Anger is an easy emotion to get lost into, it’s a flame that you can add more and more fuel to, until it’s a raging inferno that demands something to be done. Anger get’s shit Done, and it’s also something Rei is very accustomed to, or at least he thought he was.

  Somewhere along the way, things were not as he thought, the flooding of emotion that came was not what he was expecting, there were similarities, but there was also something Raw in there, something that escaped his grip, and he hated it.

  He kindled the ember as always, but when he tried to grip it, it burned his hands … so he got angrier and griped harder.

  “Why the fuck should i be afraid?”

  Why ? … Well, yes, he didn't know where he was, didn't know why he got so much experience, so much ‘expectations’, even memories, he also didn't know why his body felt so wrong, because as soon as he did not focus on the feeling of wrongness, it felt his, it felt under his command. He was very confused.

  But confusion is not fear, he felt fear because he didn't know what to do.

  He just woke up with a killer headache, felt as if he was on the verge of dying, survived doing something he didn't even completely understand besides luck, and then woke up to a new day.

  He pushed it aside, grasped that feeling with his hands and squeezed it until it stopped bothering him, focused on the world, on the emptiness of his stomach, on how to get food, how to better control his body and survive, even better, how to thrive.

  He didn't know were he was, only that he already almost died, and he didn't want to die, he wanted to exist, so he squeezed that some more, and focused on the now, the day was going swimmingly, he found a easy fish, easy fruits, got easy access to water, things were looking good.

  That is, until he saw people.

  He was elated, there was PEOPLE here, he was not alone, he could trade, could get actual hands that could do fine work, he could get back some creature comforts and maybe even companionship, but something in the air said that he needed to hide and/or fight.

  He didn't feel confident in his movements, too uncoordinated, too unaware of what he could and couldn't do, his experiences were not helping him at all, there was a complete disconnect with what he expected and what it WAS.

  He knew that he was, somehow, important, his disconnected experiences and memories knew of what he was and generally what that represented, dangerous, secure it’s loyalty or kill it before it grows.

  Instincts were telling him to run, that he needed to sleep more, he needed more time, he was out too early.

  So he hid, he hid for a long time, hid until his lungs were burning and until his mind blanked, remembering knowledge that he somehow learned, trying to stay undiscovered that bit longer, until he was prepared, until he was confident he could at least run.

  But they were there relaxing in the river too, and I had to reveal myself.

  I could feel the change somehow, they were surprised, but ready much quicker than I was.

  They were experienced, the small one clearly a leader, I felt his stare, the thousand considerations that must have passed there in the span of a heartbeat, the movement of his bow and how that made my decision to run.

  I fled, and kept running, i expected to crash head first into a tree at any moment, but never did, i expected to get lost in the hurry, but never did, i could feel how my muscles flowed, how my body wanted to move, it just needed a direction, guidance, i didn't need to micromanage.

  The sensation of wrongness made me focus on every little thing, and that was a mistake.

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  You don't think about each step when you walk, much less when you run, you just trust your body's memory, and I didn't trust mine, not until now.

  I was angry at myself for being so stupid.

  I could run faster and with more grace than i thought possible, my body was brimming with renewed energy that i didn't feel before, i was feeling amazing.

  But then, I finally got to my cave and it hit me, my marks, my scent, everything could be easily followed.

  I was angrier at myself for being even dumber, I was also angry at the ‘Kobold’ people.

  Would they follow me ? Would they try to hurt me ? Kill me ? I didn't want to be Killed, but I also couldn't just let them walk all over my cave. Where else would I run ? Where else would I go ? would i even be able to sleep or would they keep hunting me ?

  Then it hit me … they are hunting me, they are trying to hurt me, they shoot me … and they think this will be fine ? They think I can't do anything about it ? That I did not merit a step back ?

  “Why the fuck should i be afraid ?”

  Why should I run ? I have nowhere else to go, what would be my life then ? Always running ? Always afraid ? … FUCK THAT, if i would go, i would go swinging, they wanna put my life at risk ? Alright, WE ALL AT RISK NOW THEN.

  So I did as I always did, I let anger do its job.

  I wasn't going to run, I was going to hurt whoever came after me.

  Maybe I could try to be diplomatic ? … But the thought was gone as fast as it came … They didn't try, why should I BENT ? Besides, how the hell would I communicate ?

  So I thought about how to HURT then.

  How to move ? Experiences of fights fought and watched, different masters of different times, different weapons, real and theatrical, acrobatic or not, fantasy and fiction, I remembered and put into use.

  How bodies moved and it tells, of how muscles contracted, how power was produced, how to twist, how to react, they did X i did Y, back and forth, a dance constructed in my mind, a plan for my body to follow.

  I was elated, something in me loved the feeling, the tension, the playing, the FIGHT.

  But I was also angry, very angry, the type of angry that took away from the small bit of fun that I could have, the small bit of fun that would help me forget what a MESS I was in and what I was putting on the line.

  So i got angrier.

  When they stepped just outside of my cave, i knew they where Hunting me, the bastards DARED to come all the way here and try to fuck with me, try to KILL ME.

  So I got angrier.

  The Female one was looking at me, she was seeing something, her expression was different, somehow i could guess what she was feeling, i didn't know anything about their expressions, but i could still … get it ? … Could she do the same with me ? Was feeling me ? … Was she feeling my head ? Was she in my head ? How was she in my head ? Was she trying to control me ? Would she take away my will ? my self control ? My own SELF ?!

  I’ll kill her, I'll gore her, I’ll rip her apart, I’ll puncture her Kindness and let her bleed to death, I will crack her spine and see if she likes not ever MOVING again …

  Did she jump back ? She knew what I was thinking ? … She knows, She KNOWS, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD.

  *** *** ***

  My grip never left the Anger, it burned at my mind to press it ever tighter, to smother that ember before I gave to it and it really became a problem, I wasn't an uncontrolled person, I wasn't overly violent.

  How dare my own emotions betray me ? IT’S MY ANGER, I CONTROLL IT, THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU ARE BODY ?!

  I was using anger to control my anger, I was fighting fire with fire, but I was not smothering the flames, I was feeding them and compressing, tighter and tighter, something would give, and it sure as hell would not be ME.

  I got angrier still, but the anger was muted, that little bit back under Heel.

  *** *** ***

  The blink of an eye passed, the Big one got in front of me, but i knew who to focus, the female had the classic look of a Mage, and you always target the mage first, is simple logic … the fact that she was also reading my mind had nothing to do with it.

  But the Big one was fast, and was meeting me head first, I needed to slow him down before I got to the Mage.

  A slash to the Knee tendons and a dash to the side and I was past him, a fast strike, a Jab … a Jab with fingers extended, a Knife hand, weird motion but i could do it, the body was responsive and I saw my claws digging to stone, skin should be butter to it even with a imperfect movement … Then I could deal with that CUNT of a mind reader.

  [[ Clank ]]

  What ? … How ? … WAIT.

  The big one adjusted his step at the last moment, my strike barely scraping his knee, and even then, it should have cutted, but instead, it felt like hitting metal, a scratch where a wound should be.

  I saw the plan, how his muscles suddenly snapped with force and that branch pretending to be a Spear FLEW faster than it should be possible.

  No telegraphing, tight movement and almost perfect timing, but a bad prediction, he thought I was more committed, that I wouldn't see his reaction …

  He wasn't expecting that I knew how to fight …

  *I gripped the ground with my claws, Talons biting into the stone and arresting my momentum, i let my tail fly like a wip and gave a pull at the right moment, a Crack telling me i did it perfectly*

  But I felt something, and in a fight, I learned to trust my gut. A Small back jump was the right decision as a Arrow hit just where my head was, penetrating into the stone in a way no arrow should.

  My heart was beating fast, my body felt hot, and my mind flooded with excitement.

  I was having fun, being Angry was going back to being fun … I still wanted to break them, but now I could savor it.

  The Big one wasn't going to let me pass, the Hunter made sure i couldn't just juke him out, and the Mage was feeding them my plans just as i thought them …

  I should be losing, I should be losing badly, experience said that this was a losing fight, that I should focus on getting at least one of them as fast as possible and hope that the other two got afraid and left …

  But why did it feel like they were on the back foot ?

  I’m a very angry person, it's how I deal with most things.

  I’m also a very violent person, the reason why I learned to keep it very tight.

  Getting angry is quite easy for me, almost comfortable, that’s why it is also a second nature to me at this point.

  It’s the reason why i’m so used to keeping a lid on it, or manipulating it into something else, i’m used to it, my body is used to it, anger and excitement are pretty close to me, so getting angry can be quite a energy boost that i immediately swap to a excited state.

  I’m so used to it that I almost like getting angry, and I'm so used to keeping it tight that I'm not afraid of snapping for no reason, like most people with an anger problem.

  This is me thinking “what the hell would happen if I did not have it under control ?”.