[somewhere in here Talon needs to realize Dave is incentivized to let him die]

  Behind me, the pavilion was nothing but splinters on one corner, with the roof slumping off the other three support posts. It looked like a cardboard box that had been left in the rain, and as much as I wanted to run into it for protection, it couldn’t take one more hit from these guys. I’d be a sitting duck if I stayed here.

  I stepped out to face the golems, then glanced back into the mess of broken shelving and flower baskets. Luckily, no NPCs had been manning the pavilion at the time the golem had clubbed it. It was more or less just a decorative building containing scrolls that described the various magic types that players could select in the Gem Baths. The NPCs that normally frequented the place were Celeste worshippers, and those women were elsewhere because of that Lost Maidens quest.

  These golems took down a whole building by throwing a club and missing their target. It’s no wonder I got killed when they hit me over the head at point-blank range.

  I took a moment to absorb my surroundings. I would need it to survive this fight, because I was level 18, and they were 22. And there were two of them.

  Steam hissed from the mineral pools below, curling around the paths that zigzagged back and forth up the steep cliffside. There were dozens of pools, but one on each of the seven levels of the path was colored, starting with the vibrant red pool in now behind the advancing golems. Two NPCs bathed in it, one woman in a bra top and one shirtless man. They took no notice of the golems whatsoever.

  Everything here seemed painted in mist. Strings of colorful prayer flags hung between lantern poles to either side of each path, their colors worn out by sun and heat.

  I turned my attention back to the golems. Only one still had a club, a weapon that looked like it had been torn off a thick tree and then worn down to smoothness by years of breaking bones. The golem lifted the club, stone grinding on stone as its arm cocked back.

  I stored my shield, tucking it back into my inventory with an over-the-shoulder gesture. Then I opened up the inventory and took the thing in the central slot.

  Just as the golem tensed to bring down the club, I threw the pear.

  The fruit splattered against the golem’s chest with a visceral squashing noise. The golem paused, its rocky brow sinking down its bowl-shaped head, and then it lowered its arm.

  I was suddenly glad that, of all the items I had duplicated, I had chosen the Pear of the Peaceful Sage.

  The club slipped from its hand and crashed into one of the uncolored pools at its feet, sending up a hissing spray of hot water that docked my health a few points when it hit me. The golem I hadn’t struck threw its head back and roared, as it had been ground zero for the blast of boiling water.

  But the first golem turned away as if nothing else existed. It began to trudge down the path, away from Radix. It walked with perfectly measured, lazy steps.

  I recognized that gait. The golem had lost aggro, and now it would return to wherever it was supposed to be. It would slowly walk back home, and as long as I didn’t get back inside its aggro range, it would keep doing that until it arrived.

  Glad to see the mobs aren’t any smarter in real life than they are in Seven Keys, I thought, drawing another pear. I cocked my armand threw it at the remaining golem, who was barely fifteen feet away now. An easy hit.

  My throw went wide.

  The pear bounced helplessly across the reddish stone ground, and landed in the red pool with an unceremonious gloop.

  “How the fuck did I miss that?” I said, backing away, reaching behind me with a free hand until I palmed something useful. The second golem hadn’t even noticed the pear bouncing past it, and it was only ten feet from me now.

  “Throws are based on Dex!” Dave said from somewhere in the misty sky. “You haven’t got much of that!”

  The golem stopped walking and narrowed its beady black eyes at me. The moonlight was even brighter here than in Radix, and it forced its pale light into the mist, giving everything a black-and-white look. It was plenty of light to see by, but it was eerie as hell, especially with a monster staring you down.

  “Try another one!” Dave called. “Or, I can do it! My Dex is great!”

  “No,” I said. “No—I think I’ll just kill it.”

  As if it understood me, the huge creature lunged. I gripped the splintered pavilion beam and threw myself behind it, pivoting hard enough to thrust the wobbly beam out toward the golem.

  This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

  The golem impaled its massive stone hand on the jagged point of the wood. The hand stopped mere inches from me, and then the whole thing—hand and beam both—jerked away from me. The golem had taken his hand back, and now he threw his head back and roared. It was a grinding noise, like a table saw, that made my teeth rattle together. The ground shook with it.

  The golem stomped.

  I was already scrambling up the caved-in roof, ready to leap off the far side and run, but without warning, all the wreckage started to sink. I looked back to see the ground buckling underneath the building’s foundation.

  He cast something… a spell on the ground—

  The golem stomped in rage, beam still piercing his hand. Stone rippled under his foot, then cracked, and the cliffside between us crumbled like stale bread. The ground beneath the pavilion was already destabilized, and now we were slipping into a full-blown rock slide.

  I stowed my mace and clawed for purchase as the world turned to steam, dust, and the rush of falling rock. At one point I slammed my head against something, and then a chunk of wood crunched into my leg.

  I cried out, and I somehow managed to draw my shield as the heavy object slipped off my leg. The leg wasn’t broken, nothing was, but my health dipped as the environment damaged me one strike at a time. I managed to deflect some of the heaviest hits with the shield.

  At least the Belt of Bullshittery was doing its work, keeping my health regenerating even as my Bleeder skill tapped off health points each second. The world became steam, dust, and the rush of falling rock, and when I finally slammed to a stop, I found myself at the next lowest level of the path—flat on my back, about six feet from the orange pool and even closer to one of the many boiling pools that occasionally spawned mobs here. The orange pool would grant me Swayed magic if I crawled into it. The clear pool would just boil off some skin.

  I rolled over, coughing out dust.

  Then I froze.

  Just a few paces away stood the first golem, the one that I’d pacified. It had wandered down here while I tussled with the other one.

  Now, its stone head tilted up. Its eyes flared like embers brought alive in a sudden wind. The pear’s enchantment had worn off. It was ready to fight again.

  And I was right inside its range.

  It attacked.

  I launched myself to one side, barely dodging the first bare-handed attack. As the two massive fists slammed down behind me, I scrambled upright on my sore, aching legs.

  The stone was slicked beneath my boots, shimmering with a glaze of wet minerals. I’d come closer to the scalding pool, so close that its sulphuric steam clawed at my throat. My heel slid, and I nearly pitched into the hot water. Only a desperate slap against the cliffside kept me upright.

  Before I could turn back, prayer flags whipped across my face. I grabbed at them and caught the cord they’d been strung on. Their attached lantern pole had collapsed with the cliffside, the beam sticking out of the rubble like a fishing pole.

  I gave the cord a sharp tug as the golem dragged its hands back toward its body, almost as if it were reeling in two wrecking balls. The prayer cord held as the ground started shaking.

  The other golem was charging past this one, finally catching up to me, its stone feet hammering the path. Green acid hissed between its cracked jaws.

  I wrapped the flag line around my fist and braced. The pool boiled below, spitting up droplets hot enough to scorch.

  “Come at me, bro,” I said.

  The golem lunged.

  At the last moment, I kicked off the ledge, the prayer flags groaning in protest. My body swung wide over the boiling pool, heat blasting my legs. The golem’s momentum carried it forward, and even though it tried to stop, its stone feet slipped on the slick mineral crust around the pool.

  I kept hold of the prayer flags after landing hard on the far side, knees jarring, but I was up in a breath. The golem toppled with another grinding bellow, dropping gracelessly into the pool. Water erupted in a curtain of white steam as the creature sank chest-deep in the water, its stone flesh sizzling.

  The smell was unbearable, like burnt limestone and acid. Its health plummeted, chunks sloughing off as it writhed.

  My mace was in my hand before I could think. I tried to slam it down on the golem’s head, but the thing was thrashing madly, and I could barely land a single glancing blow without endangering myself. Its health had stopped falling, and now a yellowish light glowed like a film on its skin.

  I recognized it as an elemental protection spell. It worked against heat and water both, and the creature wasn’t about to lose more health. In fact, it would climb out any moment to finish me off. The other one was tromping forward, too, but it stood dumbly on the other side of the pool, as if it couldn’t figure out how to progress until its partner stopped thrashing.

  I dropped the flags, opened my inventory, and scrolled feverishly until I found the four energy charges. They were intended to be used as “bullets” for energy weapons, but I took one out and dismantled it. This left me with a tiny orb that sizzled with power.

  It wasn’t even a tenth the size of the thing I’d gained from dismantling the gun, but I threw it straight into the mass of thrashing golem. It exploded, and my heart sank as the damage didn’t drop.

  Then, stillness.

  I might not have killed the golem, but I had stunned it. I picked up my mace once more.

  Now that it wasn’t moving, I easily positioned myself and brought my weapon down on the golem’s head again and again, iron clomping against kiln-fired clay. A crater spread across its weird skull, and still it wasn’t moving.

  Apparently, that made the other golem think it could progress, and it took a step closer to its fellow.

  “Dave!” I barked. “Pear! Now!”

  Dave squawked, and a green blur shot past me, dropping a magical pear that thudded off the last golem’s chest. The spell took hold instantly, dimming its eyes, lowering its fists. It turned away, wandering like a drunk down a side path, no longer interested.

  “You’ve got pretty good aim for a man-whore,” I muttered through gritted teeth, still hammering away on the stunned golem.

  “Gotta have good aim,” Dave commented, landing on a still-standing lantern post. “Otherwise, how would you ever find the—”

  “Not! Now!”

  I raised my mace high and drove it into the crack I’d made in the golem’s head. The blow sank deep this time, and the golem shuddered, groaned, and finally split apart. Its pieces sank into the boiling water with a hiss, dissolving into silence.

  I checked my health bar. It was ticking up slowly.

  Huh. I might be getting the hang of this…. Now let’s see what this big guy was worth.