Shadows in the Smoke - Chapter 50 - It's not Funny!

  “In the bad old days of the Kingdom of Itria, poverty was rife as the nobleborn stole the hardwork of the people. Since the revolution, no one in the Republic goes hungry and abject poverty is a thing of the past.”

  The Struggle for Freedom by Bjarne Midthun

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  Ester returned to her room with her head spinning. She’d only had a few sips of Sigrid’s alcohol, it wasn’t that. She just had too much to think about. Was that really how she was going to end up? Drunk and miserable because of everything that had happened around her? Or had things just gone wrong for Sigrid?

  Did it even matter?

  She wouldn’t be doing anything differently regardless. She’d hated the idea of sitting in Trevayn making Schemas when she was at the Academy. She’d already chosen a harder life so that she could serve the Empire and truly help people. This was just the path she would have to walk on.

  Ester smiled to herself as she started to get ready for her cold, uncomfortable bed. Perhaps sitting in Trevayn making Schemas wouldn’t have been all that bad after all. A nice respected position, wealth, comfortable beds. Maybe a husband after a while. Boring, but safe and comfortable.

  She’d probably have ended up setting something on fire in frustration.

  She suspected that sleep was going to be difficult, knowing what she’d be facing tomorrow evening. Maybe this was when her story would end. She wasn’t ready for that though. There was still so much more to do, so many things to learn too. The answer was simple really. She just had to make sure she didn’t die. Everyone said Sigrid was unkillable. Maybe it was even true. One day she’d be as good as her, better even. And then people would say Master Ester Mazar was unkillable too. She’d just need to stay strong and confident that what she was doing was right. Sigrid didn’t have the Empire and Her Eternal Majesty to keep her going.

  Ester muttered words of power as she remade the wards on the door. It didn’t seem likely that anyone would try to kill her in her sleep, not anymore. However, she didn’t want to find out she was wrong the hard way.

  Maybe she could help Sigrid, once this was all over. Not with any ideas about the Empire. It was clear that the woman would never see the truth there. But maybe something else. Maybe she just needed a break. Or a friend.

  Ester wasn’t sure what Sigrid saw in her. They didn’t seem to have all that much in common, but if she was the only one Sigrid would open up to, then she’d do her best to help her. They weren’t enemies after all. The Empire wanted peace and it seemed like the Republic did too. That meant it was alright to feel bad for her. Alright to try to help her.

  As she settled into bed, that gave Ester a small bit of comfort. Not everyone heroic ended up like Sigrid and not everyone needed to stay that way. After tomorrow though. First she needed to survive.

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  Ester spent most of the next day resting and preparing herself for the mission. She’d been excused any duty on the walls to let her relax and even given a double ration of food. For the first time in weeks, she actually felt vaguely full. Most days now they were fed so little that Loga had even joked about stealing some of the undead’s food. Although the idea of eating something that had been near so many corpses made Ester’s stomach turn, despite how ravenously hungry she was.

  Night fell early in the northern winter and all too soon it was time to go.

  Ester and Loga were to leave the fort from the west. Lindholm and her comrades from the east.

  The world outside the fort’s gate was bordering on pitch black. The moon was waning and heavy clouds blocked out its dim light, leaving the snow covered landscape shrouded in darkness. She glanced back towards the looming, faintly illuminated shape of the fort and then pulled the dark-eye Schema over her face before muttering a single word.

  “ébair.”

  Magic sparked around Ester’s head, just out of her sight, and in a flash the black night was gone. She could see as if it was daylight, except the colours were washed out and there was a faint green tinge to the world that reminded her of the Weiryd. Shapes were fuzzy and she felt like things were moving in the corner of her eye, but whenever she focused on them there was nothing. She shook her head, but that didn’t seem to help, if anything it made things worse.

  If Loga found it as disconcerting he didn’t show any sign of it. He’d already taken a few strides out into the snow before he paused and looked back.

  “Coming, Mazar?”

  Ester shook her head again, just to make sure it didn’t help, and then started after him. The Schema would just have to do.

  This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

  She was wearing a Republican uniform, somewhat altered to blend in with the enemy soldiers. It wasn’t the most comfortable feeling, dressing like the enemy, but she had to admit, she was thankful for it this time. It was warm and the boots kept her feet dry and only a little cold, without her having to spend magical energy. The most annoying part though was the way she’d had to tie up her hair to hide it under the scratchy fur hat they’d given her.

  It was lucky that the snow was patchy and not particularly deep, they had a long way to walk. It was hard going, even with that. Annoyingly, Loga didn’t seem to find it at all difficult. He looked like he could go much faster if he wanted to. He could probably run through it as fast a galloping horse if he really wanted to, since no one seemed to mind teaching him how to enhance himself.

  Ester pushed the sour thoughts away and focused on moving her feet. There was no point in getting annoyed, she just had to deal with the world as it was.

  It wasn’t long before boredom started to gnaw away at her composure. With the miserable conditions, it would probably take hours to reach the undead and, until then, there was nothing to do except keep slogging her way forward. It was too hard to focus on something interesting like trying to think through ideas for Schemas. Trying to count her steps quickly lost its appeal after she miscounted somewhere around 500 and even with the dark-eye Schema there really wasn’t much to see at all.

  Ester did her best to resist, but eventually the need for something to distract her from alternating between worrying about the undead and thinking about how bored she was made her crack.

  “Arcanist-Captain?”

  “Yes?” To her irritation, he didn’t sound at all out of breath.

  She realised she hadn’t even thought about what to say to him. “Do you do things like this very often?”

  “Oh, definitely.” He actually sounded excited. “This is the kind of thing we signed up to the 13th for. Sitting in a fort and starving is a waste of our time and skills. The 13th is a strike regiment, we go straight for the enemy’s heart and then we plunge a dagger through it.” Despite the enthusiasm in his voice, he still kept it low.

  “That is impressive.” It never hurt to flatter someone. “How did you end up in the 13th though? I think people have said it is entirely made up of veterans.”

  “Well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. But most of us are. You need to have distinguished yourself somehow to be accepted by Sigrid. Watch out, there’s a hole there.”

  “Thank you.” Ester stepped around the break in the ground. “What did you do then?”

  “Ah. Well.”

  Loga actually sounded embarrassed. He really wasn’t all that much older than Ester when she thought about it. Barely more than a boy, despite everything and yet here he was risking his life against the undead. Just like her.

  “Yes?”

  “Well, there were a few things. I suppose what got me into the 13th was when I was serving in the 82nd Line Regiment. I was an Arcanist-Subaltern and we were holding the line up near Solholt. I snuck behind the undead lines.”

  Was that all? Surely there must have been more to it than that. Ester’s mind went back to the way Loga had struggled against the vampire Silas. “Was it difficult?”

  She heard a slight hesitation in his step. “Getting through their lines? Not really, they were sloppy. They generally are. No, the harder part was…” He trailed off for a second and then sighed loudly. “I killed two necromancers and freed ten Republican prisoners. That was harder. The worst part though was the ones who were left behind. Fucking necromancers.”

  “I… I am sorry.” Guilt bubbled inside Ester. She’d just wanted to break the silence, not silently question his competence while she brought back horrible memories for him.

  “Don’t be. That got me noticed and then I was offered a place in the 13th. I haven’t looked back. What about you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Why are you here? You’re a fancy schmancy Imperial diplomat. You didn’t need to come out here and subject yourself to this.”

  “Did they not tell you? I am here to observe the war effort on behalf—”

  “Yes, yes, of course you are. But why are you really here? There are safer places to do that, you’re not a Battle Mage. I think. I just don’t believe the Empire would order a Mage like you to risk herself out here.”

  Ester opened her mouth to reply and then closed it again. Why was she really here? She could just repeat the same line as before. It was even true, mostly. But it seemed like a waste to say that when they were walking through the night, probably on their way to their deaths.

  “Honestly?” She paused. “I wanted to prove myself.”

  “You what?”

  “Prove myself, show that I could fight, that I could help people.”

  “Yes, I understand that, but why? Why would you need to show that?”

  Ester shot Loga an annoyed look that he couldn’t see. “You would not understand.”

  “No, I don’t. You’re a Mage, you’re part of the nobleborn because of your title, regardless of who your parents were. Everyone in the Empire looks up to you. I’ve seen how good you are. What do you have to prove?”

  “Do you really think that, Arcanist-Captain? What did you think of me when I first joined you? Did you think I could fight? Or that I was a useless girl taking attention away from the enemy?” She sighed and moderated her tone. “You do not need to answer that. The Empire does not like it when women fight. I wanted to be a hero and to serve the Empire. I still do. That means proving that I can. For every two steps I take forward, I am pushed back another. One day, I want people to talk about me the way you talk about Sigrid, but however you think the Empire works, I will have to earn every bit of that. So, honestly. That is why I am here. I am serving the Empire and observing the war. I am also proving myself and helping people.”

  “I see…” Ester felt a small flush of satisfaction at Loga’s quiet words. “This is good, I feel I’m starting to really get to know you. What you’re really saying is that—” he stifled a snicker. Was he laughing at her? “Is that, you’ve somehow fought your way from being a weaver’s daughter into one of the most privileged positions in the Empire. That you could have been sitting in a warm palace, eating feasts and practically rolling in gold, but instead you’re hungry, cold and tramping through snow and mud with a jumped-up Republican peasant, all because the Empire doesn’t let women fight. That’s… That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in months!” He broke down into outright laughter.

  “You—” Ester couldn’t find the words she needed to reply to that. The heat of her outrage burned in her, except there was something scraping away at it. A little giggle escaped her lips. It wasn’t funny! “I—” He was right. It was completely ridiculous. She groped for dignity and lost it. “You may have a p—” Her words dissolved into laughter, matching Loga’s.

  “Sorry, sorry!” Loga eventually managed to get himself under control. “You have to admit, it is ridiculous though. Do you know how much some people will do not to get sent to the frontlines?”

  “No, it is fine, do not apologise. You are right, when I look at myself, it is funny.”

  After that, walking through the snow didn’t feel quite as hard as it had before.

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  Dramatis personae:

  Ester Mazar - Chartered Mage, definitely going to fix everything.

  Edving Loga - Arcanist-Captain, achievement unlocked: getting Ester to laugh at herself.