Elton had made Terry write up a sign that morning and taken a photo. He posted it in r/ModernKnights and the note read that they’d be doing an AMA that afternoon with THE Errant Apprentice. The response, according to Elton, had been nothing short of shocking. Even Elton had been surprised. Delores was almost giddy. Terry was nervous and more than a little upset. He’d said ages ago that fame would get in the way of what he wanted to do. He was afraid that was in real danger of happening.
Terry had managed to distract himself by taking both Elton and Delores to meet Dwumbra. That had been a great trip. Dwumbra had been ecstatic to see him again. He had greeted Terry’s party warmly and had immediately launched into stories about Terry’s tally. He’d told Delores about the times Terry had volunteered to work on motorcycles in trade, so he could train on them. He had nothing but praise for Terry’s “deft hands”. Delores looked like she was trying to not make dirty comments the entire time.
So now, here they were. They were all sitting there waiting to start this thing. Terry on his phone, Delores on Elton’s tablet, and Elton on his laptop. Dottie and Ernest had gone to visit neighbors to give them some privacy. Start time rolled around and the questions were there. Terry wasn’t really paying any attention to his phone. Elton posted an introduction for Terry. Terry posted “Uh, hi” and people went nuts.
Delores and Elton started pointing out questions.
“Ok!” Elton said, cracking his knuckles. “First question. “How much do you get paid? Is there a health plan knights get?” He looked up at Terry. “Pretty basic to start with.” Terry just stared at Elton.
“You know the answer to that. Why do I need to be the one to answer?” Terry asked. He felt uncomfortable already. “Hey! Why don’t you just claim to be me and do this yourself!” Terry hated the idea as soon as he suggested it.
“Because this isn’t the “ASK ELTON” show, Terry. You’re the one people are fascinated with. People are smitten with the idea of an idealistic hero in a world of degenerate knights. They want to get to know you.” Elton said, just watching Terry. “I don’t know how else to stress that you’re a god damned hero and the world needs that right now. Badly.”
Terry sighed. He guessed this was part of the job whether he liked it or not. He picked his phone up.
HPK: How much do you get paid? Is there a healthplan knights get?
ErrantAPP: We get paid whatever people feel we’re worth normally. The Tally System is a nice way of saying “bounty system”. Monster types are worth certain amounts and the Order pays that out from a fund provided for their service by the National and State governments. Our healthcare plan is any mage we can find. I hope that helps.
Elton grinned.
“Good! Friendly and approachable! And don’t get cute.” Elton said, but suddenly frowned. “Hang on. Mods are banning a couple of people.”
“What for?” Terry asked.
“They just keep asking ‘are you fucking the mage yet’ and we’re getting them shut down as fast as we can.” Elton said with a scowl.
Delores cackled as Terry turned red.
“Well, I’m glad this isn’t video.” Terry mumbled.
“Oooow. We’ll do that next time, Terry.” Elton said. “Take another question.”
Terry grumbled as he scrolled.
ElChongotheMunki: If I served jail time can I still qualify to be a knight?
ErrantAPP: Apparently. It’s a great way to turn your life around, if you’ll take it. I wish you the best, ElChongo.
Delores looked at him after that one, and patted his leg.
“Very measured response. I know how you feel about that stuff.” She said.
Terry smiled and went looking for more.
“Uh, this one’s for you, D.” He said, suddenly smiling.
Delores looked alarmed, and Elton looked up.
“We figured this might happen. Just be brief.” The bard said to her.
LostLenora: for delores: any advice for an aspiring mage? things you wish you did or learned sooner? things you wish you didnt do?
MAGEorPROBLEM: Advice? If you can do magic, there is no reason anyone should stop you. It’s a part of you. Never deny who you are. Things I wished I’d learned sooner? How to expand my capacity safely. Things I wished I hadn’t done? Always check the difference between a spell and a curse. Trust me on that one.
“Ok. More bans. JESUS these people are horny as hell.” Elton said, raising his eyebrows. “And people keep asking me how often I shit my pants on a given adventure. Alice and Juan are taking care of it. Ok. Terry, scroll down to HPK’s next one. This guy is a goldmine.”
HPK: Is it true that when you become a knight there is a system interface that grants you access to your party skills that proves we live in a simulation? What level is the dungeon beneath the Vatican?
ErrantAPP: To answer your fist question, I have no idea what any of that means. All you get as a knight is a stipend every month to help support you and a chance to choose your role. Knight Errant or Knight Protector. I’ve heard about the Vatican Dungeon before. I’m guessing floor 13 if it exists? I dunno, man. You ok?
Elton laughed out loud at that one and Terry grinned.
“Ok, not anything really bad but we have a bunch of people posting links to their Terry/Delores fanfics. Yikes.” Elton said. Delores turned to hide her screen.
Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site.
“I’m bookmarking those.” Delores said. Terry looked at her. “To get them shut down!” she yelped.
“Sure you are.” Terry said, raising an eyebrow. She was bizarrely obsessed with what the internet thought about them. Terry continued scrolling.
TheGhostForge: Is there a moment from when you were a squire that you're proudest of?
ErrantAPP: There was a brood of goblins down near Mendenhall that the land owner wanted wiped out. It was early spring and they’d lost their hunter/gatherers during the winter. I knew there was another brood near Raymond that I’d worked with before that could help them out, so I spent three days marching them from Mendenhall to Raymond. They made it. They’re out near Canton now. I think that was in 2017. I still keep tabs on them.
Delores looked up and smiled at him. He grinned back.
“It’s not all monsters.” Was all he said.
“I want you to tell me about more things like that.” She said, and squeezed his knee.
“Terry,” Elton said, “We’re getting a lot of Mazes & Monsters questions about you.
“What is that?”
“It’s a tabletop RPG where people pretend to be heroes or monsters. It’s like a board game without the board.”
Terry nodded. For some reason that made sense to him. It also sounded kinda fun. Sean probably knew all about it.
“What kind of questions?” He asked.
“What stats should they use to play as you at level 3. That kind of stuff.”
“I’ve got this one.” Delores said and started typing.
Terry read her response.
“What is ‘OP’, and why am I OP?”
She giggled.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll tell you later.” She said.
Terry found another one from a previous questioner.
LostLenora: If you were unable to use a sword what would your next melee weapon of choice be?
ErrantAPP: Probably a mace. It’s built at least close enough to a sword that I could adapt and it’s sort of an extension of my fists. Other than that, my fists. I can’t drop them or be easily disarmed with those.
Elton blinked as a grin spread across his face.
“Ok. First, people are asking if we have a merch store. Gonna have to look into that. Second, we’re getting sponsorship requests. Mostly beer though.”
“No beer.” Terry said. Elton looked up to argue, saw Terry’s face, and just nodded.
“Terry, someone has a question about party dynamics for you.” Delores said.
CassiB42: What is your stance on rogue types in the party?
ErrantAPP: In the party? I have no problem with someone using their natural talents to help people. It’s the whole “stealing” thing we’d have to watch out for. Even then, theft can have its own nobility. If stealing to feed the starving is a crime, then maybe we should re-evaluate what crime is. I think we need a better name for “rogues” though.
Elton suddenly erupted into a geyser of expletives.
“What?” Terry asked, concerned.
“I’ve been trying to get this asshole banned since he asked if I shit my pants. “Is the pudgy guy your squire?” Man, eat me a fuzzy marshmellow.” Elton said, typing furiously.
Terry just shook his head. Elton was having a more difficult time with this than he was.
BlueCanaryLITE: What's the furthest place you've traveled to kill a monster? Also, what monster is the most annoying/pain in the ass to deal with?
ErrantAPP: Well, I had to go to Dothan, Alabama once at someone’s request for my second dragon. First and only time I fought a bronze one. Electric types are tough. Most annoying? Anything I need a blindfold to deal with. Cockatrice, Medusa, anything with a deadly gaze.
Terry found himself getting into a rhythm and was enjoying himself. Delores would chime in occasionally. Elton would swear violently about someone asking about “the fat guy”. They told him the AMA would run for half an hour. Terry managed to stay engaged and kept it up for just over a full hour.
Elton ran his fingers through his hair.
“Ok. The trolls are getting worse. I think someone posted a link to 4chan. Find one more question and then we’re shutting it down. I’ll do the exit post.” Elton said.
Terry looked up.
“You’re sure? I could go for a little while longer if you wanted.”
Delores looked at him with a smile and a look of surprise.
“What did you do to him, Elton?” She asked jokingly.
“No. You’ve already run over our time. I’m glad you got into it though. Pick your last question.”
Terry scrolled. He wanted to find something good to end on. Something that might sum up his world view. He found one.
RazmataztheElder: Why do you do what you do? What keeps you doing this in the face of what’s actually going on out here?
ErrantAPP: The only reason to keep doing anything. Love.
Delores looked shocked. He glanced at her.
“What?”
“That’s my friend. In New Orleans.” She looked happy, but there was worry there. He could tell.
“Let them read that how ever they want. There’s not enough love out there anyway. It’s the only thing that’s going to save us.” Terry said.
Elton looked up at that. He suddenly seemed to weigh Terry.
“Sometimes I wonder if you really need me, man.”
“I’m always gonna need you, Elton. Don’t ever doubt how important you are to all this.” Terry said. Delores hugged him.
Elton just nodded and shut down the AMA, then closed his laptop.
“Terry,” he asked, “what’s the plan? Because I’m frightened.”
Terry looked at Elton in surprise.
“Of what?” He asked the bard.
“I don’t mean to sound like your uncle, but you’re changing. That scares me. I know Delores and me both followed you because you wanted to help people, but for me there’s more.”
“Like what?” Delores asked.
Elton looked at a loss for what to say, but he recovered.
“I’m out here for both of you. I’ve seen so much shit in the world, you guys. Everyone I know is so wrapped up in capitalistic bullshit that they welcomed me leaving. As long as I stay out here and don’t make waves for them back home. And then I met you two.”
Terry leaned forward as tears started rolling down Elton’s cheeks.
“I’m not out here to make money. I HAVE money.” Elton said. “I’m not out here to be the best writer. I know that’s not going to happen. But there’s something terrible inside me. I’ve seen it. It comes to me. It wants me to do terrible things to the world. To people. It gives me ideas of what I can do and those things are awful. And that thing is me. It’s the part of me that’s my father. It’s the part of me that’s a Beasley. Doing this? Doing this is my sword. This is how I can fight the monster.”
Terry stood and moved to sit beside Elton. He saw Delores do the same. Terry wrapped his friend in an embrace.
“You two can do it.” Elton mumbled.
“Do what, Elton?” Delores asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.
“You saw the AMA. People LOVE you two. They need you two. The WORLD needs you two. You can change things. Both of you.”
Terry sat back but kept an arm around Elton.
“I don’t know if I understand. You know me, Elton. I’m dense. Explain it like I’m a kid.”
Elton looked at him with something approaching frustration.
“I still don’t know how you can’t see it. You change everyone and everything you touch, Terry. Every where we go, you leave a trail of people that want to be heroes. Not knights, Terry. They know what knights are. They want to be YOU.” He turned to Delores. “Both of you.” Elton's voice still shook with emotion.
Terry shared a look with Delores and he saw something he hadn’t expected from her. Confirmation. She agreed. Terry felt anxious.
“Everyone talks about saving the world from monsters.” Elton said, gaining his composure back as he spoke. “And that’s all well and good. But you? You can save the world from itself. You help save them from the monsters inside themselves. And you don’t need magic to do it. It doesn’t matter how far you jump or how much you lift in the end. It’s that you’re willing to try, and you never stop trying.”
Elton was still looking at Terry like he could make him see it. Terry wasn’t sure that he SHOULD see this. Or that he wanted to.
“The hero the world needs isn’t the man who fought a giant made of plants or rushes into battle trying to get himself killed all the time. It’s the man that rescued a little girl. It’s the guy that put his sword down and bought groceries for hungry goblins.” He stared into Terry’s eyes. “YOU said it. Love is the only thing that’s going to save us. Please don’t lose that. Please stay that person no matter what happens.”
Terry put his arms around Elton again and pulled him close in a hug.
“I love you, Elton. I wasn’t joking. I need you out here with me. I need both of you. Everything my life has been about, has either been a lie from the Order, or something that was within me. The only thing I have to guide me sometimes is how you and Delores see me. I have to live up to the person you see me as. I will hold true to that for you.”
Delores embraced them both. With that, Terry thought he might know what he needed to do.
This was going to be a very silly chapter and, as always, it got away from me and became something important. It became something Elton had to say and Terry had to hear. Thanks for reading, guys. I'll see you next time.
-K.