[Strange, Cooperation]

  The Preacher's Demon

  Harrison Thatcher got out of bed slowly, his head pounding from the bourbon that had put him to sleep, a few shots in his coffee would set him right. Besides, he always needed a couple of shots before milking the damn snakes. If the drug companies didn’t pay so well for the venom he would have had the venom glands removed years ago. It was illegal but what did he care for illegal?

  He wished he could get rid of the snakes entirely but any time he didn’t feature the snakes, the collection went down. For the rubes coming to the show, watching him handle the deadly snakes, hoping for him to get bit, waiting for him to die. Then when he didn’t there it was proof, Harrison Thatcher, nay, Brother Thatcher was chosen by god. His mission to get the word out, must be supported.

  He watched as the carny’s put up the big white tent, right alongside the giant cross, in the grass field, another crappy small town, but this is where his most fervent followers flourished. It was cold today, especially in that biting wind. The grass field would be muddy by tomorrow, but that wasn’t his problem, this town was so small it couldn’t produce enough coin for him to waste more than one night preaching to the brutes.

  Now it was show time, the tent was lit, the wooden chairs not all filled but probably the most true believers this shit hole could produce.

  “Brothers, Sisters, we gather in his name, let us pray for even sinners my turn aside from sinning and pray. Our father….”

  “You want to save all those sinners don’t you, because if you focus on the sins of the others, you don’t have to worry about any minor offenses, you might have let slip by mistake. Because you are a good god fearing man and god wants you to fear him, why else would you stay in line, control yourself, follow gods laws.”

  “The gay’s, the liberals, dirty immigrants sneaking into our Great country, you want to save these heathens from hell fire don’t you. But remember god gave us this country, not the criminals from another who try to sneak in and take our jobs. The death row prisoner must repent, before god’s justice can be injected. The gay’s can be saved from their perversion, nothing a little conversion therapy can’t cure along with the shunning, you have to show these perverts that their kind just isn’t welcome in polite church going society. Indeed better if we just run them out of town, before our kids too become corrupted. Speaking of kids, that liberal notion of therapy to modify behavior is just bunk. The good book proverbs tells us, "spare the rod and spoil the child.”

  “My daddy took be behind the woodshed, and look at me now, declaring my love for jesus everyday. If daddy hadn’t of taken that strap to me, gods knows where I’d be today, probably in some den of sin and iniquity. I’m sure that jesus himself was at the pearly gates waiting to thank my daddy for disciplining me properly, no the rod was not spared, nor was my backside. (Pause for laugh) I’m dead serious Brothers, Sisters the devil must be beaten out of the child for if it’s not then the devil shall flourish.”

  “We know that there is nothing god hates more then sin and satan and they go hand in hand, where one is the other is right behind it. Those liberals who demand mercy for sinners, that’s just satan saying no don’t beat me out. I say no, put them on the chain gangs, make them pay for their sins here and now, so their very souls may be saved. Those abortionists god wants them punished too, and they will burn for their sins when we take back this Great god fearing country, they won’t practice medicine anymore, we’ll take away their licences. Anyone who would murder a baby can’t be a healer, that’s just not how it works. We want only good christian doctors. Let us cast out the others.”

  “Now those that believe and want to testify, please come up and pray with me. We all know the only way to enter heaven is to declare our love for jesus before god and man. If you are sick or burdened come up, for god told me to expect healings here tonight. Only god my truly heal, not those doctors with their needles. God struck those doctors down with the covid, but those who truly believe they were saved by his mercy alone, no vaccinations necessary we have jesus saving us.”

  One of the carny’s came up on crutches, lame but walked away healed. Another of the carny’s was blind yet walked away with sight. There was much oohing and aahing and praising of his name for such powerful signs that god his self was amongst us.

  Then after all were back in their seats, it was time to take out the snakes to prove that he was the real deal, beloved of god, unkillable, because god says it’s so. He was bit, they saw the blood.

  “I’m not afraid to die, brothers, sisters, for I am doing the lords work and only god can take me when he wants me to come home. These spawn of satan can not harm me if god does not allow it.”

  Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

  Then they sat there, waiting, hoping to see me die, to see god save me most of them probably couldn’t decide which.

  “This country was founded by good christian men and women. They came here to praise god, they came with the bible, it is the only book you need to live your life, exactly how god wants you to. It is only his great mercy that keeps him from doing to Las Vegas and New York, the same justice that he showed to Sodom and Gomorrah. Please be generous with the plate, I’m on a mission to save souls, I’m here to save your souls brothers and sisters. I can’t save souls without your generosity. Please let me save just one more of you from the fiery pit, and god will reward you, for he wants you to prosper. But you must show your complete and true belief, you must donate more than you can afford to, to prove your belief that god will reward you ten fold, nay a hundred fold.”

  The taking was worse than a pittance, he’d paid off the carnies first, it never went well if you tried to cheat the carnies. It’d mean a beating or much much worse. A hot knife in the belly once out in dusty west texas, when he had cheated a particularly religious carny.

  On top of the low take on the collection plate his last snake had died. They were expensive and hard to replace, he’d need to find a smuggler or wrangler before moving on, in the morning. He’d need another bottle of bourbon too, because he’d swallowed half the pint and the plain, dirty, farmer’s daughter he’d convinced to stay and pray with him. She had drained the other half before leaving him hard and unsatisfied and bitter. His only solace was that he was sure she’d have just as crappy a life as her ma, had before her and her ma before her.

  The next morning without the bourbon to ease his splitting skull, he hopped into his old pickup, in search of a dealer in illicit animals. The show just wasn’t working like it used to. He needed to do something new, something exciting. He blamed the internet, everyone had access to instant depravity twenty four seven. How the hell was he supposed to compete with that?

  He found the snake salesman at the local truckstop trying to sell fake viagra and a past her prime beauty queen to the long haulers. Even they weren’t interested. He thought maybe he could get the guy to throw in the old queen with the purchase of the snake.

  “If you want a go with my wife, you pay up front the same as anyone else. If you want a snake, we need to head over to my barn and you can pick one.”

  He needed the snake more so he got in his truck and followed the salesman’s truck he had left his wife to fend for herself among the truckers, troopers and travelers. He wondered who sold the fake viagra while the salesman was gone, did the wife have to handle that too.

  They turned down a long and bumpy dirt road, a crappy little house soon came into view on the left, a falling down barn on the right. They pulled to a stop in front of the barn and both exited their trucks. The salesman could murder him, take all of his stuff and no one would be the wiser or probably care. It’s not like anyone would report him missing.

  They entered the dim barn, sunlight filtering in between the warped wooden walls. But he hit a switch and the place was flooded with lurid fluorescent light. At least he’d be able to see the snake he was buying. That’s when he saw her. She was naked and filthy and had horns on her head. She was curled up in a ball in the dog crate.

  Crap this guy might really kill him, Thatcher thought. It’s not like he’d invite me to buy a snake with some kidnapped woman caged in plain view and expect to leave me alive, to tell the tale.

  He saw me eyeing the woman.

  “Look you're supposed to be some kind of preacher man right, that’s why you want the snake. How about I sell you a monster, a demon instead. You could put on a much better show with an actual demon than a snake.”

  “Look pal, I’m not some dumb trucker, that sure as hell isn’t a demon, it’s some woman you have in a cage.”

  “You don’t believe me, you look at her eyes, man, then you tell me that she ain’t a demon. I bought her to hawk her down at the truck stop, the wife’s getting older and doesn’t garner the type of interest she once did. But once the truckers got a look at those eyes just made them go soft instantly. So I can’t rent her out, I gotta feed her, I paid seven fifty for her. I’ll sell her to you for five hundred. She’ll put asses in your seats guaranteed. What would you rather see a genuine demon, captured by a righteous warrior of god like yourself or some milked out rattler, that only the little girls are scared of. What do you say?”

  The eyes were bright gold and the pupils were vertical slits. Jesus with the horns she really did look like a demon, a very shapely demon. With her on stage properly displayed, he would get the farmers back night after night. He’d need to cover her nakedness a little but not too much. Farmers aren’t noted for imagination, but their sons sure as hell are. Dollars signs danced through his head, along with other darker more primal thoughts.

  He forked over the five hundred. The salesman helped him load the dog crate into the back of the pickup, then he covered the crate with a cheap poly tarp. It wouldn’t do driving down the highway with a naked woman in a dog crate, but covered with a tarp like that. No one would give them a second look. After tonight she’d go in the carnies covered truck with the tent and the chairs. But for today the bed of the pickup was fine. The salesman had thrown in a cattle prod to control her, she didn’t speak he said but after a couple of pokes with the prod she moaned real nice.