home

search

Chapter 44 - Shouldered Burden

  We walk through the forest aimlessly for what feels like hours. Then Mom crumples to the ground, unable to carry herself any further.

  It snaps me out of the memory. I am still a little girl, still here with Mom slowly dying on the ground a mere step away… but I remember.

  Suddenly, everything stops. The rustling leaves of the trees around us freeze in place, as the wind itself seems to halt.

  Quest Update

  Little fox… the time has come for you to face what lies buried within your soul.

  As promised, I have opened the path. Beyond this point, you will walk as the child you once were, bound to memory until its course is ended. You will know only the truth of your past, as it was and as it lingers still.

  You will not walk it alone. The threads of destiny weave companions to your side, and though I cannot see who stands beside you now, I know they are one whom you may come to trust.

  So decide. Turn back, or surrender yourself once more to memory’s embrace. Will you lay down the self you are, for the chance to heal the self you were?

  The choice is yours.

  Do you wish to continue?

  Y / N

  Looking around, I can see Bella standing not far behind me, frozen just like everything else. She stares over my shoulder, eyes locked onto my mother where she lies.

  And she looks concerned. Genuinely, truly worried.

  I don’t know what this dungeon looks like from her point of view, but thinking back, she has only had a few moments where she could interact with the space. Each time, she tried to help.

  I think I am going to owe her more than I will be able to repay, after this. Because I know that I’ll keep going. Even if this second chance is only symbolic, it’s more than I could have ever expected.

  Before, there were no second chances. No symbolic alternatives. There is only the sting of the memory, and of my greatest failure. So even if I can’t truly undo the past, if I can give her a burial of any kind, I’ll take it.

  I select ‘Yes’.

  “Mom!” I cry, rushing to her side.

  She’d been getting weaker and weaker as the sun fell. She tried to put on a strong face, but I could tell. Something was wrong.

  The makeshift bandage around her stomach is soaked through with blood, but it has been for the past half hour. Striking blue eyes, duller now after all we’ve been through, slowly shift towards me.

  A gentle smile parts her lips as she says, “Come here, Emi.”

  I obey immediately, laying on my side in the grass and gently snuggling up to her chest. Her arm and tail wrap loosely over me, enclosing me in her warmth… though it’s not as warm as I remember.

  “I love you, Emilia,” she whispers into my ears.

  For some reason, a knot of fear roils in my stomach, so I answer quickly.

  “I love you too, Mom. You said we’re getting close to a town, and that they can heal you right up. So let’s keep moving. I’m not tired yet, I promise!”

  I look up, but she isn’t looking at me anymore. She looks past me, eyes locked onto something I can’t see. She’s crying again, too, so I reach up and wipe away some of the tears like she does for me.

  For a moment, her eyes close as she presses her cheek into my tiny hand and shudders, weakly pulling me more snugly against her. When they open again, she keeps her eyes fixed on the forest behind me.

  “Please… whoever watches her now… do not let her walk this path alone,” she asks, her voice faltering.

  After a breath, her gaze softens as she sees something I cannot. A small, trembling laugh slips free.

  “Yes… you will do. She is strong, my Emilia… but even strong souls can break. Keep her safe for me, okay?” she says, voice breaking into a sob.

  “Mom?” I ask, suddenly worried.

  Her head tilts down to me, and with all her fading strength, she presses her lips to my hair and whispers, “My Emi… my little kit… be brave. No matter what, you are not alone. I love you.”

  Then her chest stills.

  “Mom?” I whisper again, shaking her shoulder gently, then harder when she doesn’t respond. Her tail slips limply from around me, falling across the grass.

  “No, no, no—Mom! Please wake up! You can’t—” My throat cracks as I push against her chest, listening for breath, for anything. My ears strain for the sound of her heartbeat. There’s nothing. Only silence.

  I cling to her, sobbing, begging, shaking. My voice grows hoarse until it’s just broken gasps, and the only thing left is the sound of my cries echoing into the trees.

  That’s when I hear it.

  A low growl.

  I freeze. My ears twitch, then swivel toward the forest as the sound grows louder.

  Then I see it.

  A wolf. Smaller than the ones I’ve seen near our village, but still bigger than me. Its ribs show through its fur, hunger driving it forward. Its lips peel back in a snarl, yellow eyes flicking between me and Mom’s still form.

  “No!” I scream, scrambling to my feet. “She’s mine! Leave her alone!”

  I grab the dagger at my hip, gripping it with shaking hands. When the wolf lunges, I lunge too, and we crash together, tumbling through the grass. His claws tear into one of my ears, ripping it clean off, then agony flares in my side as his teeth sink into it.

  I scream and stab wildly, again and again, until the wolf yelps and staggers back, limping into the underbrush. Hot blood drips down my hip, soaking into my pants and tail fur, but I push past the pain and fear.

  I collapse beside Mom a moment later, clutching my side. In my free hand, I clench the dagger slick with blood so tightly that my knuckles turn white.

  The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

  I know what I have to do now, before any other beasts think to attempt the same.

  “I’ll… I’ll do it,” I whisper to her. “I’ll bury you, Mom. I promise.”

  I shuffle a few steps away and start digging. The soil is hard, the roots thick, but the knife makes short work of most of it. Then it slips, biting deep into my palm, forcing me to drop it with a pained cry.

  I cradle my hand with a scowl as blood leaks from the fresh wound. I do as Mom did, tearing a strip off my shirt and wrapping it tightly around the wound. It helps, a little. I thought of doing the same to my side, but it wasn’t bleeding much anymore.

  It just hurts.

  But that’s fine. I can handle the pain if it means she knows how much I love her.

  So, I get back to digging after kicking the dagger aside. One of my claws break against a rock stuck in the dirt, and I scream from the shock of it. Still, after a moment to catch my breath, I start again.

  When night falls in full, I’d lost three of my claws. Young as I am, they aren’t fully developed yet, so it’s not really surprising given the abuse I’m putting them through. My body can’t keep up with my will.

  Still, I’d managed to make a shallow hole. It’s not nearly enough, but it’s a start. I crawl out of it, towards my resting mother. The sight of her lying there so still breaks something in me, but I don’t have the energy to cry anymore.

  I curl up against her, burrowing under her arm and into her cold chest. I whisper more promises that I will not stop, that I will be strong enough for her, until I fall asleep in her embrace.

  I wake up to a throb of pain from my side, and I can all but feel the fever creeping through me from the bite. I make to stand, and my vision swims from the motion, but I manage it.

  Then I drag myself back to the hole, and I dig.

  My hands are fragile as ever, my skin splitting and claws cracking… but I ignore it all. The pain is there, screaming at the forefront of my mind, but I don’t stop.

  I dig deep, exactly as she said I should, my feeble arms working tirelessly to make a hole big enough. My stomach knots with hunger, and my throat burns with demands for water, but when darkness falls, I feel like it might actually be deep enough.

  I crawl out of the hole and crumple to the ground, struck by a dizzy spell so intense that I can’t even move without going the wrong direction. After it passes, I move slower, crawling on all fours to my mother.

  When I try to move her towards the hole, she doesn’t budge.

  I pull and push and even try to lift her, but nothing changes. She remains rooted to her spot, unmoving.

  I just haven’t shown her I’m strong enough yet, that’s all.

  That night, I curl into her arms whispering more promises that I’ll make it even deeper still.

  The next day, it’s hard to move. The throb in my side is gone, replaced by something deeper. A burrowing, stabbing pain that’s spread all throughout my left side. Still, I return to the hole with slow, faltering steps.

  I dig.

  Time passes in a blur of pain, dirt, blood, and stone, until suddenly I am interrupted by a gentle hand on my shoulder. Kneeling beside me in my hole is a tall, beautiful woman with crimson hair and matching eyes.

  She’s crying, like me, though I can’t figure out why.

  She tries to speak, but when nothing comes out, she gives me an apologetic look. Instead, she points to the ground beneath me, where I see nothing but stone.

  There is no more dirt to dig.

  But I still need to go deeper, don’t I?

  So I move, slamming my tiny fists into the rock over and over. Even when the bones in my left hand break, I don’t stop. I grab another, smaller rock and use it to smash into the obstacle, making so little progress it may as well be nothing.

  But it’s not nothing. So I keep going.

  I have to. Right?

  The girl is there again, holding my arms, preventing me from digging further.

  She shakes her head at me as a gentle, loving smile graces her lips. They quiver as the tears continue to fall, but the message is clear.

  “It’s… it’s enough?” My voice barely comes out, more a rasp of air than a whisper.

  But she heard me. She nods, her smile wider and brighter than even my Dad’s. She points up, to the edge of the hole where my Mom is. So I start crawling out. My arms and legs shake from the effort, and my fingers barely work anymore.

  Only the excitement keeps me moving.

  When I’m by her side again, I freeze for a moment. Insects found her yesterday, but I didn’t want to acknowledge them. Now, though, I can’t ignore it. Maggots and flies crawl around her bandaged side, and my heart nearly stops at the realization that she’s truly gone.

  I hadn’t been thinking about it this whole time. I avoided it by setting myself to task, and it worked. Now that I’m done, though… there is no avoiding it anymore.

  Another bout of dizziness strikes me, nearly sending me to my knees, but I manage to catch myself.

  I’m so close!

  I grab Mom's arm and pull. My hands scream in protest, so I grab harder.

  She doesn’t move.

  I shuffle around behind her and push on her back, trying to roll her.

  She still doesn’t move.

  Over and over, I try every which way I can manage, even pulling on her tail in an effort to turn her over at least once… nothing works. My eyes slip shut as I kneel before her, unable to even cry.

  Just as I’m about to curl back into her arms, a shadow falls across me. My eyes crack open, vision hazy, and I see her. Fiery red hair mixes with silvery white as she gently lifts my Mom off the ground and into a princess carry.

  She holds her with a reverence that makes my throat tighten. Then she starts walking towards the hole.

  I push myself up on trembling legs, swaying, then stagger after her. My chest aches with something that isn’t just fever or grief or gratitude, but I can’t place it. Won’t place it, either. It’s not important right now.

  She’s so strong…

  The thought hits me as I watch her shoulders bend under the weight after she takes her first step into the hole.

  And so I follow, broken and bloodied, but unable to look away. Each step she takes seems to become more and more unstable, and I worry that she won’t make it all the way down. Her shoulders and arms shake, but she just leans back, shifting the weight onto her torso and hips before taking another step.

  By the time we reach the bottom, she is drenched in sweat and gasping for air. Still, she lays my Mom down in the center with a gentleness I hadn’t known was even possible. She pauses for a moment to catch her breath.

  Then she looks up and nods to me.

  I begin to sob once more, fresh tears finding their way to my eyes from some hidden reservoir, as I scramble my way back out of the hole as quickly as I can manage. I'm ready to finish the job and fill it back up.

  She helps me do that, too.

  We set up the grave together, just like Mom and I did for my baby brother. Lots of pretty stones circling and covering the dirt, with one bigger stone right on top. I used another rock to carve ‘Mom’ into the big one, but it takes time with my broken hands.

  But eventually, it’s done.

  Then she speaks, and for the first time, I can hear her. Her voice is low and reverent as the words flow from her.

  “Oh, great spirits of the forest, we commend this soul to your loving embrace. We dig the hole deep to show we are strong enough to let them go. We bury them within to show they are loved.”

  Then she looks to me, tears streaming down her face, and she gives me an encouraging nod.

  She won’t say the next part. That is left for the one who loved them most. The one who must let them go.

  I turn back to the grave and bow my head until my forehead touches the stones. I open my mouth to speak, to finish the prayer, but I falter.

  I don’t want to leave her behind. Yet, deep down, I know that I have to. That if I don’t, I will regret it.

  So I speak the words I’d learned only days ago, my voice breaking after the first few. “We leave them to you, so they might find comfort and peace, and bring life anew.”

  I stay knelt before the tombstone for a time, my tears long since dried. At some point, I’d returned to my original form, wounds healed, scars reversed, pain erased.

  I just stare unblinkingly at the proof of our success.

  Where we placed the large stone now sits a perfectly polished, beautifully engraved white stone, laced with weaves of pale blue mana shaped into bluebells.

  Here Lies

  Laralia Ken

  Beloved by the spirits.

  Mother of the strong.

  I did it. We did it.

  I turn to look at Bella. She kneels beside me, sweat still glistening on her skin from her exertions. She’s practically a stranger, and yet she helped me in a way I can’t even begin to put to words.

  I slam into her with the fiercest hug I can manage, and she returns the embrace. The moment she does, I crumple into a sobbing mess all over again. But she’s there, gently supporting me, as she had been this whole time.

  I remember the dungeon. Every moment she was able to act, and every time she tried despite the magics not allowing her. She ate with us, fought with us, ran with us. Every smile, every wince, every tear, all of it.

  She was there, taking any action possible, hidden from me by the magic until it was over.

  So I let myself break a little as she holds me together.

  Quest Complete!

  Remember and restore.

  Objectives:

  Remember what was lost, and relive it once more.

  Endure what comes, and overcome it together.

  Rewards:

  Level up x5

  Rings of Remembrance (L)

Recommended Popular Novels