Katie blinked and Manhattan was gone. A boundless and bare stretch of ashen land lay in its place. There was no crying, no suffering, no running, no begging, no hoping. It was there one moment - bustling and loud with people on their morning commute settling into metal coffins of all colors and shapes and sizes, people shivering on the sidewalks with empty tin cans outstretched for the slightest act of charity, people stabbing and shooting other people over tiny fist-fulls of green paper. In a blink, it was alight with an inferno ten mountains high that roared and raged and danced like a white plume swaying in a hurricane. In another blink, ash.
Katie sat slouched in front of the TV, fingers dipped in caramel and mouth covered in popcorn crumbs, wondering what would be an appropriate amount of time before she could change the channel. She didn’t know anyone from New York. For her, it might as well have been a town in South Africa or Eastern Europe. She’d never been to New York either. All she knew was that the rent was high and the crime was higher. A far cry from her self-proclaimed “classy” situation, living in her RV in Bumfuck, Nowhere.
The pretty reporter lady on the TV was making moony eyes at the camera, as if trying to guilt the tears out of her. “It is difficult to even comprehend the scale of the atrocity we have witnessed today. I-I cannot find the words to do justice to the scene before me. Manhattan is gone. We do not know who is responsible or how this… this massacre came to be but what isn’t ambiguous is the—”
Katie blew a raspberry and switched the channel to the next. It was the same lady with the phony eyes. “Loss of life on a scale impossible even to imagine. It is—”
She switched the channel again. This time, it was a different dude covering the same story with the same forced moony eyes. “A death toll in the millions. Not to mention, the destruction and the chaos…” His voice trailed off as Katie observed the scene behind him. The island was a desert now, alive only with ash-gray sand-dunes undulating in the wind.
There was no radiation, no missile shells, and no declaration of war by any nation or terrorist organisation. It was just fire. Pure and white and so hot it fried your nerve endings before you had the opportunity to feel pain. A merciful end, if you could call it.
Katie switched channels again. Different lady. Same phony tearful expression. Repeating the same shit over and over again. Manhattan this, Manhattan that, Manhattan fuck. Did it actually mean something to her? Unlikely, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she knew someone who had something to do with Manhattan. Her family was in Bumfuck, Nowhere. Her business associates were all West Coast or on the move. Her clients were all local and, since friends were for losers, that only left…
Katie thought for another moment. The bucket of popcorn fell from her lap. Her eyes widened in blurry thought as they toyed and played with this notion in the back of her mind.
Manhattan…. Manhattan…
“Oh, fuck the hell nah!” Katie jumped from her couch and ran straight for the RV’s glove box. She always kept her diary of contacts close to the steering wheel. Quickest place to hide it (or retrieve it) for when she had to bolt any time the pigs came smelling.
She punched the glove box open and rummaged through the pile of empty bags of chips until her fingers felt the leather binding. She breathed a sigh of relief, pulled it out, and kicked the glove box closed before running back to the couch, diary in hand. She plopped back down with her knees raised to her chest and scanned the smelly almost-yellow pages under the TV light.
Every crusty page was full of crossed-out names of former clients and dealers and other associates. She flipped through it with a stern expression, placing each name and address with her memory of that person. Just like her, these people were all over the country so it was easier to arrange them by city.
As she flipped over to the final page, her heart stopped. The diary dropped from her trembling hands and crashed onto the RV floor with a thud that rang louder than the Manhattan news.
Ever since Katie had been released from prison, she’d tried to go straight, become a Proper Legitimate Business Owner. Which proved a bit challenging on account of her being fuck-ass broke. But, after several years of working sweaty night-shifts at the tire factory and breaking her back all day long dressed as a stupid mascot for little kids, she realised she was still fuck-ass broke. So, she went with the only logical career choice available to her: dealing weed to high schoolers.
She’d made plenty of contacts in prison so getting the good stuff was no sweat. Managing her finances, on the other hand, was. As it turns out, getting kids hooked on weed is not very hard. What is hard, however, is keeping every no-good bastard and goody two-shoes lawman off your back. She had to pay the pigs to keep them off her, pay the cooks, pay for protection, pay for transport. Just pay pay pay. And it’s not like high schoolers brought in the big bucks. She tried dealing to adults but those potheads were already tight with dealers that had been operating since before she was born. So, that was out too.
She was losing money head over fist, she wasn’t making a dime, and she sure as shit wasn’t anywhere close to becoming a Proper Legitimate Business Owner. That was when fortune struck. Cousin Clyde got himself a job at this hotshot finance firm on the East Coast. He could grease a few palms and lick a few boots to get her a business loan. She could pay off her debts, get her accounts in order, and finally- finally invest in some Real Business. Cousin Clyde was a real one. He’d been sweet on her since they were kids. No shit he was gonna get a loan for his Katie-pie. Things were finally looking up.
Only, Katie wasn’t sure she remembered where exactly on the East Coast Cousin Clyde worked. She knew she’d written it down in her diary and, what do you know, God or the Devil or whatever the fuck force-shit governed the universe was having a laugh at her expense for the millionth fucking time.
She lifted the diary off the ground to see if she’d read the address right.
Yup.
The diary fell from her hands again. There was no denying it. She rubbed her eyelids and groaned in dismay. “Oh, Cousin Clyde, please tell me you made it out…”
Katie turned on the TV to watch the news again. It was the guy with the phony eyes still blabbering on. “It is with a heavy heart that I must report that the authorities have discovered zero survivors from the island of Manhattan.”
Katie fell to her knees and cried with the acoustics of a veteran opera singer. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
This was it. She was fucking finished. The debtors were gonna knock her door down and shoot her tits off. That is, if the fucking pigs didn’t beat them to the punch.
Oh, fuck. What was she gonna do now? She couldn’t go to jail again. She was already pushing forty. Depending on what charges they nailed her on this time, she’d be an old hag by the time she got out. She didn’t want to be a cranky old bitch living by herself in a motor home! She wanted to be a cranky old bitch living by herself in a fucking mansion full of strippers feeding her that fancy-ass pizza with the gold leaves on it.
Welp, there was only one thing to do. Pack her shit and bail. The debtors were probably on their way already. The pigs couldn’t be far off either. She saw the TV again. The pretty news lady was still whining about Manhattan. Goddamn, Cousin Clyde. Of all the cities to work in, he just had to pick the one that was gonna get turned into a glass floor inside of a week.
Katie’s phone buzzed with notifications. A missed call from Nolan Reed, the guy she owed money big time.
Fuck. If she left now, she could be out of the state within the hour. After that, it was just a matter of dodging the pigs till things died down. They weren’t gonna dig up too much fuss. Not for an old crook like her. Least not after she’d fucked half the pigs in the county. Yes, it was just a matter of getting the fuck away from Bumfuck, Nowhere and finding a place to lie low for a few weeks. She’d heard Alabama was nice this time of the year.
The TV exploded with a blast of static noise that almost deafened her. A long, shrill, ear-piercingly loud beeping sound followed. Katie covered her ears and groaned. “Ugh! And now the TV’s broken.”
A creature stood beside the pretty lady on the TV screen. Creature being the only word Katie could think to describe it. Seventeen lidless eyes decorated its purple slimy skull. Eyes that were red and blue and green, all arranged into two gigantic cavities on either side of the skull like a fly. In place of a mouth, it had tube-like appendages that wriggled and vibrated as it sniffed the ashen air.
The rest of its body was frighteningly human. Human torso, human hands, human feet. All different shades of black and purple and covered in uneven clumps of hair but human, at least in shape. Even the clothes it wore were human. A white suit and tie.
The lady was paralyzed with fear. She froze in place, trembling in every limb, as the creature’s tube-like mouth appendages slowly licked and caressed her face. She was in tears but she dared not utter a word.
The creature spoke, its voice soft but firm. It talked in perfect English. “Greetings, alien lifeforms. I am designated Safi Yo’or of the planet SE-18008 of the T1T1 System. Your planet designated…” It paused for a moment to think.”…earth of the SOL System has been recognized by the Galactic Council to be a Class 5 Economically Weaker Region. In order to revitalize your planet, it has been selected as part of the Galactic Council’s Boom or Bust Program. Unless your species takes steps to meet the requirements of the Council, I have the authority to disqualify one city from existence every day. This…” It said, pointing to the ash-gray remains of Manhattan behind, “…was a demonstration. Every day, a random city will be disqualified. And you have my promise that it will be random. The Council is not cruel nor is it prejudiced.
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“But research indicates that Class 5 Economically Weaker Regions require certain ‘incentives’ in order to boost development. The requirement, for brevity’s sake, is designed to be simple and easy to understand so that any alien species, regardless of level of scientific progress, can understand it.”
The creature coughed, as if clearing its throat, then stared into the camera with all seventeen of its lidless eyes turning into a shade of red. It spoke loud and clear. “The requirement is as follows: heal the world.” It paused as if waiting for its audience to process the words, then wriggled its mouth appendages and bowed lightly. “Thank you for your time. If the requirements are not met, I will return to disqualify another earth city tomorrow. Peace be with you.” A flash of light surrounded the creature and it vanished into thin air.
Katie turned off the TV, smacked her lips, and went to the driver’s seat. She started the RV, released the handbrake, and put the gear into drive before flooring the gas pedal. She did not stop speeding until Bumfuck, Nowhere was far far behind her. She sighed, “Manhattan ain’t even a city, bitch-bug.”
The midday sun bore down heavily on the recently tarred road with all the heat and apathy of a giant ball of gas. Katie never understood the bad rep that the sun got for simply existing. From what little she’d learned in second grade before getting kicked out of school, the sun wasn’t a person. It didn’t go out of its way to make everyone miserable. It just was. Big and yellow and hot. Like her Aunt Tammy-Lynn with her bad case of jaundice.
Which is not to say Katie had any sympathy for the sun. After all, Aunt Tammy-Lynn never busted her A/C by simply existing in her general direction. She turned on the fan but all that came through was the hot desert breeze. Katie groaned.
Her mind went back to the Bug Thing on TV. It didn’t seem angry with humans. It wasn’t acting out of malice or spite or any sort of hate. It just was. Not that it had any reservations about blowing up entire cities. Although, it didn’t even seem to know what constituted a city. It was just doing its job. And even if Katie had little love for the creature that blew up her last chance at getting out of debt, she could not bring herself to hate it.
Was she shocked that something like it existed? Not really. She’d seen weirder shit on LSD. Was she afraid of what it had promised? Not especially. If it blew up the pigs and her debt collectors, she’d be thankful. Hell, if it blew up her family, she’d go kiss its feet. But what if it blew her up alongside whatever city she was gonna end up in? Eh, didn’t seem worth fretting over. If she died, she died. It’s not like she could go challenge the fucker that could blow up cities or whatever it thought made up a city.
Katie took off her t-shirt and used it to mop the sweat off her forehead. The highway seemed emptier than usual. Even on a slow day, she’d run into no less than half a dozen pick-up trucks. That was how she passed the time while driving. A slow, relaxing game of bingo, counting passing trucks and creating mental rows and columns based on their size and color. Big Red. Medium Blue. Tiny Cyan.
Today, the highway seemed all but deserted. Katie took a deep breath and turned on the radio. Maybe, some music would cheer her up.
“We’re coming to you live from the White House where the President just released a statement regarding Safi Yo’or, the alien creature claiming responsibility for the destruction of Manhattan.”
Katie rolled her eyes. “Of course.” She tried changing channels but every single one of them was covering the same shit. No music anywhere. Perfect. And it just had to happen the day she had no trucks to play bingo with. She exhaled. “Maybe’s not gonna be that bad.”
The audio cut to the President droning on about immigrants and how this was just a conspiracy by China or Russia in order to undermine the greatest country on earth. He kept going and going about how there was no reason to panic and how he’d already talked to the creature and that they were already best friends and that, in fact, the creature had invited him to lunch but he turned him down because no food could ever match up to American food like Chinese or French fries.
Katie shook her head and nodded. “Yeah, that’s about what I expected.” She kept turning the nob until she found a channel talking about anything but the White House. One channel sounded like a bunch of scientists talking to a news lady.
“Dr. Fugazi, what are your thoughts on the alien creature which has seemingly presented a death threat to the entire planet?”
“First of all, I hope we all understand the magnitude of what we have witnessed today. Not only are extraterrestrial life forms real, not only are they capable of interstellar travel, but they have been observing us for so long that they were able to teach themselves our dominant language of communication.”
“And what does that tell us?”
The scientist paused for thought. “That they are not a people to be trifled with. These are intelligent lifeforms, possibly light years ahead of us, when it comes to technology. And they happen to know a lot more about us than we know about them. There is no confrontation between us that ends in human victory.”
“And what about the requirement the creature mentioned?”
“Heal the world?” The scientist scoffed. “We’re not even sure what it means. Was it talking about the restoration of nature, ending war, famine, starvation, pollution, death, murder, genocide, bigotry? Which one was it? We have no way of knowing. And if we do not know what we’re supposed to do, how are we supposed to create an action plan to meet the so-called requirement?”
“And there is no way to contact the creature?”
“None that we have been able to discover. Once the broadcast was over, it simply disappeared. None of our satellites have been able to pinpoint its location. We don’t even know if it’s still on earth.”
The reporter lady sounded nervous now. “So, let me get this straight: humanity has been threatened by an alien creature who has demonstrated its ability to destroy all of civilization as we know it, we have no way of communicating with it, and the only way to prevent that destruction is to meet a requirement which we do not even understand. Dr. Fugazi, our viewers at home deserve to know: is this the end of the world?”
“I… I do not know. There is much that we do not know. We need more time. More time to study, more time to understand— I… could I please have a moment?”
“Certainly, doctor. In the meantime, let’s tackle a few burning questions sent in by our lovely viewers.” It sounded like the reporter lady was opening a letter. “Ah, there it is! The first question by Darren Jackowski: Why is the alien from Planet Boobies?”
“I… I don’t understand. What?”
“Oh, it’s just that certain eagle-eyed viewers have been piecing together the alien’s speech and it seems that the creature’s planet SE-18008 spelled backwards is BOOBIES.”
“What?!” cried the doctor. Katie heard what sounded like the crashing of glasses and ceramic mugs onto a wooden desk followed by angry yelling and screaming, followed by more crying.
“Dr. Fugazi, please calm down. This is a live broadcast.”
“I have three fucking PhDs! Three! I-I’ve dedicated my life to science and understanding the secrets of the universe. I’ve written 20 fucking books on quantum mechanics and thermonuclear astrophysics and these are the kind of questions people bring me?! I give up. I-I fucking give up. Pack it up, people. We had a good run. Tell you what, whatever happens next, we had it coming.”
“Doctor, please. Twenty million people are listening. They need a message of hope.”
“We’re all gonna fucking die!”
The audio was cut off by static for several minutes and then, the static was replaced by soft whimsical stand-by music.
“Ah, that’s better.” Katie breathed a sigh of relief. She wondered what the next city was gonna be. Toledo? New Orleans? Or was it only targeting big places like LA or SF? It had said that the destruction was random. Maybe it would pick a city from another country. She wondered how many cities there were in the world. Then, she wondered if the Bug Thing had a massive Spin the Wheel arrangement to pick its next target.
In any case, she needed a target too. Or, at the very least, a place to crash for the night. The sun was coming real low and the nearest town was at least another two hours out. Katie didn’t even realise till now but she’d been driving without a break all day long. But now that she did, all the pain and exhaustion came piling in at once. Her back hurt, her eyes hurt, her shoulders hurt, and the less said about her feet, the better.
She thought for a moment. She’d put, bare minimum, a couple hundred miles between herself and Bumfuck, Nowhere. Even if the debt collectors or the pigs were to come after her, they had a large-ass radius to search and ain’t no county sheriff or local mafia kicking up that much of a fuss over her, least not when the end of the fucking world was on a calendar now.
Katie found a clear-ish patch of land to park by the side of the road. God, she was so exhausted she could fall asleep now and not wake up till the whole planet was dust. Speaking of, what was she supposed to do now? It didn’t seem like the Bug Thing was bluffing. Sooner or later, it was gonna blow her up. Was she supposed to just bide her time until then? Wait in her shitty motor home for death to come take her any day? That felt a little sad.
All her life, Katie had wanted to become a Proper Legitimate Business Owner. Someone likable and respectable. Someone people came to with not just their money but their worries. Someone they could trust and confide in. If she had the chance, she knew she’d be the best shopkeeper ever.
Katie scoffed as she settled into her bed for the night. “Like that’s ever gonna happen!” She wasn’t born with money or loving parents or friends or whatever the fuck else successful people had. All she had was this shitty RV that she’d gotten from Uncle Jed after he died from HIV.
She buried her face in her pillow and exhaled. It smelled like last night’s pizza. Several hours of tossing and turning in bed later, Katie picked up her phone. When sleep didn’t come, social media was her savior.
Speaking of which, people online had to be losing their tits over the Bug Thing. And sure enough, there it was. All seventeen of its multicolored eyes plastered all over the internet. People were already making fan-art of it fucking all the different actors and leaders in the world.
Except, there was something else too. Something not quite expected but not quite unexpected either. Beyond all the reactions of fear and anger and denial and acceptance, there was one page that caught Katie’s attention: The Cult of the Savior.
Their logo was a zoomed-in picture of the creature’s face with a pair of angel wings and a golden halo crudely photoshopped over. The description read: “Followers of the one true Savior. Our God from beyond the stars come to deliver unto us our salvation through cleansing our planet of the human plague.”
Katie scrolled down the page and every post seemed to intrigue her more and more.
“All hail the Savior. He will save the planet from humanity.”
“All hail the Savior. He will bring humanity to its final end.”
“All hail the Savior. He will save us from ourselves.”
The page had only been active a few hours and yet, it had already accumulated over twenty thousand followers. Katie scrolled to check who had created the page. It seemed to be some guy from a town which was… actually not that far from where she was right now. She clicked on the guy’s profile. He seemed rather rich. Expensive car, big-ass house with a swimming pool. In fact, the more she looked into it, most of the page’s followers seemed to come from this one particular town: a town by the name of Gentle. And wouldn’t you know it, every single one of them was dripping with cash.
All her life, Katie had wanted to become a Proper Legitimate Business Owner but she never had the resources to do it. But this? This was the opportunity of a lifetime. So, what if the world was ending? She was never getting this chance again. And, even if she failed, what were the odds she was gonna live long enough to face the consequences?
Katie had stumbled upon a gold mine and she was gonna ring it for every last penny. She could already picture it: Savior t-shirts, Savior pins, Savior banners, photos, mugs, bath salts, tablecloths, the works!
Every Savior needed a Cult. And every Cult needed a Gift Shop.
