Chapter 11: HELP! I’M NOT QUALIFIED TO BE A KINDERGARTEN TEACHER!Morning – I Wake Up to a Terrible MistakeI knew something was wrong the moment I woke up.

  First, because my phone arm was screaming in terror.

  [EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! YOU HAVE WORK IN TEN MINUTES!]

  …Wait. What?

  I bolted upright. "I don’t have work today!"

  Then I saw the email notification.

  CONGRATULATIONS! YOU’VE BEEN SELECTED AS A SUBSTITUTE KINDERGARTEN TEACHER!REPORT IMMEDIATELY OR FACE SEVERE FINANCIAL CONSEQUENCES!

  …

  I reread it.

  Then I reread it again.

  Then I screamed.

  "WHO SIGNED ME UP FOR THIS?!"

  Kenji poked his head into my room. "Oh yeah, I did that."

  "WHY?!"

  Kenji shrugged. "You lost a bet."

  I grabbed my pillow and threw it at him. "WHAT BET?!"

  Kenji dodged. "The bet where I said ‘I bet you won’t make a great kindergarten teacher,’ and you said ‘I bet I could.’"

  …

  I hate my life.

  10 Minutes Later – I’m in DangerSomehow, I arrived on time at Sunny Smiles Kindergarten.

  The principal, a terrifying old dy named Mrs. Yamamoto, greeted me with a smile.

  "Ah, you must be the substitute! I’m sure you’re great with children!"

  I smiled back. "Oh, absolutely. Love kids. Super responsible. Totally qualified."

  Narrator: He was lying.

  Mrs. Yamamoto handed me a clipboard. "Your css is waiting inside. Good luck!"

  Then she shoved me into the cssroom and locked the door.

  …

  I turned around slowly.

  Twenty children stared at me.

  Silence.

  No one blinked.

  No one spoke.

  Just… staring.

  I have never been more afraid in my life.

  Five Minutes In – The Children Sense WeaknessI cleared my throat. "Alright, kids! My name is Mr. Arisawa, and I’ll be your teacher today!"

  A little boy raised his hand. "Are you a real teacher?"

  I hesitated. "…Yes?"

  A little girl narrowed her eyes. "That was a pause."

  The boy crossed his arms. "He’s lying."

  Another kid: "GET HIM!"

  I dodged a flying shoe.

  WHY ARE THEY SO FAST?!

  Thirty Minutes In – The Chaos IncreasesI attempted to regain control.

  "Alright, let’s py a game! It’s called ‘Sit Down and Be Quiet!’"

  A kid threw a toy car at my face.

  Kenji, who had somehow snuck in, ughed from the window.

  "Bro, you’re getting destroyed by toddlers."

  I ignored him and turned to a tiny girl braiding another kid’s hair.

  "You! You look nice! What’s your name?"

  She smiled sweetly. "Hana!"

  Finally! A well-behaved child!

  I sighed in relief. "See, everyone? Why can’t you be like Hana?"

  Hana: "I set things on fire."

  …

  I took a step back. "You what?"

  Hana giggled. "Nothing!"

  I am not getting paid enough for this.

  One Hour In – A Literal UprisingSuddenly, a kid stood on a chair and yelled, "ALL HAIL KING TAKUYA!"

  The rest of the children bowed.

  I blinked. "Who’s King Takuya?"

  A boy in a homemade paper crown smirked at me.

  "I am."

  …

  I pointed. "You’re a kindergartener."

  Takuya ughed. "You’re a substitute teacher."

  The css ughed with him.

  I have never been so thoroughly defeated in my life.

  Lunchtime – A Battle for My SoulI thought lunch would be peaceful.

  I was wrong.

  The second I turned around, a kid stole my lunch.

  "HAHAHA! IT’S MINE NOW!"

  I lunged after them. "GIVE THAT BACK!"

  They passed it to another kid.

  "YOU FOOLS! YOU’VE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD!"

  Another kid threw it across the room.

  I dove.

  MISS.

  My lunch nded in a fish tank.

  THE FISH ATE IT.

  …

  I colpsed onto the floor.

  The kids cheered.

  "VICTORY BELONGS TO KING TAKUYA!"

  Nap Time – Or So I ThoughtFinally, it was time for nap time.

  Peace.

  Silence.

  A chance to recover.

  I took a deep breath. "Alright, kids. Time to—"

  Takuya: "No."

  …

  I sighed. "You have to sleep."

  Takuya: "Make me."

  …

  I grabbed a bnket and threw it over him.

  Takuya: "BETRAYAL!"

  Another kid: "GET HIM!"

  CHAOS.

  I ran.

  The Final Hour – My Last Shred of HopeWith only one hour left, I sat at my desk, defeated.

  Kenji peeked in. "Yo, how’s it going?"

  I gred. "If you don’t help me, I’m never speaking to you again."

  Kenji grinned. "Say no more."

  He walked in and cpped his hands.

  "Alright, kids. If you sit quietly for the next hour, I’ll tell you a secret."

  …

  The kids froze.

  Then, without a word, they all sat down.

  I gawked. "How did you—"

  Kenji winked. "I just understand kids, bro."

  The next hour was… silent.

  It was the greatest moment of my life.

  The End – I Never Want to Do This AgainThe bell rang.

  The kids cheered.

  Takuya smirked at me. "You survived. Barely."

  I slumped against the desk.

  Mrs. Yamamoto opened the door. "How was your first day?"

  I slowly stood up.

  Looked at the chaos.

  Looked at the burn marks on the carpet.

  Looked at the kids running in circles.

  Then I sprinted out the door.

  "NEVER AGAIN!"

  Epilogue – My PaycheckI checked my email.

  PAYCHECK RECEIVED: ￥1,000

  …

  I stared.

  Then I screamed into my pillow.

  NEVER AGAIN.