Chapter 97

  Barrier Guardian, Part VI (Dance Macabre, 3 of 3)

  My maniacal laughter dies off in wet, broken gasps. It hurts—God, it hurts—like my abs are tearing themselves apart from the inside. My stomach cramps, hard enough that I double over for half a heartbeat, before I realize it’s not just my abs that are on fire.

  Heat floods my limbs. A dense, pressure-packed surge. Like someone just injected molten lightning straight into my muscles.

  They grow. I can feel my muscles grow! Tightening, swelling and hardening. Every fiber of my being is burning up in the most intense full-body pump I’ve ever felt. Veins stand out along my arms. My grip clenches involuntarily.

  The Behemoth Cap hums in the background of my awareness, thanks to my [Perception] and [Aura Sense].

  “Oh,” I whisper hoarsely. “Now you decide to work.”

  I straighten just as the Headless Harbinger brings its sword down in an arcing strike. The blade howls through the air, reality dimming in the wake of the lantern wielded in the Guardian’s other hand. This one’s meant to finish me. I can feel it.

  I plant my feet and square my shoulders.

  “Fucking, bring it!” I scream, spit and blood spraying from my mouth.

  The sword never reaches me.

  A wet whump fills the air as a massive blue disk of slime slams into existence in front of my face.

  [Ally: Jelly Boy] has activated [Residual Casting].

  Jelly Boy casts [Slimy Shield Wall]!

  “Bzzztttt!” Jelly Boy cries triumphantly, landing at my side.

  The Harbinger’s blade bites deep, carving a trench through the translucent blue like a guillotine through gelatin. Slime explodes outward, splattering the surrounding area in cerulean carnage. The impact twists the sword’s arc just enough and the blade misses me.

  Instead, it slams into the earth beside me with a thunderous crack, burying itself halfway into the ground.

  I stagger back, more from shock than force, chest heaving. White vapor pours off my shoulders and arms, rising into the smoke-choked air like I just crawled out of a boiler. Is my body actually steaming right now?

  Now that I think about it, I do feel like I’m burning up. My head spins and I realize that the pump filling my body is also making me very, very warm.

  “What the hell is happening to me?” I wheeze.

  The answer comes immediately. A vast, growling baritone in my mind.

  Interesting, mortal.

  “… the hat?” I ask.

  I have absorbed excess Fire Mana. It is now being routed directly into your physical form.

  My heart stutters.

  “What?”

  Under normal circumstances, this would devour your body entirely. Soon, you will rupture. Devoured by the flames.

  My stomach drops.

  In the meantime, I suggest you make it entertaining.

  My eyes go wide.

  “WAIT,” I shout into the smoke and fire, voice cracking, “did you just say devour?!”

  Somewhere behind me, Jelly Boy vibrates anxiously.

  The Harbinger wrenches its sword free from the earth. Dark fire is spreading from the hooded lantern, and is now dripping from the blade like oil.

  Inside my skull, Shogmoth laughs. It sounds familiar. It sounds like me, I think.

  I grit my teeth. Okay, you want entertaining? Watch this, asshole!

  But let’s be real. I’m freaking the hell out. My body is broiling itself. I can hear the sizzle coming off my shoulders like bacon in a cast iron skillet. My internal temperature must be high enough to cook a Thanksgiving turkey in three seconds, and I can feel my natural regeneration straining against the excess Fire Mana.

  If I don’t unload this Fire Mana soon, I’m gonna burst like an overinflated sausage casing that sat on the barbeque a little too long.

  Ping!

  The familiar sensation is greeted by a System Message.

  BEHEMOTH CAP:

  Would you like to cast a Bonus Spell?

  Sufficient Fire Mana for the following Spells:

  I quickly skim the list of spells, which come with more limited descriptions than I am used to.

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  [Crimson Tongue] (The Behemoth Cap conjures a long tongue of fire.)

  [Inferno] (A wave of fiery energy sears the space in front of the Behemoth Cap.)

  [Hellfire Judgment] (The Behemoth Cap burns away all available Fire Mana by conjuring a massive fireball.)

  I don’t even hesitate. One of those is clearly not like the others. I hover my focus over [Hellfire Judgment]. That’ll do, cap. That’ll do.

  But I can’t cast it here. Not with the Guardian’s freaky-ass lantern still bathing everything in that light-eating aura. I need distance, and a moment to cement the plan forming in my head.

  I whirl around and scoop up Jelly Boy in my arms and run. Small tongues of fire lick my calves and heels as I pick up my pace.

  “Are there any of the light bombs left?” I grunt.

  Jelly Boy blorps and extends a pseudopod. He points to a clearing maybe thirty yards away.

  Perfect.

  I veer in that direction.

  The burning in my veins turns to knives. My Stamina and Health bars each begin to tick down as my body’s regeneration finally starts losing the battle against the Fire Mana built up in my veins. Every step is a miracle of willpower and raw terror. I’m not sure when the levy will break. What moment my body will erupt like a human firework.

  Behind me, I hear the Harbinger’s march, crunching the wet earth with funeral-pace menace. It’s not rushing. It has no reason to. It’s stalking.

  Like it knows we’re almost done.

  A searing pain rips itself through my chest, and my Health and Stamina plummet. Only to freeze, hover in place and slowly tick back up. I notice the familiar feeling of Liv’s magic. She’s somewhere nearby, doing her damnedest to keep me in one piece.

  We reach the clearing. Jelly Boy vibrates with excitement, confirming we’re in the right place. I circumnavigate the clearing to avoid setting off the landmine prematurely.

  “Here?” I pant.

  He bounces twice in my arms. Blorp-blorp!

  I slow before gently placing Jelly Boy down.

  “Alright, buddy. I’m about to try something very stupid, but I think it’s our shot at going for the K.O.”

  Jelly Boy nods with the entirety of his blobby shape.

  “I’m going to need the landmine to ensure it works. So, I’m depending on you, bro.”

  “Bzzzztt!...”

  “Awesome.”

  The Headless Harbinger breaks through the treetops, jack-o-lantern face carved into a stoic expression. I give Jelly Boy a single, curt nod before staring down my target. I take in a slow, deep breath.

  As soon as I exhale, my body reacts like a spring-loaded trap, coiled by rage and desperation and just enough batshit insanity to let me believe this is going to work.

  My feet leave the ground and I leap.

  Fwoom!

  Jets of fire explode from my back, punching me into the air. I windmill my arms, trying to keep myself upright. The sensation of my body’s heat and raw strength launching me over the branches surrounding the clearing and into the thick air is somewhere between orgasm and being microwaved alive. My body is screaming at me to do more. To do something before it explodes. I ascend until I’m eye level with the pumpkin head of the Guardian.

  The black iron lantern swings from its outstretched arm. That freaky green-and-yellow jack-o’-lantern head rotates toward me mid-air. The aura of the lantern stretches out, washing over me. The Harbinger moves its blade-arm.

  And then a sound buzzing sound fills the air. That’s the only warning I get before Jelly Boy detonates every single Light landmine we had left.

  The first beam of light hits the Harbinger like the glorious middle finger of an angry, radiant god. Three more follow, erupting in brilliant columns of burning radiance that tear into the swamp. The Harbinger is unbothered by the direct hit from the Light beam, but that’s not what I’m after anyway.

  The light from the detonations fills the air for as far as I can see. The flames on the Guardian’s sword vanish. The lantern’s darkness flees, sucked back into itself. The black candle flickers, shrinking until it’s practically nothing. The Guardian’s aura is cut off entirely.

  The swipe from its blade never comes. Because in that precise moment, I mentally slam on the spell.

  [HELLFIRE JUDGMENT]

  The Behemoth Cap rips open, threads unraveling like the mouth of a ravenous beast unzipping itself across my skull. I feel the seams stretch, twist, grow fangs, and from the gaping void of its jaws a fireball burns itself to life.

  No, not a fireball. A fucking star. A newborn sun made of raw Fire Mana. The sphere is propelled by a jet of fire, smashing into the Harbinger’s face and swallowing it whole. The world becomes heat and noise as waves of fire kiss my face. Trees around us ignite and the sky burns white. The air is sucked out of my lungs and replaced with the roar of a thousand volcanoes.

  Just as quickly as the roaring heat was there, it’s gone. Replaced by a thick silence.

  Smoke curls through the shattered canopy. A scorched wind pushes ash through the clearing like confetti as the shockwaves of heat tear through a mile in all directions.

  What’s left of the Guardian is… Not much.

  The pumpkin head is a melted crater. Its armor is more like charred bark and its chest cavity is hollowed out. One of its legs twitches once, then goes still.

  We did it.

  That’s the moment gravity decides to stop being polite and I plummet to the ground. My body snaps through one branch. Smack!—I catch another with my face.

  I hit the ground with a wet thud.

  “Ughh…!” I wheeze, face-down in some moss that survived the heatwave. Every part of me hurts, but is intact and uninjured thanks for my resistances breaking my fall.

  You have defeated Headless Harbinger!

  Partial credit awarded to…Olivia Sullivan!

  Partial credit awarded to… Jelly Boy!

  Level 25 increased to Level 26!

  Level 26 increased to Level 27!

  4 Stat Points Currently Unallocated. Assign Stat Points?

  “Hell yeah,” I mumble into the dirt. So much for that stubborn level plateau.

  Jelly Boy flops beside me, panting like a golden retriever. Liv rushes in, casting healing magic even before she kneels. I feel the warm glow of her spellwork wash over my burns.

  We did it.

  We actually killed the bastard.

  Ping!

  SIDE QUEST COMPLETE: Lighter of the Lantern!

  You have received x1 Attribute Enhancement Potion.

  The smell of roasted pumpkin and scorched swamp hangs thick in the air, a sickeningly sweet smell cut with the metallic tinge of gore. I sit up when I hear footsteps approach from what’s remaining of the brush near the clearing.

  Walter’s the first to appear. He’s raising both skeletal hands, palms out in a disarming gesture. Preston waddles behind him in his bipedal goldfish mech suit, arms lifted in a mirrored position. Grush lumbers up last, massive arms up in the air, trying to look non-threatening, which is hilarious, because Grush is a walking wall of what I assume is reanimated muscle. He couldn’t look non-threatening if he was covered in teddy bears.

  Walter’s ivory jaw clicks as he speaks, the tone all politeness but strained like an overused wire.

  “Well done,” he says. “Truly. Glorious spectacle. Ten out of ten. No notes.”

  “I’ve got a few helpful notes,” adds Preston, but he’s cut off by a single sharp look of Walter’s eye sockets.

  I squint.

  “…Why do you sounds weird?”

  Walter doesn’t answer.

  Instead, he tilts his head.

  That’s when I hear it.

  Click.

  Click-click-click.

  I look past them, just in time for four creatures to emerge from the shadows.

  Four large, reptilians step into the clearing. Lizards with long necks reaching about my height, with green and yellow feathers extending from their arms, which end in dark claws. Each raptor is sleek, and something straight out of an old Sci-Fi film. Except for their legs. Their legs are absurdly long and more humanoid. Like someone mashed together the legs from a green-skinned Barbie doll to the body of a velociraptor. Their legs are covered in black fishnet stockings. And each one is rocking a pair of high-heeled black leather boots.

  One of them has a tiny bowtie strapped around its neck. Another is wearing a miniature fedora. The last two have pink feather boas draped around their necks.

  “We’ve picked up some company,” grumbles Walter.