“Could I have a packed lunch? I don't think I can make it to lunch today. I'll be out on the map all day,” DmenAce called out as he entered the kitchen.
Impel reached for the prepared packets on the shelf. “Vegan, halal, kosher or anything?”
“Anything please. I'll eat anything,” laughed DmenAce, ”Massacre Day doesn't have enough hours for me. I want to do 20M today without kill trade.”
“Do you think the enemies will put up with that?”
“The problem will be that there aren't enough enemies left,” DmenAce growled, ”they'll start leaving. To the Z1, to their cities, completely out of the game. I've been out since the reset and I've already made a few kills, but some are still fighting back.”
He grinned. “They're having a hard time accepting that we're their feudal lords now and they're our peasants. But I'm teaching them now. Why are you in charge of the kitchen today, where's Evelyne?”
Impel sighed. “Open the window, then you'll hear it.”
Irritated, DmenAce opened the window.
Immediately, sharp cries of fear could be heard from outside, along with loud laughter and some inarticulate screaming.
“Who's shouting like that?” wondered DmenAce, ”Is that the enemy?”
“No,” Impel replied, ”not the enemy, he's not shouting anymore, he's just ducking. That's our poor Evelyne. Our people spontaneously put her in the raid lead for the arsenal this morning. The guys are really bored. So they threw Evelyne in at the deep end, figuratively speaking, to have some fun. She's terrified that she'll press the wrong buttons and do everything wrong, and screams and squeals in all pitches. Everyone thinks it's so incredibly funny that everyone now wants to get into this damn raid. But there are only 30 places. That's why a mass brawl broke out among the Thunder brothers earlier, and chaos reigns in the Arsenal. Four R4s are outside trying to get the situation under control, but they haven't got a chance.”
“But that's great!” exclaimed DmenAce delightedly, ”are they finished out there yet or is there still something going on?”
Impel rolled her eyes: “Of course there's still time! You can see that! New people are always running to the Arsenal because they want to be there live. Then poor Evelyne had to do a second raid so that more people had a chance. The raid has 30 places, 80 people want in. The R4s set up a number-drawing machine. That worked at first until all the numbers were gone. Then the Thunder brothers who couldn't get a number hit those who had one and tried to take it away from them. Oh, and they also destroyed the number-drawing machine and threw it in the river. Evelyne had to readjust both raids several times, can't concentrate on the instructions from her instructor in the noise, everything is completely mixed up and chaotic, but...”
“But the fun is incredible, I can hear it!” shouted DmenAce enthusiastically, ”I have to go! I want to be in the raid too! See you later!”
“Hey!” shouted Impel angrily, ”Your packed lunch, Mr. Feudal Lord! Ah - completely pointless. Now he's left it lying around. Men!”
“The boys all suck,” Genny said grumpily, who was sitting at the table and had already thrown at least four lumps of sugar into her coffee. “It's always like that. Never changes!”
___________________________________
“What was going on out there just now?” Thunder asked irritably as the first Thunder brothers ran through the entrance hall with bleeding noses towards the infirmary where Ivy was already waiting for them.
“Arsenal fight!” the gang roared enthusiastically.
“Why the hell do we have injured people? There wasn't even an enemy!”
“But it was a really cool fight, boss! You should have been there!” the Thunder brothers cheered and let the head-shaking Ivy stick huge wads of absorbent cotton up their nostrils.
Just then, Dylan carried TasteofDeath into the hall in his arms.
“And what happened to you?” asked Thunder, who no longer understood the world.
“I was pushed!” complained Taste, ”really badly, from behind! I got out of the raid for a moment to make room and send less. When I tried to get back in, someone came running up from behind, some tuxedo-something, pushed me aside and took my space! And I twisted my ankle and can't walk anymore!”
“I've already taken care of it, boss,” Dylan said reassuringly, putting Taste down on the hospital bed.
“That doesn't look good,” Ivy grumbled, looking at her ankle. She called towards the kitchen, “I need an ice pack!”
“You can't be left alone for five minutes,” she then reprimanded the Thunder brothers, ”as soon as you're out of sight, you mess up!”
“Yes, and now we'll mess up even more!” the Thunder brothers cheered, which went well even with cotton balls in their nostrils, ”off to the next arsenal, muhahahaha!”
________________________________________
It was undoubtedly clear that it was urgent to think of something to keep the Thunder brothers occupied. Thunder went to his office with a sigh.
The situation was exactly the same as in the last GW: the famous iron ring had once again been successfully placed in a beautiful arc through Z3, so that both Z3 and Z4 were shielded and only available to the Rx family. The enemy had been pushed far back into Z2 and some had even voluntarily fled to Z1. Synergy had sent mini-attacks on the towers the day before MD as a last-ditch effort and, under the leadership of DdayDaggie, scrapped a massive T3 at the end, causing RxW's victory statistics to skyrocket. You couldn't see any real sense behind it, but you never knew if there wasn't one that could only be revealed by spending hours meditating together as a family. But nobody had time for that in RxW, after all, they were a fighting faction.
The downside was that from now on, one had to reckon with increased boredom if one did not succeed in regularly presenting one's own people with a victim on which they could let off steam.
Thunder locked himself in his office so that he could devote himself to his strategic considerations in peace.
________________________________________
“Lil Arrow is at the nearest arsenal - alone!” shouted Yuber delightedly.
“He's mine!” roared Josi and ran off, ”I'll punch him in the face. Lil Arrow is always mine!”
“Leave us some!” shouted the other Thunder brothers and they all ran after him.
Poor LilArrow hardly knew what hit him when they were already next to him, behind him, above him. “Leave me alone!” he shrieked in horror, “you keep zeroing me on gray! That's against all the rules! Get out of here!”
“Careful, he's throwing the powder puff!” roared Neigh, and everyone took cover as quickly as possible. In fact, LilArrow, lacking any other reasonable weapons, desperately threw the powder puff around, trying to get as many as possible.
It was all to no avail - in no time at all, the former king of the 655 was beaten and had to be carried home unconscious while the Thunder brothers tried to play baseball with the powder puff, which failed thoroughly.
“Barbie's getting raided!” Dylan shouted from the clan castle, bringing everyone back from the field, “is she here?”
“Yeah, here I am,” Barbie smiled, ”no problem, they've got over three hours on the clock.”
“They're speeding up,” Black remarked with enthusiasm, ”this could be fun!”
“I'll simulate being enraged,” Barbie giggled, “and put the troops out. Let's see how much they accelerate then!”
Giggling, everyone around her sat down and watched the incoming raid.
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“Halved!” rejoiced Black, ”another hour and a half - another one - another 30 minutes... 2 minutes! Ooooh, now it's quick. Have you got your cake bowl, Barbie?”
“Just fetched it from the kitchen and already in my hand!” Barbie reported cheerfully and got ready.
“Watch out for the impact! Damn, they're fast. Under 11 seconds! Bowl!” shouted Black, and Barbie put the upturned cake bowl on her head in a flash.
“It was all on purpose,” announced an offended Synergy lead in the SC, ”We knew this was going to happen. We just wanted to have a look and have fun!”
“You sped up a raid from over 3 hours to under 11 seconds and you call that intentional?” laughed Black, ”That's a real achievement. The best speed-up waste ever!”
______________________________________
However, it's fair to mention that Synergy wasn't the only one pushing the wrong buttons when it came to speedups.
In RxW, they were on to a real cream puff when it came to victims: Miss Laura, the mayor of 642.
She had felt all too big and all too safe and had given up a cake bowl. That didn't bother anyone in the city of 652, because: “We're starting impeachment proceedings against the mayor of the city of 642,” Bobo declared with the utmost seriousness.
“Exactly!” roared Tommy Shelby, ”we'll remove her from office with the truncheon! Raid, and then everyone else hang on behind!”
No sooner said than done. The raid started, four more hung in the back, and DmenAce couldn't wait to be the first solo hit after the raid. He promptly sped up his attack so much that he was faster than the raid and hit in front of it.
“Looooool!” the Thunder brothers roared, ”that was close, bro, you almost lost your UB!”
“Shit, I was too fast!” grumbled DmenAce, ”I broke a lot, but never mind! It was fun anyway. And I have an excuse, the raid leader has the brain cell, not me! Of course you sometimes hit the wrong buttons under these conditions.”
_____________________________________
Maximilian2477 had taken better precautions. “Luckily I have my bubble on. I see I'm surrounded by RxW!” he shouted across the map to the other cities, holding his cake bowl as firmly on his head as he could.
“I'd love to keep going, but I need to go to sleep,” Thunder Boo whined. Lipsyte shook his head indignantly, “Bro, if you were really committed - I mean - REALLY committed, you'd move to a different time zone for the game. That much is obvious!”
DmenAce put on an unctuous face and declaimed in a solemn voice: “And now we all raise our hands in unison, holding these magical rectangular weapons of destruction...”
“How now,” Vind Tr?uble Turf yelled over from the 656, ”you're really here to win this? I'm just here to flirt!”
“Of course!” replied DmenAce, “someone promptly got frogged at your place!”
“I just wanted to stroke it!” whined Bunny Bunz, ”but that went badly wrong!”
“I don't give a damn what you all do!” yelled Voodoo from TTH, ”I just don't want to end up in that damn GW book again!”
“Not a chance!” laughed Thunder, ”everyone ends up in there. But looking at the map, some people here only have the Z1 to farm anyway. The good news is that you can do it together as a family and make lots of new friends!”
_____________________________________________
The next Arsenal was coming up, and because it was to go to RXD, RxW was once again an onlooker. Saint, who was sitting in the Arsenal, felt very uncomfortable. “Can't you guys get out of here?” he asked, annoyed at the group of RxW on the fence, who were throwing popcorn again and were completely drunk.
“Isn't it enough that RXD have practically surrounded us?” grumbled Insane Wayne, who was standing next to him, ”they're next to us, in front of us, at our backs...”
“We'll soon be on top of you too!” Little Yub shouted gleefully, struggling to catch one of the popcorn bags.
“Just get lost!” scolded Saint.
“Where's Kir Bear anyway?” asked Ohana innocently.
Saint bit his lips and didn't answer.
But, to be fair: Someone should be pushing the wrong buttons on this arsenal too, and it wasn't the Church of Synergy!
Black, who was standing at the fence with the others and had already consumed quite a bit of wine, overlooked the fact that RXD was also standing at the back of the Synergetics.
“Loooool!” the Thunder brothers roared enthusiastically, ”Sister, look at the faction tag! Your raid!”
“Oh damn!” screamed Black, breaking off the raid on the RXD member as quickly as possible.
“I'm rubbing off when it comes to pressing the wrong buttons!” said Lady Evelyne with a visibly guilty conscience, ”You might not want to put your house right next to mine in future...”
_________________________________________
Meanwhile, at Arsenal VII, the members of SY4 popped up unsuspectingly, unaware that they were being watched very closely by the lurking RxW squad.
“Look, there are some coming! At our next arsenal!” Marzzzz rejoiced.
“Ooooooh...” sighed DmenAce with relish, ”who gets who? There are too few for everyone...”
“We could fight over it!” suggested the Thunder brothers and were already getting into position.
“Quiet!” ordered Marzzzz, ”we'll wait a moment... and then over.”
Half of RxW held its breath and stared at the map.
SY4, meanwhile, launched the first raid on the arsenal.
“If they keep going at this rate and don't do more than 2% damage, we'll still be sitting here tomorrow!” complained Dylan.
SY4 started the second raid on the arsenal.
“Now!” came the command from the RxW leadership, and they all ran at the same time, popping up around the arsenal and around the shocked SY4 members at an incredible speed.
“I escaped RxW at the last minute!” reported a shocked Deniz in the SC, “Imagine going to get a coffee and when you come back you're surrounded by a group of strong guys and girls with billions in power.”
“I bet that woke you up more than the coffee,” Lenebell chuckled.
“There's only one thing to do,” QueenAnna advised, ”throw away the coffee and the cell phone, and then run, run, run!”
______________________________________
“Maximilian is the only one still fighting back,” explained Ghost, ”the rest of 641 have no balls.”
“Maximilian's the only one still actively playing here,” growled Fluffy, ”but I don't want to talk about him.” With a grim face, he sat down next to Genny at the kitchen table and stared at the tabletop with his arms crossed.
“I don't want to talk about Maximilian either,” Krypt declared and sat down next to him. With the same gloomy expression as Fluffy.
Impel watched the two of them carefully and then took the raspberry and cream cake out of the fridge.
“Defeat cake?” she asked cautiously.
“Yes,” Krypt growled, ”at least two pieces each. And don't talk about the one whose name shall not be mentioned!”
________________________________________
Last on the agenda was Arsenal III, and several people seemed to have pressed the wrong buttons.
As always, RxW stood lurking in the shadows and was just sure that no one else would appear here when suddenly several houses popped up.
“Uhhh...” mumbled Marzzzz in confusion, ”that's RXD?”
“Huh? What are they doing there? That was ours, wasn't it?” asked Kodaxx perplexedly, searching through the documents.
“Yes, actually it is... wait a minute,” Marzzzz ordered.
“Double entry?” giggled Yuber, ”Damn, I didn't even realize it was the same arsenal!”
“I don't think anyone did!” remarked Dylan, ”Look, now they're launching a raid on our arsenal!”
RxW was still standing visibly stunned hidden in plain sight when the boss appeared. RXD's raid on the arsenal was aborted.
“And now?” asked Mamydona, dumbfounded, ”Is there a deal? They're still standing there...”
“Now let's all jump over and start fake raids on RXD!” laughed Thunder gleefully.
“Great idea!” roared all the Thunder brothers enthusiastically, ”on them with a roar!”
“Madness, it's just like the last GW, all the enemies gone, and RxW and RXD spanking each other out of sheer boredom,” Lady Evelyne scolded, ”and pushing the wrong buttons is contagious! You should all stay away from me!”
With the usual speed, RxW raced across the map and in the next moment piled up on the gray area around RXD. In the next second, the raids ran at all the members of the Diamond Lovers.
They wrote puzzled emails to the leadership of RxW.
“Didn't anyone tell them it was just a joke?” asked Black, slightly horrified.
“Nope!” roared the Thunder brothers, ”it's much funnier this way!”
“Bobo, you should stop your raid!” advised ChampagneMami, ”for some reason you've got a lot of full marches in there, and you don't have that much time left!”
Bobo grinned. “I'll run a bit more, it's too funny - oh crap, someone sped up my raid!”
The Thunder brothers held their bellies with laughter.
“Damn, I'm still completely traumatized from my time in City 641,” grumbled ShadowSpirit from RXD, ”I'm really noticing it right now. We were constantly under attack from RxW, and this was just a flashback. I'm afraid I've wet myself. I need to change!”
“RXD, we love you!” wrote Lady Evelyne in the CC, ”Thanks for the fun!”
“I need to get back on the map,” urged DmenAce, ”20M without Killtrade, I can do it today!”
_______________________________________
And while the hard-working ones ran off to get their last few kills, there was still some love in the air in the kitchen of the 652's clan castle.
“You were great this morning, darling,” Marzzzz whispered secretly to Lady Evelyne, ”I was incredibly proud of you.”
“Really?” She beamed at him. “But I was terrified!”
“You couldn't tell,” Marzzzz laughed with a dismissive gesture and pulled her close.
“And I wanted to give you a present today,” he whispered into her hair, ”but unfortunately it went wrong. He got away from me at the last second! I almost had him!” He made an unhappy face.
“Oh, what did you want to give me?” Evelyne asked curiously.
“Cezar! I almost had him. And then he bubbled up. Literally at the last second. What a bummer. I was already so excited, imagining how I'd bring him back to you, imagining your surprise...”
“Oh, that's so sweet of you!” said Lady Evelyne, deeply moved, ”to think of that! And especially that you noticed it yourself! It was a real shame that Cesar got away from us after a few days. I was really sad about it...”
“I know, I saw it. And now it didn't work out. But next time.” He smiled at her.
She beamed up at him. “Even the attempt counts. You're the very, very best!” She stood on tiptoe and kissed him on the tip of his nose.
“What a man!” sighed Lady Evelyne in love when Marzzzz had left the kitchen and she sat down at the table with Genny and Scappy, ”finally someone who doesn't have to be told everything! Someone who thinks for himself! Who thinks for himself about how he could please his lady of the heart!”
“But really!” Genny agreed with her, ”Most men have to be told exactly what you want and then they still don't get it. Or you have to explain it for so long that it sucks.”
She stared angrily in front of her and threw more sugar into her coffee.
“Yeah, and those shitty gifts you get from most guys!” Scappy confirmed.
“Exactly!” Lady Evelyne nodded. “You explain and hint and try to tell them what you'd like. And then all you get is a fucking vacuum cleaner or a kitchen machine!”
All three of them sat there, nodding in unison and thinking.
Suddenly Scappy said: “But tell me... what's the difference between a kitchen machine and a kitchen slave? Aren't they the same thing somewhere?”
Lady Evelyne looked puzzled.
Then she snapped her fingers.
“No, there's a striking difference!” she explained triumphantly, “Unlike the kitchen machine, the kitchen slave has no buttons. So you can't press the wrong buttons!”
Marzzzz and Evelyne
(Illustrator: Gladyus from 656)
