Chapter 11: Plants vs Zombies

  As I watched the fading flames on the zombie's body, I got goosebumps all over my skin. Jin Chengwu calmly put on his gloves and said, "It's strange, why would there be something like this around here?"

  I said: "Could it be because of the spiritual energy you mentioned that brought it here?"

  Lao Wu said: "It won't work, to be reasonable, zombies don't need to cultivate, they are not sensitive to spiritual energy."

  Xiao Qian said: "Only the anger of animals and humans can make them launch an attack. However, in places where human aura is too heavy, they usually don't dare to go either."

  Jin Chengwu laughed and said: "Never mind, in short, one comes to kill one, two come to kill a pair, eliminating this thing will not harm cultivation."

  Three people chatted for a while and changed the subject, killing a zombie was nothing new to them, just like meeting a small thief on the road, but my heart kept pounding and I was secretly afraid.

  Old Wu came under the three apple trees he planted in the daytime, picked a green fruit and threw it to me: "See if you can eat it?"

  I took a bite and said: "It's better if it's cooked a bit more."

  Xiao Qian also picked one up and sniffed it, making a face as she said, "It's really sour."

  Jin Chengwu stretched his waist and said: "I'm going to sleep, are you guys practicing again?"

  Lao Wu said: "I'll sleep for a while, this year I hope to make some progress again."

  Xiao Qian blushed and said: "I'm at the lowest level, but I don't have as much free time as you guys."

  Jin Chengwu smiled and said: "You have to arrange your time reasonably, don't be too indulgent." Then he went into the house.

  I pulled Old Wu and asked: "You're about to level up?"

  Old Wu laughed and said: "What promotion, how can it be so easy?"

  I said: "What's next for you, have you passed the foundation building, marrow washing and tendon cutting stages?"

  Old Wu looked at me strangely: "What are you talking about? What's with all those messy titles?"

  "So you must have a standard to judge who is more powerful than whom, right? He's the Golden Body, he's undying or something."

  "There isn't," Old Wu said gruffly.

  "I exclaimed: 'Really?'"

  Old Wu added, "However, the high and low of one's cultivation can be seen from their breath and demeanor. Generally, those with lower cultivation cannot see the true form and family background of those with higher cultivation. For example, I couldn't see Jin Chengwu's true form, which is also related to his mixed heritage. However, in reality, he is a descendant of a prehistoric divine beast, and his cultivation is absolutely not inferior. To reach his level and then take it a step further on the hundred-foot pole is extremely difficult, so he's not anxious either."

  I suddenly realized, no wonder I found Jin Chengwu's words so familiar. When we were in school, several of us dorm mates played "Journey to the West" together, and we had just started playing. Lao San was already at level 3, and it was impossible for him to upgrade again within a short period of time, but he would often boastfully tell us Jin Chengwu's phrase.

  I asked Old Wu again: "How far are you from 'crossing the calamity'?"

  Old Wu sighed: "Crossing the tribulation? These two words are just a legend for us cultivators. Even if one can cultivate to the early stage of crossing the tribulation, their opportunities, enlightenment, and strength are all extremely rare. And among those who have successfully crossed the tribulation, they are again extremely rare - I'll put it this way, I've lived for over 2,000 years, and during this time, not more than a handful of people have successfully crossed the tribulation."

  I exclaimed excitedly: "Isn't that awesome?"

  Old Wu said: "You don't count!"

  "Why not count?"

  "It's because none of us have ever seen someone successfully pass the tribulation that we're having this misunderstanding. Apart from your somewhat-but-not-quite post-tribulation Golden Body, what makes you look like someone who has passed the tribulation?"

  I chuckled and said: "So few people have successfully passed through their tribulations. Where did monsters like you and Jin Chengwu go?"

  Old Wu sighed and said, "Human strength has its limits, this sentence is also applicable to us cultivators. Cultivation reaches a certain level, it's still impossible to escape the cycle of birth, aging, illness, and death. The vast majority of cultivators don't even make it to the early stages of transcending the calamity before they all disappear. At most, they can only live for a few hundred or thousand years more. I have an exceptionally good foundation, so maybe I can live a bit longer, but I'm afraid it's still pointless."

  Then you shouldn't be called Wu Yongsheng - why aren't you called Wu Guohuai?

  "My name was Wu Guohuai before liberation, and after 1949 I was also called Wu Jianguo for two years."

  "...then why is your surname Wu?"

  "In the Warring States period I was surnamed Li, in the Tang Dynasty I was surnamed Zhang, and in the Qing Dynasty I was surnamed Ma. Any other questions?"

  "Huh, nothing." I turned to Xiaoxian again: "Xiaoxian, when will you overcome your tribulation?"

  Xiao Qian stuck out her tongue: "I'm even more gone now."

  Old Wu said: "However, this little girl Xiao Qian's innate talent should be very good, in just over 200 years she has already cultivated her physical body, when I was 200 years old I was still a tree."

  Xiao Qian said with embarrassment: "How could that be, I've been hiding in the mountains for years and recently felt that my realm was hard to break through. I didn't expect that as soon as I left the mountain, I would meet a good person like Little Dragon Brother who took me in."

  I waved my hand repeatedly: "I'm not a good person."

  Old Wu said: "It's beneficial for cultivation to go out and take a walk from time to time. I also stayed in the Zhongnan Mountains for several hundred years, and when I came out again, it was obvious that my knowledge of the world had fallen behind."

  "I'm going to sleep, you guys chat." It's fine, every now and then it's been several hundred years, just like we've been away from home for a few weeks, can't chat with these people.

  I walked to the door of the house and turned around to ask Old Wu: "So you've seen Qin Shi Huang?"

  "Of course I have seen it."

  "How was it?"

  Old Wu chuckled: "Nothing mysterious, just a fat guy."

  ……

  The next morning, Old Wu borrowed 100 yuan from me to go to the nearby farmer's market to buy seeds. He insisted on planting some vegetables in front of my door.

  Xiao Qian, as usual, was the first to get up and tidy the shop. She floated around, humming a tune, until she finally floated over to me and said: "Little Dragon Brother, move your feet."

  I lifted my foot, and Xiao Qian blew the dust off the bottom of my desk as well. Just as she was about to leave, I picked up my keyboard and said to her, "Excuse me, could you blow this clean for me?"

  "Pffft..." A burst of air escaped from inside, blowing out more than half a catty of ash and dust. Xiao Qian's eyes were dazed as she walked away.

  Jin Chengwu slept well, holding his laptop and sitting in the small dining room to surf the internet. He clicked into a forum of some unknown friends, looking at the pictures on it while chatting enthusiastically with others. Sometimes he burst out laughing, sometimes he said angrily: "These kids went to Shennongjia without telling me!"

  I only found out by asking that Jin Chengwu was an old friend of iron, and he had been to various places in the past few years. Before coming here, he just returned from Tibet.

  I said: "Are you going to Shennongjia to find the wild man?"

  Jin Xiang Wu Dao: "What am I looking for in a savage? You were all savages thousands of years ago."

  I don't want to talk to him anymore...

  Gao Xiaowei slept until noon before getting up, but she still looked lackluster because she was far away from her usual life. Her pineapple hair wasn't styled either, with strands sticking to her head like a mess of noodles. She didn't even bother drawing on her eyeliner, but you have to say, she looked better than yesterday.

  Gao Xiaowei walked up to me in her slippers and asked in a lackluster tone, "Long Yangyang, what's for lunch?"

  I pointed to the instant noodles, but before I could say anything, Gao Xiaowei suddenly became furious: "Go die!" Then she occupied my computer, took out a handful of chocolates and potato chips from her bag, and stuffed them into her mouth in a self-abusive manner. I tentatively asked her: "Do you want to eat an apple? I can pick one for you." As I said that, I pointed outside the door. Gao Xiaowei glared at me with a fierce gaze, but didn't notice anything unusual.

  I let out a silent sigh of relief, knowing that this kind of girl wouldn't care about the extra trees - those trees weren't even there when she arrived.

  In the afternoon, Old Wu came back and didn't even take a rest. He directly poured two cups of water into his shoes and started working. He planted various seeds in the soil in front of my door, then carried a pot of water to inspect each row, sometimes watering one spot and sometimes squatting down to chat with another. Before it was even dusk, all sorts of green shoots had already sprouted from the ground...

  This reminds me of a classic joke: In the spring, I plant my wife underground, and by autumn, I can harvest a whole bunch of wives (I dare not let my wife see this). If Wu Yongsheng really did that, his ** must be incredibly powerful!

  At night, Gao Xiaowei downloaded a game and opened the page, which was followed by a chilling and eerie laughter. Jin Chengwu looked around in confusion: "What's going on?"

  Gao Xiaowei said irritably: "Playing games!"

  Jin Chengwu ran over to take a look and saw Gao Xiaowei arranging various plants on the sunny lawn in the screen. Before long, a zombie walked over from the other side of the screen with an awkward gait. Gao Xiaowei placed a green pea that could spit bullets on this side, and soon the zombie's head was blown off. Jin Chengwu asked curiously: "What game is this?"

  "Haven't even played Plants vs Zombies?"

  "Interesting."

  As more and more zombies came out, Gao Xiaowei was a bit overwhelmed, while Jin Chengwu kept coming up with ideas behind her: "Set off a potato time bomb, plant some sunflowers over there, put a calabaza here, and place one over there."

  Gao Xiaowei gave him a sideways glance, stood up and said in a huff: "Fine, go ahead and play then!"

  "Alright." Jin Chengwu sat down, completely disregarding Gao Xiaowei's angry gaze, and with a pleased expression, he released a watermelon according to his own wishes...

  Gao Xiaowei silently cooked a packet of instant noodles, finished eating in a few mouthfuls, and then stomped upstairs. At the entrance of the corridor, she loudly shouted: "Long Yangyang, if you dare to make me eat instant noodles again tomorrow, I'll kick you to death!" After that, she went back into her room.

  "You can't even bear this little bit of hardship and yet you pretend to be a part of the underworld!"

  "Stop talking about her, I'm fed up with this thing."

  Xiao Qian also picked up a few noodles and struggled to "smell" them.

  Old Wu said: "Don't worry, the dishes will be ready tomorrow."

  "What have you planted?" I walked to the door and looked out, seeing that the ground outside was already lush and green, with various wooden frames set up.

  Old Wu said: "Since the seeds are incomplete, I'll plant taro, corn, bean sprouts and cucumber."

  "Oh."

  In the middle of the night, Old Wu and Xiao Qian walked out of the door and sat on the steps, Jin Chengwu was still enthusiastically playing his "Plants vs. Zombies", this was a favorite game of his.

  Two people had just finished vomiting, and I saw several human figures appearing on the horizon in the distance. They moved hesitantly, looking suspicious and eerie. I wondered: "It's late at night, how come there are so many people - could they be stealing vegetables?"

  I'm saying this with a straight face, but I really didn't move this time. After yesterday's lesson, I'm being especially careful now.

  Old Wu frowned and said, "Still not right!" He stood up and looked into the distance, suddenly changing color and saying, "It's bad, it's a zombie!"

  This made me see clearly, those "people" were wearing tattered and worn-out clothes, swaying back and forth, moving slowly, with their heads buried in their chests, exactly like the zombie from yesterday. Walking closer, I could even see the green face and fangs, undoubtedly zombies.

  I rushed back to the house, pressed against the glass and exclaimed: "What should we do?" At a rough glance, there were probably around forty or fifty zombies, they were densely packed and rushing towards us, with varying distances between them, looking like a large patch. Yesterday, just one of them had made us very passive, but today it was several dozen times more!

  Lao Wu and Xiao Qian also retreated back, concentrating their minds and saying: "This is not easy to deal with."

  Jin Chengwu rushed over in one step: "What's wrong?"

  I pointed outside with a crying face: "The zombies have crossed the border!"

  "Zombies are coming? Planting vegetables!"

  "This isn't a game!"

  "Then let's make it a game!" Jin Chengwu pulled Wu Yongsheng: "Old Wu, the vegetables you planted can be useful now!"

  "You think Old Wu's vegetables are all thick-browed and big-eyed pea shooters?"

  "Old Wu, can the vegetables you planted understand your commands?"

  "What does it mean?"

  "For example, let them move according to your will."

  Lao Wu said, "I've never tried it before, but I can give it a shot." As he spoke, he took off his shoes and stepped on the ground. I saw several thin vines emerge from the soles of his feet, drilling into the earth and then connecting to the outside. Lao Wu said, "The connection is established, what do you want me to do? The plants around here all listen to me."

  Jin Chengwu looked out and said, "Now they are still far away from us. Do you have long-range attack weapons?"

  "Remote?" Old Wu said: "Let them move around nearby, it's not okay if they're too far away."

  Jin Chengwu supported his chin and said, "Hmmm, long-range attacks have high requirements for bullets. Cucumbers and beans are definitely not going to work."

  "Can you make the apples on the tree fall down by themselves?"

  "This is easy."

  "Then let them fall down."

  "What's next?"

  "Then... let's pick up and smash those bastards!"

  Jin Chengwu collapsed: "Is that it?"

  Xiao Qian suddenly said: "I have a way - the apples fall from the tree, I can use the wind control technique to send them out, but they cannot fall to the ground, those that have fallen to the ground are no good."

  "Is he really so handsome?"

  Xiao Qian walked out the door and said, "Let's try it first." She came to an apple tree, then looked far away with both hands, and shouted loudly, "Note the second one on the left in the first row, hit the first one!"

  Old Wu's foot moved, and the apple on top of Xiao Qian's head fell straight down. Xiao Qian didn't wait for it to hit the ground, she blew her mouth at it, and the apple flew off like a shooting star, directly hitting its target. The zombies' bodies were already rotten and fragile, with a "bang" sound, they were smashed flat by the flying apple, and fell to the ground motionless.

  We let out a cheer!

  Xiao Qian said: "Target, first row right three, fire!"

  Another apple with a mission strikes again...

  "Haha, let you guys be Newton for a while!"

  Xiao Qian said: "Target first row left one, launch - ah yo!" An apple directly hit her little head, Xiao Qian resentfully turned back to look around, Old Wu hurriedly apologized with a hand gesture: "Mistake!"

  Like this, after firing off over a dozen apples, the zombie army was reduced by a small fraction. My heart aches - those apples were several pieces per catty!

  At this time, the zombies were getting closer and closer. I resolutely told Old Wu: "Now switch to launching corn."

  Old Wu said: "But the corn is not ripe yet."

  "Think of something."

  Lao Wu couldn't help it, and said: "Then I'll try to ripen them." He moved his feet, and the corn stalks in the back row rustled loudly. Before long, several of them had clearly grown bigger. I told Xiaoxian outside the door: "Xiaoxian, this time send the corn out and let it explode on the ground."

  Xiao Qian nodded.

  "Target, all mid-range zombies, fire!"

  An ear of corn drew a perfect arc, like a missile flying across the sky and landing in a pile of zombies, exploding violently, corn kernels flying everywhere, and many zombies fell to the ground instantly. I waved my hand: "Yes!"

  "I'm going to make them into popcorn, and the power will be even greater—" Jin Chengwu glared at me and said: "You're quite good at giving orders, aren't you? Trying to steal my command."

  I proudly said: "You've only played Plants vs. Zombies for a few days, have you seen the Cob Cannon?"

  Jin Cheng Wu shook his head...

  The zombies were already very close to the small building, and the front row of feet had stepped into the vegetable field. I shouted loudly: "Xiao Qian, mission accomplished, come back!"

  "What should we do now?" said Old Wu.

  I pointed at the zombies about to step on the potatoes and said: "Let the potatoes bounce up and smash!"

  Old Wu nodded, a row of cucumbers flew up and hit the zombies' chins, instantly knocking them to the ground. This time Old Wu didn't need me to teach him, he commanded the back row of cucumbers to swing wildly, and also made the beans on the frame burst, causing the zombies to suffer heavy casualties.

  After a burst, there were still more than a dozen zombies rushing towards our door. Old Wu said: "It's bad, I didn't plant anything in this row directly opposite the door."

  I grinned at Jin Chengwu, who was taken aback for a moment before suddenly realizing: "I get it, I'm the chili bomb!" He removed his right glove and pressed his hand to the ground. A row of flames spread out, instantly incinerating an entire column of zombies. However, the flames on his hand also dimmed significantly. I told him, "Go absorb some sunlight and prepare for the next explosion."

  Outside the door, there was one last zombie, which lay on the glass door and stared at us with wide eyes. Xiao Qian covered her mouth and said, "What to do?"

  "Let me burn it to death!"

  I blocked his way, picked up a cactus from the windowsill and threw it out. The zombie saw something flying towards him and instinctively hugged it into his chest. The sharp spines of the cactus instantly pierced its heart, and this guy fell to the ground without another word, motionless.

  I looked around and couldn't help but laugh out loud: "What are zombies most afraid of? Of course, it's plants! Hahaha!"

  A voice from upstairs shouted: "Long Yangyang, are you crazy? You've been playing this broken game nonstop!"

  I poked Jin Chengwu: "I'm talking about you."

  Division line

  Here is the translation:

  "Let me give you a brain teaser, but you all guessed it immediately, how unfair! Can't you pretend to think hard before giving the answer next time? Today I'll post just one super chapter, and tomorrow will continue with two chapters. Many of you are fans of Liu Lao Liu, right?"