Time rushed past me, and I barely registered its passing. Days blurred by in confusion, anger, and a touch of resentment.

  I was so desperately trying to put every little piece of the puzzle called "life" into place that I completely ignored the fact that days turned into weeks, and weeks into months.

  In the end, nothing fell into place.

  I trusted Chris completely. I told him about the kiss with Dante, but I didn’t expect him to talk about it in Mark's presence.

  I didn’t want to share the whole story with Mark. In fact, I had intended to keep it a secret until my relationship with Dante became evident. Thanks to Chris, that didn’t happen.

  Mark gently took my hand and led me aside. He was upset, pacing back and forth, massaging his temple. He sighed and looked at me. His lips trembled before he could even speak. He said he wasn’t sure of his feelings and asked me to give him time, to give him space, and so I did: That’s how I drifted away from Mark.

  I wanted to discuss my relationship with Mark with Dante. For a while, we planned dates, but for various reasons, each meeting was canceled. Family events and academic issues were offered as excuses, but none were truly addressed. My problems were swept under the rug, and his weren’t really brought to light either. Every canceled meeting ended with me sitting alone in my room, staring at the four walls, wondering what I had done wrong.

  The last scheduled meeting wasn’t even canceled, it was just ignored. Dante simply vanished as if the earth had swallowed him up.

  I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t turn to Mark. I had to find another anchor, and fortunately, Chris and James were there for me.

  The day James walked into my apartment and saw a side of me he’d never seen before, his fists clenched. He asked me what happened and who was responsible. He didn’t want to hear the whole story, but he had to.

  When he sat on my couch, nursing a beer, and I tearfully recounted everything, I could see something snap in his mind. His mouth twitched nervously, and he bit his lips. Those icy eyes stared into mine as he held my hands. He quickly dismissed my emotions, hugged me, and said he would handle it. He told me never to deal with the matter again.

  Chris was no different. Was it final desperation or resignation? I don’t know which drove me to tell Christopher everything, point by point, but for some reason, I did.

  With a voice dripping in venom, he demanded I leave nothing out. When I finished, he simply hung up on me.

  I cried for hours, unsure who I was truly angry with. At one point, I thought he was blaming me, but then he called back. Dante earned some particularly colorful nicknames from Chris, which finally brought a smile to my face. He practically spat out words like “rat” “fucker” and “degenerate” instead of using Dante’s proper name.

  The betrayal followed shortly after. Chris later explained that he didn’t hang up out of anger but because he had reached out to a few friends. One of them, Danis, claimed to have spoken to Dante about me.

  The rumor spread quickly: Dante said he had been completely manipulated before the kiss. He wanted no part of it, had never wanted any part of it, and didn’t want anything to do with me in the future.

  Literature hasn’t advanced enough over the years to provide words that could adequately express how I felt at that moment. There are no words for it. I took a deep breath, thanked Chris for his efforts, and then shared Dante’s reasons for disappearing with James.

  James handled the situation incredibly calmly, even when Dante’s mother was mentioned during his efforts to console me. He told me not to worry, he was already working on a plan.

  I was just about to say that I didn’t want Dante to get hurt, but it was a futile attempt. James knew what I was getting at and simply hung up with the words, “Don’t defend a man like that.”

  Of course, the story didn’t end there. More questions arose about what the truth was. I received no answers. Not a single one knocked on my door, let alone walked through it uninvited. Instead of answers, I got James, who appeared with a black eye.

  He didn’t say much. He rolled a cigarette, popped open a beer, and told me Dante was still a virgin. Apparently, rumors claimed I had tried to corrupt him.

  I didn’t know what to say, what to do. Should I cry or laugh? I couldn’t even decide whether to sit or lie down upon hearing this. In the heat of the moment, I couldn’t even focus on James’s black eye. My mind was too preoccupied with how everything I’d tried to build was falling apart.

  I spent the next few days lying down. I took two days off work and spent them trying to regain my mental balance.

  I spent hours in the bathtub and at my desk, reflecting on events of the past months, searching for connections. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t process Dante’s betrayal.

  A broken heart is hard to mend, especially when it’s been trampled on first. As a last resort, I sent Dante one final message. I wrote that we absolutely had to meet, that it was more important than anything else. If he ever considered me a friend, he should show up.

  I didn’t expect him to reply, but he did. We arranged a meeting, and I asked William to drive me there. I had twenty minutes to explain everything that had happened to me, but in the end, I had four hours to calm him down behind the wheel; Dante didn’t show up. He didn’t even bother to cancel.

  I stepped out of the car in the pouring rain to light a cigarette, just so William wouldn’t see my tears. But it was futile, he didn’t need to see them to feel how completely shattered I was.

  At that moment, he didn’t speak, hug me, or hold my hand. He adjusted his cap and stood next to me, lighting his own cigarette. We discussed my feelings quietly because we could understand each other even without words.

  Accepting that you’ve been played is no easy feat. It’s hard to move on, and I, personally, look for refuge. That’s why I accepted Chris’s invitation.

  With Halloween around the corner, both classic and modern horror films were hitting the theaters. Chris suggested taking me to one because he was tired of watching me torment myself over Dante.

  I tried to shake off the thought of a subtly romantic date in the car.

  This was just a friendly outing.

  Yet he told me to come alone.

  I glanced sideways at William, who kept his eyes firmly on the road. Maybe he sensed my gaze, as his eyes flicked to mine for a split second before returning to the road. He placed his hand on my thigh reassuringly, patted it, and forced a smile onto his lips.

  “You’ll be fine! At least you’ll distract yourself for a while.”

  “Just because I’m watching a movie doesn’t mean I won’t think about Dante.”

  “A decent guy invited you to the movies, and you’re going to think about a rat the whole time... You know I’m a terrible advisor.”

  “I know what you’re trying to say.”

  And with that, the conversation ended, because no matter what he hinted at, it wouldn’t change the fact that my heart would go home to Dante every night.

  No matter what happens around me, all I want is to wake up beside him in the freezing dawn, silently reply to the glow of his blue eyes, and cherish the man who brought joy to my life over the past months.

  It hasn’t even been six months since I met him, yet he has shaped my personality in so many ways. I have to express my gratitude for that, even if rumors are starting to cloud the pink clouds above me.

  No matter what words came out of his mouth, nothing can change what happened.

  Neither his words nor the morning I stayed in his car, pleading in the summer dawn, nor the way he squeezed my hand and called me “special.”

  He isn’t a mistake, and no storm can nullify the kiss we shared. He’s my most beautiful error. And as certain as I am of this, I can’t bring myself to accept it.

  When I think back to our moments together, our secret touches, the question mark above my head only grows larger. I don’t suspect anything, but I know for sure that this story hasn’t reached its conclusion.

  The problem is that no matter what I do, no matter how I claw or beg for answers, no one will give them to me.

  It’s as if I’m not the protagonist of my own life.

  When we reach the mall parking lot, William slows down but doesn’t park. He has no reason to stay. Fortunately, Chris has been waiting for me for a while, even though I had told him my exact arrival time. He gives the car and its owner a peculiar look, but when I step out, he greets me with a smile and a hug.

  “Take care of her, or I’ll bury you!” William warns, catching both Chris and me off guard before driving off as though he hadn’t just threatened him, grinning all the while.

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  “I don’t like him,” Chris says blankly, staring after the car while adjusting his coat.

  “You don’t have to like each other.”

  “Are you hungry?” he asks, trying to change the subject. I nod, ignoring the attempt, and we head into the mall.

  We’d planned on grabbing burgers, but renovations were underway in the building. The drive-thru wasn’t an option for us, so we settled on Chinese food instead.

  “How was your day?” I ask, breaking the silence. He hesitates briefly before answering.

  “The usual, I worked and met up with Derek. And now, here I am.”

  “Was he here too?”

  “I came a bit earlier, so I invited him to keep me company.”

  “Is he doing well?” An image of his familiar face comes to mind, with a smile so bright it could chase away this gloomy weather.

  “He’s managing. We’re just getting by in our little world. How about you? How was your day?”

  “Just the usual.” I leave it at that because he knows exactly what my days are like. After work, and sometimes even during, I get lost in my thoughts, trying to process recent events. The day slips by so quickly that it’s only when I’m lying in bed that I realize how exhausting this routine has become.

  “But now I’m here to shake up your routine!” His smile is genuine, but I can’t quite return it in kind.

  “Yeey?”

  “It’ll be fine! Don’t worry.” With those simple words, he grabs my wrist and leads me toward the automatic doors. The problem is, he doesn’t let go of my hand even when we reach the escalators.

  I gently pull my arm free from his loose grip, pretending that my phone vibrated in my pocket. To my surprise, when I check it, there’s actually a message waiting for me.

  “Text me when I can pick you up, we’re hanging out in the arcade for now.”

  Christopher notices the small smile on my face and looks at me curiously as I put my phone away.

  “What’s making you so happy?”

  “It’s just William…”

  “William?”

  “Yeah, the friend who dropped me off,” I explain. His lips twitch in irritation.

  “And where is he now?”

  “He went to pick up another friend of mine who spent the weekend with his girlfriend. He just texted to remind me to let him know when to come for me.”

  "This other friend... is he as aggressive as William?"

  “James? He might be even more aggressive,” I reply, pondering his question while heading toward the food court. I’m starving!

  “But you’re such a calm girl.”

  “I don’t see your point, Chris.”

  “You’ve got a sharp tongue, but... you know.”

  “No, I don’t know.” I smile back at him, and he takes a deep breath before returning the smile.

  We don’t have to climb too many levels to reach the food court. Two escalators later, we arrive and settle at a round table. Christopher’s eyes light up as he suggests he’d prefer to try the new KFC special instead of Chinese food. I stick to my stir-fried vegetable noodles, so we decide to queue up separately at our respective fast-food joints.

  He goes to get his food first while I save our table. Once he’s back, I make my quick trip to the counter. When I return, I notice he’s already shed his dark gray coat, revealing a fitted T-shirt underneath.

  “You couldn’t hide your gym habits if you tried,” I tease, nodding toward his muscular build as I place my tray on the table. I shrug off my brown coat and hang it on the back of my chair.

  “Well, you’re gorgeous even without working out.”

  “I just watch what I eat,” I reply with a gentle smile as I sit down and start breaking apart my chopsticks.

  “So... tell me, Nina, how long have you known your friends?”

  “The guys?” I respond after swallowing my first bite. He nods in confirmation.

  “Since grade school, though I have a few faint memories from even earlier.” As I speak, my gaze wanders to the people around us, a bad habit I can’t seem to shake.

  “Then you must have picked up some habits from each other.”

  “Mostly speech patterns. They haven’t really led me astray, so sometimes I take the initiative myself.”

  “What do you mean?” he asks after another bite, and I dive back into thought as I continue scanning the crowd.

  “It’s just... instinctive. There’s no specific example, but say they smoke a cigarette, I’ll voice my disapproval but still stub it out for them... if you know what I mean.”

  “I think they’re a bad influence on you,” he remarks just as my eyes lock onto a man in the crowd. His stylishly trimmed brown hair, glassy hazel eyes devoid of life, and forced yet warm smile are unmistakable. The tattoo on his hand confirms it: it’s Jason, my ex.

  “I wouldn’t say that.” I glance back at Christopher, who’s propped on his elbows, staring at me. This conversation is becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

  “And Mark?”

  “What about Mark?”

  “Nothing. I just think your relationship is pointless.”

  “Mark is my friend. By that logic, every relationship would be pointless unless people exploit each other.”

  Automatically, my gaze shifts back to Jason, who meets my eyes with a questioning look. I rub my nose twice with my thumb, then set down my chopsticks and start massaging my fingers. Jason knows my body language well enough to understand that I need him. I can only hope Chris hasn’t learned to read me this clearly yet.

  “Have you ever thought about moving away?” Chris asks, but I don’t bother replying because Jason has already approached the table, examining my face with an odd expression.

  “Is that you, Nina?!” His surprise is feigned, but only I would notice, he’s been training as an actor since childhood.

  “Jason… it’s been forever!” I stand up and pull him into a hug.

  “Everything okay with you? How’s your dog?”

  “He’s been feeling under the weather lately…” I adjust my hair and meet his eyes, knowing full well I don’t even have a dog. “Maybe it’s because winter is coming... but never mind that. How about you? How’s your sister?”

  “Her condition’s gotten worse... I’m actually bringing her food at the hospital,” he says, lifting the bag in his hand.

  “She’s in the hospital?!” I blink, genuinely worried about his non-existent sister. Chris darts his gaze between us in confusion.

  “Chris... would it be a problem if...?” I turn to him. He looks startled but nods after a moment.

  It doesn’t take long for me to grab my coat and leave with Jason. Before we even reach the escalator, he pauses, runs back for my plastic plate and chopsticks, and hands them to me.

  I look at him with wide eyes, and he laughs softly as he gestures toward the stairs.

  “You paid for it.”

  “Well... thank you.” I smile at him incredulously as he leans against the moving rail. “And thanks for rescuing me.”

  “Was it getting awkward?”

  “You have no idea.”

  “I never thought I’d use the dog story again.”

  “Tell me about it. I’m unbelievably glad you remembered my body language.”

  “Years of practice,” he replies, his gaze briefly lingering on my face before I quickly look away.

  Jason doesn’t lead me out of the building, which worries me. If I run into Chris now, things could get complicated.

  I have no idea what would happen if I bumped into Chris again, especially since he hadn’t shown me this overly involved side of himself before. No one in my life had ever tried to convince me to break ties with the people I grew up with, as if they expected me to tear a piece of myself away.

  With an unexpected rush of emotion, I let out a sigh. There’s no point in dwelling on what just happened—I couldn’t process it now even if I tried. Instead, I shift my focus to the man walking beside me.

  “Let’s eat on a secluded bench, okay?” Jason suggests, and I nod in agreement, not anticipating that his idea of a “secluded bench” would be the second step of a stairwell near an emergency exit.

  The spot is entirely empty and pristine, with gray walls and well-lit gray steps. He sits down on the floor first, and I follow hesitantly. I feel a twinge of guilt for dragging him away from the food court, forcing us to eat in hiding, but then I remember it was impulsive ideas like this that made me fall for him back then.

  “So... is everything okay with you?” he asks awkwardly as he uses his long fingers to peel back the packaging on his food.

  “My life’s been a bit chaotic since I met this guy. Other than that, everything’s fine.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “We got a little close. He kissed me... and then vanished without a trace.”

  “What the fuck...” He chews his food, looking thoroughly confused, and I turn my attention to my own meal.

  “No information at all?” he asks after swallowing.

  “He told someone that he kissed me because I wanted him to.” I reply, speaking through a mouthful of noodles.

  “Then why not ask him for a bag of cash too?” He rolls his eyes at the absurdity, and I can’t help but laugh.

  “I can’t stand my fellow men sometimes, honestly,” he mutters.

  “Right? I’d have been better off staying with you.” The words slip out before I can stop them.

  Our eyes meet again, and if our mouths weren’t full, this might have been a very romantic moment. Instead, we look like two frozen hamsters with their cheeks stuffed.

  “That wasn’t me who said that!” He raises his hands in mock surrender before both of us burst out laughing.

  “You doing okay?”

  “Yeah, and my sister’s fine too...” He laughs as he takes another big bite of his food. “But on a serious note, I’m just back for a visit. I’ve been traveling constantly since high school. Nothing else exciting is happening.”

  “That does sound exciting,” I say with a few nods, and he agrees with a smile.

  “Do you want me to walk you to the bus stop after this?”

  “No need. I’ll call William to pick me up.”

  “How’s Mark?”

  “He’s working, and he feels bad that I’m the one filling up the gas in his car, so I switched drivers.”

  “You could fill up mine anytime, but unfortunately, I’m not headed toward Clinton.”

  “Shame...” I say, and I mean it. Even though we didn’t last as a couple, I still enjoy his company.

  I pull my phone out of my coat pocket and text William, asking him to pick me up at the rear exit this time since I have plenty to share and want to tell him everything as soon as possible.

  His response is brief: “Five minutes, I’m on my way.”

  Jason and I finish our food quickly. When it’s time to say goodbye, we exchange a long hug. Who knows when I’ll see him again? Not even the heavens could say for sure.