“Vaarg,” I grunted as the store let me in.
No one had exited the back room yesterday, and I was determined to have answers.
“Morning, Beeg,” It deadpanned from behind the counter, drawing me up short.
“Where’s Vaarg?”
“He’ll be out for a few days.”
“Doing what?” I squinted. It had been quite some time since Vaarg hadn’t been present in the store.
“Stuff.”
“What kind of stuff, It?”
“Important stuff, Beeg.”
“Would a roasted newt persuade you?” I huffed.
“You don’t have any left, I checked this morning.”
“You what?” I spluttered. “Well, I bet you didn’t —“
“Yes, I checked the compartment under the windowsill.”
I choked.
“Well —“
“The compartment in the bedpost as well, yes.”
“Seriously, It?”
It grinned.
“Yes. But also, don’t worry Beeg. Everything is under control. Our job is just to keep the shop.”
I found that… unsatisfactory, but couldn’t do anything about it.
“You should bring the book by though, we could look over it,” It suggested.
“I left it at home —“
“Stupid haz eet!” Stupid chimed, ducking from under the counter with the book under my arm.
“Is my room just… open season to you both?” I sighed.
It blinked. “I like to take my breaks there. It has a nice view.”
I… wasn’t surprised.
“Thanks, Stupid,” I sighed, taking the book.
____
Aisle 3 was pretty clean. In fact, it looked exactly like I left it.
Which meant two things.
One, the store wasn’t open last night.
Two, Stupid was so busy playing manager, she didn’t have time to destroy it.
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
Both were concerning.
“Hey, It, mind if I take a walk today?” I called.
“Take Stupid with you.”
I blinked. Yeah, ok — that was fair.
“Ok, I’ll — “
“BEEG! We eez going for a WALK?!”
I watched as Stupid rapidly made up wasted time, her ears magnets for the items on my Aisle’s shelves.
“Hi Stupid,” I snorted. “Let’s go.”
“Ok Beeg!”
____
The day was a false spring, which was welcome after all the cold. I even lowered my hood so I didn’t overheat.
“Eez we getting meat pies, Beeg?” Stupid asked.
“I thought you didn’t like those?”
“Stupid doesn’t. But Stupid likes Beeg. And the last time we got to go together, we had meat pies!”
“I have something I think you might like instead.”
“What’s that, Beeg?”
Her eyes were so big as she looked at me. It was like I could see the world inside.
And it was all trust.
I ruffled her short, spiky hair and held out a hand.
She giggled and happily took it, skipping beside me and beating my legs with her ears.
As we walked, I couldn’t help but notice the lack of people on the street. Even the vendors seemed to suggest more than shout.
“What’s going on with the city, Stupid?” I asked, adjusting the book under my arm.
I resolved to get a pocket sewn into my cloak.
“Stupid doesn’t know, but Boss wasn’t happy,” she said. “Well, Boss is never happy. But this time, he was unhappy,” she amended with a nod.
That… sounded about right.
It also didn’t answer any of my questions, yet left me with new ones.
“Well… ” she began again, “Stupid thinks sometimes he eez happy, but pretends like he eezin’t.”
“Oh?”
“Yep! Stupid thinks Boss eez happy when he eez annoying Beeg!”
That… also sounded right.
“Welp, here we are,” I gestured. After all, what was there to say to a comment like that?
We both stopped before a small storefront. Even with the quietness outside, it was still busy.
I opened the door for Stupid.
____
“Can Stupid haz this one? And this one? And that one!” Stupid gasped, sprinting back and forth across the glass and pointing to every flavor available, the last flavor spoon still gripped in her tiny hand.
“And this one! And this one! And this one is Stupid’s favorite color!” she enthused, pointing to a light-blue flavor.
I smiled.
“We will take three scoops of the blue-raspberry,” I told the Kobold behind the counter, who was currently watching Stupid with a mixture of horror, fascination and bemusement.
Stupid’s eyes bulged.
“Three, Beeg?!”
The Kobold snorted and scooped on a fourth. I smiled in appreciation as I paid, getting a small cone of some orange flavor for myself.
I handed Stupid her ice cream and opened the door for her.
She walked out, eyes crossed seriously, balancing her cone — which was almost as tall as she was.
“Beeg, Stupid lovez it,” she breathed.
I snorted. “You haven’t tasted it yet.”
She proceeded to bite off half a scoop.
“Oh Beeg, eez so good! Eez — “
She froze.
“Eez hurts, Beeg! Stupid’s brain is broken!” She cried. I managed to reach down and grab the cone right before she let go to grab her head.
“Stupid, stick your thumb in your mouth and push on the top.”
She instantly complied.
“It hurtz, Beeg,” she sniffled. “Why do nice things hurt?”
I pulled up short.
Why do…
“Oh, eez better! Eet worked, Beeg! Fanks!” She giggled, pulling her thumb out of her mouth.
“Lick it, instead of eating it this time,” I laughed.
“Ok Beeg!”
Her enthusiasm made me glad she was wearing her burlap rather than her dress.
“Beeg, eez we going to the Library later?” she asked once her cone was done.
I have no idea how she fit all that ice cream into her tiny body.
I also had no idea how sneezing was a valid form of magic.
So I did what any sane person would do. I shrugged and answered.
Not today Stupid. I want to get back to the shop and look at the book.
“Mageek booook,” she breathed. “Do you think Stupid can ride it like Stupid’s last book?”
I drew up short. Actually…
“Stupid, what did happen to Workman’s Comp?”
“Book bit Stupid,” she chirped, “so It ripped all eetz pages out!”
“What? Were you hurt?!”
“Nope! Stupid’s arm didn’t work though, but then It fixed it and was all better!” she giggled.
“Where is the book now?” I whispered, eye narrowed.
“Boss burnz eet after It was done! That was a time Boss looked happy, too! He said: ‘And that’s what I think of Workman’s Comp’!”
“Good. How dare it do that to you,” I fumed.
Then I froze, a grin slowly growing on my face.
“Hey Stupid, want to carry my book back?” I smiled.
My smile grew as I felt the book shiver.
