…
Oh God, where is it, where is it, where the FUCK is it…!
“A-HAAAA!!”
The Marlboros. The 100. The… emergency brake. The ‘End Simulation’ switch. The wake-up call!!
As I place the cigarette in my mouth and light that biatch, I look at the landscape ahead of me.
*Fwoosh* goes the lighter.
*Phhhh*
“Ahhh!” Good lord, have I really missed that sweet, sweet carcinogenic goodness!
When the cloud of smoke floats to the sky, I’m staring at what used to be the park where me, M and MC would get up to lots of shenanigans!
Lots and lots of rubble and bodies covered the once-peaceful place.
“Man, someone forgot to do their spring cleaning!”
*Frrrrrsh…*
I wonder what Dad and Mom are doing. The two decades that I spent with them tell me that Mom issss… complaining to a soldier about how it’s really cold in the shelter and she, like… demands extra THICC sheets for Dad, Granpa and Grandma.
Oh man, I’m pretty sure that dad feels pre-TAY stupid for not letting me explain why Necromancers are the SHIAT!! Or those 100 bucket-list things you wanna do before the apocalypse.
I’m not sure how the System would treat someone with dementia… would it give ‘em 64 bit vision? Now, THAT’S food for thought.
Of course, they could all be trapped inside a Dungeon and dead—
*PSHHHHHHH!*
…
“Man, we really showed those CLANKERS who’s the superior race!” I flick some ash onto what might be someone’s hand sticking out from the rubble. “Why’d you have to die, dude? We’re LITERALLY just getting started!”
Yeah, as expected, the thing didn’t move.
*FSSSshh…*
“Fuuuuack…” Talking to inanimate objects? Tsk Tsk. Talking to dead people? Yeeeeeah, enjoy your permanent residence at Arkham… well, by the looks of it, Arkham World…
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Holy shit.
Michael used to really glaze those games, back in the day. Back when he was more plushy and a cutie patootie, rather than… extra-sane.
Let’s see how far pacifism will take his ass at the end of the world. Spoiler alert: This shit AIN’T Undertale, from all the… word of mouth and personal experiences…
*Phhh—*
*KRA-thoooom!*
“KAH-kah-kaah!”
What the friiiiiick!
My sensitive ears pick from the far left…
…
“Whooooaaa… Check out Mount Doom over there!” I giggle and jiggle my ciggie on top of the mouth where Lava’s spewing everywhere! A straight-up, comic book supervillain, smoke-belching mountain right in the poorer part of my city.
*Krrrr…*
The volcano rumbles some more and I think I can make out some floating globs of magma and lava just hovering around it and themselves.
The ground trembles under my feet, and I get a little swiftyyy! “Shake that shi’, boai!”
As I spin around, my attention catches on to something else. Where the seafront rested, I can make out with my sniper eagle vision a REALLY obnoxious club. Powerful beams of neon blue, toxic green, and blood red shoot up into the clouds and beyond.
The patterns, they really jar me off, to the point that I’m feeling actual pain. It’s like the Northern Lights had a baby with a Brat Rave while both parents were taking ALL the drugs and booze.
Oh, and that baby came outta the oven a lil’ too early.
Man, this shit’s bugging me so HARD, that I just NEED another cig! It’s kinda shitty how energy bars and Caprisons turned into potions or consumables and my packet didn’t.
But then…
*Vrrrrr…*
The park across the street, what’s left of it anyway, is teeming up with shapes. Moving shapes. Definitely not human shapes.
“Holy moly, I know that you love digging in people, but—”
In the furthest reaches of the park, I manage to spot one of those Driller Moles doing what the name implies, right into some guy’s head…
*SCHRRRRRRRRAAA!!!*
[Critical Hit — (-18] [Critical Hit — (-18)] [Critical Hit — (-18)]
…
*CRUNCH!* *Munch-munch-munch…*
…
*PFFFHHHH—!!*
“*Ka-HAGH!!* What the fuah-hak-hak-HAAK!!”
Whoops…
Looks like I lit two cigs and puffed from both.
Oh shit, looks like one Moleman with denim overalls wants to do some recon or something. Actually, make that 3 or 4… I guess they can’t enter the school? Ohhh, cuz we’re in a Dungeon, riiiight…
A welcome party so soon?
Unfortunately, my dumbass forgets about the bad and starts to be… extra quirky. “Drill hands, DRILL HANDS!!” I shriek with delight! “The whole miner sheik you got going is SO METAL!!”
The mole-man freezes and his beady little eyes lock onto mine. For a moment we’re just staring at each other like… he’s the dog and I’m a vet who just got home.
“Riiii~!”
Aww, his snout also twitches a little.
“Hm-hm-hm-HMMMM~!!”
Smoking two cigarettes ain’t as fun or cool as it looks, so I take ONE LAST medium puff and release a smoke bomb from within.
Then I flick both butts at the mole man's eyes.
“RIII!!”
Bulls.
Fucking
Eyeeeeee.
…
“Ehehehe…”
“Hahahahh…!”
…
“MOTHERFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!”
