I pointed to a small, one-foot-square cage in the back of the galley sitting on a table.

  “Dick, what the hell is that?”

  “You’ve got about another minute before I can see again.”

  “There’s a tiny-ass cage with a glowing light asking to be let out.”

  “Oh! That’s a Freelancer.”

  I approached the golden light. “Are they wisps or something?”

  “Maybe? I’m unsure. Usually, they’ll take a setting-appropriate form when you hire them, but who knows what that’ll look like in this World Dungeon.”

  “How much does it cost to hire one?”

  “It tells you when you touch the cage. It’ll unlock, prompting you with an offer to hire. That’s when all the details show up. Since this is your first Freelancer rescue, they’ll be a Gatherer. You definitely want to hire them.”

  “Long as they don’t cost credits…” I poked the cage with my finger. It didn’t budge, but a System prompt appeared.

  [Freelancer rescued. Would you like to hire this Gatherer for 500 gold?]

  [Unhired Freelancers are sent to the general recruitment pool for all players.]

  [Yes] [No]

  “Sure,” I said and tapped Yes.

  [You’ve spent: 500 gold. Total gold: 805.]

  And just like that, all the gold I’d earned from the boss was gone.

  [Freelancing - Objective: Hire a Freelancer, complete.]

  [You’ve gained 1 Uncommon chest.]

  [New objective: Build a barracks, mess hall, and a warehouse.]

  The door to the cage opened, and the light winked out of existence. I spun around, expecting someone or something to appear beside me but found nothing.

  “Where’d they go?”

  “They’re bound to your Lair now, and that’s where you’ll find them.”

  Good, I’d been worried I’d have to babysit their helpless ass through the rest of the Instance.

  I wasn’t sure if the Instance progress was rounded or if the System was going to screw me and have me complete four objectives to beat it.

  Not that it really mattered; I still had two heads and another Freelancer to find.

  I looted the guy I’d “decked” on my way out.

  [You’ve gained: 15 gold and 1 match. Total gold: 820.]

  Of course, I found them after finishing the objective. Whatever. After chopping off the sailor’s head, I shoved it into my inventory, replacing the one I just ate.

  It was time to go to prison.

  I adjusted my grip on the cutlass and started jogging back toward the dilapidated entrance. The one I’d seen when I first arrived.

  * * *

  Fifteen minutes later, I found the entrance unguarded and just waltzed in. There wasn’t a jailer in sight. As I strolled on through the courtyard, shouting and screaming came from my right.

  If I had to guess, that was the way to Cell Block A. The rioting probably pulled most of the guards, which I’d take advantage of. I’d keep my eye out for patrols, but it was doubtful there were any left.

  I found a barred door with a sign above it that read: “Cell Block B.” They’d locked it, but that wasn’t anything my foot couldn’t fix.

  The door was surprisingly durable; it took a dozen kicks before finally shattering. If there were any jailers left in the cell block, they’d have heard me.

  I swatted the remains of the splintered door out of the way and stepped through. It was a ghost town of empty guard posts and open prisoner cells.

  With the riot’s din unable to penetrate the thick concrete walls, I heard sobbing. It came from all the way down the hall—the last cell. I took a step and froze as the cries climbed into a harsh wail.

  It was clearly a woman; I could read the anguish in her voice like an all-too-familiar book. The burden of her pain and anger fumbled at the lock that held my own at bay. I shut my eyes tight, blocking out the unkindness of my past.

  She’s just an NPC, I told myself. This isn’t real.

  It helped enough.

  I continued pacing down the corridor, glancing into each empty cell as I went. But it was always the same: straw bedding and a bucket—nothing useful.

  The sobbing grew louder with each step, and I’d gotten halfway through the cell block before receiving the notification.

  [You’ve engaged Moaning Lisa, level 1 Instance boss.]

  [Hint: Help her get revenge. Good luck.]

  I spun around, cutlass at the ready, waiting for the bitch to jump out at me. But she didn’t; there wasn’t even an annoying monologue to suffer through. I expected the lead jailer, or at least a particularly nasty one. But nothing could have prepared me for what I found.

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  I followed the sound of grief to the last cell. That’s where I found Moaning Lisa’s already-dead body.

  The corpse was naked, covered in scratches and discolored patches as it lay on the disgusting straw-covered floor. Floating above her was a weeping aberration and the source of lamentations.

  I’d gotten too close, and the ephemeral spirit looked up at me.

  “You’re too late!” she hissed. “They’ve already taken everything.”

  I stepped back, still processing what the hell had happened here.

  “I’ve nothing left!” she wailed and then charged me.

  I swung the cutlass, but it passed harmlessly through her. Unfortunately, it wasn’t harmless when she passed through me. Like an icy dagger, she slashed through, sapping my Vitality. I gasped, dropping the cutlass to grip my unbeating heart. The sword clattered on the ground as I spun to face her.

  My mind raced to catch up.

  “Dick! How do I fight a ghost?”

  His response didn’t hide his own panic.

  “Uh… what kind of ghost? You natives have a lot of folklore.”

  “I don’t know!” I dove to the side, barely avoiding her as she charged me again. “The weepy kind! How many ghosts are there?”

  “Loads. Could be a phantom, specter, shade, or a wraith. Might even be a poltergeist—”

  I cut him off. “Could be anything. Got it.”

  That wasn’t helpful. I squared up and threw a punch at her as she came around again. My arm sailed through her, as useless as the cutlass. Actually, it was worse; I felt more of my Vitality ebb away from the attempt.

  I doubled back, sliding under another of her swooping attacks to scoop up the sword and stash it in my inventory. I didn’t have a plan to fight something I couldn’t touch.

  “Dick, you can see my Vitality, right?”

  “Yep, you’re at 593 out of 715.”

  I wasn’t a damn calculator and said, “I need a visual or something.” I saw the smashed door at the end of the cell block and bolted for it. “And I swear to God, if you tell me there’s a franking QoL for it, I’ll find a way to put my boot to your ass!”

  “That’s… unlikely.”

  My feet pounded the stone bricks as Lisa moaned behind me. “Are you sassing me in the middle of a goddamn boss battle?!”

  “No, it’s just—never mind. What about percentages?”

  “That’ll do.” I burst through the mostly open doorway, catching a few stray splinters in my arms.

  “Just warn me if I drop too low.”

  “What’s too low?”

  This conversation was going to get me killed. “I don’t know!” I picked at random. “Uh… quarter of my Vitality.”

  My eyes darted around the courtyard in search of an answer. I thought maybe something elemental like fire or water might affect her. It occurred to me that rock might be an element.

  I slowed just enough to bend and scoop up a sizable rock with one hand. Then I skidded to a stop, turned, and chucked it at the bitch.

  Nothing. It went right through her.

  “Goddammit,” I muttered as I turned to run again.

  This was getting me nowhere, and she didn’t appear to leash like NPCs did in a video game.

  What was the hint again? I wondered. Something about revenge? That’s it. Help her get revenge.

  But how the frank was I supposed to do that? She was already dead. Maybe I just needed to cut her head off? No, that’d take too much time, and she’d be all over me. I knew one of my traits said I could survive negative Vitality, but if she hit my head, I’d start losing Intellect.

  It was a damn good thing I could run forever. It took me almost half a dozen laps to remember those shit-talking jailers and what they’d done to one female prisoner.

  I hated to think about it, but Moaning Lisa must have been that woman. It gave me an idea. A really shitty idea that would probably blow up in my face and definitely get me killed.

  I tried to duck, but her legs ghost-kicked or some shit as she clipped me in the head.

  [Your Intellect has dropped to level 26.]

  I stumbled and couldn’t get up in time to get out of her way as she came back around. She tore right through me. Dickhead spoke up immediately.

  “Frank, you just dropped below one quarter Vitality.”

  I was out of time.

  “Frank, frank, frank, frank!” I cursed repeatedly as I veered off toward Cell Block A and enacted the shittiest of plans.

  Thank God, some idiot had left the damn door open to Cell Block A. I flew through it with Moaning Lisa hot on my tail.

  It was chaos. The smell hit me first. A mass of unwashed, unkempt prisoners—too many to count—surrounded the dozen jailers that remained.

  They trampled the fallen underfoot as they shouted and beat each other with billy clubs, makeshift knives, and desperate fists. I just hoped they wouldn’t suddenly stop fighting and all aggro on me instead.

  Luckily for me, they didn’t.

  I ran out of runway as I rapidly approached the mass of bodies and leapt. My super-strengthened ass cleared six-franking-feet, barely skimming over their heads.

  I pulled my fist back for a Superman punch aimed at the closest jailer as I came down. The prisoners backed off as I dropped the asshat to the floor with a satisfying crack.

  [Your Punching skill has increased to level 2.]

  It sucked that I had to hold back, and it didn’t outright kill him. But it felt franking good, and I bet it looked even more badass.

  I stared at the wall of desperate, angry eyes looking back at me. They turned to help the other escaped convicts. Before I could turn to see where Moaning Lisa was, she flew overhead and dove into the next jailer. Only she hadn’t come out the other side like she’d done with me.

  “No, no!” the possessed jailer screamed as his body locked up.

  Even the surrounding prisoners backed away from him as his limbs jerked and snapped themselves into ninety-degree angles. Sharp pops punctuated his screams as she folded him from the inside.

  “Holy shit,” I mumbled, realizing how lucky I was she hadn’t done that to me earlier.

  The jailer I had knocked out was coming to. His hand groped up my shin. I’d learned my lesson from last time and aimed for his neck with my stomp. It shattered on the second attempt.

  [You’ve earned: 50 XP.]

  Having killed her first jailer, her essence slipped out his nose and mouth to reform above his body as it dropped. She wasted no time diving into another.

  Her next victim fell to his knees, weeping crimson tears. Then he coughed, spitting up even more red liquid. Bloody rivulets started at his ears before they grew into torrents as she bled him dry.

  I barreled my way through the convict sea to grab and bite the next jailer. He let out a shriek before I silenced him for good.

  [You’ve earned: 50 XP.]

  I matched her, kill for kill, four more times before we ran out of jailers, and then I got my next few notifications.

  [You’ve earned: 400 XP.]

  [Instance update: Stop the riot in Cell Block A, complete.]

  [Instance progress: 66.6%]

  The escaped prisoners all bolted for the door. I was sure I could’ve snagged half a dozen before they all got away, but I wasn’t interested in a handful of gold for all that effort. Plus, I still didn’t know if they’d all aggro on me at once.

  Not that I couldn’t win; it’d just take forever to kill them all.

  Thank God for area looting. I stuck my hand in the cleanest pocket and got a notification.

  [You’ve gained: 180 gold. Total gold: 1,000.]

  “That’s all?” There’d been twelve jailers in that pile. But I guess none of the prisoners had pockets—just rags that’d once been clothes.

  Only the most recent jailer kills had salvageable brains. I sure as hell wasn’t about to sift through that shit pile to find more. It took two jailers to undo the thrashing I took from Moaning Lisa.

  I got to devouring and let out a loud belch as my final attribute notification flashed.

  [Your Intellect has increased to level 36.]

  Moaning Lisa’s spirit had dispersed when the last jailer died, but her body remained. I felt like an ass for defiling it further, but I needed her head. Besides, she wasn’t using it anymore. I chopped it off, earning another notification.

  [Moaning Lisa’s Head - Quest complete.]

  [You’ve gained: 1 Common chest.]

  I found a brick picked clean of its mortar. It caught my eye only after I’d moved her body to take her head. It was a wonder none of the jailers had noticed it, but my guess was they were preoccupied with their perverted entertainment.

  I slid the brick out and peered in.