Chapter 40

  It's already past midnight, but I'm still tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. Since he has sent my sister to plead his case, it seems I have to give us a result now. The conversation with my sister during the day keeps replaying in my mind...

  Still in the palace of Queen Liang, but between sisters, there was no warmth and comfort as before. I felt embarrassed and didn't dare to lift my head, like sitting on pins and needles. My sister, however, remained unchanged as always.

  "Grandpa has already told me!" My sister said softly, pulling on my hand.

  I wasn't unprepared for a situation like this, but when my sister said it in such a calm tone, I still felt ashamed and at a loss. My whole body stiffened, I clenched my teeth tightly, and sat silently with my head down.

  Sister stretched out her hand to lift my head, I lightly dodged her hand. Sister chuckled and said: "Good little sister! Are you angry with me or yourself?" My heart ached, I reached out and hugged sister, burying myself in her arms.

  Sister hugged me and said, "If you're angry with yourself, there's no need to be. Actually, last time I saw you at Mother's place, I had the intention of advising you to follow Father as well. He has a gentle temperament and treats his wives and concubines very well. Besides, we sisters can still see each other often and keep each other company." I mumbled and asked, "Sister, don't you really mind?" Sister patted my back lightly and scolded me, saying, "Mind what? Which brother doesn't have three wives and four concubines? Let alone that I'm not concerned about these things, even if I were, you're my sister, how could I possibly mind?"

  I remained silent for a while, but still couldn't help asking in a low voice: "If... if it's that person, you wouldn't mind him marrying another woman either?" My sister's body stiffened, and she didn't make a sound for half a day. I quickly raised my head and said: "I'm just talking nonsense, sis, don't mind me!"

  Sister didn't look at me, her face was filled with sorrow and she slowly said: "I don't know! But as long as it's what he likes, what makes him happy, I'll be willing to do it! And I believe that even if there are others, he will still take care of me, cherish me, and treat me well."

  Sister quietly came out for a while, softly said: "You were born not long ago, mother passed away, so no impression! At that time I was young, but still have memories, although Ama also had three concubines, but always treated mother very well! I still remember you sleeping next to mother, I playing on the bed, Ama sitting on the bedside carefully drawing eyebrows for mother who was ill in bed."

  We both fell silent for a moment. It seemed that Yuexi's mother, although she had passed away early, was not an unhappy woman after all. But what about her two daughters?

  Sister fell silent for a long time, looking at me and asking: "Little sister, what are you thinking? Which man doesn't have three wives and four concubines? As long as he dotes on you, it's fine. Where did all these inexplicable concerns come from? Besides, having many wives and children is a blessing!"

  I forced a smile and shook my head, suddenly remembering Ba Fu Jin. I asked seriously, "Has Ba Fu Jin bullied you?" My sister smiled and said, "I'm reciting my scriptures, how can she bully me?" I stared into her eyes and said, "Don't deceive me, I know Hong Wang bullies you." My sister laughed and said, "Children are all like this, let him make a fuss for a while and it will pass. Why bother putting it in your heart?" I looked at my sister and thought to myself, You don't mind because you simply don't care, and since you don't care, you won't take it to heart either.

  ……

  Then my sister advised me that since I had a good relationship with Eighth Brother, why not go to the Emperor as soon as possible and get married early. But I didn't listen to any of these words. In my heart, I was thinking, would I have to spend my days competing with Eighth Fu Jin in the future?

  Alas! I can't do it! I couldn't bear to abandon my dignity, not care about anything, and just focus on being a little wife. I would face my sister with a clear conscience, learn to navigate between several women, and then turn around and be romantic with him.

  He has his own ambition, cannot give up the throne, he is a father, doting on his son, he already has four women by his side, one of whom is even his sister. None of these can be changed, I married him, only to seal my unhappiness, if I am not happy, where does our happiness come from?

  I can't be as calm and composed like my sister, Eighth Brother rarely goes to her place, it's hard to avoid conflicts. If I really enter the door, the big and small conflicts that follow are imaginable. If something like last time happens again, I definitely won't be able to hold back my temper, but at that time I still had the identity of the Palace of Heavenly Purity to rely on, Eighth Lady couldn't do anything to me. But if I enter the mansion, I am younger and she is older, the first thing to do after entering the door is to kowtow and offer tea to her, from then on only she can sit and talk while I stand and listen.

  A contradiction, Eighth Brother can stand on my side, but if the contradictions increase, won't he get impatient? I don't understand why others can live happily, and why I always have to struggle. He is worried about court affairs, and when he returns home, he still has to face another war. My grievances, his incomprehension, can there be happiness in the long run? The limited emotions between the two of us may be consumed by these trivial matters. If I were to marry him regardless of life or death, seeking only a short-lived happiness between us, but I don't see any happiness after marrying him. What I see is the emotion that gradually disappears and fades into pale color in real life!

  If he were to be beheaded tomorrow, I would rush up without hesitation, and the instant of burning would be eternal. But with thousands of days ahead, I fear that in the end, the sparks in both their hearts will be extinguished, leaving only ashes!

  Anna Karenina and Vronsky had a burning love, but when faced with reality, when the man's love was worn out, Vronsky could turn around and return to high society, while Anna could only choose to throw herself under the train!

  My goodness! So rational! So clear-headed! You can actually analyze your emotions like that? I thought you were already a Mo Xi, but it turns out you're still Zhang Xiaowen!

  Could not help but burst out laughing loudly, the laughter did not stop, but gradually turned into a low sob.

  ――――――――――――――――――

  This winter's first snow fell for two days, clearing up only in the early morning. For some reason, I feel that this year is particularly cold, wearing layer after layer of clothes but still feeling chilly. Facing Ba Er Ge, thinking about what to say next, I felt a chill run from my heart to my fingertips.

  I wrapped my cloak tightly around me, shivering with cold, and several times tried to speak, but again fell silent. He kept his eyes fixed on the side where the snow-laden branches of the pine were bent downwards, his face calm. I bit my lip, knowing that I could not delay any longer, since I had made up my mind, I should not keep others waiting.

  "For the last time, will you grant my request?" I asked in a sorrowful tone, looking at his profile.

  He turned around, gazing at me quietly with a hint of sorrow and pain in his eyes, as if there was also a tinge of resentment. I didn't dare to look at him anymore, lowering my head, closing my eyes and saying: "Tell me the answer, I want you to tell me personally whether it's 'yes' or 'no'."

  "Ru Xi, why? Why are you forcing me? Why are you making me choose between things that can coexist?"

  "I'm just asking you, will you answer or won't you?"

  ……

  "Didn't you agree?"

  ……

  I smiled wryly, I tried my best to hold on to you, but you had your own choices and persistence.

  I thought for a moment, then looked up at him with sorrow and hatred in his eyes and said: "You must be careful to guard against the fourth brother."

  His eyes faded away, looking at me in confusion. I thought for a moment and said: "There are also Wu Si-dao, Long Ke-duo, Nian Geng-yao, Tian Jing-wen, Li Wei, you all need to be more careful." These are the only people I know who are close to Yongzheng, I don't know if it's correct or not, just hope those TV dramas aren't randomly made up.

  "After finishing speaking, he lowered his head and took a deep breath, saying word by word: 'From now on, you and I have nothing to do with each other!'"

  After finishing speaking, he turned around and ran away, calling out in a sorrowful voice: "Ruoxi!"

  I paused for a moment, looked ahead and said: "I am a person who fears death and loves life, not worth retaining." After finishing speaking, I rushed forward wildly.

  From now on, you and I are strangers! Why can't you agree with me? Why must you fight for the throne? If I couldn't save your life, what's the point of marrying you? The road ahead doesn't see happiness and bliss, what's the point of my sacrifice? I know you won't agree, but I still deceive myself and ask again. Why can't you agree with me?

  I stumbled and fell to the ground, my face buried in the snow. I was cold, both physically and emotionally. As I tried to get up, a sharp pain shot through my foot, forcing me back onto the snowy ground. I didn't bother to check where I was hurt; all I could feel was the ache in my heart. I lay there, motionless, my face pressed against the icy snow. My mind kept wandering back to him - his black cloak and bamboo hat, walking slowly beside me through the swirling snowflakes. The memories seemed like they were from just yesterday, but now he's a world away.

  "Who is this? Why are you lying in the snow without moving?" The voice was Shisan's, and I felt a pang of sorrow, my body still unmoving.

  Shisan helped me up, his face full of shock, while brushing the snow off my face and head, he asked "Ruoxi?! What happened? Are you hurt?" After saying that, he pulled me up and carefully examined me from head to toe.

  The fourth brother standing next to me also had a look of surprise on his face. I didn't care about their surprise, and only whispered to Thirteen: "Take me back!" Thirteen hastily asked me: "Can you walk?" I shook my head, now even standing still hurt, definitely can't move. He thought for a moment, looked at the fourth brother, bent down and said: "I'll carry you back!" I nodded, held onto his back and was about to lean on it.

  The fourth brother took a big step forward, supported me, and said to thirteen: "You go call someone to bring a bamboo stretcher and spring chair to carry her back. Where is the reason for the brother to carry the palace girl? Let people see it, only to provoke unnecessary trouble! It's not urgent at this moment." Thirteen listened, hastily stood up and said: "In the midst of urgency, I really didn't think it through!" While saying that, he hurriedly ran away.

  I leaned on his hand for support, standing on one foot. My mind was numb, as if I had thought a lot, yet it seemed like I hadn't thought of anything at all. It turned out that the heartache was still unbearable, and no matter how rational the analysis was, it couldn't alleviate the pain in my heart. The fourth brother stood quietly beside me the whole time.

  Just then, a sorrowful and painful voice said, "If you really want to humiliate yourself, it's better to do it behind closed doors. You can't do this in front of everyone, or you might be disturbed and ridiculed, and you won't even be able to enjoy it!" My brain seemed to have frozen for a moment, and it took me half a day to slowly figure out the meaning behind his words. Just now I was as heartbroken as dead ashes, but suddenly I flared up with anger.

  He suddenly wanted to shake off his hand, but his arm didn't move, and his hand was still on my arm. I stared at him. He looked at me calmly and asked in a light tone, "Do you want to sit down in the snow?" After finishing speaking, he suddenly let go of his hand. One leg couldn't exert force, and the other leg was a bit stiff. Without anything to lean on, my body shook for a moment before I fell and sat down in the snow.

  I glared at him in disbelief, no one had ever treated me like this before! He looked down at me calmly. I was so angry that I grabbed a handful of snow from the ground and threw it at him. He dodged slightly to avoid it, and I quickly made another snowball and threw it at him again, but he dodged once more.

  He sneered at me, sitting on the ground, panting. He said lightly: "You can lie still in the snow now, it's just letting you sit for a while, what can't you bear?" I only felt suffocated in my heart, glaring at him fiercely, his mouth curled up with a cold smile and said: "Look at your current appearance? Still expecting others to pity you?" My hand was holding snow, but I knew that throwing it again would be futile. I was extremely resentful, yet helpless against him.

  "How can you sit in the snow?" Shisan quickly came over to help me up, while looking at the Fourth Prince with a puzzled expression. The Fourth Prince calmly instructed the two eunuchs carrying the sedan chair to get up.

  The eunuchs helped me sit down on the spring couch, and after ordering them to send me back and hurry to invite the imperial physician, they also told me to take good care of my injuries. I lowered my head and stole a glance at the fourth prince's expression, who was looking at thirteen and the eunuchs busily with a bland expression, but didn't notice me.

  Thirteen reminders were finished, and the eunuchs carried the sedan chair past Thirteen and Fourth Brother. I took advantage of Fourth Brother's unguarded moment to throw the snowball in my hand heavily onto his robe. Actually, I wanted to throw it on his face, but I didn't have the guts. However, even so, a lot of anger was vented from my heart.

  Behind me, Shisan let out a loud "ya" and burst into laughter again. I couldn't help but slightly turn my head to sneak a peek, and saw that Shisan was staring at the snow on Fourth Brother's robe, laughing loudly. Fourth Brother had a hint of a smile in his eyes, which met mine as I hid and sought to avoid his gaze. I felt bewildered and quickly turned my head back around.

  As my anger subsided, the pain in my feet became noticeable, but what was even more painful was my heart. "From now on, we will have nothing to do with each other!"... I had thought about this sentence many times when I was on the grassland, but I still held onto some hope, not expecting that things would turn out like this. I thought that if I gave up my stubbornness and endured the awkwardness of sharing a husband with my sister, trying to please him in various ways, maybe I could win back his heart. But in the end, it was all for nothing! He wouldn't even stay for me.