Jayce watched Ryder and Rush argue over dance cards.

  He mildly thought about of all the things they could be arguing about, the impending war, the fact their siblings were being forced into marriage, the fact the entire world was flipped on its head because of the gods.

  Dance cards

  “Why do I have to dance with twenty ladies?” Rush asked again, holding up the card with a sneer.

  Ryder looked at his own card. “I’m betrothed and I still have to dance with ten.”

  Rush shrugged. “You can dance with Serenity ten times in a row for your obligations.”

  Ryder smirked. “That’s a good idea.”

  Rush just glared.

  Jayce looked out the window of Ryder’s solar and watched as servants were preparing the palace for guests and making everything just right. His gaze shifted to Shade who was lounged on the sofa and appeared to be asleep.

  His attention brought back to the others when Rush said his name. “Yes Rush?” Jayce responded.

  Rush lifted a card up. “Sir Vale, you have fifteen dances to your name. What is your strategy?”

  Jayce was surprised. “Fifteen? Who made the dance cards this year?”

  He and the other Shadowguard of noble houses always, always, had low dance counts for these events. This just opened it up for more holes during the dance.

  Ryder took the card and looked at it. “Serenity did the dance cards. No one must have told her that guards are only allowed five.”

  Rush perked at that. “I can be a guard. I’m guarding my sister. Drop my dances to five.”

  Jayce laughed at that. “As if Kylar will let her out of his sight the entire night.” He walked over to the desk and picked up his dance card and looked at all the empty lines. “You could just dance with Kairi twenty times. Then her feet will hurt and she won’t dance with anyone else.”

  Ryder was muffling his laughter while Rush contemplated it for half a second.

  “She would scold me.” He muttered.

  Jayce let the card fall back to the table and felt a stray thought coming. He pushed it back down and grinned at his friends, his princes.

  “I am surprised, that you both approved of the adjoined room for the two of them.” Jayce said steady enough as he stacked the cards in a neat stack again. He paused at some of the names, all the guards had fifteen. He placed the stack on the desk.

  Rush gave a long sigh. “Dato better thank me someday for allowing this. I just wanted her to be surrounded by others.”

  Ryder finally sat down with glasses and drink and began to pour for the four of them. “Calling him by his first name to get on his nerves?” He glanced at Rush and then back to pouring. “I’ll make sure she is safe, Jayce will too.

  Jayce sat down then and took the offered glass. Something to calm his nerves.

  Rush is setting up a safety net. He is planning to leave then.

  “When are you leaving?” He asked, keeping his gaze on the amber drink.

  Rush took a long sip and set the glass down. “A couple weeks from now. Shade and I will be meeting with households to discuss our plans, gain favor. Meanwhile we will also swing through Brindlecross at the end and bring Kairi’s friends.”

  Jayce glanced to Ryder. Ryder only shrugged. “Damon and Kylar requested they could become part of her household. Rush gave positive praise of the girls.”

  Jayce nodded and began to think of who to send to make it quick. “Should go by boat. Can dock at all the port cities to get to anywhere you need to. I’ll inform Kurt, he will be joining you. As her ash guard, he should be the one bringing them home to her. Darius can split with Tessa here if they are getting joined rooms.”

  Ryder sat back in his chair and gave a thoughtful nod. “You are always thinking ahead.”

  “Good. I can trust Jayce and Darius while I am gone.” Rush affirmed, downing the rest of his drink. He looked at the fourth glass. “Shade won’t drink, not with the dance tonight.”

  Ryder nodded and down the fourth cup. “I need to make up for my stupidity tonight with Serenity. Need to take a cue from my brothers on how to be charming.”

  Jayce swirled his glass. “Have you set a date then?”

  “With Serenity? No. But, she has made it clear I need to be thinking of it soon.” Ryder said low. He closed his eyes and grimaced. “It feels too fast.”

  Rush and Jayce just watched him. Rush spoke before Jayce could. “Has she always been pushing you to make this choice faster? Or is it just recent?”

  Ryder thought about it. “Only after I told her my father wanted things to move faster. She might feel like she needs to push me, maybe the court is also pressuring her. I don’t know how the tea parties go that she has attended and hosted these past weeks.”

  Jayce groaned. “Those parties are awful.”

  Rush laughed, really laughed. “Kairi was telling me she was attending one today. I should swing by and see how that is turning out.”

  Shade sat up then. “I don’t think Kairi would appreciate you hovering.”

  Rush frowned. “She’ll forgive me. Maybe I can scope out some ladies to dance with. Twenty of them.” He muttered.

  Jayce glanced out the window noting the time of day, almost time to drag Ryder to eat something before another small council meeting to start the renovation of an adjoined suite in the west wing. “Ryder, we should be going soon.”

  Ryder got to his feet and gave a playful salute to Rush. “My dear friend, you can hide here or spy on the girls. I’ll see you later.” He walked past a mirror and gave himself a once over before they headed out.

  Jayce walked beside him as they went. “Be sure to actually eat Ry.”

  “I will.” He said as he checked his cuffs to make sure, they were straight.

  “After lunch, I have some patrols I need to assign and double check everything is for tonight. Will you go be good for the rest of the day?” Jayce said low watching everyone as they entered the dining hall.

  Ryder paused for a moment and leaned closer to Jayce. “I’ll be fine Jayce.” He turned to face him and adjusted his collar just a little for an excuse to be close. “If it becomes too much,” He barely spoke, so only Jayce could hear. “Find me, find Rush. We care.”

  Jayce simply nodded and watched Ryder nod and head off to eat or attempt to eat. The man hardly ate when he was worried. At least there would be food at the masquerade that evening. Jayce moved on and headed toward the servants’ section of the dining hall and grabbed up a sandwich and ate as he walked.

  First were patrols he needed to look over. Double watches at all gates and entrances, normal patrols for the rest.

  Once in the barracks, he sat at the desk where he compiled all the patrols he oversaw and the ones, he doubled checked that Ezra and Roslin assigned. The three of them kept the Shadowguard and the Palace guard in alignment. Always double checking the others’ work.

  He sat back in the chair and carefully looked over the assignments. Good, good…. that could be double checked. He made a small note on the margin. He took the last bite of that sandwich and shifted to the next report.

  Tessa leaned against the desk edge.

  He looked up to her, waiting till she looked at him. First, she was looking out the door, signing something quickly. Probably one of the other guards.

  [Why are you here?] He signed quick once he had her attention.

  [Doing my check on you] She signed quick. A grin crossed her face. [You’re eating. That is an improvement]

  He paused at that and thought about it. He hadn’t eaten much lately. He couldn’t blame Ryder then if he did the same thing. [Cake tonight though] He signed back.

  She scoffed silently and took one of the reports out of his hand. He watched her as her eyes scanned it quick enough. She handed it back.

  [Looks good.] She signed. Her hands hesitated then continued. [Want to spar with Kylar and I?]

  He hesitated and she noticed. “Maybe.” He whispered.

  She didn’t look away from him, but he looked away. “Tess, I have a handful more things to check, then I’ll head that way.” He said without much commitment to following through.

  He looked at her then, saw her eyes were narrowed. She reached over and grabbed his chin so he couldn’t look away this time. [This is odd behavior for you.]

  He blinked. “Thank you” He whispered. He didn’t pull away from her grip and waited for her to let go. She did eventually.

  [Do you need to talk to someone? More than just me?] She signed slowly for him, and there was actual worry in her eyes now.

  He sighed and looked at the reports for a moment. He knew he should go and talk to someone else about this. He shouldn’t rely only on Tessa. He didn’t want to burden Kylar. Ryder had a kingdom to worry about.

  Wait. Rush.

  He looked at her then. “I’ll talk to Rush.”

  She looked back and forth between his eyes for a handful of seconds before nodding.

  [He would be good to give yourself peace of mind after the knowledge of what Saebria can do.]

  Jayce pushed himself to his feet and patted her shoulder once. “I would like that. To know it’s only my stress and normal thoughts running me dry.”

  She reached up and placed her hand over his and gave a small squeeze.

  [Talk to Rush, then later come sparring before the chaos] She gave a small smile and then turned to leave.

  He watched her go, then looked back down at the reports.

  They were fine. His mind wasn’t.

  He set the papers down carefully, like neatness could stand in for control. Control he was scared he was losing. Then he rose and left the office, boots carrying him toward the greenhouse.

  He told himself it was a patrol.

  He told himself it was diligence.

  He told himself it had nothing to do with the fact that Kairi’s laugh made his chest feel less like a locked room.

  The palace corridors blurred into familiar turns.

  And then a thought slipped in, quiet as a blade pressed to skin.

  I just want to see her.

  Jayce didn’t flinch. He didn’t deny it. Denial was for men who still thought lies kept them safe.

  Kairi. The girl who fed stray cats and patched scraped knees. The woman the gods had decided to make into a symbol big enough to break kingdoms.

  The girl who stayed up with him all night one of the many times when he stayed with her when Rush had left on errands and he had come down with a fever.

  He rounded a corner and realized he’d drifted… not toward the greenhouse.

  Toward the training yard.

  He slowed, irritated with himself, and corrected course.

  Tea party. Check. Then Rush. He may see Rush at the tea party if he went to check on his sister.

  Rush.

  The thought should have been simple.

  It should have been a straight corridor, a door, a conversation.

  Instead, the moment he tried to form the next part of it, something in his mind tightened like a fist.

  Tell him. About the wrongness. About the feeling. About the…

  The sentence stopped existing halfway through.

  Not forgotten. Not lost. As if it had been erased the moment it began.

  Jayce halted so abruptly a passing servant nearly collided with him.

  He blinked once, hard. Breathed in.

  Tried again.

  Rush, I need to tell you something feels…

  Nothing.

  His tongue felt thick in his mouth, even though he hadn’t spoken. His thoughts skidded off the shape of the confession like water running off the roofs.

  A cold prickle ran up his spine. He stared down at his gloved hands.

  What in the hells…

  He forced himself to take a step.

  Then another.

  Toward Ryder’s rooms. Toward where Rush would be.

  His mind rebelled in small, quiet ways. Not pain. Not panic.

  If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

  Just… resistance. Like walking into deep water fully dressed.

  Don’t bother him.

  He swallowed. Kept moving.

  He’s leaving soon.

  He clenched his jaw. Kept moving.

  It’s nothing. It’s only stress.

  His breath hitched. He stopped again, right in the middle of the hall, and it hit him with sudden, sick clarity.

  Every time he reached for Rush, his thoughts inside his skull shoved him back.

  He was being redirected.

  Jayce stood there, frozen, while courtiers and servants flowed around him like he was merely another statue in the hallway.

  A laugh bubbled up in his throat, sharp and humorless.

  So that was the trick.

  Not to kill him. Not yet.

  Just to keep him quiet.

  Jayce turned on his heel and walked toward the training yard with forced purpose, giving himself a reason that sounded reasonable.

  Spar. Sweat. Blank mind. Reset.

  He could do that. He could always do that.

  But his hands trembled once as he walked, and he curled them into fists until the shaking stopped.

  He began to understand something now, even if he didn’t dare name it.

  He wasn’t just tired.

  He wasn’t just jealous.

  Something was pushing.

  And if he waited too long to tell someone… he might not be able to tell anyone at all.

  He made a point to move to the training yard. His friends were there, they would see, they would notice.

  He knew the training yard was honest, the cold air and packed dirt. Familiar violence to clear his thoughts and keep to the clean rules of combat.

  Steel rang somewhere near the racks. A laugh burst and died.

  Jayce crossed the yard with the same measured stride he always had, and no one looked twice.

  That was the worst part.

  Tessa stood near the weapon racks, arms folded, posture loose, eyes sharp. Kylar was a few paces away, shirt sleeves rolled, talking to one of the trainers.

  Jayce angled toward them like a man who had finally chosen the correct door.

  Say it now.

  His throat tightened.

  He stopped in front of Tessa first because Tessa was… simpler. Cleaner. She did not require comfort. She required truth.

  “Tessa,” he said, and the word came out normal.

  Her eyes flicked up. The smallest lift of her brow. She waited for him to continue.

  Jayce opened his mouth.

  What he meant was:

  Something is wrong. I can’t get to Rush. I can’t say it. I think I’m being—

  What came out was, “We need to adjust patrol rotation after second bell.”

  He heard himself say it.

  He felt his face stay composed as if he’d meant every word.

  Tessa didn’t move. Her gaze sharpened as her hands rose. [Adjust?]

  Jayce blinked once, slow, like maybe he’d misheard his own mouth.

  He tried again, pushing the words up from someplace lower. From the part of him that still felt like a person.

  “Tessa, I need to—”

  “Kylar’s sparring schedule should be moved,” Jayce said instead, smooth as a report. “Too many eyes tonight. Keep him fresh.”

  Kylar’s head turned at the mention of his name, attention flicking over with mild curiosity.

  Jayce’s stomach dropped.

  Tessa took one step closer, close enough that no one else would read it as confrontation. Just two guards speaking.

  Her hand lifted.

  Two fingers pointed at his chest.

  Then her hands moved, crisp and deliberate.

  [Again.]

  Jayce’s pulse thudded hard once. His body was calm, like all of this was just the normal cadence of the day.

  He tried to speak like he was stepping over a threshold.

  “I need help,” he thought, and tried to say.

  What came out was, “The masquerade route needs a wider clearance. Tell Ezra.”

  Tessa’s eyes narrowed.

  Kylar was walking toward them now and looked between them. He had noticed Tessa’s reaction to their conversation. Jayce was thankful he was observant.

  Please see this is wrong Ky.

  “Everything alright?” Kylar asked, gaze flicking between them.

  Jayce turned to face him. This was the moment. This was his chance to anchor to someone else’s reality.

  He looked at Kylar.

  He tried to say the simplest truth he had.

  Something is wrong with me.

  His mouth curved into a faint, polite thing that might have been a smile if his face had remembered how.

  “Fine,” Jayce said. “Just logistics.”

  Kylar’s brow rose, skeptical.

  Jayce pushed, desperation tightening his ribs.

  “I need to tell you something,” he said, and even that sounded normal.

  Kylar’s attention sharpened. “Jayce?”

  Jayce opened his mouth.

  The sentence didn’t just vanish.

  It turned. It slid sideways. It came out wearing a different mask.

  “You and the princess should keep to the main floor tonight,” Jayce said, voice steady, professional. “No balconies. No alcoves. Too many blind corners.”

  Kylar stared at him for a moment. “Understood Jayce. Calling her princess instead of her name?”

  Jayce felt his own body stand there like a well-trained soldier, delivering a perfectly reasonable instruction.

  Inside, he was clawing at the walls. Kylar noticed a crack. He noticed.

  He noticed!

  Kylar’s eyes narrowed. “You’re not talking about security.”

  Jayce’s throat closed. He forced air through it anyway.

  “I am,” he said.

  It was a lie. Or it wasn’t.

  He didn’t know anymore, because it sounded like the truth when his mouth said it.

  Tessa’s hand came down on his forearm, firm.

  Not comforting. Anchoring.

  Her fingers pressed, then tapped once. A quick sign.

  [Here. Now.]

  Kylar took a half-step closer, voice dropping. “Jayce, what’s going on.”

  Jayce tried to grab the words and get them out. This was his chance, this was it.

  Tried to force them out. The corridor in his mind tightened. The door would not open. His mouth moved anyway.

  “I didn’t sleep well,” he heard himself say, softer. More human. A compromise. “I’m… running thin.”

  Kylar’s gaze held him for a long beat.

  Then Kylar nodded, slow. Accepting the surface. “Kairi and Darius mentioned you hadn’t been sleeping much. Try to have a good time tonight, less stress is on the horizon.”

  Tessa’s eyes never left Jayce’s face.

  Jayce felt his own expression stay calm, stay captain-clean, as if he were merely tired.

  No one else in the yard turned to stare. No one else froze. The world kept spinning.

  And Jayce realized, with a cold sweep of horror, that whatever was happening inside him had learned the easiest disguise of all.

  Normal.

  He broke eye contact first, because if he didn’t, he was going to shatter in front of them.

  “Let’s spar,” he said abruptly, rougher now, and the word felt like the first honest thing he’d managed all day. “I need… noise.”

  Kylar studied him, then nodded once. “Alright.”

  They did a handful of bouts between them.

  He started to believe that maybe he just needed to sweat this all out.

  Jayce shook his arm out and retook his place across from Kylar.

  Kylar wiped some sweat away from his brow and grinned. “Fifteen dances? How many were on my card?”

  Jayce raised the practice blade and fell into his stance. “Ten. I’m pretty sure. It might be fifteen as well.”

  Kylar fell into his stance and then moved forward with a quick strike Jayce met and pushed aside. He shoved Kylar back and pressed hard with his strikes. Pushing Kylar to go on the defensive.

  Kylar blocked each strike and laughed low. “I will have to start with Kairi and end with her.” He parried Jayce’s last strike and shoved him back and went for his legs.

  Jayce jumped back and held his guard. “You really going to let her dance with others?”

  Kylar circled just a little. “She mentioned it might be possessive if I kept her to myself.”

  Jayce smirked and watched Kylar’s footing. “I’ll have to take a spin with her then, just need fourteen more.” He saw an opening then and pressed in when the thought came.

  My mind was clearer around her.

  He hesitated for just a heartbeat as Kylar pressed and struck clean along his thigh.

  Kylar backed off. “Lost focus there. Remember something you forgot to double and triple check?”

  Jayce rubbed his thigh staring at the ground as his mind raced. “Something like that.” He muttered. Tessa came up beside him and nudged him and tilted her head to the wall.

  Kylar ran his fingers through his hair and read Tessa’s quick hand signals.

  [Get cleaned up and make yourself handsome. ]

  Kylar grinned. “I will do my best Tess.” He gave a small wave and headed off to rack his practice blade and let them be.

  Jayce let Tessa drag him over to the wall. He easily enough climbed up to sit on the edge and waited as she hopped up beside him. They sat in the silence between them as his attention shifted to his gloves. He curled his fingers a little seeing the cracks in the leather.

  The seams were cracked at the knuckles. Worn thin where he’d clenched too often, too hard, too quietly.

  A captain’s hands shouldn’t shake. His didn’t, they should be though, somehow that felt worse.

  Tessa’s gaze didn’t leave him. They watched his face, waiting for the first crack in his composer.

  Jayce didn’t look up at her, but his eyes shifted to look through his lashes. After seeing her really keeping her eyes on him, his gaze moved out over the yard. As if the dirt and grit of the training yard could give him answers.

  “I’m fine,” he heard himself say.

  The sentence slid out smooth, automatic, wearing his voice like a uniform.

  Tessa didn’t blink. She tilted her head slightly, the motion small but pointed.

  Try again. Jayce, you can get the words out.

  Jayce exhaled through his nose, slow and controlled. He tried to say the thing he’d been holding between his teeth all day.

  Something is wrong.

  His mouth opened. What came out was, “You’ll dance with me tonight?”

  He gave a lopsided grin. But internally he was yelling.

  He felt like he was starting to watch his life happen out of his control.

  Tessa’s brows lifted. Not surprised. Just… confirming.

  Her hand moved and tapped his forearm once, sharp. Then she took his wrist. Jayce’s muscles tensed on instinct. Not against her. Against being steered. But she wasn’t steering him anywhere.

  She was bringing him back.

  Tessa turned his palm upward and carefully, deliberately, began shaping his fingers.

  Index and middle finger folded. Thumb set. The angle of his hand changed.

  It took him half a heartbeat to recognize it.

  The sign.

  HELP.

  Jayce’s breath was even. When he knew it should have been racing.

  Tessa held his hand in that shape and looked him in the eyes, unwavering.

  Not pleading. Ordering.

  Jayce stared at his own fingers like they belonged to someone else.

  He felt his throat tightened. He tried to pull his hand back.

  Tessa didn’t let him. Not forcefully. Just firmly enough to make it clear: this is happening.

  She formed the sign again. Slower this time. More deliberate. As if she were carving it into his bones.

  HELP.

  Jayce’s mouth moved before he could decide what to do with the word.

  “It’s nothing,” he said.

  And he hated himself because the sentence sounded calm. Believable. Like a man who had everything under control. Just a little stress, nothing more.

  Tessa’s eyes narrowed to slits.

  She released his hand just long enough to take it again and shape it once more.

  HELP.

  Jayce’s jaw clenched.

  He shook his head once, sharp.

  No.

  Tessa held his gaze and didn’t blink.

  Her hand stayed on his, fingers firm at his knuckles, demanding his body admit what his mouth refused to.

  Jayce’s throat worked. He tried to say it. He did. He could feel the sentence rising, hot and ugly.

  I can’t get to Rush. Something is stopping me. Something is pushing. I tried to talk and my mouth—

  His lips parted. What came out was, “Rush is busy.”

  The words landed like a betrayal. Jayce went still internally, horrified.

  Tessa’s expression didn’t change.

  But her thumb pressed into the back of his hand, just hard enough to hurt. Not punishment.

  Proof.

  Jayce hear himself say. “He’s leaving soon,” he added, and the words kept coming, smooth and reasonable, like someone else was stacking them neatly. “He has meetings. Lords. Plans. He doesn’t need…”

  He stopped. Because he could hear it. How tidy it sounded. How sensible. How perfect.

  As if he were protecting Rush and being noble. To not bother him with his own problems.

  As if he wasn’t fighting to get out of his own mind.

  Tessa stared at him for a long moment. Then she shifted closer, shoulder brushing his.

  Warm. Solid. Present.

  Her hands moved again, slower now, less command and more questions.

  [Why can’t you?]

  His fingers twitched inside the gloves.

  He stared down at his hands like they were the problem, like if he could find the exact crack in the leather he’d find the crack in his mind.

  “I don’t know,” he whispered, and this time the words felt like they came from him. A small relief of something finally going his way.

  Tessa’s gaze sharpened.

  Her hand lifted again and shaped his fingers one more time, patient and relentless.

  HELP.

  Jayce stared at it. At the word his body could form even when his mouth kept slipping away. His lips trembled once, just once, then flattened hard. He shook his head again.

  Tessa didn’t look away. Her eyes held his like a grip.

  Jayce forced a weak smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Just keep your eyes on me,” he said. “Only me.”

  The sentence came out steady. It sounded like a romantic request. It felt like a surrender.

  Tessa’s face went very still for a handful of heartbeats. Then she lowered his hand gently, as if setting something breakable down.

  Her fingers moved, clipped and precise.

  [I am.]

  Jayce’s chest tightened, sudden and sharp.

  Tessa didn’t stop there. She lifted her hands again, slower this time, each sign deliberate.

  [But I will not be your only net.]

  Jayce’s stomach dropped.

  He tried to protest. He truly did. His mouth opened. And for a terrifying second he didn’t know what would come out.

  Tessa watched him closely, waiting.

  Jayce shut his mouth again. He looked away, eyes stinging with anger, he didn’t know where to aim.

  Tessa leaned closer until her shoulder pressed more firmly against his. It wasn’t romantic or soft. Just her reassurance of I’m here.

  Jayce finally spoke again, voice low and raw enough to be real.

  “I’m scared,” he admitted.

  Tessa’s hand found his wrist, thumb rubbing small circles along the veins that gave her his pulse. She held her other hand out for him. Her fingers moved.

  [Then let me help.]

  Jayce stared at her hands.

  At the sign he still couldn’t say with his mouth. At the truth sitting between them like an open blade. He hoped she understood. Hoped she would stop him or even tell someone about him.

  He managed, barely, “Not yet.” He heard the words of betrayal of his own body now. The moment of clarity gone.

  Tessa’s eyes narrowed.

  She didn’t argue. But she didn’t accept it either.

  She just kept her hand on him, steady and watchful, while Jayce sat on the wall and tried to figure out how long a man could be redirected before he became someone else entirely.