Chapter Fifty-two

  I stand on the grassy slope, looking at the campsite not far away, with bonfires dotting the landscape and the silhouettes of patrolling soldiers faintly visible. I tilt my head back to gaze up at the crescent moon in the sky and can't help but let out a long sigh! After the revelry, there's always an extra chill in the air!

  Suddenly hearing a faint rustling sound, I turned my head to see the Fourth Prince approaching slowly. I hastily bowed to greet him and he raised his hand for me to get up.

  The two of them stood silently, and I didn't like the oppressive feeling it gave me. After thinking for a moment, I asked: "Does the prince know Prince So Yong?" The fourth brother said: "Since you've met Prince So Yong, you should have a general idea about him. He's talented and outstanding, but he's just a illegitimate child, his birth mother is of low status and isn't favored by Prince Ilgenaruo. Last winter many people and livestock froze to death in Ilgenaruo, and this spring they had conflicts with the Borjigit tribe over pastureland. This time coming to pay respects to the emperor isn't a pleasant task, so it fell on his head. However..." He paused for a moment before continuing: "It's actually a blessing in disguise, in the future he'll probably give Prince Ilgenaruo and the crown prince a headache!"

  I seem to understand yet not understand, don't know where the blessing comes from, vaguely knowing that it has something to do with who will inherit the throne in the future. Thinking of Minmin, I sighed and said, "It's really that there is no place without a struggle for power." I wonder what Kangxi and Suwan Guwalgiya Wangye are thinking? Then again, I thought that Minmin might not even like Prince Soyon! Why am I thinking so much now?

  "Daydreaming, Fourth Brother said: "Just making wedding clothes for others! Do you really want to spend your whole life alone? Don't give me any nonsense about being filial, your brain doesn't seem to have been eaten away by 'The Legend of the White Snake'!"

  I fell silent for a while, I don't know why, maybe because the scenes from last night were still surging in my mind, emotions outweighing reason, or maybe it was because I felt that someone who knew how to appreciate the beauty of lotus flowers should understand. Slowly, I said: "I'm so tired! All these years living in the palace, every step is a rule, everywhere there are calculations, everything has to be carefully considered and reconsidered! But I'm not that kind of person at all! I just want to leave, to walk far away, to laugh loudly when I feel like it, to cry out loud when I feel like it! To be able to be a shrew when angry, and a gentle lady when tender. Getting married, now it seems, is just exchanging the big prison of the Forbidden City for a smaller one! And who knows if I'll have the same glory as I did in the Forbidden City? Why should I get married?"

  Fourth Brother paused for a moment, and then said in a calm tone: "Your identity makes it impossible for you to decide these things yourself! The more the Emperor favors you, the less control you have over your own marriage! Take tonight's jade pendant, for example. Although I don't understand what Suwan Guwalgiya Wangye is really after, if the Emperor wants to arrange a marriage for you, he will surely weigh the pros and cons carefully. If you hope to be released from the palace like other palace maids when you come of age, I advise you to give up that idea as soon as possible. Instead, think carefully about how to make the Emperor arrange a marriage that is relatively satisfactory to you, which would be more practical!"

  I listened in a daze, my heart sinking, as he ruthlessly shattered my last shred of hope with just a few words! It turned out that no matter how hard I struggled, I would ultimately become a pawn! I couldn't help but laugh bitterly and say: "If I don't want to marry, no one can force me!" The Fourth Prince looked at me calmly and said lightly: "Then prepare yourself for the three-foot white silk!" After a pause, he added another sentence: "And be prepared to harden your heart, regardless of whether your death will enrage the Emperor or implicate your mother and siblings!"

  I wonder blankly, will there really come a day when I'll have to sacrifice my own life in order to refuse marriage? Although I've used this as a threat against Eighth Brother before, that was just an attitude, a trick! From young till now, I've never thought of taking my own life, and I've always looked down on those who do. My parents gave birth to me, raised me with difficulty, is it so they could see me end my own life? I feel like everything can be turned around, there's always room for maneuver. What's more precious than life itself? Not just for myself, but also for my parents, for the people who love me! As long as one lives, there's hope!

  He slowly said: "The palace is the place where you can't afford to dream! Wake up early and think about a strategy. Otherwise, when things come to a head, it will be too late for yourself!" I asked reluctantly: "I don't want to marry, really can't? I won't marry, won't bother anyone, why do they have to arrange a marriage for me?"

  The fourth brother stared at me coldly and said, "Are you unable to understand what I'm saying? Or are you simply unwilling to comprehend? The decision-maker in this matter is the Emperor, and you can only obey!"

  I really don't want to understand? Am I always subconsciously comforting myself that there is happiness ahead? Otherwise, how can this day be endured?

  After a long time, the fourth brother asked faintly: "Don't you have someone in your heart that you'd like to marry? Isn't there someone who makes you feel like being with him isn't a prison?" I was stunned for a moment, shaking my head. He stared at me for half a while, then turned his head to gaze into the depths of the night, and didn't speak again.

  The two of us walked back in silence, and when it was time to bid farewell, I sincerely said to him: "Thank you, Fourth Prince!" He casually waved his hand for me to get up, then turned around and left.