Heron didn’t know whether he was crazy or stupid or maybe both.

  Probably both.

  Growing up, he had never been the most audacious, let alone making a bold choice. He was always kind of a goody two-shoes; following the rules, not even toeing the line, and always playing within the boundaries of what should and should not be done. But apparently in his second life, without an instruction manual on ‘how to not anger an endgame mythological creature’ was causing Heron to make some questionable decisions. Very questionable decisions.

  Unhand me, human! You shall feel my wrath once I return to my true form!

  It was just so hard to believe that this tiny, adorable, fluffy white rabbit was the great dragon that had assaulted his potato field earlier today. Clearly there was a disconnect somewhere because Heron was not only unafraid, but also had a big stupid grin on his face. Holding the comb like a weapon, he pulled the rabbit into his lap.

  “Relax, you’re too stiff. That’s probably why you were uncomfortable.” He snorted as he wrangled the dragon-rabbit who was now squirming and making a fuss.

  Heron was brushing the rabbit’s fur. Slowly and carefully, he gave it a good combing through. Normally, he’d have never come up with a solution such as this, but he had to get home somehow. The dragon did proclaim that if it was comfortable, it would return to its original form. He didn’t see another option. And if the dragon remained a rabbit forever, Heron could say goodbye to his crops and his little cabin that he had worked his butt off for.

  While he had no idea where they were, he sure wasn’t ready to settle down in Moo-Moo Land.

  Just like his original planet, Heron noted that the sky was clear and blue without a sun in sight. While he was only in his underpants and still drying off from the water of the lake, the breeze was warm enough that he wasn’t too chilled but the thought of catching a cold crossed his mind. That would suck but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. Unless there were diseases that he wasn’t aware of, like airborne bovine respiratory disease.

  Heron did not like the idea of contracting undetectable problems.

  Ah yes, the burden of responsibilities I have rests heavy on my shoulders. Now, behind the ears, peasant.

  What a demanding dragon. Just one second ago it had made angry bunny noises at Heron, but was now completely relaxed in his grip with its eyes closed. If it was a cat, it would be purring. Heron grinned sheepishly as he followed the dragon-rabbit’s instructions and proceeded to brush behind its rabbit ears.

  Ten minutes passed. Then twenty. Then thirty. Heron hadn’t expected this to be a problem. He was finding out that brushing the rabbit’s coat with a wooden comb for an extended period of time was doing him in. His shoulder, forearm, and wrist were begging for mercy.

  “Lord Bun? Are you comfortable yet?” Heron felt ridiculous asking such a question but he choked back the irritation that was building in his chest.

  What was he, a rabbit groomer? He wasn’t even getting paid for this kind of overtime!

  No, no. Not quite. We’re getting there though. I can feel it.

  Well, that was a lie considering this had been the recurring conversation loop the two of them had been tangoing with the past hour or two. Heron was beginning to question his life choices. How did he even put himself in this position in the first place—

  POOF.

  Heron hadn’t considered the consequences of grooming the rabbit in his lap. Because he’d overlooked the fact that the dragon had indeed magically turned into a rabbit from thin air, he hadn’t made the connection that the dragon was coming back—also from thin air.

  “HURK—“ Heron grunted as he was pushed across the grass with extreme force.

  I have been freed from the confines of the burden and weight of destiny.

  The dragon roared in Heron’s mind as it spread its wings triumphantly with a smug grin on its face. It stood high in the grassy plains, its red-eyes glinting with its chest puffed proudly.

  Blinking slowly, Heron stared at the white dragon, their eyes meeting. He had been too frightened earlier when the dragon had first appeared—and Heron had been more concerned about being eaten alive than he was about the dragon’s aesthetics. Just like when it was in its rabbit form, the dragon was a stark white with shining scales. Its body was muscular yet slim, and its wingspan was broad—the wings were almost translucent with a silky sheen.

  Heron made the observation that the dragon seemed… new. New as in, never been used before, not even refurbished. No signs of injuries, markings, or battle scars.

  That was curious.

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  For a dragon that claimed to be the Great Destroyer, Planet Annihilator, and World Ender, it was surprisingly well kept.

  The dragon cleared its throat with a deep rumble. Heron flinched, preparing himself to be incinerated. But the flames never came—instead, the dragon spoke in his mind.

  Now, how shall I punish the mortal who dared to defile my sacred coat?

  “Wait, what?” Heron protested as he stood up, brushing the grass off the back of his underpants, already forgetting his fear of being burnt to crisp. “You know you were enjoying it, why else would you have turned back—“

  Hush, the enemies will hear your pathetic squawking.

  The dragon spun around, its tail missing Heron by less than a meter. Heron felt his life flash before his eyes. He almost dropped to his knees but chuckled nervously instead and stepped several steps back. Not today, tail of death.

  Your punishment is to infiltrate the enemy ranks and report back to me. I shall siege and lay waste to the army of these so-called ‘cows’.

  Unamused, Heron held back a sigh as he skirted around the dragon, avoiding any chances of getting crushed to smithereens by any loose limbs.

  “Yes, Lord Bun—I mean, Lord…?”

  Lord Bun was amusing when the dragon couldn’t bite his head off. Heron knew he was toeing the line and he intended to keep it that way. That way as in his head safely lodged on his neck.

  You may call me Lord Greatest of All Time. For I am the Greatest of All Time.

  The dragon beamed proudly at him, like it was a completely reasonable title.

  “Lord GOAT???”

  Goat? Silly human, did you not hear what I said? It is I, Lord Greatest of All Time.

  Heron stared at the dragon before turning away, holding back a laugh. While he was still scared of being dragon chow, he still had an opinion about the entire situation he was stuck in. He still didn’t know the dragon’s name but at this point, he didn’t really care anymore. The dragon could keep its secrets, but if that was the case, the dragon was going to have to settle for Lord Bun or Lord GOAT.

  “Alright, Lord GOAT. Your loyal servant will now scout the dangerous foes.” Heron decided to play along, dropping into a bow.

  Before the dragon could protest its newest nickname, Heron was already jogging away so he could take a closer look at the strange, smiling cows.

  Through the grassy plains, Heron could see the cattle up ahead, still chowing down the stack of hay that he had summoned earlier to survive the fall from when he and the dragon had crash landed onto this planet. On closer inspection, still far enough away from detection, Heron could see that they did look like the cows he was familiar with in his previous life. The only obvious difference was their unflinching smiles as they chewed on the hay.

  They sure had some nice, pearly whites. Heron didn’t know whether to be scared or concerned. Wouldn’t their jaws hurt if they were smiling constantly?

  Besides the smiles, there didn’t seem to be anything else off-putting about them. They looked like cows, smelled like cows, and sounded like cows. Heron did ponder whether or not they could produce milk like the cows that he was familiar with, but they did have the parts for it so that was reassuring. Still, with the dragon having harped on them ‘being attacked’, Heron wanted to feel at ease before he reported back to—

  We must launch an attack while they’re distracted by the fortress of bribery we constructed earlier. You charge and I’ll be reviewing your combat skills.

  Heron jumped at the sound of the voice in his head as he whipped around. The dragon had barely moved up by a few meters, lagging behind. The dragon gave him a nod, as if to encourage Heron to become a cow-assaulter.

  “I am not going to charge at the cows.” Heron called back, which only made the dragon jerk back.

  Quiet, you fool! They’ll hear you and then I’ll have no choice but to obliterate this planet.

  That sounded like an overkill but what did Heron know, he wasn’t Lord GOAT. Not only did he have to manage the dragon’s mood, he also needed to find a way to approach the bovines that would appease all parties involved. He wasn’t going to cast fireball at the cows, that would be uncalled for. Not that he knew how to cast fireball, it just seemed like a basic spell in the video games he used to play.

  Instead, Heron ushered the dragon forward with a wave of his hand, beckoning it forward. The dragon glanced around suspiciously and hesitantly before taking a step. It took only one step. Great. This was going to take all day at the rate it was going.

  Heron inhaled then exhaled as he forced a grin on his face and gave the dragon two thumbs up, giving it the best silent encouragement possible to take another step. The dragon just tilted its head to one side, confused by the gesture. Heron groaned as he turned back to the cows. It was probably easier to deal with them instead of the dragon.

  What did cows like to eat anyway?

  Clearly hay as they were devouring the stack Heron had created. He didn’t even know cows could eat that much, but they were sort of taking turns since there was a whole herd of them. Maybe if he could bribe one that was off to the side with a treat of some sort…

  His interest was piqued as he noticed a little cow on the side. Also grinning, but definitely less creepy than the fully grown cattle. It was flicking its tail from side to side as it stared longingly at the stack of hay.

  Heron stepped closer, carefully and slowly towards the smaller bovine. It wasn’t a baby but it likely wasn’t a fully grown adult yet. He could deal with it easier and the dragon could probably carry this one in its grip without accidentally clawing it.

  Imagining a carrot, Heron summoned one into his palm, wielding it like a weapon. “Pspsps.”

  While not a cat, the ‘pspsps’ sound still got the cow’s attention as it turned its head towards Heron, its teeth baring into a large smile. Either these cows were just really happy or their mouths were built that way. Heron hoped it was the former. As he got closer, he waved the carrot like he was about to play fetch with the cow.

  “You want it? You can have it, just come a little closer.”

  This was now a heist and Heron couldn’t believe he was baiting a cow with a carrot in his undies. He prayed that the dragon was reading his mind; the second that he drew the little cow away from the main herd, they were going to book it.

  If that thing bites me, there will be consequences.

  Heron held his breath as the small cow sniffed his hand and started tugging at the carrot. It began to nibble and chomp at the tip and Heron flicked his head back to the dragon.

  Mission accomplished???

  The dragon took flight, its wings flapping greatly as the generated breeze swept across the plain, the grass wafting from the force. Flying towards Heron, he felt a tug towards the dragon as he was hoisted by an unknown force once more and landed on the back of Lord GOAT. With a moo of protest, the little cow was snatched into the air as Heron and his newfound companion made their escapade.

  [ +1 Smol Cow ]