I’ve been asked to kill a lot of things in my time. I’ve seen stuff that would make a gigas troll run away screaming. But never in my life have I even considered going up against a magical person. Wizards, sorcerers, whatever—these people do not play games. On the fuck-around-and-find-out scale, they rank right up there with Demon Lords and Dark Titans and anything else that'll pretty much guarantee that you die in one of the most horrible ways imaginable the second you pick a fight with them. As much as I can’t stand that Wizard Fallow, I know the prickly old fart could turn me inside out if I ever pissed him off too much so I’ve always kept my cool around him. And now this sorceress has some mystical gem that makes her even more powerful than she was before. But hell, that’s a task I can’t even worry about yet because there’s another, more important one that needs taken care of first. Ulric has to bust my ass out of jail.

  That first task turns out to be easier than I would have thought. At least at first. The guard outside my door doesn’t even try to stop us from walking out. He either trusts that Ulric wouldn’t be doing what he’s doing without the blessing of the empress or he’s just scared shitless of him. My money’s on the second one.

  As soon as we’re out in the hall, Ulric lets the chain on Hellstorm loose and gets ready to go to work. The first guard that raises a fuss barely has time to lift his crossbow before Ulric smashes a hole straight through the center of his head with Hellstorm. I can’t help but let out an “Oof” when it happens. The force is so strong that the mace gets embedded in the wall behind the guard. A second later, Ulric yanks it back by the chain and the man’s body crumples to the floor, minus one face.

  I run over and grab the guy’s keys off his waist before we go any farther. Then when I hand them over to my cellmate and instruct him to let the other prisoners out of their cells, Ulric turns and says, “What are you doing? We don’t have time for this.”

  “Trust me. You’ll thank me in a minute.”

  We see more guards the farther we go. Seems word has gotten around. Now they’re looking for us. Ulric can’t kill all of them on his own so it looks like I’ll have to whip this sword out and get my stab on. When two guards turn the corner and fire their crossbows at us, I drop to the ground while Ulric uses Hellstorm to whip the bolt flying at his head right out of the air. Then when the guards holster the crossbows so that they can draw out their swords, I scramble to my feet and stab one of them in the side through a gap in his armor while Ulric takes the other one’s leg out from under him with the mace. As the guard tumbles to the ground, Ulric drags the chain on Hellstorm back into the handle while running up to swing it down at the guy’s head—splattering the contents of his skull all over the place and ensuring another trip to the bathhouse for me. I throw my hands up as I get doused. "Fuck, Ulric! Really??"

  And on it goes. We do the same thing to every guard that crosses our path until we’ve cut and maimed and bashed our way through three more halls to get to the huge metal gate that leads outside. On the other side of the gate is the walkway they brought me in through. And from what I remember, it’s as heavily guarded as it gets. There’s a veritable army of crossbow-wielding henchfuckers that already know we’re coming and those huge walls on either side that even Ulric wouldn’t be able to leap over.

  The gate is of course closed when we get to it. Ulric gives it a whack with Hellstorm but all it does is puts a big dent in it. Then we both run around like idiots until we find the mechanism that opens it—a big wheel sticking out of the floor with handles like a ship helm. It takes both of us pulling on it to get the thing going, but once it’s in motion, it easily slides the rest of the way around. The gate slowly rises and as soon as it’s high enough for a person to fit underneath, guards from the walkway outside start sliding in to attack us. Which is a pretty dumb fucking thing to do considering who’s on the other side. Ulric lets go of the wheel and runs over to bonk the life out of each one with Hellstorm the second they slide under the gate.

  The guards wise up and start sticking their crossbows underneath it to fire at us. Looks like this is as high as the gate’s gonna get. I abandon the wheel and run to the side as crossbow bolts whiz past me. Ulric’s on the other side of the gate in his own hiding spot. I yell at him from my side, “Got any ideas?”

  “Yes. don’t die.”

  This fucking guy. I tell ya.

  I decide to take the initiative and use my sword to slice through the rope that connects the gate to the wheel. The gate instantly crashes down, smashing through a few of the crossbows in the process. Now the gate is closed and can’t be opened. Ulric stands and walks in my direction as he huffs at me, “That was our only way out. You just locked us inside.”

  “Yeah, but I also locked them out. And besides, that wasn’t the only way out.” Ulric knows what I’m talking about and we both run back through the bowels of the prison toward the arena.

  The other inmates are now running amok. Once Matt let a few of them out, they started going around freeing each other and now they’re all over the place, having a fucking field day. It’s like New Year’s in this joint—except really gory and awful and there’s no women or booze. Everywhere I look there are dead guards and the vampire and I are able to make our way to the arena without any trouble.

  We’re not the only ones who had this idea. The gates have all been torn down and now there’s droves of prisoners sprinting up the seating area to scale down the wall on the other side. We make our way into the spectator section and I’m just about to run toward the top when Ulric stops me and says, “No. This way.” He motions with his head toward the royalty box and then we both run to that side of the arena while arrows and crossbow bolts soar down around us. A few unlucky prisoners get taken out but we’re mostly blending in with the rest of the mayhem and don’t seem to be getting targeted ourselves.

  Ulric is leaping up the seating area three rows at a time while I clamber over each one like a dope. When he gets to the royalty box, he grabs onto an ornamental outcropping at the base to fling himself up into it without even trying. When I manage to pant my way to the same spot, Ulric has to reach down over the edge to pull me up.

  Looks like we’re the only ones who made it into the royalty box. Before we make our final getaway, I grimace and suck in air through my teeth before informing my accomplice, “Uh, Ulric, not sure if you realize this or not but…you have two arrows sticking out of your back.” I guess that flashy red cape of his gave the archers something fun to aim at.

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  He glances over his shoulder. “It will mend. Come. We’re not far now.” Then we race through a couple of empty halls, down a big flight of stairs, and out onto the street where Gabriella is waiting with horses. Without saying a word, she yanks the arrows out of Ulric’s back about as indelicately as I think a person could. I swear I’ve seen butchers with better bedside manner. As soon as they’re out, she tosses the arrows to the ground and then the three of us mount the animals. All that’s left to do after that is gallop the fuck outta there while distracted guards chase newly freed inmates all over the city.

  ***

  As far as hideouts go, Ulric could do better. We ride all night until we’re about as far away from civilization as we could possibly be and then we ride a little farther until we reach a big, decrepit old manor in the middle of the woods that looks like it’s haunted and probably is. Actually, it’s very Ulric.

  After tying the horses to the rail out front, I give mine a job-well-done pat and then we make our way to the front of the house. Three hounds run up and circle around us, barking their tails off until Ulric reaches down to scratch each one behind the ears. I’ve had enough of dogs lately so I keep my distance. Then we all look up when we hear a fluttering above our heads. I can just barely make out the silhouette of a bat against the night sky. I point up and say, “Friend of yours?” Gabriella smiles. Ulric ignores me.

  Before we get to the door, it goes ahead and opens on its own for us. At first, I assume it’s magic. But then I feel like a bonehead when I see an elderly man pulling it open from the other side. He might be even more decrepit than the house. He says oldly, “Welcome back, Sir Ulric.” His eyes are milky white and he looks like he could keel over dead any second. I nod at him as we walk by even though he clearly can’t see me.

  We go past the foyer into the living room and—man—I thought I’d seen dust before. I didn’t even know what dust was. I’m afraid to even breathe in here. Ulric leads us through the combination-mausoleum/living room to a door that opens to a stairwell leading down. Then Gabriella grabs a lit candle off the mantle and down into the basement we go.

  When we arrive at the bottom of the stairs—at the dust stronghold—Gabriella uses the candle to light a few wall sconces so we can actually see in this dump. Then she sets the candle on a table and sits down to remove her armor. While she’s doing that, Ulric collapses into a chair, launching a cloud of dust into the air before leaning his head back and closing his eyes with a groan.

  I’m the only one not relaxing. I wave my hand at the dust assaulting my face as I cough out, “So, how do we kill a sorceress?”

  Ulric doesn’t even open his eyes when he responds, “We will hatch a plan tomorrow evening. Now I need rest.”

  “As long as you work ‘saving my friends from the palace’ into your plan, I’m for whatever.”

  Ulric opens his eyes and tilts his head forward. “Friends? You know more people that are being held captive in the palace?”

  “Um, you seem to be forgetting about a certain sentient mask that you stole from me when we first met…Sorta met.”

  Ulric gives me one of his diabolical chuckles. “Yes, of course. ‘Mazi,’ as you call it. Quite the talkative piece of apparel.”

  “Yeah, well, he’s a friend of mine and I want to save him. End of discussion.”

  Ulric leans back and recloses his eyes. “This will all be discussed tomorrow.” That’s the last I hear from him for the night.

  I end up falling asleep on a sofa that probably hasn’t been touched in a decade and don’t wake up for about twelve goddamn hours. I had a helluva day yesterday and I don’t feel the least bit bad about sleeping in. Looks like it’s almost evening by the time I finally yawn and stretch my way outside. This shit with Ulric is contagious.

  When I emerge from the manor, Gabriella is walking out of the woods with a slew of rabbits slung over her shoulder that she’s gripping by the ears. When she sees me, she says, “Good evening, Darion. You can help dress these.” Then she flings the bunnies down onto a flattened tree stump that’s wide enough to use as a table. After that, she hands me a big hunting knife and we both go to work on the little furballs.

  Gabriella talks while we do our thing, “Did you see your lover?” I nod. “And how was it? What you’d hoped for? Worth being a slave for?” I nod again, this time with a smile. She smiles back and then looks down at her work. “I am happy for you.” This is a very weird conversation to have while we do what we’re doing to these rabbits.

  “What about you? Are you and Ulric anything to each other?”

  She shakes her head. “No. We have an arrangement and that is all.”

  I laugh through my nose. “Yeah, I don’t get the impression he’s super emotionally available at the moment. What with his lifeforce being taken and all.” Gabriella shrugs and nods without looking up. “...What is it exactly? His lifeforce, I mean. I get the gist of it but, like—what is it?”

  “It’s the ring his woman wore. He had it on a chain around his neck before the empress took it.”

  The tree stump is starting to get very colorful. “Okay, so then…how’d his lifeforce get into the ring?”

  She furrows her brow and tells me like I’m an idiot, “He put it in it.”

  “Right.”

  As she starts in on another bunny, I ask her, “So, what does he eat? Does he, like—”

  She plunges her knife into the stump and then says with a glare, “You ask too many questions.”

  “Yeah, you’re right, I really do.” A second later, she picks the knife back up and then we work in companionable silence until dark.

  Once the sun is out of sight, the door to the manor creaks open and out walks Ulric, looking fresh as a daisy. He even has a little smirk on his face. You’d never know this fucker had two arrows pulled out of his back less than a day ago.

  The hounds run up to him and he gives each one a scratch before walking over to Gabriella and me to announce, “Wonderful evening! Let’s get a fire going.”

  A half hour later, the three of us are sitting cozy around a big fire with a whole family of rabbits getting roasted on a spit. Ulric’s got one of the hounds on his lap and even I’m finally feeling relaxed. He strokes the dog as he tells us, “Lilithene cannot be killed by simple weapons. Mere enchantments will do no good. We need powerful witchcraft to vanquish her.”

  I pull one of the rabbits off the spit. “Okay. What kind of witchcraft?”

  “That I do not know. We will need someone capable in the mystical arts to aid us.”

  “What, like a wizard?” I take a bite and then ask through a mouthful of charred meat, “You got anyone in mind?”

  Ulric looks at Gabriella and shakes his head. Then he looks at me. I chew on my rabbit meat for a second before realizing he’s waiting for me to say something. I don’t know what it is, so all I say is, “What?”

  They both just keep staring at me. I chew and stare back until I realize, “...No.” Ulric leans forward and clasps his hands together. I set the rabbit down and tell him, “No. Anyone but him. I fucking hate that guy. Is this the only reason you got me outta that prison?” Then they both start smiling. “.....Goddamnit.”