My sister is sleeping soundly on the bed by the time I return.

  She's still wearing her dress, and she's lying on top of the covers. I let out a sigh, but I can't help but smile anyways.

  "You didn't have to wait for me."

  I pull a spare blanket out from under the bed to cover her, and lean down to kiss her on the forehead.

  Sleeping like this, she reminds me so much of Mother.

  We both have her hair, and her eyes. But only she has Mother's spirit.

  I pull out a small metal cover from my apron, and use it to snuff the lamp.

  "Good night."

  I step outside of the room, and pray that Father never breaks that spirit.

  ---

  Hooves on the dirt. The creaking of wheels.

  The smell of a bed made of fodder, and the weight of a blanket made of canvas.

  I was awake, but I remained still, and focused on the dream I had just had.

  "That's how it should have been. It should have been me in that uniform. She would have never made the mistakes that I have."

  My stomach turned. In the dream, I had thought of Mother.

  She had been beautiful, and kind. She was as brave as she was intelligent. Erika was her image in every way.

  Mother had been our everything growing up, but Father had given her nothing but neglect. When we begged to see her on her sickbed, Father hadn't even granted us that.

  I bit on my finger to stifle my crying, but the shift in Sybil's weight next to me told me she had already noticed.

  "Shh, Soph. It's okay. We're already long past the village."

  I turned to face her, and buried my face in her chest as my crying turned into full-fledged wailing.

  She patted my head awkwardly, but her sincerity was true.

  "Why... Sybil... why did Erika have to die..."

  She remained quiet, holding me close.

  "It hurts so much... why can't I just wake up already... Why can't this just be a dream..."

  I descended into a spiral of questions as she held on.

  Why couldn't I have done something?

  What had we ever done to deserve this?

  How was I supposed to go on without her?

  How... why... how... what... when.... why... why?

  Why?

  Words stopped feeling like they had any meaning.

  Life stopped feeling like it had any meaning.

  "My entire existence was a mistake."

  Sybil clutched me tight and wiped my face with her rough hand.

  "Hey there Soph. Let's not be saying that one."

  I forced myself to look at her through stinging eyes.

  "Eri might not be here anymore. We're hurting, too. But never say that your existence is a mistake."

  She smiled at me, weakly. "I'm happy you're alive, Soph. I'm happy you're still here."

  She turned the corner of the canvas over to slap Tor on the back as he drove the cart.

  "And these two arseholes are glad you're alive, too. Right?"

  "Aye."

  Sybil pulled a strand of hair off of my face.

  "And Eri would be happy, too. Please, Soph. Keep that thought with you."

  She held me close. "We've all lost people, Soph. Some so dear that losing them feels like dying. But you're not dead. You're alive."

  "You don't have to stop crying. You don't have to stop hurting. But when you're ready to walk again, we'll be here to walk with you."

  I closed my eyes and breathed in the smell of hay and sweat, of salt and tears.

  And I cried until I fell back to sleep.

  ---

  I cried when the sun rose on a day without Erika.

  I cried when breakfast came, and Ruben was the one cooking it instead of her.

  I cried when I tried to wash my hair, kneeling next to the river, and she wasn't there to help me.

  I saw her in my reflection, and couldn't bear to look.

  By the end of the first day, I was holding my blade in my hand again. But this time, it was not held to my chest, but to my hair.

  With my shaky hands, it took several attempts to cut through it all, and I left the heaps and clumps of it by the roadside.

  Sybil laughed when she saw me, a small bit of joy in a day that was otherwise devoid of it.

  She carefully trimmed the ends for me with her knife, and with a bit of the oil she still kept with her, braided it tight against my head to match hers.

  If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.

  When it came time to sleep again, I felt so distraught by Erika's absence I thought I might never rest. But I fell asleep anyways, this time with my back to Tor as Ruben drove the cart.

  The entire day, I could not eat. My magic was building on its own, unbidden, and a pain was growing in my heart. Whether it was grief or overload, I could not say.

  But it hurt all the same.

  ---

  By the time we reached Guldenfel again, spring had come to its end.

  We had traveled over hardened roads, fished near gentler streams, and practiced swordplay when we were able.

  The pain in my chest had gotten worse over time, but it was still manageable. The worst part was actually the Nightingales' growing concern.

  My magic had fallen completely out of my control, and food had become so unappetizing to me that I vomited it back up many times.

  Eventually, I had given up on eating altogether. The most I could manage was water, which I still drank if only to give Sybil the barest peace of mind.

  This time, our journey took only three weeks.

  ---

  The walls of Guldenfel crested the horizon, and Tor stopped the cart.

  Turning around in his seat, he put his hand on my shoulder.

  "We're almos' there, Soph. 'Ave ye any ideas abou' what ye'll be doin'?"

  I froze, putting a hand to my chest.

  "I, uhm... I had thought that it was... almost certain that I'd be going with you. Is that not okay?"

  Sybil sat down beside me, sighing.

  "Soph, being a mercenary isn't something you should jump into so lightly."

  With a smile, she rubbed my cheek with her thumb. "Even if you were to join, we don't always get the same work. If you were to get a job in town, you could always visit us every time we come back to the guild hall, but if you become one of us, there's no telling how long it might be until we see each other again."

  I looked down at my feet, considering. "I suppose that... Lady Ayda showed favor to me. I could always ask her to help me find work."

  But something felt wrong, and the pain in my heart seized me. I coughed, hard, feeling the hot air in my breath.

  "I really need someone to tell me what's going on with my heart."

  Sybil held me, her eyes examining my face. "Soph, I'm also not sure you're well enough to be a mercenary if that's going to keep happening. This Lady Ayda sounds like a good lead."

  I stared at my hands, thinking about what the future might look like.

  But the more I thought about it, the deeper the hurt in my chest became.

  There were still things I needed to fix.

  And if I couldn't fix them? There was someone who needed to pay.

  "...Syb?"

  "Yeah?"

  "You said that... back on Corone, you were a witch hunter, yes?"

  Sybil suddenly grew very still.

  "Does that mean you know how to fight people with magic?"

  She slowly nodded, her eyes narrowing.

  "... Could you teach me?"

  Her face twisted, and Ruben and Tor both turned away from us.

  "You got a specific mage in mind?"

  Her hand gripped my shoulder tight. I didn't dare lie.

  "... Father."

  "... I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

  "Syb, he's likely already a traitor in the eyes of the crown, even if he did manage to squirm away from judgement by using William. There's nothing untoward about discussing his capture."

  "But that's not why you're thinking of this. You're thinking of vengeance, not the law, and that feeling is misplaced. He's not the one who killed Eri. Eri's killer is already dead."

  I grit my teeth, standing up in the cart to face her.

  "He's to blame, Syb! He took Erika and I from our mother. He let her die when he could have saved her. He made Erika into a servant, and me into a weapon. Everything, my entire life, is his fault. We never... never would have..."

  My eyes filled with tears, and I could say no more.

  "I never would have met Diana. I never would have met Sybil or Tor. There were good things, too, despite everything."

  I cast my eyes downward again. "I'm sorry for shouting, Syb. I understand what you mean. But still, one day I might face him again. And if I do, I'm going to kill him, and I'd rather know how to do that properly."

  Sybil sighed.

  "Well... You can always change your mind, later, when you've thought this through a little better. But if you're that determined, I'd rather you win that fight than die uselessly. I'll teach you, Soph. For now."

  ---

  After the decision had been made and we had taken a moment to calm down, Tor hopped off the cart to detach it from our horse.

  "Are we... not taking the cart?"

  "'s stolen, Soph."

  "I... what?"

  Ruben laughed, clapping a hand on my shoulder.

  "We didn't exactly show up at the Hiems' place with our own cart, twig! Where did you think we got this one?"

  "I... I hadn't really thought about it."

  Sybil led me to the horse, cupping her hand for me to mount it.

  "Wait, why would I not walk with you?"

  "Hey, someone ought to ride him if we got him. Ladies first."

  I gave her an incredulous look as she smirked.

  Tor laughed, "Ye migh' as well, Soph. One las' ride as our lady."

  As I accepted Sybil's help, I gave a weak smile.

  "Some lady I am."

  ---

  With nothing but a horse to our name, and with three citizens of the town in our party, we hoped for easy passage. This was the final test of Erika's assumption that nobody would be seeking a lone runaway maid.

  Though there had been ample time for a courier to arrive ahead of us, the guards passed me through without any comment. It seemed Erika was right.

  Walking through the streets of Guldenfel was quite unlike seeing them from within a carriage.

  The river of people no longer parted for us, and it was a struggle for me to push my way alongside the Nightingales towards their guild hall. Although I now knew this river was nothing compared to the sea that was Doromare's streets, it was nonetheless daunting.

  Fortunately, the hall was near the outer wall of the city, and so we did not have to push against the crowd for long, and the much emptier back alleys lay ahead of us.

  However, the moment we entered those alleys, the Nightingales turned around quickly and drew their blades.

  A man had followed us from the gate, all the way here.

  Tor carefully stepped to the front of the group while Ruben stood behind me. Sybil slowly circled around the side, buckler raised.

  "'Ey there, wha' business do ye 'ave with any of us?"

  The man held up his hands, a cheerful expression on his face, and gestured to his green vest.

  "Just here to see Kildeer, good fellow!"

  I squinted, and saw that his vest held a very small Faraldi coat of arms.

  Tor glanced to me, and I waved my hand to bid him to lower his blade.

  "Things didn't go to plan. Will this cover it instead?"

  I tossed over the signet rings, carefully tied into a small cloth rag, over to the man.

  He felt the rag with his hand, his face twisting with disappointment.

  "Well.. I'm just the messenger. You'll hear from us again if we need anything further."

  He left us, then, and once he was out of sight I relaxed, but the Nightingales held their position for a short while after.

  Sybil cautiously stepped to stand alongside me, still at the ready. "Soph, was that wise?"

  "Erika owed them... a lot of money. Either I dealt with it now, or they would force the issue later. Hopefully, this is the last time we see them."

  Sybil dropped her shoulders, and anxiously made her warding sign.

  "I hope you're right."