  That night, after Yao Qiyun left, Situ Xuan searched every corner of the room before going to bed, but couldn't find the small pill that Wu Jiang had given her. Feeling frustrated, she fell onto the bed and surprisingly fell into a deep sleep without relying on any medication.

  When she woke up, the room was very dark with thick curtains. She looked at the time and it was already past noon. Xīu Tuò Jǐn got out of bed and felt that something was off. She touched her pillow and found a small patch of wetness, like tears that had fallen while she was dreaming. But she didn't remember feeling sad in the dream she just woke up from; on the contrary, it was more vivid than many memories.

  She dreamed of herself and her former lover, Yao Qiyun, frolicking in an empty room, both blindfolded, wandering around, stretching out their hands, searching, searching, the other's laughter was right next to her ear, but she couldn't touch it. A bright light seeped through the edge of the blindfold and formed a blurry circle.

  She knew he was there, but in the end she couldn't find him because she woke up.

  Wu Jiang made her several phone calls, but her mobile phone was in silent mode and she didn't notice. There was also a text message from Yao Qiyun.

  "I told them you'd be coming home today."

  Situ Xuan had long been unaccustomed to communicating through text messages, finding it too troublesome. A few words spoken could convey his meaning, so why bother laboring over typing. Yao Qiyun was not necessarily a person with much leisure or elegance, and Situ Xuan believed that was just his introverted and awkward nature at play. No matter how well he pretended to be sociable, hiding behind the cold, rule-bound text would make him feel safer. He was a coward. The humiliation of last night had made Situ Xuan think that Yao's anger could have killed her, but in the end, he only cursed "shameless" before storming off. Compared to Huang or violence, he had fallen even lower, and the only thing worth mentioning was his ninja-like endurance. Wasn't that something he should be proud of? Even if he were like Lin Pingzhong, who had practiced his inner energy to the point of castrating himself with a sword, Situ Xuan wouldn't think it strange.

  The wedding was scheduled for the next day, and the seminar would be later, which meant that Situ Xuan still had half a day of free time today. It seemed that going back home was unavoidable. Before leaving, she specifically called Wu Jiang to ask if he had time to have dinner together, and also handed over the gift she had prepared for her future wife. Wu Jiang said it was no problem, just a bit later, and he would book the location. In fact, Situ Xuan just hoped that she could have a more sufficient reason to leave quickly after visiting her parents, avoiding the possible family dinner. Although lying was not impossible, the fact that she had already made an appointment with Wu Jiang earlier could reduce some of the guilt in her heart.

  From the west of the city to the east, Sutu Xuan deliberately chose to take the bus, crossing the entire city's route, and along the way, he could see many similar yet different landscapes. Seven years are enough for a city to be reborn, how can people's hearts be more solid than the city walls?

  The bus drove to the east of the city, and the gradually deepening sense of familiarity awakened memories bit by bit. Xīu Tuǒ was born, grew up, and went to school in this generation, and the old city area had not changed too much. She sadly discovered that every place she felt close to was related to another person.

  It was under this bus stop sign that they had waited for the No. 6 bus together countless times, and when the bus was crowded, he would never hold her hand, but would always reluctantly stand up to give his seat to her.

  The old-fashioned department store, he carried a large bag and small bags walking in front of her, she said, "Yao Qiyun, if you walk slower will you die?" He turned his head and retorted, "Situ Xue, if you stroll less will you also die?"

  At the crowded intersection, they once pretended to hold hands in order to cross the road, then quarreled and turned against each other, going their separate ways, vowing never to care about each other again. Before long, the two would appear together again, repeating those annoying scenes.

  ……

  Memories that are too deep are like a psychological disease. Even when Situ Xuan first arrived abroad, in a foreign land with unfamiliar scenery and people, the occasional glimpse of a familiar figure or a faintly recognizable accent would make her tremble uncontrollably and become overwhelmed with emotion. It was around that time that she began to develop a psychological dependence on medication; otherwise, she would lie awake all night, unable to sleep due to the pain. She couldn't help but think about it, but she couldn't think about it, couldn't recall it at all - her breathing still hadn't recovered. She thought she wouldn't be able to get past that hurdle. But then how did she end up getting through? She forgot. Maybe she just got used to it; whether or not she had actually gotten over it was no longer important. From then on, Situ Xuan only interacted with foreign men. She liked their gentlemanly, passionate, and honest nature - on their faces, she would never again see that detestable expression of hidden suffering, the hesitant look of someone who wants to speak but remains silent, or the disgusting hypocrisy.

  From the outside, the house is still the same house, but the key to going home was discarded when I left home that year. Sutu Xuan stood outside the door and rang the bell. In her days abroad, she had cried many times because she missed the warmth of being with her parents, but now standing just one step away from home, she suddenly hoped that no one would be at home.

  The slight gloom was shattered by the sound of hurried footsteps coming from behind the door, which opened to reveal a woman standing in front of Si Tu Jue - her mother, Xue Shao Ping. The mother and daughter, who had not seen each other for seven years, stood face to face, almost within arm's reach. Perhaps it was because the young girl who had left all those years ago had grown into a mature city woman that her mother's initial gaze held a hint of strangeness amidst the shock, but this feeling was soon replaced by tears welling up in her eyes as she regained her composure.

  "Mom." Xīu Jué choked out a cry. She restrained herself, afraid that she would burst into tears and perhaps the next second she would throw herself into her mother's arms.

  But in the next second, Xue Shaoping just nodded and said, "I'm back." Before tears fell, she had already turned around and walked towards the house.

  Situ Xuan hesitated and stood outside the door.

  "Come on in, can't even find the direction of home?" Xue Shaoping said from inside the house. She probably forgot that although her daughter always seemed to be able to handle anything that came her way, she was actually a rather serious child. Back then when her parents told her to "get out", she did just that and left very far away. Now even if she's standing outside the door, she wouldn't dare take another step forward until her mother speaks up.

  "Oh." Xīu Jìn went into the house, turned his back to his mom and changed his slippers, taking the opportunity to wipe away the last bit of tears on his face. The shoe cabinet had been moved, it seemed that the house had been renovated, changing its appearance, now it was good, she couldn't find many traces of her past life here either.

  As soon as her mother entered the house, she went into the kitchen. Xīuè sat carefully on the sofa, and at this moment it was already dusk. The living room's high ceiling made it look more spacious and airy than before, and the surroundings were decorated more luxuriously than her remembered home. She didn't know much about the development of the domestic medical industry when she was abroad, and there wasn't much to talk about in their weekly routine phone calls either. It seemed that the situation at home would only be better than before, and Yáo Qǐyún must not have disappointed her parents at Jiǔ'ān Hall either.

  The first floor was empty except for his mother, and it seemed that his father had not returned yet. He wasn't there either. Although it was a bit unexpected for Sutu Xuan, this was for the better. Last night in the hotel room, he remembered that he couldn't take advantage of her, so he must have restrained himself.

  Just thinking of this, Xue Shaoping walked out and handed her daughter a cup of tea, "Drink it, I brewed the cool tea myself. The weather has been dry and hot recently, to quench thirst."

  Situ Xuan hastily got up to receive the tea cup, took a big sip, and it had been too long since she last came into contact with this thing, the bitterness was beyond her imagination, and she didn't dare reveal it on her face, so she swallowed hard.

  The mother and daughter sat down together, and Situ Ke came back to his senses from the bitter intention, only to realize that the mother on the opposite sofa also looked very silent and cautious. Time had finally created an insurmountable distance between the two close mothers and daughters, and everyone felt a kind of desolate strangeness. However, such dry sitting was really too awkward, and they had to say something after all.

  Situ Xuan put down his cup and symbolically looked around the hall again, praising: "The renovation is very beautiful."

  Xue Shaoping said: "In recent years, your father and I have been exhausted, and it's all because of Yunzhang's troubles, he has spent a lot of effort."

  "Is Dad's company still that busy?"

  "As usual, there's always something that can't be done. If it weren't for Yun helping to take care of a lot of things, his body might not have been able to handle it."

  "Well, it's really hard for him,"

  The topic ended here. Xīu Jué suddenly remembered that she had brought gifts when she came, a famous brand handbag from abroad for her mother, and a watch to give to her father. Buying these also took some thought. Xīu Jué didn't earn a small amount of money abroad, but compared to her parents, it was nothing. She knew that they lacked nothing, but since she hadn't seen them in so long, she wasn't the little girl who could make her parents happy with just a smile and a tantrum anymore. Visiting their home, she couldn't very well show up empty-handed.

  As expected, Xue Shaoping took it over and glanced at it lightly, then put it back on the tea table.

  "Thank you."

  Situ Xuan smiled wryly, though her heart was still bitter, she no longer felt like crying. Everything in life is like this, as long as you don't hold unrealistic hopes, you won't be disappointed, and there's nothing wrong with that.

  "Your dad will be back soon, today is not Friday, and I don't know if Yun will come back for dinner. Let's call him later to ask, I'll go to the kitchen first to see what needs to be prepared." Xue Shaoping said as she got up and walked towards the kitchen.

  "Uh... never mind, mom. I have a dinner appointment tonight, so I'll talk to dad when he gets back and then I'll leave. I just wanted to see you guys, you're all doing well, that's good enough."

  Xue Shaoping's back paused for a moment, then continued forward, "Suit yourself, you don't eat, we have to eat too."

  Situ Xuan looked at her mother busy with dinner and walked over to ask: "Why isn't Aunt Yao helping out at home anymore?"

  "I was not feeling well last year, and I didn't care about the company's affairs anymore, so I just stayed at home. There are only two or three people in our household, and I couldn't even handle the daily chores myself, let alone need her to take care of things. Besides, she is after all Qiyun's aunt, and Qiyun is now like a son to my husband and me, so it wouldn't be right for us to order his relatives around. So Qiyun just let her go back to her hometown to enjoy her old age, and we can just hire a part-time cleaning lady to do the cleaning."

  When Situ Xin heard this, she thought that her parents were still the same in these matters. They were always so polite and courteous, no matter what their status was or how much wealth they had, they never looked down on others. Kindness, integrity, righteousness, and self-discipline - these were all qualities that her parents had instilled in her through strict family education from a young age. Although Situ Xin couldn't come to an understanding with her parents, she had always been grateful for the qualities they had taught her along the way. Even though her parents were lenient towards many people, but extremely strict towards their own daughter, wasn't that also a manifestation of their deep love and high expectations? They always looked for problems within themselves, and the higher the standards they set for themselves, the more they couldn't control others, they could only take care of themselves. This was their principle in dealing with the world.

  "I'll help you." With that, the stubborn ice in Xīu Tuò Jīn's heart also melted a lot. She took over the half-washed vegetables from her mother, and Xue Shao Ping didn't stand on ceremony anymore.

  I don't remember when was the last time my mother and I stood side by side in the kitchen, whispering to each other. In fact, my parents also spoiled me a lot when I was young, although they repeatedly emphasized that girls should be independent and sensible, and must not be raised to be idle. But in reality, they couldn't bear to let me do any household chores. In the past, I only messed around in the kitchen, chatting with my mom about this and that. When I was studying in the US, I had no demands for food, usually just having a sandwich or hamburger to get by, occasionally cooking some pasta with meat sauce. After starting work, life got busier and there was even less time to cook, so when I said I helped with washing vegetables, it was more like splashing water everywhere without any skill.

  Xue Shaoping saw her busy and flustered appearance, quickly turned off the faucet, sighed, "You, we all regret spoiling you too much in the past."

  Xīu Xīn lowered her head and picked up the hollow vegetables from the water, watching them float away. Under an inexplicable impulse, she asked in a low voice: "Mom, do you really believe that what happened back then was my fault? Even if it was, wouldn't forgiving me after all these years be a bit too much?"

  This is a topic that everyone tacitly avoids, and even at last night's gathering of over ten people, everyone was silent and didn't mention it, as if nothing had happened. But for the Situ family, this is an obstacle that cannot be bypassed.

  "If you really want us to forgive you, would you be unwilling to come back for seven years? Do your father and I still have any meaning to you?"

  Situ Xuan's tears rippled on the water's surface, she had always dreamed of getting her parents' understanding, but every time she mustered up the courage, their coldness made her retreat, so she could only respond with the same distance and politeness, just to make their weekly phone calls sustainable. She didn't know what was wrong either, maybe it was just a family trait, stubbornly twisted into the worst knot.

  "Think about it yourself, what have you done for this family all these years, apart from making a phone call every Friday that doesn't last more than a few words? Oh right, and there was also the remittance that you sent over but we returned."

  She was taken aback, she had indeed sent money home, but it wasn't just one time. Even though she knew that with her parents' income situation, the little money she sent wouldn't be enough to impress them, deep down she was still a traditional person in this regard. Despite having a bad relationship with her parents, she felt she had an obligation as a daughter. So from the moment she received her first paycheck, she had been sending a sum of money to her parents every month. Whether they used it or not was their business, and whether she sent it or not was hers. Except for the first month's remittance being returned by her parents, as far as she knew, none of the subsequent months' remittances were returned. She had maintained this habit for several years, so why would her mother say something like that?

  She had doubts in her mind, but she also knew that bringing up the issue of money at this time would only make the situation worse, which was not the key to solving this problem.

  "Mom, then tell me, what do you want me to do?" Xīu Yuè's tears flowed as she lifted her head, only to find that her mother's eyes had been wet for some time.

  "You're lucky I'm not making a big deal out of this, what more can I ask for? Your father and I don't need you to worry so much about us. You're just a girl, why is it so hard for you to be obedient? I don't want to bring up past matters either, but what's the meaning of you fooling around with those foreigners now? Don't tell me that just because you're abroad, in Western society, being promiscuous is considered a virtue."

  Xīu Xīn thought to argue: "Where did I fool around?" But she also knew that she couldn't convince her mother, and in an instant, she was furious, her teeth itching with rage. How could her parents know about these things? It was obvious that someone had leaked the information. That two-faced, hypocritical scoundrel was so sinister and despicable! Just last night, she had heard a hint of something from Wú Jiāng's place, and in an instant, he had added fuel to the fire and reported back to her parents. She had known that he was shameless, but she hadn't realized he was this shameless!

  "Was it Yao Qiyun who said that? When did he ever say anything good about me? It's not what he said at all, and you believe him just like that?"

  "How did you know that Qiyun described it to me like that? I've told you time and again not to be biased when looking at people, even if he said it was for your own good." Xue Shaoping said.

  Situ Xuan could only silently laugh coldly.

  Xue Shaoping saw that the conversation had reached this point, and she simply stopped what she was doing with her hands. "Are you back this time to attend Wu Jiang's wedding? You've been hanging out with Wu Jiang since childhood, now he's willing to settle down and find someone to marry and have children with, how about you?"

  "Marriage is not about just getting by, I'll consider it when I find the right one. Can't get married just for the sake of getting married." Xīu Jué didn't want to say in front of her mom that she had already lost trust in love, having been disappointed once was enough.

  "You won't find the 'right' one if you don't adjust your attitude." Xue Shaoping hesitated for a moment, then suddenly lowered her voice and asked seriously: "Tell me honestly, is the person that Yiqun has been waiting for all these years really you? Did you have something with him back then?"

  Xīng Tuó jū yī ngào, bié guò liǎn qù, "tā děng wǒ? xiào huà! Wǒ gēn tā shén me guān xì dōu méi yǒu."

  Translation:

  Xing Tuo was taken aback, turned his face away, "He's waiting for me? Don't be ridiculous! I have no relationship with him whatsoever."

  "Is that so?" Xue Shaoping said with half-belief and half-doubt, "Qiyun is just this matter that makes me and your father uneasy. He has been living alone for these few years, and it's unpredictable when he will come back home to eat, but every Friday evening, he will definitely return home, coincidentally at the same time you call us back... This time you returned to China, he even went to the airport to pick you up..."

  "Just because the time I called back coincides with his dinner time, can it be concluded that he's waiting for me? That would make waiting for someone too easy. His dinner time every night coincides with the news broadcast, why not say that he's still unmarried because he's waiting for XXX?" Si Tu Xuan said sarcastically.

  "I also saw that one Friday he had something to do outside, and it was raining heavily, causing severe flooding in this area, cars were stalled, and he waded through the water to come back. Just as you called, he sat for a while, but there were still things to be done outside, so he went out again, wading through the water. That's when your father and I started to worry."

  "Can a pervert be analyzed with the psychology of a normal person?"

  Situ Xuan indeed had the habit of calling home at a fixed time, and this habit allowed her to persist. However, in the past seven years, Yao Qiyun had never said a single word to her on the phone.

  "What nonsense are you talking about? In my opinion, Qi Yun is much better than you." Xue Shaoping herself was also half-believing and half-doubting. To say the least, this is the sorrow of Chinese parents. The trick that Situ Yue and Yao Qi Yun had played in secret before, friends who were closer to them all knew about it in their hearts, but only the parents remained in the dark.

  "If he is waiting for you, then it's your good fortune."

  "I really can't afford such great good fortune. Mom, don't randomly matchmake, you must know about Yao Qiyun and Tan Shaocheng's situation, if we wait for him it means waiting for Tan Shaocheng too, aren't they a match made in heaven?"

  The daughter's words were too obvious, making Xue Shaoping somewhat unhappy, and she scolded: "You really said it right, I just think Shaocheng is good, down-to-earth, and a good girl, but unfortunately she didn't end up with Qiyun."

  "Indeed," said Situ Xin coldly. "Such a good pair didn't work out, heaven really doesn't have eyes, what a pity."

  "It's precisely because of this that I worry about Yun's lifelong major events. He works hard for your father's company, but he can't put his entire self into it."

  "He's such a big person now, he can handle his own affairs."

  "Alas, I thought so too, but last night he came home to live with me, and when I was collecting his laundry, I found sleeping pills in his pocket, and..."

  The thief finally showed up. Sutu Xuan heard his mother's hesitation and asked: "What else?"

  Xue Shaoping's well-maintained face had a hint of redness, "I also saw a somewhat awkward business card, I thought it was carelessly left in his pocket, so I casually threw it into the trash can. That kid actually came to ask me for it later, and he even dug it out from the trash can, along with the medicine."

  Situ Xuan's expression was strange after hearing this, "Although looking for a mistress is disgusting, and relying on sleeping pills to still not be able to sleep but thinking about this, it's even more pathological. However, at his age, having needs is normal... normal."

  "What's normal?" Xue Shaoping scolded, "I was thinking that if he found someone to marry and settle down, everything would be fine. Daughter, yesterday your father and I suddenly had an idea..."

  This one word "daughter" made Situ Ke's heart tremble, it was the first time her mother had called her that in seven years, and finally, she had become a "daughter" again in her mother's heart.

  "You've also come back, if you still have a father and mother in your heart, don't leave, stay, Ji'nan Hall needs you too."

  Situ Xuan thought about the work and life in the US that she had always been very adapted to and liked, but on the other hand, there was her parents' long-awaited acceptance and forgiveness, how could she not be moved.

  "This... I'll think about it..."

  "Besides, you're not getting any younger either, and you don't have a fixed partner. It's just the right time for Yun to get married too. You all know each other well, so why not...?"

  This remark was like a thunderbolt on a clear day to Sutu Xuan, leaving her stunned and speechless, her mouth agape.

  Xue Shaoping thought that for a daughter who was too headstrong, a silent start was a good omen, which allowed her to continue: "I asked Yiqun's opinion last night, and he didn't object..."

  Situ Xin's face, which had been lit up with hope, gradually dimmed, and it turned out that her parents had asked her to come back for this reason.

  "You don't have to rush to answer, after all it's a lifelong matter, you can take your time to think carefully, and afterwards you will know that mom and dad are also doing this for your own good."

  "Don't worry about it." Situ Xuan smiled.

  "Are you willing?"

  "Unless I die!"

  Xue Shaoping heard this decisive and unyielding statement, her face also stiffened.

  At this time, a clear cough came from outside the kitchen. The mother and daughter turned their heads, and it was Yao Qiyun standing quietly there, also unknown when he returned. He didn't look at Sutu Xue, his face had no expression, but said to Xue Shaoping: "Mom, I don't oppose nor agree, you don't have to care about this matter."

  He finished speaking and went upstairs with a fold on his body.

  Xue Shaoping shook her head, "You guys, am I doing this for myself?"

  "Mom, are you doing this for me again?"

  "You're almost thirty, with Yiyun's conditions you can definitely find a younger and more tender girl than me. And yet he didn't even mention your past..."

  "So you want me to be grateful and follow him blindly, even kneeling down to kiss his feet?" Ci Tu Xuan's eyes welled up with tears in an instant, she would rather have her parents remain as cold as ever towards her than make her feel so miserable now. "Don't forget how you used to guard against us being together like a thief."

  "At that time you were still young and different from now." Mentioning this matter, Xue Shaoping also felt a bit embarrassed.

  "It's not because of age, big or small, it's because you think your daughter is so worthless that no one wants her, and you have to let the person who owes you a favor come and pick up the trash. And as for your relationship, it's just like Yao Qiyun, afraid that even a Jiu'an Hall can't keep him, afraid he'll get hurt looking for excitement, afraid that the title of son is not enough to be intimate, so you want to package me up and send me over?"

  "Situ Xuan, you're back and speaking nonsense again." The middle-aged man's voice was raised in anger, probably because Situ Jiu'an had walked over a few steps after returning with Yao Qiyun at the same time. "You simply don't know what's good for you."

  "I'm not worthy of him, he may not be willing, let alone I'm broken and rotten, he can't even look at me!"

  A scorching slap sent Situ Xuan's eyes darkening, and it took her a long time to straighten her tilted face. The room fell silent, with her mother speechless and tearful, while her father's hand remained suspended in mid-air, stunned and unsure whether he was regretful or anguished. Even Yao Qiyun, who had gone upstairs, stood frozen on the stairs, staring blankly at the scene below.

  Situ Xuan added a bit to the corner of her mouth, which was both painful and numb. She thought that her current smile must be very unsightly, but it's still better than crying. "Dad, I originally wanted to ask you how your body is doing, now it seems like there's no need to worry about it anymore. You're still as vigorous as ever, your speed hasn't decreased from back then. So I can leave with peace of mind. You taught me that honesty is important when being a person, so it's probably better if I don't say 'goodbye'."

  She walked around Sutou Jusan and headed towards the entrance.

  "I'll see you out." Yao Qiyun maintained her composure in front of her parents, quickly walking down the stairs to his side.

  "It doesn't matter."

  Situ Xuan immediately refused. At the time of changing shoes, she lowered her head and was numb with pain.

  Just then, the lights in the house flickered a few times and suddenly went out. It was already around eight o'clock in the evening, and the sky had darkened. The old-fashioned house had poor lighting, and as soon as it lost its illumination, it plunged into darkness. Before his eyes could adjust, Si Tu Jue felt like he couldn't see his own fingers even if he stretched out his hand. He thought to himself: God, let me get out of here quickly! But when he reached out to feel his way around, he finally managed to touch the door handle.

  She spun her hand, but unfortunately did not get what she wanted, because the other hand flew quickly to cover her backhand, pressing hard on her. Her palm was pinched between his hand and the metal handle, every bone aching.

  Situ Xuan made a decision, even in front of her parents she would loudly scold him as a "despicable person". Before she could open her mouth, her whole body suddenly felt hot, and it took half a second for her brain to process the information that someone had tightly hugged her into their arms.

  That "scoundrel" was holding her, or rather squeezing her. If there had been light at that moment, it would have been an extremely ugly and rude posture. Every inch of skin seemed to be in contact, as if he wanted to crush her into his body. This posture almost completely emptied the air from Situ Xuan's lungs, she struggled subconsciously, but his face was buried deep down, wet and trembling like his body, in the crook of her neck.

  Situ Xuan also calmed down for a moment in this eerie space, and when his hand stroked her painful cheek, she finally recovered her normal lung capacity. In his ear, she expressed all the feelings in her heart at this moment with the lightest but most fluent tone.

  She said: "You make me sick."

  In the faint sound of the lighter, Yao Qiyun had already let go of Situ Xuan. Perhaps what made him let go was also that whisper that only he could hear. From the other end of the kitchen, a light came over and Situ Jiu'an found his lighter.

  Before they could spread their light across the land, Situ Xing opened the gate and left without looking back.

  Insert Bookmark