When I wake in the morning, I still feel all kinds of dazed and say as much to Serafina when I realize she's sitting up and reading once again when I wake.

  "I don't know what the deal is, but I woke up feeling just as mentally dazed and confused. I assumed it was because of the essence overuse, but I didn't use magic yesterday at all." I sit up, cradling my aching head in my hands.

  "Well, let's find out? I'll get my codex and take a look and compare it against the one from the other day. Won't take but a moment." With that said, she slips out from beneath the covers to cross the room.

  I have to avert my eyes, finding a very interesting floorboard to focus on instead of Serafina making her way across the room. She sleeps a good bit more…casually dressed than I do, and I want to respect her privacy and modesty as much as I can.

  I hear the series of soft chimes of the codex starting up, playing the order's little eight-tone jingle, and when I look over Serafina is standing and fiddling with it before she walks back to me. "Nyssa, are you embarrassed? You grew up in a barracks. I didn't know the Vigil had anyone in it who could be described as a prude." She taps a couple more rune tiles and then waves the codex at me, sending the complex waves of essence over and through me.

  She looks away from me and starts flipping around through entries on her codex while paying me no mind. "It's…uh, I don't, it just feels different around you. I don't really know why." I tell a bold-faced lie for the first time in a while. I know full well why I'm so distracted by it — but being nonspecific is far less embarrassing than admitting I'm getting a catching feelings for the person who is, in effect, my boss.

  I may be outside of the traditional chain of command because of the role I'm stepping into, but it doesn't make it feel any less any inappropriate even if there's not any rules against. I know full well it's just circumstantial affection. I've been lonely recently, and Serafina is being nice and helping me — which is her job as the Archivist. It's just nice that someone is acting this way around me, and I'm letting my brain run with it and need to stop.

  "Mhm, so you say, Nyssa." She tuts a couple times and taps a few things before twisting her codex towards me, seemingly only paying half attention to my response — which means it probably wasn't a warranted response anyways, she was just making a joke.

  I peer at the codex, and most of the color is concentrated in my right thigh, and even that is down into a soft yellow tone, indicating minor injuries. The doctor's treatments have worked well. More intensive healing could have had me back up and running on the same day, probably, but this has proven a much gentler form of recovery.

  One thing does stand out, though. My basal essence levels are normal, but I have several unfamiliar essences that are still in nearly dangerous concentrations. "I don't recognize most of these essences, do you think one of them might be the cause?"

  "Mhm, all but guaranteed. There's a couple there I'm not familiar with, even. I presume they're what you picked up from the core venting and it's just taking a long time for your body to work through them because of their relative complexity — some of these are fourth and fifth tier essences so they'll take anywhere from ten to thirty steps for your body to break them down into something usable. The good thing, though, is that you've more or less absorbed everything else with no problems, which should have accelerated your development considerably."

  "If you'd like, I can work on drawing those out of you. Dealing with large essence concentrations is something I've spent a long time studying, so it wouldn't be hard. Just time-consuming. Or," She taps on the screen where those handful of complex essences are listed in red. "You can tough it out and you'll get some serious boons in a generalized way over the next few weeks."

  I give it some thought. I know I'm nearing a point of breakthrough. It's been a few years since my last one. I'd stopped tracking it, even, since I'm already ahead of the curve for my age by being in the Condensation stage of essence development at all, even if only the beginning of it.

  I've always assumed the Sanctus essence was responsible for my rise through the stages of development. Most people gain the ability to call essence around five, which puts them in the lowest tier and stage of development: Mote, within the earliest stage: Coalescence. Whereas I didn't really gain the ability to interact consciously with essence until I was nearly twenty.

  My circumstance wasn't unique — many people are born without the ability to call essence, and instead experience vastly improved physical conditioning while your body uses all of the essence to improve, rather than "wasting" it on spellcasting.

  But May, being one of the smartest people I think I've ever met, worked with me and found out how to push through that first breakthrough, and I rose quickly through the entire Coalescence phase from [Mote], [Spark], and [Ember] to where I am now in the first level of the second stage: [Flame].

  Had I had a normal experience, I would probably be nearing Ember right now, not looking at a potential breakthrough into Current — somewhere people typically get in their mid-thirties assuming they have actively trained.

  "What would you recommend? I know I'm already well outside of the norm so I'm not sure what is best. Lean into maximizing my growth, or to slow my growth so I have more time to practice and master what I have. I'm also not sure how it will interact with the Sanctus essence."

  She looks thoughtful for a few moments, bracing her arms across her chest and tapping at her chin. "Well, just the other day you told me that you want to get stronger, and that you need support to do it. Why don't we try for the best of both worlds? You have another full day of recovery — we can probably leave tomorrow if you're up to it. So instead: have you ever tried to cultivate your essence directly into fuel for your growth?"

  The question feels like an icy hand grabs me by the heart and squeezes, I just emphatically shake my head. "No. I can't." I say the words through gritted lips, trying to will away memories I've long buried under duty and stoicism. "Can't. Won't." I stand and move across the room to face out the window, working hard to control my breathing as I cross my arms and withdraw within myself, mentally raising barriers that I've been letting fall for the last week with a deliberate effort of returning to Garrick's mantras.

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  "Okay, alright, it's no problem, Nyssa." Soft steps pursue me across the room and I can feel Serafina's essence pressure acutely. It's powerful, but not overwhelming, and when she puts a hand on my shoulder gently, I find I don't flinch like I usually would. "I had no idea that sort of suggestion would make you react that way. I want to apologize, it wasn't my intent to make you uncomfortable." Her voice is about as strained as I feel, so I try to exhale, sending tension out with a hot breath that fogs up the window before me.

  "You…don't have to apologize. It's not something I've told anyone about, even Garrick. You can't have known. It's my fault." I let out a shuddering exhale, but stay facing away. "Do you want to know? Or would you rather I not drag down the mood more? Either way is fine by me, I know what I would expect, so I won't be bothered."

  "I would gladly hear whatever you have to say, Nyssa. Especially if it's something that has you wound up that tight inside. But it's up to you and your comfort."

  "In that case, can I spend some time thinking about how to best unpack this and ask that we just…move onto something else? I don't want to seem like I don't appreciate it or anyth-"

  "Explaining an apology is still an apology, Nyssa. You don't have to apologize for having trauma. Trust me, I understand for my own sake and for having read every person in the orders' files and spoken to most of them like this."

  The words rob some of my panic when a stupid remark jumps into my head. I can't help but chuckle at it, which vents my tension as the chuckle turns into honest laughter.

  When I turn around Serafina is looking at me, very reasonably confused. "Do you need to lay down again, Nyssa?" She offers, with a wry smile pulling at her lips. The kind of small smile that forms when you're not sure exactly why a joke is funny, but the energy of the reaction alone is enough to sink its claws into you.

  "I was just thinking of your phrasing." I gesture between the two of us standing there in enough fabric shared between the two of us to mostly fully clothe one full person. "Do you often counsel other Vigil knights while you're both in your underwear? Or am I the exception to the rule?"

  Serafina blushes. I can't even imagine it. Between her generally serious expression, the white-less black eyes, and general air of confidence, seeing Serafina blush elevates my warm laughter straight into a deeper belly laugh.

  In response, she looks suddenly serious and fixes me with a piercing gaze that makes me try to bring the giggles back under control. "Tell me this, Nyssa. Which answer would you prefer to hear?" Her mien of seriousness cracks repeatedly despite her best efforts, but the question does make me think for a few moments before she answers for herself. "I will say that thus far, you're the exception to rule. But don't get used to it, I normally need to be bought a very nice dinner to be seen like this and I know exactly how much money you make — I sign the papers — so I know the exact likelihood of it happening."

  The comment succeeds in robbing me of most of my laughter — occasional giggles still leaking through — to make me blush fiercely.

  We both stand there — alternating between boldly cackling and blushing at the silliness of the scenario for the better part of five more minutes before we both manage to come under control at the same time.

  "You're a brat, Nyssa. Here I am trying to comfort you and you just had to go and undercut that and rob me of all of my carefully cultivated professionalism by daring to point out how ridiculous the situation was. I swear."

  "Is this a time that I'm allowed to apologize? Just checking for future reference." I test the waters between us. I'm still feeling jovial after the release, but I still want to be sure of the way I'm feeling this friendship out.

  She puts her hands on her hips, turning around midway through getting dressed to look at me incredulously. "I'm saying no, but it's entirely out of spite. I want you to know that."

  "Noted duly. In the future I'll be sure to ask for permission." I let out a couple more giggles as I finish pulling on my jacket after dressing. Looking at the time, I pose to Serafina. "Do you want to come with me to the towns congregation? I promised their new speaker I would try to come a few times while here but failed to go last night because…reasons. I know you're faithful, but I've never gotten a read on how you practice your faith."

  "I think I would like that. I normally practice my faith privately, but I'm more than happy to go to support you. Plus I know your leg isn't quite healed and you could use some more literal support."

  With that, the two of us leave the room for the first time together with Serafina doggedly sticking to my right side and reacting quickly if I ever stumble on my way to the stairs. When we get there, she gets more active about her support by actually sidling up next to me and gently holding onto my right elbow and shoulder to ease the pressure of the steps on my leg.

  "I think I might recommend they move their shrine somewhere lower. Going up fifteen flights of stairs three times a day would probably get old — but maybe I just don't work out enough anymore."

  As she makes commentary, I realize that something feels a little odd. None of the animals that have accompanied me any other time I left the inn are anywhere to be seen, with the exception of the raven who I see sitting atop a nearby roof, watching me with a coin in its beak. When we make eye contact, it just squawks once, dropping and then picking back up the coin, and flies off.

  After my warm reception, the apparent cold shoulder leaves me frowning, but I try to push it off. It's not like it was normal behavior to begin with, anyways.

  When we get to the top, the congregation has mostly formed, and with Halie at the head of it, wearing slightly more ornate-looking garb. She spots me as she's mid line, smiles, and sends me a small wave as Serafina and I settle in the rearmost row to not draw attention or interrupt proceedings.

  I listen attentively, trying to pay close attention to the new Speaker by keeping my head up and smiling whenever she looks my way for support. Over time she gets more and more confident, speaking more stridently, and by the end of it, she's worked herself up into a bit of a fervor that's nice to see.

  Once it's over and everyone starts to disperse, seemingly paying no special attention to Serafina or I, the cervin doe canters over to us looking lighthearted and wearing a beaming smile that seems to lighten her dark blue robes by its mere presence.

  Serafina greets her as she approaches, "You must be the new speaker Nyssa told me of. You're a natural."

  Halie reacts with a bashfulness I've come to expect, but returns a thanks after a moment. "I was disappointed I didn't see you again yesterday. I assumed it was because of your injury." She trails for a second before continuing, like she decided to not say more, "The town elder saw fit to have this modified to fit me reasonably well so I could look the part once I expressed interest." The robes she gestures to are among the finer things I've seen in the town. They're clearly old, but well loved, and covered in motifs of the Watcher, Traveller, and Rootmother sewn in in a pearlescent-looking string that sits pleasantly atop the darker blue robes.

  "Yeah, I'm sorry about that, I just…wasn't feeling up to leaving the room after the day out. I'm glad I was able to see proof of your suitability before we leave, though."

  "You're leaving soon, I assume?"

  Serafina answers, "In the morning assuming my knight in shining armor here is up to it. We have to return to the keep post-haste. This was a pleasant delay, but one we could only really allow by necessity."

  "Ah, yeah, that makes sense. Someone of your station surely has better things to do than sit around a nowhere-nothing like Burrowvale." She makes a gracious gesture by making the tripartite symbol of the local pantheon by steepling her fingers like I normally would, though she drapes some beads between her raised fingers — a fairly common addition, "We will pray for your safe trip, then, and if you should ever come our way again, both of you will be welcomed with open arms." She hesitates for a moment, "And thanks for the kind words and the guidance. I'm going to keep feeling this out, but I'm feeling good about it for now."

  "Of course. I will try to come visit here someday — or maybe I'll see you at the Grand Congregation in Kharbon eventually."